Teen issue
jk_lenzmeier
I have a concern that I hope that someone here may have some insight
on. I consider myself a lurking learner, and I have learned so much
here. I have a dd14 who is in public school. She is miserable. She
doesn't want to come home, and she doesn't want to be in school. She
basically has told me that she is only there because of sports and
her friends. Well now she can't even be in sports because of failing
grades. I am also not married to her father, and he only wants her
to come live with him, because he thinks he can "do a better job with
her". She would be more unhappy there. Today she is home because
she has a paper and an art project that are both due that she does
not have done. The paper is a group thing, so now the groups project
will be late. It was her job to type it up. I called and excused
her from school, but now I'm not sure that was the right thing to
do. I feel like I am giving her permission to procrastinate her
school work and responsibilities. I hate the public school system,
my other children will not be going, but what do you do when one of
your kids is there and it is so obvious that it is not working for
them? I just want her to be happy. She is a bright artistic young
lady, but she is not allowed to be either in school. All the
principal has to say is that she is "quite the manipulator". Sorry
to go on and on, but I am struggling with what to do. Any ideas?
Jill
on. I consider myself a lurking learner, and I have learned so much
here. I have a dd14 who is in public school. She is miserable. She
doesn't want to come home, and she doesn't want to be in school. She
basically has told me that she is only there because of sports and
her friends. Well now she can't even be in sports because of failing
grades. I am also not married to her father, and he only wants her
to come live with him, because he thinks he can "do a better job with
her". She would be more unhappy there. Today she is home because
she has a paper and an art project that are both due that she does
not have done. The paper is a group thing, so now the groups project
will be late. It was her job to type it up. I called and excused
her from school, but now I'm not sure that was the right thing to
do. I feel like I am giving her permission to procrastinate her
school work and responsibilities. I hate the public school system,
my other children will not be going, but what do you do when one of
your kids is there and it is so obvious that it is not working for
them? I just want her to be happy. She is a bright artistic young
lady, but she is not allowed to be either in school. All the
principal has to say is that she is "quite the manipulator". Sorry
to go on and on, but I am struggling with what to do. Any ideas?
Jill
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/26/03 7:58:20 AM, jk_lenzmeier@... writes:
<< She
doesn't want to come home, and she doesn't want to be in school. She
basically has told me that she is only there because of sports and
her friends. Well now she can't even be in sports because of failing
grades. >>
If she stays home and her friends won't come to visit, she didn't really have
friends, either.
School friends are kinda like army buddies or prison friends. When the
lock-up is over, the friendships sometimes have no basis.
That wouldn't cheer her up to hear.
On the other hand, there ARE friendships from army, school, prison, work or
just the accident of having been neighbors that DO last for life!!
If she can't do sports and she's screwing up not just her own success but
other people's, just get her to try homeschooling for the rest of this year,
maybe. Especially if her grades are really bad (like she won't get credit
for the classes).
IMMEDIATELY try to find some other homeschooled kids, or out-of-school people
she can hang out with to do art or whatever she's wanting to do. Maybe get
her involve in a play, tech work or something, so she will have something to
go to instead of just something not to go to (school).
They're ideas, anyway...
Sandra
<< She
doesn't want to come home, and she doesn't want to be in school. She
basically has told me that she is only there because of sports and
her friends. Well now she can't even be in sports because of failing
grades. >>
If she stays home and her friends won't come to visit, she didn't really have
friends, either.
School friends are kinda like army buddies or prison friends. When the
lock-up is over, the friendships sometimes have no basis.
That wouldn't cheer her up to hear.
On the other hand, there ARE friendships from army, school, prison, work or
just the accident of having been neighbors that DO last for life!!
If she can't do sports and she's screwing up not just her own success but
other people's, just get her to try homeschooling for the rest of this year,
maybe. Especially if her grades are really bad (like she won't get credit
for the classes).
IMMEDIATELY try to find some other homeschooled kids, or out-of-school people
she can hang out with to do art or whatever she's wanting to do. Maybe get
her involve in a play, tech work or something, so she will have something to
go to instead of just something not to go to (school).
They're ideas, anyway...
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/26/03 10:18:42 AM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
Anna had lots of "friends" in public school. She loved the interaction and
commarderie. But after she left, those friends dropped off the face of the
earth. She has called them and emailed them, but they have nothing to talk
about now. We are still looking for opportunities for her to make friends.
She has met a lot of folks, but she hasnt developed any true friendships.
Other than her feeling isolated, she really likes staying at home. I think I
may start our own local "teen group". I am pretty sure there are lots of
other teens and older kids in our area that are also fairly new to
homeschooling.. I just gotta find them!!
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> School friends are kinda like army buddies or prison friends. When theAMEN
> lock-up is over, the friendships sometimes have no basis.
>
Anna had lots of "friends" in public school. She loved the interaction and
commarderie. But after she left, those friends dropped off the face of the
earth. She has called them and emailed them, but they have nothing to talk
about now. We are still looking for opportunities for her to make friends.
She has met a lot of folks, but she hasnt developed any true friendships.
Other than her feeling isolated, she really likes staying at home. I think I
may start our own local "teen group". I am pretty sure there are lots of
other teens and older kids in our area that are also fairly new to
homeschooling.. I just gotta find them!!
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
> > School friends are kinda like army buddies or prison friends. When theMy dd didn't have this problem, thank goodness.
> > lock-up is over, the friendships sometimes have no basis.
She spent 2 months full-time and another 6 months going to one or two
classes in ps and got maybe 4 good friends and another 8 or so
visit-friends. She has one friend from a progressive private school 3
years ago who lives down the street now.
I think some of her friends are 'jealous' of what she gets to do, while
others are 'concerned' for her. (grin) They don't spend much time talking
about it though, and just tend to hang out when they're together.
Friends *can* stick, if they're 'true'.
HeidiWD
jk_lenzmeier
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
I know that this would happen. All of her friends are really
shallow, mean, back-stabbers. Mine included sorry to say.
rest of this year, maybe. Especially if her grades are really bad
(like she won't get credit for the classes).>>
Besides the fact that her dad probably would fight me on this, I know
that she would fight me also. Do I just do it, regardless of what
she wants? This is were I am torn. I just know in my heart that she
would be happier, but how can I get her to see that without going
against her wishes?
wanting to do. Maybe get her involve in a play, tech work or
something, so she will have something to go to instead of just
something not to go to (school).
They're ideas, anyway...>>
Thank you for the ideas. I know she would enjoy this. I think I
know what I need to do, I just have to be brave and do it.
Jill
>really have friends, either.>>
>>If she stays home and her friends won't come to visit, she didn't
I know that this would happen. All of her friends are really
shallow, mean, back-stabbers. Mine included sorry to say.
>> If she can't do sports and she's screwing up not just her ownsuccess but other people's, just get her to try homeschooling for the
rest of this year, maybe. Especially if her grades are really bad
(like she won't get credit for the classes).>>
Besides the fact that her dad probably would fight me on this, I know
that she would fight me also. Do I just do it, regardless of what
she wants? This is were I am torn. I just know in my heart that she
would be happier, but how can I get her to see that without going
against her wishes?
>>IMMEDIATELY try to find some other homeschooled kids, or out-of-school people she can hang out with to do art or whatever she's
wanting to do. Maybe get her involve in a play, tech work or
something, so she will have something to go to instead of just
something not to go to (school).
They're ideas, anyway...>>
Thank you for the ideas. I know she would enjoy this. I think I
know what I need to do, I just have to be brave and do it.
Jill
Dawn Ackroyd
Is it possible to do just one course through 'distance education' or
something like that? My BIL just graduated from high school. My MIL was
always trying to get him to homeschool, but he figured his friends and
the social life of school was too important to him. Finally, in Grade 11
he did English through 'distance education' (not sure if everyone in the
USA has a program like this....I'm in Canada). He realized after that
that he really enjoyed being able to study at home and not worry about
all the social issues at school. Unfortunately he figured it was too
late and just finished Grade 12 in school. He did say though that he
should have taken his mom's advise sooner.
Dawn
-----Original Message-----
From: jk_lenzmeier [mailto:jk_lenzmeier@...]
Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2003 9:27 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Teen issue
something like that? My BIL just graduated from high school. My MIL was
always trying to get him to homeschool, but he figured his friends and
the social life of school was too important to him. Finally, in Grade 11
he did English through 'distance education' (not sure if everyone in the
USA has a program like this....I'm in Canada). He realized after that
that he really enjoyed being able to study at home and not worry about
all the social issues at school. Unfortunately he figured it was too
late and just finished Grade 12 in school. He did say though that he
should have taken his mom's advise sooner.
Dawn
-----Original Message-----
From: jk_lenzmeier [mailto:jk_lenzmeier@...]
Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2003 9:27 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Teen issue
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
>>If she stays home and her friends won't come to visit, she didn't
really have friends, either.>>
I know that this would happen. All of her friends are really
shallow, mean, back-stabbers. Mine included sorry to say.
>> If she can't do sports and she's screwing up not just her own
success but other people's, just get her to try homeschooling for the
rest of this year, maybe. Especially if her grades are really bad
(like she won't get credit for the classes).>>
Besides the fact that her dad probably would fight me on this, I know
that she would fight me also. Do I just do it, regardless of what
she wants? This is were I am torn. I just know in my heart that she
would be happier, but how can I get her to see that without going
against her wishes?
>>IMMEDIATELY try to find some other homeschooled kids, or out-of-
school people she can hang out with to do art or whatever she's
wanting to do. Maybe get her involve in a play, tech work or
something, so she will have something to go to instead of just
something not to go to (school).
They're ideas, anyway...>>
Thank you for the ideas. I know she would enjoy this. I think I
know what I need to do, I just have to be brave and do it.
Jill
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/26/03 9:32:13 AM, heidi@... writes:
<< I think some of her friends are 'jealous' of what she gets to do, while
others are 'concerned' for her. (grin) They don't spend much time talking
about it though, and just tend to hang out when they're together.
Friends *can* stick, if they're 'true'. >>
Three years ago Kirby became close friends with a boy who loved school. Eric
is an only child, and they met at the gaming shop.
Eric was kind of jealous when Kirby got a job at the shop. That was okay.
He used to tell Kirby "You'd like school."
Frequently he would ask Kirby things like whether he could get into college.
The regular stuf.
Eric's favorite school stuff is music and theatre and last year he went to
after-school Japanese classes every day.
A year ago, Keith, Eric and Kirby were in the car and Eric said Kirby should
take at least one class at the high school so he would know how papers and
tests were in case he went to college. Keith said "Why don't you both just go
visit classes at UNM with Sadie or somebody?"
It hadn't occurred to Erik that one could go to the university and look
around. Sadie was unschooled and she's doing fine, full time, at the
university.
And Keith also said Kirby could take a class at the tech/vocational school
(very near where we all live) anytime he wants to just try it out, and get
credit.
Poor Eric! His pressured attempts to get Kirby into school were totally
foiled.
But this year Eric's a junior. His mom moved to another town and Eric didn't
want to go so stayed with his step dad. Moved in with his girlfriend's
family. Moved out (four days ago) into an apartment with her, but he doesn't
have a job. They're seventeen, trying to live on their own, I think she has
a waitress job after school.
Eric also had gotten to the point were he was cutting his arms at school,
writing black, depressing, suicidal kind of goth trash all the time, being
dramatic about how horrible life is, and so on.
Through all those years, Kirby and Marty (both of whom hang out with Eric,
together and separately) have been calmly even-keeled, and very realistic in
their assessments of Eric.
It's sad, to see a kid get just entirely fed up and broken that way. But two
years ago Eric was pretty sure he knew what Kirby and Marty really needed,
and it was to be more like him.
They play D&D every Saturday, and so the relationship will continue, and my
boys have front-row seats to the play of Eric's life.
I don't even have to begin to comment. They're way ahead of me.
Sandra
<< I think some of her friends are 'jealous' of what she gets to do, while
others are 'concerned' for her. (grin) They don't spend much time talking
about it though, and just tend to hang out when they're together.
Friends *can* stick, if they're 'true'. >>
Three years ago Kirby became close friends with a boy who loved school. Eric
is an only child, and they met at the gaming shop.
Eric was kind of jealous when Kirby got a job at the shop. That was okay.
He used to tell Kirby "You'd like school."
Frequently he would ask Kirby things like whether he could get into college.
The regular stuf.
Eric's favorite school stuff is music and theatre and last year he went to
after-school Japanese classes every day.
A year ago, Keith, Eric and Kirby were in the car and Eric said Kirby should
take at least one class at the high school so he would know how papers and
tests were in case he went to college. Keith said "Why don't you both just go
visit classes at UNM with Sadie or somebody?"
It hadn't occurred to Erik that one could go to the university and look
around. Sadie was unschooled and she's doing fine, full time, at the
university.
And Keith also said Kirby could take a class at the tech/vocational school
(very near where we all live) anytime he wants to just try it out, and get
credit.
Poor Eric! His pressured attempts to get Kirby into school were totally
foiled.
But this year Eric's a junior. His mom moved to another town and Eric didn't
want to go so stayed with his step dad. Moved in with his girlfriend's
family. Moved out (four days ago) into an apartment with her, but he doesn't
have a job. They're seventeen, trying to live on their own, I think she has
a waitress job after school.
Eric also had gotten to the point were he was cutting his arms at school,
writing black, depressing, suicidal kind of goth trash all the time, being
dramatic about how horrible life is, and so on.
Through all those years, Kirby and Marty (both of whom hang out with Eric,
together and separately) have been calmly even-keeled, and very realistic in
their assessments of Eric.
It's sad, to see a kid get just entirely fed up and broken that way. But two
years ago Eric was pretty sure he knew what Kirby and Marty really needed,
and it was to be more like him.
They play D&D every Saturday, and so the relationship will continue, and my
boys have front-row seats to the play of Eric's life.
I don't even have to begin to comment. They're way ahead of me.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/26/03 9:43:33 AM, jk_lenzmeier@... writes:
<< Besides the fact that her dad probably would fight me on this, I know
that she would fight me also. Do I just do it, regardless of what
she wants? >>
No, you can't. Not if her dad has any say at all.
And I don't think bringing a kid home against her will is a good idea. If
she can't be lured away, maybe just make it as pleasant (for you, at least)
as you can.
Have you already looked at my little article "Public School on Your Own
Terms"?
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice
<A HREF="http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice">Public School on Your Own Terms
</A>
There might be something in there that will make you feel better.
Sandra
<< Besides the fact that her dad probably would fight me on this, I know
that she would fight me also. Do I just do it, regardless of what
she wants? >>
No, you can't. Not if her dad has any say at all.
And I don't think bringing a kid home against her will is a good idea. If
she can't be lured away, maybe just make it as pleasant (for you, at least)
as you can.
Have you already looked at my little article "Public School on Your Own
Terms"?
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice
<A HREF="http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice">Public School on Your Own Terms
</A>
There might be something in there that will make you feel better.
Sandra
Lara Nabours
I rarely have time to post, but I couldn't resist as I have thought
about this myself. If my child(ren) ever decide to try out ps, I want
to be able to help them get whatever it is they need from it-just like
a tool. Do the art project with her or for her if that is what she
needs to be able to still participate in the sports that she is
getting enjoyment out of. Perhaps research opportunities for sports
leagues for homeschoolers. CA has some, I do not know about where you
live. Public school friends are still there when they aren't at school
and she could make make friends with other homeschoolers/unschoolers.
Have you asked her what she wants to do to make her life more joyful?
Maybe she does want to go live with her dad, maybe not. Unless, he is
abusive, shouldn't it be her choice? Does it have to be a decision set
in stone?
If you and she haven't already, read The Teenage Liberation Handbook.
Let her be in charge of her learning and her life.
Going back to lurker mode now,
Lara Nabours
"How can the bird that is born for joy,
Sit in a cage and sing."- William Blake
-----Original Message-----
From: jk_lenzmeier [mailto:jk_lenzmeier@...]
Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2003 6:18 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Teen issue
I have a concern that I hope that someone here may have some insight
on. I consider myself a lurking learner, and I have learned so much
here. I have a dd14 who is in public school. She is miserable.
She
doesn't want to come home, and she doesn't want to be in school.
She
basically has told me that she is only there because of sports and
her friends. Well now she can't even be in sports because of
failing
grades. I am also not married to her father, and he only wants her
to come live with him, because he thinks he can "do a better job
with
her". She would be more unhappy there. Today she is home because
she has a paper and an art project that are both due that she does
not have done. The paper is a group thing, so now the groups
project
will be late. It was her job to type it up. I called and excused
her from school, but now I'm not sure that was the right thing to
do. I feel like I am giving her permission to procrastinate her
school work and responsibilities. I hate the public school system,
my other children will not be going, but what do you do when one of
your kids is there and it is so obvious that it is not working for
them? I just want her to be happy. She is a bright artistic young
lady, but she is not allowed to be either in school. All the
principal has to say is that she is "quite the manipulator". Sorry
to go on and on, but I am struggling with what to do. Any ideas?
Jill
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line!
~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please
email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the
list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or
address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
about this myself. If my child(ren) ever decide to try out ps, I want
to be able to help them get whatever it is they need from it-just like
a tool. Do the art project with her or for her if that is what she
needs to be able to still participate in the sports that she is
getting enjoyment out of. Perhaps research opportunities for sports
leagues for homeschoolers. CA has some, I do not know about where you
live. Public school friends are still there when they aren't at school
and she could make make friends with other homeschoolers/unschoolers.
Have you asked her what she wants to do to make her life more joyful?
Maybe she does want to go live with her dad, maybe not. Unless, he is
abusive, shouldn't it be her choice? Does it have to be a decision set
in stone?
If you and she haven't already, read The Teenage Liberation Handbook.
Let her be in charge of her learning and her life.
Going back to lurker mode now,
Lara Nabours
"How can the bird that is born for joy,
Sit in a cage and sing."- William Blake
-----Original Message-----
From: jk_lenzmeier [mailto:jk_lenzmeier@...]
Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2003 6:18 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Teen issue
I have a concern that I hope that someone here may have some insight
on. I consider myself a lurking learner, and I have learned so much
here. I have a dd14 who is in public school. She is miserable.
She
doesn't want to come home, and she doesn't want to be in school.
She
basically has told me that she is only there because of sports and
her friends. Well now she can't even be in sports because of
failing
grades. I am also not married to her father, and he only wants her
to come live with him, because he thinks he can "do a better job
with
her". She would be more unhappy there. Today she is home because
she has a paper and an art project that are both due that she does
not have done. The paper is a group thing, so now the groups
project
will be late. It was her job to type it up. I called and excused
her from school, but now I'm not sure that was the right thing to
do. I feel like I am giving her permission to procrastinate her
school work and responsibilities. I hate the public school system,
my other children will not be going, but what do you do when one of
your kids is there and it is so obvious that it is not working for
them? I just want her to be happy. She is a bright artistic young
lady, but she is not allowed to be either in school. All the
principal has to say is that she is "quite the manipulator". Sorry
to go on and on, but I am struggling with what to do. Any ideas?
Jill
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line!
~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please
email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the
list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or
address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: jk_lenzmeier
<<I have a concern that I hope that someone here may have some insight
on. I consider myself a lurking learner, and I have learned so much
here. I have a dd14 who is in public school. She is miserable. She
doesn't want to come home, and she doesn't want to be in school. She
basically has told me that she is only there because of sports and
her friends.>>
First of all, sorry for your daughter to be in such a horrible situation. I certainly wouldn't force her to stay home if she's really against it. Maybe though if you explain exactly how you would like things to work, she might consider doing it for awhile to see how she would like it. I would definitely have a plan to present to her before you do this though. Find out what kinds of sports you can get her into without her being in school. Rotary club and optomist sports programs and such. Find out where and when and what. Then make a plan for her to get together with kids her own age. Either plan something where she can invite her school friends or find out about organized teen dances, clubs whatever in your town. Look into homeschooling support groups and find out about teen functions and join now.
Present it all to her and then discuss the educational part of unschooling. Explain to her what it's all about. Child led, doing what interests her. If it means sports and bowling and friends, then you are fine with that. If she's concerned about the diploma part, then explain it can be as structured as she wants it also. If she would like it, tell her you will help her work towards getting her GED which she can do at 16. Would she like to get a job, maybe even part time now doing something? All possible things if she decides that's what she wants.
If none of this sounds appealing to her, I would let her decide on her own about school. Just what she wants out of it and how she wants to deal with school consequences. Meaning is she wants to skip, she'll have consequences for that. Extra work to make it up or skipping too often will mean suspension and maybe charges of being truant. Explain that you will be there for her, but that she can't call homeschooling if she skips too often and gets caught. It has to be a decision before any trouble occurs. Then I would back off and be there for her when she needs you to just listen or if she akss for help.
These are just suggestions on ways to go. My daughter Tara just turned 17 today and has always been in the system. When she was 15 she started to have a real rough time in school. Didn't want to be there aside from her friends. Was doing very poorly in her classes and suffereing mentally and physically as well. Of course we had some other problems to work on with her but school was a big one. I laid out a plan just like I described above. We discussed taking a year off from school and doing what she would like. Work, friends, job and such was all a part of the plan. We discussed her going back to school or working towards a GED. She had options and knew we were her for her every step of the way. I too am no longer with her dad and he's as stubborn and pigheaded and one sided as they come. (please no help on trying to find nice word for him!!!!) I stodd my ground and Tara saw I was serious and I would fight the world to get her what it would take to make her happy. She thought about long and hard. I also started to treat her more like a person instead of my 15 year old confused daughter. Does that make sense? That helped a lot too.
Once she saw that she had some control, she had to seriously think about where she wanted to go. She opted to stay in school. Not the outcome I really wanted, but the one she did. She's doing wonderfully now. Happy and social and a delight all around. She has figured out the school system so she knows just how to work them all there. <BEG> Her grades are better than they have ever been. She has a great boyfriend, a wonderful job that she loves. They even promoted her after being there only 4 months. She saves money for her future and manages the rest to get what she wants. She's thinking of college and so far has her heart set on the University of Miami. Total turn around. All because it's what she really wanted and the decision was all hers to make.
Just some thoughts. I honestly believe for school kids, 12-15 is the roughest age. It gets better and telling your daughter that too will help. If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me off list. Can't plug up all these great unschooling thoughts with school!!!
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<<I have a concern that I hope that someone here may have some insight
on. I consider myself a lurking learner, and I have learned so much
here. I have a dd14 who is in public school. She is miserable. She
doesn't want to come home, and she doesn't want to be in school. She
basically has told me that she is only there because of sports and
her friends.>>
First of all, sorry for your daughter to be in such a horrible situation. I certainly wouldn't force her to stay home if she's really against it. Maybe though if you explain exactly how you would like things to work, she might consider doing it for awhile to see how she would like it. I would definitely have a plan to present to her before you do this though. Find out what kinds of sports you can get her into without her being in school. Rotary club and optomist sports programs and such. Find out where and when and what. Then make a plan for her to get together with kids her own age. Either plan something where she can invite her school friends or find out about organized teen dances, clubs whatever in your town. Look into homeschooling support groups and find out about teen functions and join now.
Present it all to her and then discuss the educational part of unschooling. Explain to her what it's all about. Child led, doing what interests her. If it means sports and bowling and friends, then you are fine with that. If she's concerned about the diploma part, then explain it can be as structured as she wants it also. If she would like it, tell her you will help her work towards getting her GED which she can do at 16. Would she like to get a job, maybe even part time now doing something? All possible things if she decides that's what she wants.
If none of this sounds appealing to her, I would let her decide on her own about school. Just what she wants out of it and how she wants to deal with school consequences. Meaning is she wants to skip, she'll have consequences for that. Extra work to make it up or skipping too often will mean suspension and maybe charges of being truant. Explain that you will be there for her, but that she can't call homeschooling if she skips too often and gets caught. It has to be a decision before any trouble occurs. Then I would back off and be there for her when she needs you to just listen or if she akss for help.
These are just suggestions on ways to go. My daughter Tara just turned 17 today and has always been in the system. When she was 15 she started to have a real rough time in school. Didn't want to be there aside from her friends. Was doing very poorly in her classes and suffereing mentally and physically as well. Of course we had some other problems to work on with her but school was a big one. I laid out a plan just like I described above. We discussed taking a year off from school and doing what she would like. Work, friends, job and such was all a part of the plan. We discussed her going back to school or working towards a GED. She had options and knew we were her for her every step of the way. I too am no longer with her dad and he's as stubborn and pigheaded and one sided as they come. (please no help on trying to find nice word for him!!!!) I stodd my ground and Tara saw I was serious and I would fight the world to get her what it would take to make her happy. She thought about long and hard. I also started to treat her more like a person instead of my 15 year old confused daughter. Does that make sense? That helped a lot too.
Once she saw that she had some control, she had to seriously think about where she wanted to go. She opted to stay in school. Not the outcome I really wanted, but the one she did. She's doing wonderfully now. Happy and social and a delight all around. She has figured out the school system so she knows just how to work them all there. <BEG> Her grades are better than they have ever been. She has a great boyfriend, a wonderful job that she loves. They even promoted her after being there only 4 months. She saves money for her future and manages the rest to get what she wants. She's thinking of college and so far has her heart set on the University of Miami. Total turn around. All because it's what she really wanted and the decision was all hers to make.
Just some thoughts. I honestly believe for school kids, 12-15 is the roughest age. It gets better and telling your daughter that too will help. If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me off list. Can't plug up all these great unschooling thoughts with school!!!
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jk_lenzmeier
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
I loved this article. It was really helpful to me. I read it in a
book that I purchased. I can't think of the title. I finally was
able to see that my oldest kids' (the only ones in public school)
grades were not a reflection of who they were. I promptly told them
that I really could care less what kind of grades they got. I knew
that they were bright kids and a letter that someone else gave them
was not going to change my mind. (I'm ashamed to admit that I used
to be an "only A's and B's are acceptable" type mom.)
Jill
> Have you already looked at my little article "Public School on YourOwn Terms"?>
I loved this article. It was really helpful to me. I read it in a
book that I purchased. I can't think of the title. I finally was
able to see that my oldest kids' (the only ones in public school)
grades were not a reflection of who they were. I promptly told them
that I really could care less what kind of grades they got. I knew
that they were bright kids and a letter that someone else gave them
was not going to change my mind. (I'm ashamed to admit that I used
to be an "only A's and B's are acceptable" type mom.)
Jill
litlrooh
but how can I get her to see that without going
need a doc's excuse, but you *could* also just take the "3 illegal
absences" or however many she's allowed).
Let her stay home for a week with no pressure. Then ask her if she'd
like to stay at home, or go back.
Kristen
> against her wishes?How about telling her to "take a break" for a week (you'll probably
>
need a doc's excuse, but you *could* also just take the "3 illegal
absences" or however many she's allowed).
Let her stay home for a week with no pressure. Then ask her if she'd
like to stay at home, or go back.
Kristen
jk_lenzmeier
--- In [email protected], "litlrooh" <litlrooh@c...>
wrote:
illegal absences" or however many she's allowed).Let her stay home
for a week with no pressure. Then ask her if she'd like to stay at
home, or go back.>>
I tried this and she resisted it also. I guess I just have to let
her decide for herself. I am going to put things in her hands. I
explained to her that if being in school is something that she really
wants that I would respect that. I also told her that she would have
to suffer the consequences that the school gives her for skipping or
failing classes, but that I would not discipline her. I said that I
am there for her, but I would not lie to the school for her. If she
is ill I have no problem calling the school, but for some reason I
have a problem with calling in because she just didn't want to get
up. I told her that when/if she is ready to look at staying home, I
would talk to her then, but I would not pressure her. I felt better
after we talked. I only hope that she really knows that I care and
that I'm not just giving up on her. Sorry if this seems like rambling.
Jill
wrote:
> >How about telling her to "take a break" for a week (you'llprobably need a doc's excuse, but you *could* also just take the "3
illegal absences" or however many she's allowed).Let her stay home
for a week with no pressure. Then ask her if she'd like to stay at
home, or go back.>>
I tried this and she resisted it also. I guess I just have to let
her decide for herself. I am going to put things in her hands. I
explained to her that if being in school is something that she really
wants that I would respect that. I also told her that she would have
to suffer the consequences that the school gives her for skipping or
failing classes, but that I would not discipline her. I said that I
am there for her, but I would not lie to the school for her. If she
is ill I have no problem calling the school, but for some reason I
have a problem with calling in because she just didn't want to get
up. I told her that when/if she is ready to look at staying home, I
would talk to her then, but I would not pressure her. I felt better
after we talked. I only hope that she really knows that I care and
that I'm not just giving up on her. Sorry if this seems like rambling.
Jill
Mary
From: jk_lenzmeier
<<I said that I
am there for her, but I would not lie to the school for her. If she
is ill I have no problem calling the school, but for some reason I
have a problem with calling in because she just didn't want to get
up.>>
I call Tara out from school whenever she chooses, no matter what the reason is. That way the school knows that she isn't there that day and where she is. I don't lie. I just call in and say she's home with me that day. It's none of their business why. I have written nots though that say "home sick" because that day she was sick, sick of going to school!!!!
I've nver had a problem with her staying out enough where they give her a hard time. She knows that if that would happen, they would probably suspend her or something. It's just not worth that much for her to stay home.
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<<I said that I
am there for her, but I would not lie to the school for her. If she
is ill I have no problem calling the school, but for some reason I
have a problem with calling in because she just didn't want to get
up.>>
I call Tara out from school whenever she chooses, no matter what the reason is. That way the school knows that she isn't there that day and where she is. I don't lie. I just call in and say she's home with me that day. It's none of their business why. I have written nots though that say "home sick" because that day she was sick, sick of going to school!!!!
I've nver had a problem with her staying out enough where they give her a hard time. She knows that if that would happen, they would probably suspend her or something. It's just not worth that much for her to stay home.
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nellebelle
What is wrong with calling to say "She doesn't feel well enough to attend
school today"? If a child doesn't feel like going to school, then that is a
truthful thing to say. If they question the symptoms, you can tell them
that as her parent you are quite capable of judging whether or not she is
"well" enough to attend. Or tell them she is fatigued. Which would be true
if she doesn't want to wake up when it is time to!
The consequences of not attending will still be hers, but you will be on her
side, not on the school's side.
Mary Ellen
----- snip----- I said that I
school today"? If a child doesn't feel like going to school, then that is a
truthful thing to say. If they question the symptoms, you can tell them
that as her parent you are quite capable of judging whether or not she is
"well" enough to attend. Or tell them she is fatigued. Which would be true
if she doesn't want to wake up when it is time to!
The consequences of not attending will still be hers, but you will be on her
side, not on the school's side.
Mary Ellen
----- snip----- I said that I
> am there for her, but I would not lie to the school for her. If she
> is ill I have no problem calling the school, but for some reason I
> have a problem with calling in because she just didn't want to get
> up.
jk_lenzmeier
--- In [email protected], "nellebelle"
<nellebelle@c...> wrote:
You are both absolutely right. There is nothing wrong with letting
her stay home if she wants to. I mean, isn't that what I want her to
do anyway? So why make an issue out of it. Just call her in. Thank
you for helping me see the light.
I am slowly, but surely, getting the hang of letting go and trusting
her. I really feel that this list has played a very big role in my
attitude towards my children and my role as their mother. Keep the
insights coming.
Jill
<nellebelle@c...> wrote:
>>What is wrong with calling to say "She doesn't feel well enough toattend school today"?>>
You are both absolutely right. There is nothing wrong with letting
her stay home if she wants to. I mean, isn't that what I want her to
do anyway? So why make an issue out of it. Just call her in. Thank
you for helping me see the light.
I am slowly, but surely, getting the hang of letting go and trusting
her. I really feel that this list has played a very big role in my
attitude towards my children and my role as their mother. Keep the
insights coming.
Jill
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/29/2003 3:23:51 PM Eastern Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:
well be true that she stayed home because she was home-sick.
Amy Kagey
E-mail me for a list of used
homeschooling books for sale!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummy124@... writes:
> I just call in and say she's home with me that day. It's none of theirI read that as notes that say "home-sick" and I thought that it could very
> business why. I have written nots though that say "home sick" because that
> day she was sick, sick of going to school!!!!
>
well be true that she stayed home because she was home-sick.
Amy Kagey
E-mail me for a list of used
homeschooling books for sale!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]