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In a message dated 3/30/03 1:13:34 PM, heidi@... writes:

<< They just plod along, looking for that magic curriculum that'll
make their lives wonderful. Honest. It's the creepiest thing.
>>

And an expensive thing, too.
And it erodes the parent/child trust that we NEED to have for unschooling to
work.

Zen thumping isn't for everyone, but those who say "I'm fine like I am"
should just accept that they're as fine as they want to get, maybe.

Sandra

Tia Leschke

> >I wonder if this is a key to some of the unpleasantness we get here.
Maybe
> >we just aren't always taking the time to let new people know that we
believe
> >that they're doing what they're doing *because* they care so much about
> >their kids. We aren't remembering to validate them as caring parents, so
> >they get defensive and can't hear what we're saying. They just end up
> >hearing meanness.
>
> ..except that I see it as a kindness, when people are
blunt/straightforward
> on this list. When they tell the truth as they see it, and not pretend to
> accept another person's non-unschooling philosophy as 'their way' of doing
> things.

That's not what I meant, though. Blunt and straightforward is good, but
unless people get validated that they're really trying to do the best for
their kids, their defenses are going to go up to the point where they aren't
going to be able to hear what we're telling them. The last thing I'd want
to see here is people being told that what they're doing is just fine if it
isn't. But we can validate that what they are doing is the best they can do
with the knowledge they already have. Then they're maybe more likely to
listen to other knowledge.

>
> The funny thing is that, while on this list, I don't remember anyone
> actually being mean.

Again, see I didn't say there actually *was* meanness. What I said was that
when people are defensive that's what they *hear*.
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...