[email protected]

I hate to clog this list up with my whinings, but have a question for people
out there. How to balance the time with my children . I don't seem to be able
to this very well.My son is 7 years, daughter is 18mos. She does not sleep
with any great regularity. I try to read to ds and she is all over us like a
bad smell. I have tried setting her with stuff to do, but she is still so
little and has such a short attention span. We hardly read at all right
now!!!! If we try to do any art or lego or puzzles or anything she wrecks
it. I am trying to take the approach that this too will pass, but I am
getting frustrated today!! I feel as if I am neglecting my son. My husband is
not overly involved with the kids when he is home, unless I set him a
specific task, which I hate doing.Even if he tries, dd is very single-minded
and hard to distract when she wants to be involved with what we are doing. I
try to involve her, but I realize that this is developmental. Anyone else
experience this? Any suggestions?
Nancy
(I''ll drop the in BC part as I seem to be the only Nancy for now)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sorcha

>>>She does not sleep with any great regularity.<<<

That is about the age my older son stopped taking naps. She's probably
getting to an age where she's needing less sleep now.

>>>she is all over us like a bad smell.<<<

I hope you didn't mean that the way it came out. Maybe it's just a
common phrase where you're from, but since I haven't heard it before, it
seemed unnecessarily harsh.

>>>I have tried setting her with stuff to do, but she is still so
little and has such a short attention span. We hardly read at all right
now!!!!<<<

Do you read to her too or just to her brother? Can she sit on your lap
when you read? My two year old sits on my lap when I read to his
brother and he expects a kiss after every sentence (sometimes he doesn't
wait for the end of the sentence) and sometimes he tries to turn the
page too soon. If he gets too distracting, we give him a picture book
of his own to flip through while we read.


>>>If we try to do any art or lego or puzzles or anything she wrecks
it.<<<

Well, that's what babies do. It would be easier for you and your son to
stop getting annoyed about it than for her to stop doing it. Or, you
could put two stools next to the kitchen counter and do art or legos or
puzzles up there where she can't reach.

Sorcha




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

the_clevengers

--- In [email protected], LOWRIEK@a... wrote:
> dd is very single-minded
> and hard to distract when she wants to be involved with what we are
doing. I
> try to involve her, but I realize that this is developmental.
Anyone else
> experience this? Any suggestions?

Yep, very par for the course with a young toddler. We just saved
Legos, puzzles, etc. for her nap times when our daughter was this
age. We used a baby gate to give our son an area to keep and play
with the Legos that she couldn't get into, until she no longer
wrecked them. Other great toddler distractions - a pan full of cups,
spoons and cornmeal or millet, a stepstool and a sink with water and
soap and funnels and cups, a stamp pad and some stamps - our daughter
loved to decorate herself.

Basically, it's hard while you're in it, but it's a wonderful phase
as well and it will pass all too soon. Every phase can have its
moments where you can say "I can't wait for this to pass", but then
of course it does, along with all the beautiful things that came
along with it. There will be dozens and dozens of years when she
won't crawl in your lap every 2 seconds, KWIM? In the meantime, try
to hang in there and just exist in toddler time. See if you can find
ways to give your older child some space where they can play without
being subject to the destructo-toddler. And use her naptimes as
special time to connect with the older child.

Hang in there!

Blue Skies,

-Robin-

nancylowrie

Thank you for replying Sorcha, I always enjoy your posts and
appreciate you writing from my daughters point of view. When I read
my post again, now, when I am not so tired and overwhelmed, I realize
it was a bit of a vent.--- In Unschooling-
[email protected], "Sorcha" <sorcha-aisling@i...> wrote:
> >>>She does not sleep with any great regularity.<<<
>
> That is about the age my older son stopped taking naps. She's
probably
> getting to an age where she's needing less sleep now.
>
> >>>she is all over us like a bad smell.<<<
>
> I hope you didn't mean that the way it came out. Maybe it's just a
> common phrase where you're from, but since I haven't heard it
before, it
> seemed unnecessarily harsh.
>
> >>>I have tried setting her with stuff to do, but she is still so
> little and has such a short attention span. We hardly read at all
right
> now!!!!<<<
>
> Do you read to her too or just to her brother? Can she sit on your
lap
> when you read? My two year old sits on my lap when I read to his
> brother and he expects a kiss after every sentence (sometimes he
doesn't
> wait for the end of the sentence) and sometimes he tries to turn the
> page too soon. If he gets too distracting, we give him a picture
book
> of his own to flip through while we read.
>
>
> >>>If we try to do any art or lego or puzzles or anything she
wrecks
> it.<<<
>
> Well, that's what babies do. It would be easier for you and your
son to
> stop getting annoyed about it than for her to stop doing it. Or,
you
> could put two stools next to the kitchen counter and do art or
legos or
> puzzles up there where she can't reach.
>
> Sorcha
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

nancylowrie

Thank you for replying Sorcha, I always enjoy your posts and
appreciate you writing from my daughters point of view. When I read
my post again, now, when I am not so tired and overwhelmed, I realize
it was a bit of a vent.--- In Unschooling-
[email protected], "Sorcha" <sorcha-aisling@i...> wrote:
> >>>She does not sleep with any great regularity.<<<
>
> That is about the age my older son stopped taking naps. She's
probably
> getting to an age where she's needing less sleep now.
>
> >>>she is all over us like a bad smell.<<<
>
> I hope you didn't mean that the way it came out. Maybe it's just a
> common phrase where you're from, but since I haven't heard it
before, it
> seemed unnecessarily harsh.
>
> >>>I have tried setting her with stuff to do, but she is still so
> little and has such a short attention span. We hardly read at all
right
> now!!!!<<<
>
> Do you read to her too or just to her brother? Can she sit on your
lap
> when you read? My two year old sits on my lap when I read to his
> brother and he expects a kiss after every sentence (sometimes he
doesn't
> wait for the end of the sentence) and sometimes he tries to turn the
> page too soon. If he gets too distracting, we give him a picture
book
> of his own to flip through while we read.
>
>
> >>>If we try to do any art or lego or puzzles or anything she
wrecks
> it.<<<
>
> Well, that's what babies do. It would be easier for you and your
son to
> stop getting annoyed about it than for her to stop doing it. Or,
you
> could put two stools next to the kitchen counter and do art or
legos or
> puzzles up there where she can't reach.
>
> Sorcha
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 28/03/2003 22:52:46 Pacific Standard Time,
diamondair@... writes:


> Basically, it's hard while you're in it, but it's a wonderful phase
> as well and it will pass all too soon. Every phase can have its
> moments where you can say "I can't wait for this to pass", but then
> of course it does, along with all the beautiful things that came
> along with it. There will be dozens and dozens of years when she
> won't crawl in your lap every 2 seconds, KWIM? In the meantime, try
> to hang in there and just exist in toddler time. See if you can find
> ways to give your older child some space where they can play without
> being subject to the destructo-toddler. And use her naptimes as
> special time to connect with the older child.
>

Thank you for your kind words , Robin.
I think that today I am venting and feeling some concerns that typically
would not be there. This little guffer simply does not nap, so we are busy
all the time. Her brother has a room for his stuff that the sister shouldnt
have right now. I really need to be reminded that this will pass all too
soon, and you have done that.
I celebrate this child each and every day, and the wonderful spirit that she
has. I am missing the connecting with her brother now and then, and worry
about my ability to meet both of their needs effectivily.
Nancy, too tired to spell properly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sorcha

Oh, I'm sorry. I would have responded way differently if I'd realized
it was just a vent. I would have commiserated.

My husband had a job for about two years where he was only home on
weekends and sometimes he wasn't home every weekend. It was just me and
my kids all the time. When he got a job where he could be home daily,
it quickly became clear that he didn't know how to deal with our older
son, who is very spirited and strong-willed. Every single night for the
first six months or so, my husband would tell my son to do something and
my son would say no and my husband would try to insist, and my son would
throw a screaming fit.

I kept trying to explain to my husband that our son will never cooperate
if you try to push him (and I had some resentment that if he'd been
around more he would already know that). My husband just kept insisting
that I wasn't strict enough with the kids (and he had some jealousy
because my son willing cooperates with me). Luckily the whole thing
passed, my husband learned how to interact with our son and my son
learned how to express himself without screaming.

But in the meantime, I sent my mom long, rambling email vents nearly
everyday. And I said a lot of things in my vents that were much harsher
than "all over me like a bad smell." I can't remember exactly what I
said, but it usually had something to do with wanting to take the baby
and move to another country.

Sorcha




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

nancylowrie

---Hey, Sorcha, I am pretty sure I asked for help in that vent, so
It's my deal, not yours! I was glad to hear what you had to say. I am
new to communicating with this medium, and forget that what you write
is what you get, no facial expression and the people don't know me.
What I wrote sounded pretty grumpy, and I am glad you stuck up for my
kid!!! I would do the same. I am relieved to hear that you didn't
leave the country, but I understand what you mean by that.This is the
first time that dd has been the one to be targeted as the cause of my
frustration. I think that happens when they get so busy and mom is
not taking care of herself. Rest assured that I am feeling better
thanks t
o the stuff I read here. My kids both are attachment parented and
treated empathically. My ds nursed to5and a half, dd will be done on
her own schedule also. She is the apple of everyone's eye around here
and we treat her accordingly. I was just hoping someone on this list
would have a magic solution for me!! Thanks again,
Nancy In Unschooling-
[email protected], "Sorcha" <sorcha-aisling@i...> wrote:
> Oh, I'm sorry. I would have responded way differently if I'd
realized
> it was just a vent. I would have commiserated.
>
> My husband had a job for about two years where he was only home on
> weekends and sometimes he wasn't home every weekend. It was just
me and
> my kids all the time. When he got a job where he could be home
daily,
> it quickly became clear that he didn't know how to deal with our
older
> son, who is very spirited and strong-willed. Every single night
for the
> first six months or so, my husband would tell my son to do
something and
> my son would say no and my husband would try to insist, and my son
would
> throw a screaming fit.
>
> I kept trying to explain to my husband that our son will never
cooperate
> if you try to push him (and I had some resentment that if he'd been
> around more he would already know that). My husband just kept
insisting
> that I wasn't strict enough with the kids (and he had some jealousy
> because my son willing cooperates with me). Luckily the whole thing
> passed, my husband learned how to interact with our son and my son
> learned how to express himself without screaming.
>
> But in the meantime, I sent my mom long, rambling email vents nearly
> everyday. And I said a lot of things in my vents that were much
harsher
> than "all over me like a bad smell." I can't remember exactly what
I
> said, but it usually had something to do with wanting to take the
baby
> and move to another country.
>
> Sorcha
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]