[email protected]

In a message dated 2/13/2003 10:50:03 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:


> I don't know, I'm pretty sure all of us have modelled some behavior we wish
> we could take back. I know I have.

I personally find the most irritating traits in my children to be those that
they have learned from and are copying from me. Like not letting go of an
argument ("Just be quiet, Mommy"), believing things are too hard for me to
accomplish, being easily distracted...

I'm learning to be a calmer person. It's a daily struggle. My kids are
learning it too. It's hard not to think everything is a result of your being
a bad parent! And its hard not to be defensive when you are constantly
evaluating yourself. When I can take a step back to watch a situation
unfold, I can see where their emotions come from. Sometimes, it's not a
pretty picture. But I'm trying to look at that picture more often than not
to help us all learn how to interact with one another well.

I'm not sure that's at all making sense. Really, I just wanted to agree with
the above statement...

Elizabeth


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

zenmomma *

>I personally find the most irritating traits in my children to be those
>that
>they have learned from and are copying from me. Like not letting go of an
>argument ("Just be quiet, Mommy"), believing things are too hard for me to
>accomplish, being easily distracted...
>
>I'm learning to be a calmer person. It's a daily struggle. My kids are
>learning it too. It's hard not to think everything is a result of your
>being
>a bad parent! And its hard not to be defensive when you are constantly
>evaluating yourself. When I can take a step back to watch a situation
>unfold, I can see where their emotions come from. Sometimes, it's not a
>pretty picture. But I'm trying to look at that picture more often than not
>to help us all learn how to interact with one another well.
>
>I'm not sure that's at all making sense. Really, I just wanted to agree
>with
>the above statement...


You made perfect sense Elizabeth! This is exaclty what I was trying to
convey. :o)

Life is good.
~Mary


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waptia <[email protected]>

--- In [email protected], ejcrewe@a... wrote:
> In a message dated 2/13/2003 10:50:03 PM Central Standard Time,
> [email protected] writes:
>
>
> > I don't know, I'm pretty sure all of us have modelled some
behavior we wish
> > we could take back. I know I have.
>
> I personally find the most irritating traits in my children to be
those that
> they have learned from and are copying from me. Like not letting go
of an
> argument ("Just be quiet, Mommy"), believing things are too hard for
me to
> accomplish, being easily distracted...
>
> I'm learning to be a calmer person. It's a daily struggle. My kids
are
> learning it too. It's hard not to think everything is a result of
your being
> a bad parent! And its hard not to be defensive when you are constantly
> evaluating yourself. When I can take a step back to watch a situation
> unfold, I can see where their emotions come from. Sometimes, it's
not a
> pretty picture. But I'm trying to look at that picture more often
than not
> to help us all learn how to interact with one another well.
>
> I'm not sure that's at all making sense. Really, I just wanted to
agree with
> the above statement...
>
> Elizabeth


Well put Elizabeth, it makes very good sense. I often think of this
poem by Sally Simmons, that I read in _Learning A Loving Way of Life_ .

Mirror

I see my mirror down the hall
Coming toward me -- three feet tall!
She talks and sings and acts like me.
Magnified for all to see.
She comforts me when I am sad,
She yells and hits when she gets mad.
Sometimes I see my finer side --
Often it's qualities I'd rather hide!
I'm happiest, though, when I can see
My love reflected back to me.

I don't think it helps that we live in such a child hostile culture.
Many times we are blamed for our children just acting like children
and we are not supported in respecting their needs. That doesn't
change the fact that we are responsible for our actions, loving or
otherwise, to our children. And, the real double whammy can be to bear
children and look to our elders with trust for support, and then find
that we have shortchanged our own needs and our children's needs in
our search for *Their* approval. Sometimes it is easier to blame the
messenger rather than admit to ourselves just how deeply hurt we are
by those we love and trust.

Peggy