bedtimes (was Re: unschooling, what a concept!)
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/16/03 1:24:00 AM, sheran@... writes:
<< My husband has the exact same sleeping
schedule. In bed between 9 and 10, and up at 5 for work. I've
noticed that when the kids are playing by themselves and I'm doing my
own thing, they're much more likely to be loud and wake up dh. When
I'm actively playing with them, they are much more likely to be quiet
enough. My presence tends to keep things more quiet and them less
likely to fight loudly with each other. >>
My pattern is years' long, but I often stay up until Holly's asleep, and when
the boys were younger I stayed up with them too. Now that they're teens,
they can stay up on their own. But the deal has always been "You can stay up
if you can be quiet."
That's not even a rule, because it's just courtesy.
It IS a condition of the privilege of choosing one's bedtime here, though,
that they need to be quiet. And then in the morning those who get up
reciprocate by being quiet until noon.
When kids are used to rules, it's hard for parents to believe that kids will
be courteous on their own. But my kids wouldn't dream of trying to justify
having made enough noise to disturb someone's sleep. We're sweet to them and
they're sweet to us.
I don't think a family could just declare that and have it happen one day.
It was gradual. But it's valuable and working wonderfully here. Lots of
their learning has always happened near bedtime, and even tonight, with Holly
being the only one here, the half hour before she went to bed was really
busy, mentally, and she and I reviewed the day and some ideas, and I told her
I wished she could be a baby once in a while, maybe once a week, long enough
for me to carry her around and rock her to sleep. And she smiled and hugged
me, and told me some stories about people saying she was tall this week, and
feeling big. She put in a Land Before Time video we went and rented this
evening (saw another homeschooling mom at the video store, too), and went to
bed peaceful and happy, when she wanted to, and where she wanted to.
We had other kids spend the night Friday. They said they usually have to go
to bed at 9:00, sometimes 8:00. Holly told them it was sometimes still LIGHT
at 8:00, and they just shrugged. She talked to me about that some more
today, about how very early that is, and how it's purely for the parents'
benefit and not for the kids.
When they were here, they and Holly all went to bed around midnight, very
happily. Two got up about 8:30, and the other two at 10:30. All smiling.
Sandra
<< My husband has the exact same sleeping
schedule. In bed between 9 and 10, and up at 5 for work. I've
noticed that when the kids are playing by themselves and I'm doing my
own thing, they're much more likely to be loud and wake up dh. When
I'm actively playing with them, they are much more likely to be quiet
enough. My presence tends to keep things more quiet and them less
likely to fight loudly with each other. >>
My pattern is years' long, but I often stay up until Holly's asleep, and when
the boys were younger I stayed up with them too. Now that they're teens,
they can stay up on their own. But the deal has always been "You can stay up
if you can be quiet."
That's not even a rule, because it's just courtesy.
It IS a condition of the privilege of choosing one's bedtime here, though,
that they need to be quiet. And then in the morning those who get up
reciprocate by being quiet until noon.
When kids are used to rules, it's hard for parents to believe that kids will
be courteous on their own. But my kids wouldn't dream of trying to justify
having made enough noise to disturb someone's sleep. We're sweet to them and
they're sweet to us.
I don't think a family could just declare that and have it happen one day.
It was gradual. But it's valuable and working wonderfully here. Lots of
their learning has always happened near bedtime, and even tonight, with Holly
being the only one here, the half hour before she went to bed was really
busy, mentally, and she and I reviewed the day and some ideas, and I told her
I wished she could be a baby once in a while, maybe once a week, long enough
for me to carry her around and rock her to sleep. And she smiled and hugged
me, and told me some stories about people saying she was tall this week, and
feeling big. She put in a Land Before Time video we went and rented this
evening (saw another homeschooling mom at the video store, too), and went to
bed peaceful and happy, when she wanted to, and where she wanted to.
We had other kids spend the night Friday. They said they usually have to go
to bed at 9:00, sometimes 8:00. Holly told them it was sometimes still LIGHT
at 8:00, and they just shrugged. She talked to me about that some more
today, about how very early that is, and how it's purely for the parents'
benefit and not for the kids.
When they were here, they and Holly all went to bed around midnight, very
happily. Two got up about 8:30, and the other two at 10:30. All smiling.
Sandra
Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
We don't have set bedtimes here either, but once Dad (the one who has to
head off to an office) hits the sack, it's 'quiet' time. They do pretty
well being quiet, but every now and then one of us will need to pop in and
do a quick quiet-request. Once dh had to remind *me* to be quiet... how
embarrassing.
We dropped the bedtimes a few years ago (more or less) and I've found it's
lovely. The kids go to bed when they're tired and they're more pleasant to
be around as they're not busy thinking up reasons for why they should be
able to stay up longer, or wondering when "The Law" is going to slam down
and send them off to bed. (grin)
Last night, after 11:30 or so, my 13 year old son and I worked on a 1500
piece puzzle, looked up Boticelli in one of my old college books and
online, learned about Zephyrs, the three muses, the nymph Cloris, Flora
(goddess of fecundity!), Venus (of course) and Mercury who was using his
caducea to stir the heavens, which sent ds to the dictionary to find out
what that word meant, only it wasn't in there, but similar words were, so
he figured out what the word meant and how other similar words could be
used to define a word we don't know, etc. ...then he sought out Mercury in
the dictionary and told me all about him too ...then my son, who has never
much enjoyed reading, read to me from 'The Worlds Shortest Short Stories'
(or similar.) I finally drifted off to bed while he puttered around. Lovely.
HeidiWD
head off to an office) hits the sack, it's 'quiet' time. They do pretty
well being quiet, but every now and then one of us will need to pop in and
do a quick quiet-request. Once dh had to remind *me* to be quiet... how
embarrassing.
We dropped the bedtimes a few years ago (more or less) and I've found it's
lovely. The kids go to bed when they're tired and they're more pleasant to
be around as they're not busy thinking up reasons for why they should be
able to stay up longer, or wondering when "The Law" is going to slam down
and send them off to bed. (grin)
Last night, after 11:30 or so, my 13 year old son and I worked on a 1500
piece puzzle, looked up Boticelli in one of my old college books and
online, learned about Zephyrs, the three muses, the nymph Cloris, Flora
(goddess of fecundity!), Venus (of course) and Mercury who was using his
caducea to stir the heavens, which sent ds to the dictionary to find out
what that word meant, only it wasn't in there, but similar words were, so
he figured out what the word meant and how other similar words could be
used to define a word we don't know, etc. ...then he sought out Mercury in
the dictionary and told me all about him too ...then my son, who has never
much enjoyed reading, read to me from 'The Worlds Shortest Short Stories'
(or similar.) I finally drifted off to bed while he puttered around. Lovely.
HeidiWD
Deborah Lewis
***I told her
I wished she could be a baby once in a while, maybe once a week, long
enough
for me to carry her around and rock her to sleep. And she smiled and
hugged
me, and told me some stories about people saying she was tall this week,
and
feeling big. ***
This made me cry.
I tell Dylan the same thing and he says "Mom I'd stay small longer if I
could."
This year was the first I couldn't pick him up anymore. He grew too much
for me and while he still climbs on me while we sit in the rocking chair
he dangles off in all directions.<g>
Deb L wimp mom.
I wished she could be a baby once in a while, maybe once a week, long
enough
for me to carry her around and rock her to sleep. And she smiled and
hugged
me, and told me some stories about people saying she was tall this week,
and
feeling big. ***
This made me cry.
I tell Dylan the same thing and he says "Mom I'd stay small longer if I
could."
This year was the first I couldn't pick him up anymore. He grew too much
for me and while he still climbs on me while we sit in the rocking chair
he dangles off in all directions.<g>
Deb L wimp mom.