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My 10yo daughter is insistent on going to 6th grade middle school next year.
I don't think she will change her mind. As much as I don't like the idea, I
almost trust her to know where and how she wants to learn. I think I have
prepared myself for it. I really like "Public School on Your Own Terms" <A HREF="http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice">
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice</A>
I printed it out last August, and it was really hard to swallow at first. Now
I find it as nothing short of brilliant. I guess that shows how far I'm
coming with unschooling. I am prepared not to engage with the school against
my daughter, if she conducts herself the way she did in K-4th. I am prepared
not to put any stock in grades and such. I need advice on how to prepare her.
In my heart I think honesty is the best policy. I want her to know that I
think grades are a scam, and test scores are not a true representation of her
ability to learn or how bright she is. I want her to know that I was wrong to
battle with her in previous school years, that I only knew what I learned by
being part of the same school system that no one questioned. I want her to
know that there is a difference between wanting school and needing school. I
want her to know that I don't think she needs to go to school and needs to
get good grades and needs to get teacher approval to have some kind of
educational self-worth. I want her to know that my own experience as an honor
roll student was such an illusion, who was I when I stopped getting good
grades and playing the game? I want her to know that I think it is a game,
and not necessarily a beneficial one. Above all, I want her to know that I
trust her and she can trust herself in finding who she wants to be and how to
accomplish it. Do I need to do anything to share this with her, or just let
go? I get the impression that she thinks her year of unschooling was just to
get her away from the old and to go back with a new attitude. She wants to
try again, as if she failed and can prove she can do it. I know now she
wasn't failing, the system was failing her. She says she knows how to defeat
the popularity contest and bully crap she used to put up with. She says I
taught her that-- I swear I didn't! I think she idealizes school by watching
certain tv programs. I used to idealize middle school too. At least she has a
choice, isn't that half the battle? Is it my place to show her my negative
bias against schools? I just want her to know that no matter what happens,
school is just school. Good or bad, right or wrong. It's not all it's cracked
up to be, not all what they want you to think it is. Where I am going with
this, I am uncertain. The uncertainties of letting my child go back to school
after coming to my senses and getting her out of there after 4.5 years is so
difficult. How do you cope? Has anyone actually gone through this? Is there
anything I should or shouldn't be doing in all of this? Recommended reading?
(i am in the middle of Teenage Lib Handbook and plan to go straight to
Guerrilla Schooling next)Thanks and thanks again.



Ang
Unschooling mom to
Megan(10) Ashlyn(3) Christian(1.5)
<A HREF="http://hometown.aol.com/unolist/index.html">UNO Unschoolers Network of Ohio</A>
<A HREF="http://members.aol.com/megamom08/page1.html">My Links Page MEGAMOM08</A>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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In a message dated 3/6/03 1:38:51 PM, unolist@... writes:

<< Do I need to do anything to share this with her, or just let
go? I get the impression that she thinks her year of unschooling was just to
get her away from the old and to go back with a new attitude. >>

I can tell a current story of one of my sister's kids (from the article) who
was five or six when that was written and is fifteen now.

Joshua, the youngest of my sister's three, wanted to go back to school to
play basketball. Now he just goes to hang out with his friends. He is
TOTALLY using school as socialization, and not doing well gradewise.

But two weeks ago he was suspended for wearing a stocking cap he wasn't
supposed to be wearing. So my brother-in-law had to go back in with him to
get him reinstated. But my brother-in-law, who was a gifted honors student
eagle scout kind of guy in the same school system years ago doesn't care
about that hat rule, and would rather his son be home anyway. He didn't want
to go to meet with the principal but Joshua really wanted to go back to
school.

My recommendation to Gene, the dad, was to go with him this time, but tell
Joshua that the next time Gene's just going to let the suspension ride. That
if Josh really wants to go to school and his parents would rather he be home,
then it's HIS responsibility to do what the school wants him to do to stay
there.

The same token the parents play saying "I'm not going to make you do
homework; I'm not going to punish failure or reward honor roll stuff" should
extend to "If you get in trouble, YOU got in trouble. Next time you get in
trouble, why don't you just come back home and homeschool?"

That's my added piece of advice for such situations, then.

The oldest of that family, Gina, is 18 now. She has an extensive website.
It's linked (and a piece of art is there that she did) here:
http://sandradodd.com/games/page

<A HREF="http://sandradodd.com/games/page">Benefits of Video Games</A>

and the mid-kid, Elijah, is almost 17 and lately dropped out of high school
and is going to do some community college stuff in fall, he says. I asked
why he didn't just say "homeschooling" instead of "dropping out" and he said
the school said he would have to sign up for accredited courses at his age.
I said they were wrong, but he just kinda was enjoying the notoriety of being
"a drop-out."

My sister just lately has decided Elijah was always on the autistic end of
life, probably Asperger's. I think she's right. They tested him for
deafness when he was little, and he was always in the gifted class, but often
had irritated all the other kids by being socially reckless and clueless.

Most of the kids I've known who went back seemed to have a good time, and
enjoyed all the notebook organizational stuff. I think if they've never been
to school some explanation of school supplies would help. Maybe find a
friend who's going to school and find out what's standard and "cool" as to
backpack, binder, etc.

Sandra

nellebelle

-----snip-----> But two weeks ago he was suspended for wearing a stocking
cap he wasn't
> supposed to be wearing.>>>>>>>>>>

My daughters take a dance class. They are not supposed to wear jeans to
class, although many kids do. There don't appear to be any consequences for
wearing them though. This annoys me, because I think they should either
have a consequence for breaking the rule, or they should just do away with
the rule.

Lisa has asked my permission to wear jeans. I used to tell her no, because
the rule says you can't. Now I leave it up to her.

Mary Ellen