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I am having trouble with my 15 year old. I began unschooling just this
year. He never liked school and was traumatized there. He is dyslexic
and considered bipolar. No medication. He is beginning to get in trouble
outside of our home when he is with one friend. They are in the age of
hormones/testosterone. He wants to fight with people lately. He just
quit counseling after over 4 years with the same therapist. A nice man.
My son said he couldn't tell him some things because he was afraid/trust
issues. My son wants to get his permit to drive. I feel I need to put a
warning on the car if he does. He tried to read the drivers manual and
threw it down. He couldn't read it very quickly. There are too many
words and the print is very small. I told him I would go over it with
him. He has a short attention span lately. He says he is "retarded" and
there is no use. He said he had to ask his friend what time it was the
other day because he couldn't tell. This is something new. He does very
little work for me - if any. He reads yet not very often. He draws
pictures. My greatest fear is him starting a life of crime. He won't
back down even to the police. One police officer threatened him over the
weekend -swore at him about his "attitude" etc. I called the police
chief. What it sounds like is that officer was off duty visiting a
relative when he saw my son. My son looked at him because he had a
police vehicle that was different than the ones in our town. What is
scary is that if this officer was acting like he was on duty when he
wasn't. The police chief from this officers town told me that towns
officers don't go into our town to help out. The police chief from that
town wouldn't write down anything I was saying. He said talking was good
enough and that he wouldtalk to this officer to get his side of the
story. The family this officer was visiting had the same last name and
they have a reputaton in our town as being unhappy and very grouchy.We
live in a small town. I love my son unconditionally and with an open
mind. He knows he is loved and has family support. We were just able to
purchase a second vehicle so I am hoping I can get my son interested in
going other places. I know I will need to come up with some money:) to
keep him occupied. A few of my other kids are starting a
business/crafts. My son seemed semi-interested. He does like art. I went
out and purchased some art materials for my son and his friend. I want
to keep them occupied the bes I can:) Thanks for listening. Michele



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Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema

I've been thinking about your post for a few hours now and some of the
things your 15yo son does are similar (if in smaller episodes) to what my
13yo does, sometimes.

>He is beginning to get in trouble
>outside of our home when he is with one friend. They are in the age of
>hormones/testosterone. He wants to fight with people lately.

Perhaps he would be interested in taking an Aikido class? He'll have a
chance to work in a safe environment, throwing people around the room and
otherwise 'attacking' them, but he'll also be learning how to defend
himself from harm *and* if it's a good dojo/sensei learn about assertive,
non-violent behavior. I'm recommending Aikido because I'm mostly
acquainted with it as a martial art, because your son seems to be dealing
with some frustration in his life and is starting to release that stress in
physical ways, and Aikido is both physical, non-violent and almost
impossible to start a fight with.

>He just
>quit counseling after over 4 years with the same therapist. A nice man.
>My son said he couldn't tell him some things because he was afraid/trust
>issues.

Well, he doesn't sound like a very good therapist, no matter how 'nice' he
is/was. Or maybe he wasn't a good fit for your son.

>My son wants to get his permit to drive. I feel I need to put a
>warning on the car if he does. He tried to read the drivers manual and
>threw it down. He couldn't read it very quickly. There are too many
>words and the print is very small. I told him I would go over it with
>him.

Sit down and nonchalantly start to read it to yourself. Then start to read
it out loud, as if to yourself. As he's being physical, maybe he could
have something to play with with his hands, while he's listening. (or if
he's open to your just reading it to him, do that!)

>He has a short attention span lately. He says he is "retarded" and
>there is no use.

Ouch. That's gotta hurt. I have no ideas for this one. Of course he's
not or it'd be really obvious.

>He said he had to ask his friend what time it was the
>other day because he couldn't tell. This is something new.

Give him a digital watch, preferably one that does other things too, like a
compass or that has a laser or something.

> He does very
>little work for me - if any.

Neither do I, but I suppose that's okay. (smile)

>He reads yet not very often. He draws
>pictures.

Then help him draw pictures!!! Is this one of his passions? Get him
pencils, sketchbooks, charcoal... take him to new places with interesting
things to draw. Try to draw yourself. Offer to bind his artwork together
into a book. Find an artist/cartoonist/whatever he could visit/be mentored
by. Check out all the drawing books from the library you can find, sit at
a table in the middle of the house, and try to teach yourself to
draw. He's bound to make off with a few of them. Go to the museum and
say, "Shoot, you can draw better than that! Maybe you should be a world
famous artist so you can support me in the style to which I'd like to be
accustomed!"

>My greatest fear is him starting a life of crime. He won't
>back down even to the police.

Does he commonly have difficulty expressing his anger and 'negative'
feelings? Aikido again. I heard something the other day, where a world
champion prize fighter was on the subway with a friend. A drunk guy gets
on and shoves into the prize fighter as he passes by. The friend say,
"Man, why didn't you deck the guy? You're strong enough to take him!" The
prize fighter say, "I don't have to. I'm powerful enough, I can afford to
be polite."

Maybe your son is finding it difficult to 'find his power', and fighting is
an easy way to find something.

> We were just able to
>purchase a second vehicle so I am hoping I can get my son interested in
>going other places.

Go with him. So something he wants to do. Just *be* there.

>A few of my other kids are starting a
>business/crafts. My son seemed semi-interested. He does like art. I went
>out and purchased some art materials for my son and his friend.

there you go. ...and you don't have to spend a lot of money either, if
money is an issue. charcoal (briquettes) on sidewalks are kind of cool (or
even charcoal from your last fireplace-fire. Plaster of paris dried into
chunks makes a great white chalk (as does drywall) String and some nails
in spare bits of board can be cool. Duct tape rocks!

concentrate on the art (and aikido) and let the rest go.
HeidiWD