Mary

----- Original Message -----
From: Mary
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, March 30, 2003 12:51 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] re plug in drug conversation


From: Heidi and Brent Ricks
<<Our house is a very open plan. Therefore there is no place upstairs where the TV will not be seen and heard by everyone in the house if it is on>>


Never used them myself but what about headphones?




<<She turns it on and walks away and they end up watching some really inappropriate (in my opinion) things. We like to watch with the kids so we can talk about what they are seeing.>>

Well I think I can safely say that if your children had the freedom to watch things on tv whenever they wanted to, they wouldn't be watching possibly inappropriate things at someone else's house. By saying possibly, I mean maybe Rugrats are inappropriate for you. If that's not what you meant, then they watch "anything" just to watch. Like someone that's been deprived of food eating grass.




<<I was raised without a tv for my entire childhood and I thank my parents for making that decision. I know I would have spent many hours on my butt watching idiotic shows and commercials. >>


Well you really can't say for sure what you would have done under those circumstances. I had freedom to watch whatever I wanted and chose not to veg and watch mindless tv. I relaxed and watched what interested me. I couldn't say for sure how I would have turned out if my parents restricted tv. I can make a guess as to what I know has happened to other people that were restricted. It might not have influenced my behavior in itself but I would say it would have greatly affected my attitude about tv watching and also how to parent my children. There' so much more to it than just tv watching.




<<I want my kids outside rather than in front of some mindless show. They have plenty of opportunities to watch stuff (including mindless shows) but they choose other things most of the time becuse the tv isn't the first thing they see when they get up in the morning.>>


The show is mindless to you, maybe not your children. Some people think Green Eggs and Ham is mindless but a lot of children love it, over and over again. From what you explained, I don't see how you say your children have plenty of opportunites to watch what they want in an atmosphere conducive to being entertained and comfortable about it. Watching in an uncomfortable basement away from family, seeing something they probably know you think is mindless is not having plenty of opportunity.

My kids watch all sorts of things and then other times watch absolutely nothing at all. Today the tv wasn't even on except for Alyssa wanting Scooby Doo on. She's discovered the videotapes and gets a kick out of being able to watch Scooby Doo no matter what time of the day it is. She would put it on, watch about 15 minutes and leave the room. I would stop it and wait for her to repeat the whole thing next time she thought about it. Joseph and Sierra were consumed with playing Yu Gi Oh today. Joe took them to their first tournament to watch. They came back home very excited. There are times though when the tv is put on as soon as they get up. Some people like to have a cup of coffee first thing to wake up after a sleepy night, my kids fall into their bean bags and watch Dora or Stanley with Alyssa. They have never, ever sat there all day or even morning long just watching tv.




<< I relate this to how I felt as a new EMT riding on our local volunteer rescue sqad. I wanted to know that there was
someone else at my side who had more experience adn knowledge than I had. It was felt safer knowing that there was someone there watching and making sure I was doing things right and thinking things through. As my experience grew and I felt more confident, then it was OK to be the one in charge but that transition isn't always smooth.>>



Well that all makes perfect sense. We are here, right by our children, watching and making them feel safe. How would you have felt if the other EMT's wouldn't allow you to do what you were trained for and wanted to do? If they kept you from doing what was important to you because they just didn't think it was the right thing?




<<kids need to know there are boundries and that those bounderies will move as they are ready. I know kids who have never had boundries with their parents.
They are allowed to have coke and cookies for breakfast adn watch r rated movies at age 6. This doesn't serve the child in the long run as they feel so alone in their decision making. There is no one to fall back on, to get advice from. So, yes, I think it is OK to set limits on some things. Those limits are not set in stone. They can and will move.>>


I'm not quite sure how you mean boundaries and limits. I wouldn't off hand say I set boundaries or limits with my kids. Maybe it's just a different way we look at things. My children can have cookies and coke for breakfast. They have had cookies for breakfast before. Just not coke. My kids only drink soda occasionally. Alyssa had 2 small peppermint patties for breakfast this morning. It was right before her waffle. She's fine, she really is. My children have all from the age when they were first watching video's, seeing R rated movies. Tara watched Robo Cop when she was a bit over 4. Starship Troopers was a favorite of Joseph and Sierra when they were like 5, 6 and 7. I don't see the big deal. We all watched together. It was their choice. There are R rated movies they have no desire to see. There are R rated movies they ask for me to remember when they get older. It's all their choice. I don't see that we're harming them. They aren't here alone with no one to fall back on or get advice from. That's not unschooling. That's poor parenting or possibly neglect. We don't do that here. What you mentioned doesn't sound like it fits in at all with what we are talking about here.

Mary B





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