re siblings and fighting
Tim and Maureen
Hi
Been thinking about this subject of safe haven and when you send person away for out of control behaviour. I will just share an experience I have with an abusive sibling.We have an oldest who has always been intense and very challenging. Always been over sensitive to light sound touch and noise. For 14 years I could see there was something more but I just tried to work with her and accept her as is. However her disruptive behaviour stressed the entire family out at a great extent. Finally I could see the toll it was taking on everybody and I asked for help. We went to family counselling and began looking at how we could make it better for everyone,her included because she did not like that she was in conflict with everyone especially one sister and believe it or not she took a self-esteem plunge every time she did something abusive or inappropriate to her siblings.
We have since put her on medication for a brain disorder and are seeing great strides in her behaviour. I took a course in brain disorder and have learned that the person acting out has limited control and are always seen as behaviour problems, bad kids, the problem when the problem is much deeper than that.
Realising that she does not want to be creating all thechaos and disruption has helped us to put in nonshaming ways of her getting time away and having the power to remove herself. Now she has a mild brain disorder and there are much more extreme cases out there and the recommendation in this course was that an abusive or violent sibling should not be allowed to remain in the setting when they are violent.
To sum up what I have learned is that people need to get help and that the child's motives may be more complex than anyone realises. The family will need support and siblings take a huge punch and really need support.
The other important thing I have learned is that violence absolutely makes interaction with a violent person worse and that blaming will only create more anger and distance.
Just a note. I have done homeopathy,herbs, biokinesiology, and counselling for all 14 years and the med was the first real thing that made the greatest change. I did not do the meds lightly and I had to swallow a lot of pride to admit I could not cope alone anymore.
Tim and Maureen Thomas
http://www.stillwaters.ca
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Been thinking about this subject of safe haven and when you send person away for out of control behaviour. I will just share an experience I have with an abusive sibling.We have an oldest who has always been intense and very challenging. Always been over sensitive to light sound touch and noise. For 14 years I could see there was something more but I just tried to work with her and accept her as is. However her disruptive behaviour stressed the entire family out at a great extent. Finally I could see the toll it was taking on everybody and I asked for help. We went to family counselling and began looking at how we could make it better for everyone,her included because she did not like that she was in conflict with everyone especially one sister and believe it or not she took a self-esteem plunge every time she did something abusive or inappropriate to her siblings.
We have since put her on medication for a brain disorder and are seeing great strides in her behaviour. I took a course in brain disorder and have learned that the person acting out has limited control and are always seen as behaviour problems, bad kids, the problem when the problem is much deeper than that.
Realising that she does not want to be creating all thechaos and disruption has helped us to put in nonshaming ways of her getting time away and having the power to remove herself. Now she has a mild brain disorder and there are much more extreme cases out there and the recommendation in this course was that an abusive or violent sibling should not be allowed to remain in the setting when they are violent.
To sum up what I have learned is that people need to get help and that the child's motives may be more complex than anyone realises. The family will need support and siblings take a huge punch and really need support.
The other important thing I have learned is that violence absolutely makes interaction with a violent person worse and that blaming will only create more anger and distance.
Just a note. I have done homeopathy,herbs, biokinesiology, and counselling for all 14 years and the med was the first real thing that made the greatest change. I did not do the meds lightly and I had to swallow a lot of pride to admit I could not cope alone anymore.
Tim and Maureen Thomas
http://www.stillwaters.ca
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
Congratulations, though, for finding something that helps!!! That's
great!!!
-pam
great!!!
-pam
On Friday, April 4, 2003, at 08:51 AM, Tim and Maureen wrote:
> Just a note. I have done homeopathy,herbs, biokinesiology, and
> counselling for all 14 years and the med was the first real thing that
> made the greatest change. I did not do the meds lightly and I had to
> swallow a lot of pride to admit I could not cope alone anymore.
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/4/2003 1:33:33 PM Eastern Standard Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:
ridiculous we've spent MANY years in counseling as a family and on individual
therapy.
Three out of five of my children have been diagnosed bi-polar and they
speculate that my son who was once drug addicted was basically self
medicating himself.
It is hard to come to terms for teenagers that they "might" have a problem
sometimes. I've battled with two of my children regarding the need for
taking their daily medications. Once they start to feel "normal" they think
they don't need it anymore.
It is hard to reach out to other people but sometimes there are things going
on with our children that we simply don't know about.
Thank you for posting that message, it was very uplifting to hear today.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamsoroosh@... writes:
> Just a note. I have done homeopathy,herbs, biokinesiology, andThank you for saying that. Even though my DH's family thinks it's utterly
> >counselling for all 14 years and the med was the first real thing that
> >made the greatest change. I did not do the meds lightly and I had to
> >swallow a lot of pride to admit I could not cope alone anymore.
>
ridiculous we've spent MANY years in counseling as a family and on individual
therapy.
Three out of five of my children have been diagnosed bi-polar and they
speculate that my son who was once drug addicted was basically self
medicating himself.
It is hard to come to terms for teenagers that they "might" have a problem
sometimes. I've battled with two of my children regarding the need for
taking their daily medications. Once they start to feel "normal" they think
they don't need it anymore.
It is hard to reach out to other people but sometimes there are things going
on with our children that we simply don't know about.
Thank you for posting that message, it was very uplifting to hear today.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]