[Unschooling-dotcom] Good Questions
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/6/2003 4:25:07 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
KoetsierC@... writes:
1) By Example
2) By Example
3) By Example
Other days I'm no more interesting than a dust speck.
And when you don't care. I don't think there's ANY such thing as a neglectful
UNschooler. That's oxymoronic. It's a partnership, this unschooling journey.
joy-filled as possible. To stand up for them when they can't. To support them
in pursuing their dreams (no matter how much YOU may be uninterested---try to
like it: you might be surprised! <g>). To treat them with the utmost
respect---after all they ARE the most interesting, fascinating,
respect-deserving people you've ever met, right?
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
KoetsierC@... writes:
> In Unschooling, what is the role of parents?Facilitator. Chauffer. Sounding Board. Model (hopefully). Trusted Confidant.
>In what ways are we to influence our children? At all?Three ways:
1) By Example
2) By Example
3) By Example
>Some days it seems so. Other days I am QUEEN! <g>
>Are we all islands unto ourselves?
Other days I'm no more interesting than a dust speck.
>How 'hands-off' is 'hands-off'?.I think it's a matter of *not interfering*. But if asked, I'm on my mark.
>When does it become neglect?When you have no idea what they've done that day---and they won't tell you!
And when you don't care. I don't think there's ANY such thing as a neglectful
UNschooler. That's oxymoronic. It's a partnership, this unschooling journey.
>What is my responsibility?To be the mom you wished you had. To help make their lives as joyful and
joy-filled as possible. To stand up for them when they can't. To support them
in pursuing their dreams (no matter how much YOU may be uninterested---try to
like it: you might be surprised! <g>). To treat them with the utmost
respect---after all they ARE the most interesting, fascinating,
respect-deserving people you've ever met, right?
>Do I ever intervene/encourage/exhort?Maybe. Often. Rarely.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Betsy
**When you have no idea what they've done that day---and they won't tell
you! And when you don't care. I don't think there's ANY such thing as a
neglectful UNschooler. That's oxymoronic. It's a partnership, this
unschooling journey.
**
But what about structured homeschoolers who burn out and collapse and
give up on curriculum and then say that they are unschooling. Mightn't
some of them veer pretty close to neglect, or at least educational neglect?
Betsy
you! And when you don't care. I don't think there's ANY such thing as a
neglectful UNschooler. That's oxymoronic. It's a partnership, this
unschooling journey.
**
But what about structured homeschoolers who burn out and collapse and
give up on curriculum and then say that they are unschooling. Mightn't
some of them veer pretty close to neglect, or at least educational neglect?
Betsy
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/6/2003 8:41:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
ecsamhill@... writes:
They SAY they are, but we know they aren't because it isn't about just
stopping the curriculum. THAT's DEschooling---and a step in the right
direction. <g> But those are the same folks who ONLY see learning in
school-related activities. If that child writes in his journal daily and
writes short stories, THAT's writing. If he's IMing friends and writing
songs, he's wasting time. Playing chess is OK; playing a video game is
goofing off---and he *could* be doing something productive!.
It's about the philosophy again---the WHY (well----as well as the how).
Giving up a curriculum does not an unschooler make. Understanding how
learning happens all the time and that children are natural
learners------it's the *understanding* that makes us unschoolers.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ecsamhill@... writes:
> But what about structured homeschoolers who burn out and collapse andBut they're NOT UNschooling.
> give up on curriculum and then say that they are unschooling. Mightn't
> some of them veer pretty close to neglect, or at least educational neglect?
They SAY they are, but we know they aren't because it isn't about just
stopping the curriculum. THAT's DEschooling---and a step in the right
direction. <g> But those are the same folks who ONLY see learning in
school-related activities. If that child writes in his journal daily and
writes short stories, THAT's writing. If he's IMing friends and writing
songs, he's wasting time. Playing chess is OK; playing a video game is
goofing off---and he *could* be doing something productive!.
It's about the philosophy again---the WHY (well----as well as the how).
Giving up a curriculum does not an unschooler make. Understanding how
learning happens all the time and that children are natural
learners------it's the *understanding* that makes us unschoolers.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Have a Nice Day!
But what about structured homeschoolers who burn out and collapse and
give up on curriculum and then say that they are unschooling. Mightn't
some of them veer pretty close to neglect, or at least educational neglect?
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I'm not sure thats what I would call "neglect". Burnout is the end to a bad idea and the time when minds open and explore new ideas. Its in burn-out that people finally realize there might be a *better* way.
I don't think they stop caring. They just are in a transition and healing stage before they can embrace a new idea. Sometimes they send their kids to school instead. Sometimes they unschool. Sometimes they adopt a different philosophy. But I don't think anyone gives up and doesn't care anymore. If they didn't care, they wouldn't burn out.
Kristen
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
give up on curriculum and then say that they are unschooling. Mightn't
some of them veer pretty close to neglect, or at least educational neglect?
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I'm not sure thats what I would call "neglect". Burnout is the end to a bad idea and the time when minds open and explore new ideas. Its in burn-out that people finally realize there might be a *better* way.
I don't think they stop caring. They just are in a transition and healing stage before they can embrace a new idea. Sometimes they send their kids to school instead. Sometimes they unschool. Sometimes they adopt a different philosophy. But I don't think anyone gives up and doesn't care anymore. If they didn't care, they wouldn't burn out.
Kristen
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ayala Sherbow
>This answer was a punch to my gut. It helped me focus on one of the
> >In what ways are we to influence our children? At all?
>
> Three ways:
> 1) By Example
> 2) By Example
> 3) By Example
primary and deepest-seated reasons I am scared to hold my nose and
plunge into the deep end of the unschooling pool. If one has poor
self-esteem, or tons of issues with oneself and is overly-critical about
oneself -- the thought of having so much influence over your child [who
you want the best for] is terrifying. I carry so much baggage about my
not being the person I think that I should be ... And it is intuitively
clear to me that there is an important link between that baggage and my
ability to trust in unschooling.
I can not articulate the link linearly at the moment ... But I wanted to
share this light bulb moment to see if anyone had some words of wisdom
-- and in case it helped anyone else mucking about in a similar fog.
Ayala
Newbie who really really will write an intro soon ....
Have a Nice Day!
Here's a thought:
The best preventive medicine for bad self esteem is to feel and be in control of your life (at least to the extent that you believe its divinely possible) and to SEE yourself that way.
Make a list of things you think you need to change about yourself. Ask yourself why you have those issues and why you want to change them.
Then brainstorm a way to change them.
Look into your mind's eye and see yourself. What do you see? Now look into your mind's eye and see what you wish you were. What do you look like. How are you dressed? How do you carry yourself? From now on, when you picture yourself, see yourself as what you'd like to be. You'll become what you see.
Kristen
The best preventive medicine for bad self esteem is to feel and be in control of your life (at least to the extent that you believe its divinely possible) and to SEE yourself that way.
Make a list of things you think you need to change about yourself. Ask yourself why you have those issues and why you want to change them.
Then brainstorm a way to change them.
Look into your mind's eye and see yourself. What do you see? Now look into your mind's eye and see what you wish you were. What do you look like. How are you dressed? How do you carry yourself? From now on, when you picture yourself, see yourself as what you'd like to be. You'll become what you see.
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: Ayala Sherbow
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, April 07, 2003 1:30 AM
Subject: RE: [Unschooling-dotcom] Good Questions
>
> >In what ways are we to influence our children? At all?
>
> Three ways:
> 1) By Example
> 2) By Example
> 3) By Example
This answer was a punch to my gut. It helped me focus on one of the
primary and deepest-seated reasons I am scared to hold my nose and
plunge into the deep end of the unschooling pool. If one has poor
self-esteem, or tons of issues with oneself and is overly-critical about
oneself -- the thought of having so much influence over your child [who
you want the best for] is terrifying. I carry so much baggage about my
not being the person I think that I should be ... And it is intuitively
clear to me that there is an important link between that baggage and my
ability to trust in unschooling.
I can not articulate the link linearly at the moment ... But I wanted to
share this light bulb moment to see if anyone had some words of wisdom
-- and in case it helped anyone else mucking about in a similar fog.
Ayala
Newbie who really really will write an intro soon ....
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Have a Nice Day!
I meant to add:
Knowing the best preventive medicine is to *be* in control of your life, why would this NOT be the best gift to give to your kids?
Kristen
Knowing the best preventive medicine is to *be* in control of your life, why would this NOT be the best gift to give to your kids?
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: Have a Nice Day!
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, April 07, 2003 1:45 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Good Questions
Here's a thought:
The best preventive medicine for bad self esteem is to feel and be in control of your life (at least to the extent that you believe its divinely possible) and to SEE yourself that way.
Make a list of things you think you need to change about yourself. Ask yourself why you have those issues and why you want to change them.
Then brainstorm a way to change them.
Look into your mind's eye and see yourself. What do you see? Now look into your mind's eye and see what you wish you were. What do you look like. How are you dressed? How do you carry yourself? From now on, when you picture yourself, see yourself as what you'd like to be. You'll become what you see.
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: Ayala Sherbow
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, April 07, 2003 1:30 AM
Subject: RE: [Unschooling-dotcom] Good Questions
>
> >In what ways are we to influence our children? At all?
>
> Three ways:
> 1) By Example
> 2) By Example
> 3) By Example
This answer was a punch to my gut. It helped me focus on one of the
primary and deepest-seated reasons I am scared to hold my nose and
plunge into the deep end of the unschooling pool. If one has poor
self-esteem, or tons of issues with oneself and is overly-critical about
oneself -- the thought of having so much influence over your child [who
you want the best for] is terrifying. I carry so much baggage about my
not being the person I think that I should be ... And it is intuitively
clear to me that there is an important link between that baggage and my
ability to trust in unschooling.
I can not articulate the link linearly at the moment ... But I wanted to
share this light bulb moment to see if anyone had some words of wisdom
-- and in case it helped anyone else mucking about in a similar fog.
Ayala
Newbie who really really will write an intro soon ....
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Sunday, April 6, 2003, at 10:30 PM, Ayala Sherbow wrote:
You know how people who work with kids always talk about how they
learned as much from the kids as the kids learned from them, it sounds
trite and hard to believe - but.....
Unschooling means learning TOGETHER. You get to be who you are - you
aren't the "expert" in everything, not the "teacher." No pretense. Just
being. It is incredibly healing to us parents.
"Young humans are created to withstand incredible ineptness on the part
of their elders."
That was from a book I read - I THINK it may have been Frank Smith, but
I'm not sure. It is VERY comforting though, isn't it?
-pam
> I can not articulate the link linearly at the moment ... But I wantedAyala --
> to
> share this light bulb moment to see if anyone had some words of wisdom
> -- and in case it helped anyone else mucking about in a similar fog.
You know how people who work with kids always talk about how they
learned as much from the kids as the kids learned from them, it sounds
trite and hard to believe - but.....
Unschooling means learning TOGETHER. You get to be who you are - you
aren't the "expert" in everything, not the "teacher." No pretense. Just
being. It is incredibly healing to us parents.
"Young humans are created to withstand incredible ineptness on the part
of their elders."
That was from a book I read - I THINK it may have been Frank Smith, but
I'm not sure. It is VERY comforting though, isn't it?
-pam
Ayala Sherbow
>Pam,
> Unschooling means learning TOGETHER. You get to be who you are - you
> aren't the "expert" in everything, not the "teacher." No
> pretense. Just
> being. It is incredibly healing to us parents.
>
> "Young humans are created to withstand incredible ineptness
> on the part
> of their elders."
That was a helpful comment but my fears run even deeper. It's not like
I worry that I am not smart enough ... I think I get enough about
unschooling to know that *what* I know or don't know about facts,
theories etc. is besides the point because I won't need to be teaching
it to my kids. More I am worried that *who* I am is not a good enough
example of this kind of learning. That ultimately I am too well-trained
by our larger culture and its measures and definitions of achievement,
productivity, creativity and success to be able to model the kind of
self-motivated activity that unschooling is supposed to foster in
children.
Does this make sense?
Ayala
Tim and Maureen
----- Original Message -----
From: Ayala Sherbow
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, April 06, 2003 10:30 PM
Subject: RE: [Unschooling-dotcom] Good Questions
>
> I carry so much baggage about my
not being the person I think that I should be ... And it is intuitively
clear to me that there is an important link between that baggage and my
ability to trust in unschooling.
Hi
I think when I am afraid to post a concern or a question on this site that the problem is really mine. I think I am not clear on my own stand on the issue or somewhere deep inside me I don't truly agree with my choices. So then hearing other peoples disagreements become hard as they are echoing my own feelings that I don't know how to handle yet.
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Sunday, April 6, 2003, at 11:13 PM, Ayala Sherbow wrote:
to please ourselves, if we're honest. We aren't. We're human. But
that's enough for our kids because we love them.
-pam
> Does this make sense?It makes sense. But I have the same answer. NONE of us is good enough
to please ourselves, if we're honest. We aren't. We're human. But
that's enough for our kids because we love them.
-pam
Deborah Lewis
*** That ultimately I am too well-trained
by our larger culture and its measures and definitions of achievement,
productivity, creativity and success to be able to model the kind of
self-motivated activity that unschooling is supposed to foster in
children. ***
If you have interests of your own, sewing, welding, rock climbing,
knitting with bowling balls (I really like that, that's what my knitting
looks like) and you pursue your interests, your kids will see that and
know it's good and right for them to do the same.
If you don't have a passion right now (beyond your children<g>) explore!
Plant a flower box. Draw a cartoon, make pretzels! Let your kids
know you've never done it before and it's new and exciting and
intimidating to you. They will know it's good to try new things.
If you treat yourself and others kindly your kids will learn to do that.
Modeling is really so important but so easy.
I don't know if you have physical self esteem issues but if so just NOT
saying, as you look in the mirror with your child nearby, "I'm so pale
today." or "look at these bags under my eyes". or whatever. If that's
what you model she will look at herself critically too.
If you look in the mirror and don't see anything you like just don't say
anything. That's better than passing on the negative stuff. (but it'd
be really nice if you'd smile at yourself and see a kind, warm mother)
If you do things with your kids that you're not good at you'll still be
modeling a willingness to try. Still be modeling a willingness to be
playful and together and happy. That's HUGE!
I had a stupid fear of spiders I learned from my mom and I modeled it to
my nephew. He's thirty years old and afraid of spiders! I decided not
to do that with my son and when we saw a spider (I still couldn't touch
it) we'd crouch down beside it and look at it and talk about how
fascinating spiders are. That spilled over to all creeping things and
he has a wonderful love of and interest in the natural world today. And
I can pick up a spider and take it outside without doing the heebeejeebee
dance after.
Maybe you can give us another example of something you're particularly
concerned about?
Deb L
by our larger culture and its measures and definitions of achievement,
productivity, creativity and success to be able to model the kind of
self-motivated activity that unschooling is supposed to foster in
children. ***
If you have interests of your own, sewing, welding, rock climbing,
knitting with bowling balls (I really like that, that's what my knitting
looks like) and you pursue your interests, your kids will see that and
know it's good and right for them to do the same.
If you don't have a passion right now (beyond your children<g>) explore!
Plant a flower box. Draw a cartoon, make pretzels! Let your kids
know you've never done it before and it's new and exciting and
intimidating to you. They will know it's good to try new things.
If you treat yourself and others kindly your kids will learn to do that.
Modeling is really so important but so easy.
I don't know if you have physical self esteem issues but if so just NOT
saying, as you look in the mirror with your child nearby, "I'm so pale
today." or "look at these bags under my eyes". or whatever. If that's
what you model she will look at herself critically too.
If you look in the mirror and don't see anything you like just don't say
anything. That's better than passing on the negative stuff. (but it'd
be really nice if you'd smile at yourself and see a kind, warm mother)
If you do things with your kids that you're not good at you'll still be
modeling a willingness to try. Still be modeling a willingness to be
playful and together and happy. That's HUGE!
I had a stupid fear of spiders I learned from my mom and I modeled it to
my nephew. He's thirty years old and afraid of spiders! I decided not
to do that with my son and when we saw a spider (I still couldn't touch
it) we'd crouch down beside it and look at it and talk about how
fascinating spiders are. That spilled over to all creeping things and
he has a wonderful love of and interest in the natural world today. And
I can pick up a spider and take it outside without doing the heebeejeebee
dance after.
Maybe you can give us another example of something you're particularly
concerned about?
Deb L
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/7/03 2:12:14 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
asherbow@... writes:
be some kind of example for your child. I think it is good for children to
see parents learn and change who they are and how they feel about themselves.
It shows that you are not perfect and that you are willing to put in the
time and effort it takes to change. Your children will respect you for that.
They will see that it is possible to work out those kinds of problems. They
will learn that if they are ever faced with challenges that seem
insurmountable there is a way. They will see the resources you use. You
will talk to your children about the journey. They see you in a new light.
To be a model of self motivation you need to find your passion or interest.
And follow it. Read about it, seek out people who do it, go places where
"it" is. One of my passions is quilting. My boys see me doing it. They see
me researching and picking out fabrics. They get involved. They help me. I
ask their advice. They see how excited I am when it all comes together. They
see me donate quilts and we talk about why, etc.
Not sure I was much help but...
Pam G.
Oh yea, Kelly, I finished the Drunkards Path quilt and a couple of funky tote
bags I made and will be sending them off, probably on Wednesday, I saved the
SOS address you sent along a while back, is that still OK?
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
asherbow@... writes:
> More I am worried that *who* I am is not a good enoughIf you unschool or send your child to public school you are always going to
> example of this kind of learning. That ultimately I am too well-trained
> by our larger culture and its measures and definitions of achievement,
> productivity, creativity and success to be able to model the kind of
> self-motivated activity that unschooling is supposed to foster in
> children.
>
>
be some kind of example for your child. I think it is good for children to
see parents learn and change who they are and how they feel about themselves.
It shows that you are not perfect and that you are willing to put in the
time and effort it takes to change. Your children will respect you for that.
They will see that it is possible to work out those kinds of problems. They
will learn that if they are ever faced with challenges that seem
insurmountable there is a way. They will see the resources you use. You
will talk to your children about the journey. They see you in a new light.
To be a model of self motivation you need to find your passion or interest.
And follow it. Read about it, seek out people who do it, go places where
"it" is. One of my passions is quilting. My boys see me doing it. They see
me researching and picking out fabrics. They get involved. They help me. I
ask their advice. They see how excited I am when it all comes together. They
see me donate quilts and we talk about why, etc.
Not sure I was much help but...
Pam G.
Oh yea, Kelly, I finished the Drunkards Path quilt and a couple of funky tote
bags I made and will be sending them off, probably on Wednesday, I saved the
SOS address you sent along a while back, is that still OK?
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/7/2003 11:53:53 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
genant2@... writes:
Thanks, Pam!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
genant2@... writes:
> Oh yea, Kelly, I finished the Drunkards Path quilt and a couple of funkySO exciting! Yes, I'm still here! Same address.
> tote
> bags I made and will be sending them off, probably on Wednesday, I saved
> the
> SOS address you sent along a while back, is that still OK?
Thanks, Pam!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Betsy
** More I am worried that *who* I am is not a good enough
example of this kind of learning. That ultimately I am too well-trained
by our larger culture and its measures and definitions of achievement,
productivity, creativity and success to be able to model the kind of
self-motivated activity that unschooling is supposed to foster in
children.
Does this make sense?**
Yes. Most of us are products of a pretty large behavior and
mind-control experiment called Public School. The system exerted a lot
of pressure on your brain and it's not surprising if you feel squashed
or bent by the experience.
A long "deschooling" time at the beginning of homeschooling is useful
for parents and children to recover from some of the stresses of being
in the school system. Recognizing that it wasn't good for you, getting
rid of it and ridiculing it are part of the process for me. You can
probably find lots of material written about deschooling if you search
for that word using the search feature on the unschooling.com message boards.
It's probably easier to get over feeling that you were treated like an
object on an assembly line at school if you feel like your parents
treated you like a person.
Betsy
example of this kind of learning. That ultimately I am too well-trained
by our larger culture and its measures and definitions of achievement,
productivity, creativity and success to be able to model the kind of
self-motivated activity that unschooling is supposed to foster in
children.
Does this make sense?**
Yes. Most of us are products of a pretty large behavior and
mind-control experiment called Public School. The system exerted a lot
of pressure on your brain and it's not surprising if you feel squashed
or bent by the experience.
A long "deschooling" time at the beginning of homeschooling is useful
for parents and children to recover from some of the stresses of being
in the school system. Recognizing that it wasn't good for you, getting
rid of it and ridiculing it are part of the process for me. You can
probably find lots of material written about deschooling if you search
for that word using the search feature on the unschooling.com message boards.
It's probably easier to get over feeling that you were treated like an
object on an assembly line at school if you feel like your parents
treated you like a person.
Betsy
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/6/03 11:30:00 PM, asherbow@... writes:
<< I carry so much baggage about my
not being the person I think that I should be ... And it is intuitively
clear to me that there is an important link between that baggage and my
ability to trust in unschooling. >>
Is some of your self-esteem lack the result of school?
If not, I think therapy/counselling would help you help your kids.
But if it WAS school, it will be super healing for you to just provide them
the safety from having to be in school! You can all heal at once, if when
you see them shining and blosomming in the absence of weird social pressure,
bullying, confusion, grades, competition and shaming you think of yourself at
their age, and think "I wish I could have had this, it would have been cool!"
Not in a dark, whiney way, but in an empowering, uplifting message to your
inner and remembered child.
Sandra
<< I carry so much baggage about my
not being the person I think that I should be ... And it is intuitively
clear to me that there is an important link between that baggage and my
ability to trust in unschooling. >>
Is some of your self-esteem lack the result of school?
If not, I think therapy/counselling would help you help your kids.
But if it WAS school, it will be super healing for you to just provide them
the safety from having to be in school! You can all heal at once, if when
you see them shining and blosomming in the absence of weird social pressure,
bullying, confusion, grades, competition and shaming you think of yourself at
their age, and think "I wish I could have had this, it would have been cool!"
Not in a dark, whiney way, but in an empowering, uplifting message to your
inner and remembered child.
Sandra
Ayala Sherbow
>Tim and Maureen [tmthomas@...]wrote:
> >
> > I carry so much baggage about my
> not being the person I think that I should be ... And it is
> intuitively
> clear to me that there is an important link between that
> baggage and my
> ability to trust in unschooling.
>
>
> I think when I am afraid to post a concern or a question onI think there is a *huge* amount of truth to this and I think this is
> this site that the problem is really mine. I think I am not
> clear on my own stand on the issue or somewhere deep inside
> me I don't truly agree with my choices. So then hearing other
> peoples disagreements become hard as they are echoing my own
> feelings that I don't know how to handle yet.
>
relevant to a great deal of debate that took place here in the last
several days.
ayala
Ayala Sherbow
> >What is my responsibility?Kelly -
>
> To be the mom you wished you had. To help make their lives as
> joyful and
> joy-filled as possible. To stand up for them when they can't.
> To support them
> in pursuing their dreams (no matter how much YOU may be
> uninterested---try to
> like it: you might be surprised! <g>). To treat them with the utmost
> respect---after all they ARE the most interesting, fascinating,
> respect-deserving people you've ever met, right?
>
I loved this and am printing it out to hang up by my computer.
Ayala
Ayala Sherbow
I really appreciate the all folks who took time to respond. Paula,
Deb, Pam G. - Thank you for your thoughts which were so optimistic and
positive,. I really do want to believe that my own honesty and
willingness to relate openly with my child will overcome whatever ways I
am a not-so-good example.
Sandra wrote:
helpful. But I'm not "there" yet in terms of my feelings about myself.
sensation when I have seen him happy and relaxed and secure.
Ayala
Deb, Pam G. - Thank you for your thoughts which were so optimistic and
positive,. I really do want to believe that my own honesty and
willingness to relate openly with my child will overcome whatever ways I
am a not-so-good example.
Sandra wrote:
> Is some of your self-esteem lack the result of school?I have been in therapy more less for the last decade. And it is
>
> If not, I think therapy/counselling would help you help your kids.
>
helpful. But I'm not "there" yet in terms of my feelings about myself.
> if whenYes! Yes! Even though ds is not yet 4 I have already experienced this
> you see them shining and blosomming in the absence of weird
> social pressure,
> bullying, confusion, grades, competition and shaming you
> think of yourself at
> their age, and think "I wish I could have had this, it would
> have been cool!"
> Not in a dark, whiney way, but in an empowering, uplifting
> message to your
> inner and remembered child.
sensation when I have seen him happy and relaxed and secure.
Ayala