Re: harmony in the home
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/31/2000 11:12:13 AM Eastern Standard Time,
mwinders@... writes:
<< siblings together a lot of the time, I'm
wondering how many of you have problems with sibling conflicts >>
I do, I do. Particularly everyone seems to be picking on my youngest child.
They're making me nuts, and I have no idea how to solve this problem either.
I can't wait to hear what others have to say on the subject.
Jill
mwinders@... writes:
<< siblings together a lot of the time, I'm
wondering how many of you have problems with sibling conflicts >>
I do, I do. Particularly everyone seems to be picking on my youngest child.
They're making me nuts, and I have no idea how to solve this problem either.
I can't wait to hear what others have to say on the subject.
Jill
A. Yates
Mara, Have you every read "Siblings Without Rivalry"? It is written by the
same women who wrote "How To Talk So YOur Kids Will Listen, How To Listen So
Your Kids Will Talk". I liked both. While I don't go to the extent they
recommend, I did show them how to "work out" their disagreements. They do a
pretty good job. I almost always have to remind them to do it though. And,
it doesn't always work. But I think it helps alot.
It's really hard to all learn to get along especially when we are all home
together all day, but I know the benefits are worth it.
I just wonder how are sanity will be affected? lol
Maybe it will help to know that your not alone?
Ann
Mara Winders wrote:
same women who wrote "How To Talk So YOur Kids Will Listen, How To Listen So
Your Kids Will Talk". I liked both. While I don't go to the extent they
recommend, I did show them how to "work out" their disagreements. They do a
pretty good job. I almost always have to remind them to do it though. And,
it doesn't always work. But I think it helps alot.
It's really hard to all learn to get along especially when we are all home
together all day, but I know the benefits are worth it.
I just wonder how are sanity will be affected? lol
Maybe it will help to know that your not alone?
Ann
Mara Winders wrote:
> From: Mara Winders <mwinders@...>
>
> With children home all day, siblings together a lot of the time, I'm
> wondering how many of you have problems with sibling conflicts. How do
> most of you handle "discipline" in general? Favorite book on the
> subject? Do sibling problems ever get in the way of productive learning
> environments?
>
> Mara in TX with three little ones Zachary (5), Zane (3) and McKenna (8
> months)
>
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Mara Winders
With children home all day, siblings together a lot of the time, I'm
wondering how many of you have problems with sibling conflicts. How do
most of you handle "discipline" in general? Favorite book on the
subject? Do sibling problems ever get in the way of productive learning
environments?
Mara in TX with three little ones Zachary (5), Zane (3) and McKenna (8
months)
wondering how many of you have problems with sibling conflicts. How do
most of you handle "discipline" in general? Favorite book on the
subject? Do sibling problems ever get in the way of productive learning
environments?
Mara in TX with three little ones Zachary (5), Zane (3) and McKenna (8
months)
Tim and Kerry Jones
As far as books go, I highly recommend anything by Dr. Kevin Leman, my
favorite being "The Birth Order Book," but followed closely by "Bringing
Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down." As far as sibling rivalry goes,
it's my belief that it is highly cyclical. They get along for a few
months, then just plain don't for a few months. I have no idea why that
it, but then everything in life seems to run in cycles, doesn't it. I
think the best thing we can do for our kids in general is to teach them
empathy for others and also problem solving techniques. We're really
big on "Do unto others . . ." around here. And Mom and Dad don't hide
when they've had their feelings hurt either. It's good to know that our
actions have consequences on peoples feelings - - even grownups! :-)
Kerry in NC
favorite being "The Birth Order Book," but followed closely by "Bringing
Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down." As far as sibling rivalry goes,
it's my belief that it is highly cyclical. They get along for a few
months, then just plain don't for a few months. I have no idea why that
it, but then everything in life seems to run in cycles, doesn't it. I
think the best thing we can do for our kids in general is to teach them
empathy for others and also problem solving techniques. We're really
big on "Do unto others . . ." around here. And Mom and Dad don't hide
when they've had their feelings hurt either. It's good to know that our
actions have consequences on peoples feelings - - even grownups! :-)
Kerry in NC
[email protected]
Isn't learning to get along one of life's ultimate lessons?
Mary Ellen
One can never have too many buttons.
Laurella Lederer
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One can never have too many buttons.
Laurella Lederer
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A. Yates
I definitely think it will make things better. My boys (7 & 5) are the best
of friends, even though they do fight. But the 5 yr old and the 3 yr old
girl fight the worst. Oh well.
A
Mara Winders wrote:
of friends, even though they do fight. But the 5 yr old and the 3 yr old
girl fight the worst. Oh well.
A
Mara Winders wrote:
> From: Mara Winders <mwinders@...>
>
> "Have you every read "Siblings Without Rivalry"? It is written by the
> same women who wrote "How To Talk So YOur Kids Will Listen, How To
> Listen So
> Your Kids Will Talk"."
>
> Yes, I have read (and loved) both. My other favorite is PET. They
> still fight. My oldest can be very overpowering and I have wondered if
> having him around his little brother *all the time* is what is best for
> his little brother.
>
> It is kind of good to know that the rest of you aren't living in
> constant family harmony as well (hehe). I have wondered if
> homeschooling will make things worse or better.
>
> MAra
>
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Beth Burnham
I think a lot of how they are with each other is a reflection of how we are
and feel and react when we are with them. If they are really hurting each
other and screaming without learning how to resolve their fights on their
own we must step in and at possibly encourage a separation time and time
alone to think about how they could have handled things differently. I used
to ask them to say they are sorry but only if they really were and to tell
each other how they feel. If they are younger (2-7 years) you need to
discuss it with them (Waldorf method doesn't believe they can or should be
reasoned with at this stage but I beg to differ!) IF it is a particularly
"naughty" thing the child did ie biting etc. I once or twice had them draw a
picture of the mistake they made and show what they would do next time their
sib made them angry or jealous whatever! I have some very cute pictures of
them counting to 10 which was their idea to do to blow off steam before
reacting. Each problem is different as is each child and their temperament,
if it is a minor offense and a child is tattling than I tell them to talk to
each other about it and see if they can resolve it without me. Mostly I
think they fight when my dh and I fight or ignore their needs. We are role
models for this stuff whether we want to be or not. If we are ignoring them
while online here and they act up that is another message. (same for being
not he phone or any activity we chose while away from them). I know that if
I have spent a lot of quality time with them they are much better behaved
than if I were to spend a lot of time doing household or other things not
involved with them. Of course we have to have a life of our own and balance
and little ones esp. need to learn how to resolve their conflicts with each
other. I worry when my two will not let a 3rd friend play with them you know
2 is company 3 is a crowd. But I also know and trust they will learn from
this and any other conflict they have with others. IMHO It is our job to
help them learn right and wrong but only after giving them the chance to
discover this on their own. I know that if I yell at them for doing anything
before treating them with the respect they deserve no matter what they did
than I am teaching them to yell at each other too. Ditto for hitting. I
admit I have been guilty of both in the past and am working hard to change
this about myself. It was how I was raised yelling and hitting and I am glad
for the most part I have given it up but I still have moments of yelling
that I regret deeply.
Beth
and feel and react when we are with them. If they are really hurting each
other and screaming without learning how to resolve their fights on their
own we must step in and at possibly encourage a separation time and time
alone to think about how they could have handled things differently. I used
to ask them to say they are sorry but only if they really were and to tell
each other how they feel. If they are younger (2-7 years) you need to
discuss it with them (Waldorf method doesn't believe they can or should be
reasoned with at this stage but I beg to differ!) IF it is a particularly
"naughty" thing the child did ie biting etc. I once or twice had them draw a
picture of the mistake they made and show what they would do next time their
sib made them angry or jealous whatever! I have some very cute pictures of
them counting to 10 which was their idea to do to blow off steam before
reacting. Each problem is different as is each child and their temperament,
if it is a minor offense and a child is tattling than I tell them to talk to
each other about it and see if they can resolve it without me. Mostly I
think they fight when my dh and I fight or ignore their needs. We are role
models for this stuff whether we want to be or not. If we are ignoring them
while online here and they act up that is another message. (same for being
not he phone or any activity we chose while away from them). I know that if
I have spent a lot of quality time with them they are much better behaved
than if I were to spend a lot of time doing household or other things not
involved with them. Of course we have to have a life of our own and balance
and little ones esp. need to learn how to resolve their conflicts with each
other. I worry when my two will not let a 3rd friend play with them you know
2 is company 3 is a crowd. But I also know and trust they will learn from
this and any other conflict they have with others. IMHO It is our job to
help them learn right and wrong but only after giving them the chance to
discover this on their own. I know that if I yell at them for doing anything
before treating them with the respect they deserve no matter what they did
than I am teaching them to yell at each other too. Ditto for hitting. I
admit I have been guilty of both in the past and am working hard to change
this about myself. It was how I was raised yelling and hitting and I am glad
for the most part I have given it up but I still have moments of yelling
that I regret deeply.
Beth
Mara Winders
"Have you every read "Siblings Without Rivalry"? It is written by the
same women who wrote "How To Talk So YOur Kids Will Listen, How To
Listen So
Your Kids Will Talk"."
Yes, I have read (and loved) both. My other favorite is PET. They
still fight. My oldest can be very overpowering and I have wondered if
having him around his little brother *all the time* is what is best for
his little brother.
It is kind of good to know that the rest of you aren't living in
constant family harmony as well (hehe). I have wondered if
homeschooling will make things worse or better.
MAra
same women who wrote "How To Talk So YOur Kids Will Listen, How To
Listen So
Your Kids Will Talk"."
Yes, I have read (and loved) both. My other favorite is PET. They
still fight. My oldest can be very overpowering and I have wondered if
having him around his little brother *all the time* is what is best for
his little brother.
It is kind of good to know that the rest of you aren't living in
constant family harmony as well (hehe). I have wondered if
homeschooling will make things worse or better.
MAra
[email protected]
In a message dated 01/31/2000 8:12:13 AM Pacific Standard Time,
mwinders@... writes:
<<
With children home all day, siblings together a lot of the time, I'm
wondering how many of you have problems with sibling conflicts. How do
most of you handle "discipline" in general? Favorite book on the
subject? Do sibling problems ever get in the way of productive learning
environments? >>
Sure we have conflicts, but I think mostly that they get along very well.
I don't think they argue any more by being at home all day together than if
they would spend only a few hours every evening and weekends together.
In fact I think that they would not get along as well after daily separation
and
improper (school) socialization. I, for the most part stay away from rewards
and punishment. We discuss things, talk about hurt feelings, misbehaviors.
I am learning about non-coercive parenting. I do not have the web site,
but there is a list on onelist called TCS -- taking children seriously. I
find
it difficult to explain (sorry!) but I do know that not coercing my children
is how I want to parent. It especially makes sense as an unschooler. I mean
if I do not coerce learning, why would I coerce other parts of our lives. Not
to say that I don't ever say you have to do that or else, hey I'm not
perfect...
<g>.
Kathy
mwinders@... writes:
<<
With children home all day, siblings together a lot of the time, I'm
wondering how many of you have problems with sibling conflicts. How do
most of you handle "discipline" in general? Favorite book on the
subject? Do sibling problems ever get in the way of productive learning
environments? >>
Sure we have conflicts, but I think mostly that they get along very well.
I don't think they argue any more by being at home all day together than if
they would spend only a few hours every evening and weekends together.
In fact I think that they would not get along as well after daily separation
and
improper (school) socialization. I, for the most part stay away from rewards
and punishment. We discuss things, talk about hurt feelings, misbehaviors.
I am learning about non-coercive parenting. I do not have the web site,
but there is a list on onelist called TCS -- taking children seriously. I
find
it difficult to explain (sorry!) but I do know that not coercing my children
is how I want to parent. It especially makes sense as an unschooler. I mean
if I do not coerce learning, why would I coerce other parts of our lives. Not
to say that I don't ever say you have to do that or else, hey I'm not
perfect...
<g>.
Kathy
[email protected]
"Sure we have conflicts, but I think mostly that they get along very well.
I don't think they argue any more by being at home all day together than if
they would spend only a few hours every evening and weekends together.
In fact I think that they would not get along as well after daily separation
and
improper (school) socialization"
I totally agree with this. I know that my son and I get along alot better than we did when he was in PS. Partly because of the influence of other kids and other adults. Partly because of being "jailed" all day long in a formal environment and coming home and just releasing. He definately is alot more balanced than he was before. I get alot of people who say things like, "Wow you have your hands full with three and homeschooling." Sometimes I tell them it's easier and sometimes I don't...depends if I need the pat on the back. LOL
~Heather
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I don't think they argue any more by being at home all day together than if
they would spend only a few hours every evening and weekends together.
In fact I think that they would not get along as well after daily separation
and
improper (school) socialization"
I totally agree with this. I know that my son and I get along alot better than we did when he was in PS. Partly because of the influence of other kids and other adults. Partly because of being "jailed" all day long in a formal environment and coming home and just releasing. He definately is alot more balanced than he was before. I get alot of people who say things like, "Wow you have your hands full with three and homeschooling." Sometimes I tell them it's easier and sometimes I don't...depends if I need the pat on the back. LOL
~Heather
*** Free voicemail and email, by phone or Web! Free phone calls too! Get it today at http://www.myTalk.com ***
Tom & Nanci Kuykendall
My boys (7 & 5) are the best of friends, even though they do fight. But
the 5 yr old and the 3 yr old
Nanci K.
the 5 yr old and the 3 yr old
>girl ......Do you have twins? Just curious...
Nanci K.
Tom & Nanci Kuykendall
>I think a lot of how they are with each other is a reflection of how we areI agree.
>and feel and react when we are with them. If they are really hurting each
>other and screaming without learning how to resolve their fights on their
>own we must step in and at possibly encourage a separation time and time
>alone to think about how they could have handled things differently.
>If they are younger (2-7 years) you need toCase in point: My three year old has been hitting his brother (almost 2)
>discuss it with them (Waldorf method doesn't believe they can or should be
>reasoned with at this stage but I beg to differ!)
on occassion. He usually does not hit more than once and usually to get
him away from his toys or some such. Anyway, he knows it's wrong and has
had lots of talking to and time out for not playing nice. But what really
got the message across was when his brother hit him. He smacked him on top
of the head with a toy and Thomas (my eldest) began to cry and came to me
for comfort. After he was calmed down and I dried his tears I said, "Hmmm,
why do you think your brother hit you? Do you think it was because you hit
him and he learned it from you?" He loooked up at me with this surprised
loook on his face and went "Oh!" and the hitting has really cut down since
then. Now if I could only figure out what to do about the pushing LOL.
>Each problem is different as is each child and their temperament,Again, I agree.
>if it is a minor offense and a child is tattling than I tell them to talk to
>each other about it and see if they can resolve it without me.
>I know that if I yell at them for doing anythingHow many of us have all seen these incongruous scenes played out (either in
>before treating them with the respect they deserve no matter what they did
>than I am teaching them to yell at each other too. Ditto for hitting.
>Beth
our own families or in others?)
"Don't you hit you brother!!" (Smack Smack Smack) says the screaming
parent as they hit the child. Or how about: "Stop SCREAMING!!! Don't YELL
IN THE STORE!!"
Or "Shut Up! You're being rude!" snapped the angry parent...etc....
Nanci K.
A. Yates
No. I have two boys, ages 7&5. One girl age 3.
Ann
Tom & Nanci Kuykendall wrote:
Ann
Tom & Nanci Kuykendall wrote:
> From: Tom & Nanci Kuykendall <tn-k4of5@...>
>
> My boys (7 & 5) are the best of friends, even though they do fight. But
> the 5 yr old and the 3 yr old
> >girl ......
>
> Do you have twins? Just curious...
>
> Nanci K.
>
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Tom & Nanci Kuykendall
>No. I have two boys, ages 7&5. One girl age 3.ok. I was confused. It sounded like you had two 5 year olds. du-huh!
>
>Ann
Nanci K. (aka: Dopey FBI Warning: "Do Not ask this woman to think if you
see her!!")
Tracy Oldfield
Nanci, I must remember this with my 3 and 4yo's!!! A classic, so many come fromt his list, which (In case anyone hadn't noticed I just got a whole lot more garrulous!!) is why I've swapped from digest to regular, so I can respond to stuff better.
Thanks for the smile :-)
Tracy
Case in point: My three year old has been hitting his brother (almost 2)
on occassion. He usually does not hit more than once and usually to get
him away from his toys or some such. Anyway, he knows it's wrong and has
had lots of talking to and time out for not playing nice. But what really
got the message across was when his brother hit him. He smacked him on top
of the head with a toy and Thomas (my eldest) began to cry and came to me
for comfort. After he was calmed down and I dried his tears I said, "Hmmm,
why do you think your brother hit you? Do you think it was because you hit
him and he learned it from you?" He loooked up at me with this surprised
loook on his face and went "Oh!" and the hitting has really cut down since
then. Now if I could only figure out what to do about the pushing LOL.
Thanks for the smile :-)
Tracy
Case in point: My three year old has been hitting his brother (almost 2)
on occassion. He usually does not hit more than once and usually to get
him away from his toys or some such. Anyway, he knows it's wrong and has
had lots of talking to and time out for not playing nice. But what really
got the message across was when his brother hit him. He smacked him on top
of the head with a toy and Thomas (my eldest) began to cry and came to me
for comfort. After he was calmed down and I dried his tears I said, "Hmmm,
why do you think your brother hit you? Do you think it was because you hit
him and he learned it from you?" He loooked up at me with this surprised
loook on his face and went "Oh!" and the hitting has really cut down since
then. Now if I could only figure out what to do about the pushing LOL.