Brown

Are there any other long-term homeschoolers out there? <g> I have wondered!

Lisa Bugg wrote:

> There is one thing that we are not doing on this list, we are not hearing
> from our long-long term unschoolers.

So, here's a question for all you other old-timers!

A friend of mine has two kids - 14 and 10. They have both inherited their
father's scientific / techonogical genes, while their mother, who is the SAH
parent, is a wonderfully talented craftswoman - quilter, fabric artist, and
glass mosaic artist, flautist....and what ever other artistic craft takes her
fancy, and also a keen gardener / landscaper. She is starting to find herself
becoming quite depressed at her inability to do her work full time, because her
children's interests and needs are so different. (She knows school if definitely
not an option.)

My dh and I were both brought up on farms, have wanted to get back to country
living for many years, have finally taken the plunge, and have bought a piece of
land 3/4 hour away from town, where the kids have lived all their lives (19, 16,
12, 9yo), and where they would like to continue to live! We are doing what we
want to do, which has given me a new lease on life - I too, was feeling
frustrated at not doing my 'thing'. My world is now spoiled only by criticism
from others for being selfish, and for forcing my kids to do things they don't
want to do - ie living where they don't want to live.

So, old-timers, do any of you have these sort of problems? I'm not so much
looking for practical solutions, but rather, ideas on how you cope with these
feelings of needing more from life, and coping with the criticism from your
fellow homeschoolers (who, after all these years of homeschooling, have become
my main circle of friends) if you go for it.

Carol
Totally unprincipalled unschooler

Sandi Myers

I probably fall into the category you have described--we began homeschooling
in l979 by taking fifth and third graders out of school and had two younger
who never went. My children are all grown and living their lives
independently and raising unschoolers of their own.

We made a drastic move in l984 when my husband retired from the Air Force in
Mississippi and we moved to Oklahoma, out in the country, for his next job.
The kids were 6, 9, 11, and 14. We had animals so enjoyed the space to
raise them differently. We got involved with soccer for the kids in the
surrounding towns, and everyone seemed fine. Our discussions over the
years have shown that it was much more traumatic than I realized for them
even though they adjusted okay. I had tried to keep them aware of all
plans, choices, etc during the change, but they still felt they had no
choice. We had lived in Mississippi for six years and we all had come to
love it. There was no choice of staying there, but rather where to move,
and that choice was basically my husband's.

I always found life in general to be a balancing act. Home birth,
attachment parenting, homeschooling, all of these things that grow children
so well, and have the potential to grow parents well, too, can also be
draining if you don't find the balance that you need. My oldest daughter
has a shirt that says "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" And that
is true! So it is important to refill often enough and completely enough to
have something to give when you are called upon and also important to
consider each person's views and feelings when decisions need to be made.

I did not start out unschooling. But my children quickly showed me that
they would accept nothing less--they just would not do what did not
absolutely fit that child at that moment. So while I was worrying about
one's reading and another's math, what I was turning out was children who
had learned to listen to the person inside and do just what they needed in
whatever way they needed. Quite liberating, really. Instead of presuming
to know what someone would need to learn or do at what time in the future,
you answer the questions you are asked and help the child who needs help in
finding answers, and strive to be a whole person yourself all the while.

I hope this provides some help in finding the answers you seek! I would be
happy to discuss it further!

Sandi Myers
>
> Are there any other long-term homeschoolers out there? <g> I have
wondered!
>
> Lisa Bugg wrote:
>
> > There is one thing that we are not doing on this list, we are not
hearing
> > from our long-long term unschoolers.
>
> So, here's a question for all you other old-timers!
>
> A friend of mine has two kids - 14 and 10. They have both inherited their
> father's scientific / techonogical genes, while their mother, who is the
SAH
> parent, is a wonderfully talented craftswoman - quilter, fabric artist,
and
> glass mosaic artist, flautist....and what ever other artistic craft takes
her
> fancy, and also a keen gardener / landscaper. She is starting to find
herself
> becoming quite depressed at her inability to do her work full time,
because her
> children's interests and needs are so different. (She knows school if
definitely
> not an option.)
>
> My dh and I were both brought up on farms, have wanted to get back to
country
> living for many years, have finally taken the plunge, and have bought a
piece of
> land 3/4 hour away from town, where the kids have lived all their lives
(19, 16,
> 12, 9yo), and where they would like to continue to live! We are doing what
we
> want to do, which has given me a new lease on life - I too, was feeling
> frustrated at not doing my 'thing'. My world is now spoiled only by
criticism
> from others for being selfish, and for forcing my kids to do things they
don't
> want to do - ie living where they don't want to live.
>
> So, old-timers, do any of you have these sort of problems? I'm not so much
> looking for practical solutions, but rather, ideas on how you cope with
these
> feelings of needing more from life, and coping with the criticism from
your
> fellow homeschoolers (who, after all these years of homeschooling, have
become
> my main circle of friends) if you go for it.
>
> Carol
> Totally unprincipalled unschooler

>

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/1/00 1:32:47 PM Central Standard Time,
mjcmbrwn@... writes:

<< My dh and I were both brought up on farms, have wanted to get back to
country
living for many years, have finally taken the plunge, and have bought a
piece of
land 3/4 hour away from town, where the kids have lived all their lives (19,
16,
12, 9yo), and where they would like to continue to live! We are doing what we
want to do, which has given me a new lease on life - I too, was feeling
frustrated at not doing my 'thing'. My world is now spoiled only by criticism
from others for being selfish, and for forcing my kids to do things they
don't
want to do - ie living where they don't want to live.

So, old-timers, do any of you have these sort of problems? I'm not so much
looking for practical solutions, but rather, ideas on how you cope with these
feelings of needing more from life, and coping with the criticism from your
fellow homeschoolers (who, after all these years of homeschooling, have
become
my main circle of friends) if you go for it.
>>


Carol,
Well we did, just go for it that is :-) My dh and I also have always
dreamed of moving to the country. Unfortunately, we never could afford to.
This year, we were finally able to make our dream come true. Our children
are 18, 14, 11, and 8. The oldest two did NOT want to move to the country.
They are now 1/2 hour away from the church, 3/4 hour away from alot of their
friends and from shopping, parks, swimming pools, theaters etc. However, my
husband and I talked and prayed about this and decided to go ahead with the
move. The older kids are only going to be at home for a few more years, but
we will have a lifetime yet and what if this chance only comes once for us?
So we went ahead and took it.
Guess what? All the kids love it here now! They have realised what
having alot of secluded land of our own can mean. Now when they go outside
during "schooltime" no one can see them. We have no more nosey neighbors
asking why the kids are out playing. We have woods behind our home which
makes for alot of "imaginary" play time (even for the 18 year old---he
wouldn't admit it, but he also has fun with it!) and they have been able to
make a tree house. They are already talking about building an even better
treehouse this summer. They are out in nature alot any more. Not only
feeding and caring for our own dog and cat, but we have alot of deer around
here, not to mention rabbits, squirrels, possums, birds, and even snakes.
My husband has a large workshop now and all the kids have been learning
to build picnic tables, doghouses, and other wood projects. The kids have
also helped with repairing mailboxes (ours has been run over twice since we
moved here--in the snowy weather), planting more trees, chopping down trees
and chopping firewood.
This spring, they will help us start a garden. I can't believe what a
turnabout my kids have done!
Of course, we go out of our way to make sure that they still get
together with their friends, go to scouts, go to the movies, and just stay
connected with their interests.
If this means we have to drive 45 minutes to get them there, we just do it!
As far as listening to everybodys comments about how "selfish" we are,
well I just tell people that I don't agree. Most of the people who say that
wouldn't want to live in the country. When I go on and ask them why they
feel that way, they say that they wouldn't like the seclusion. So I think
they are going on their feelings, not even thinking that others may not feel
the way they do. Most of the homeschoolers and other friends that have
stayed connected with us since we moved, now think we have done the right
thing. They see how happy and relaxed my kids are, and when they visit us,
they even say that they are jealous and wish they could move in the country!
Personally, I think you should listen to your own heart and dreams. If
those people are really friends, they will quit criticising you because of
your choice. After all, you have already bought the land right? So what
good does their criticising do?
Do all their comments make your choices dissapear and you end back up at your
old home? I think not!! Anyway, this is your life to live, not theirs!
This is between you, your husband and your kids! This isn't really the
business of any of your friends. And if your oldest kids are unhappy, they
are really old enough to do something about it arent they? They are old
enough to drive and visit their friends 3/4 hour away. The oldest one (even
though we wouldn't like it) is even old enough to get a job and move to their
own place!
Oh well, sorry for rambling, but what you are going through is just the
exact thing we went through. I wish you all the best, and I hope that
everything turns out as well for you as it did for us!
Tami

Beth Burnham

"If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" And that
is true!

Sandi where can I get that T-shirt? Thanks for sharing your story. Do you
miss those early days?

Beth