Junk food/tv
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/14/03 2:52:08 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< Yu-gi-oh is social interactions. If he prefers it in any one instance to
another social interaction, it seems he's be the best judge of that. >>
Yes. My boys spend most of their "resource day" (a get together with other
relaxed/eclectic homeschoolers and unschoolers once a week) playing Yugioh or
Mage Knight.
I don't see all their enjoyment of this game as a waste of time, even though
they exclude other things to play that sometimes. The artwork on the cards
has inspired them more times than I can say, the friendships they've built
around the game are wonderful, the logic and strategy of the game are firing
of new neural pathways like mad I'm quite sure!!
Anything that holds their fascination so deeply must be important for their
lives.
My kids would rarely turn down any kind of excursion to stay home and watch
tv, but if they did, I would assume that's what was important for them at
that moment.
Since letting go of control, I've been through some bumpy times where I
really believed my oldest would never learn to self regulate. But we've
emerged on the other side of freedom, joy intact and I get the privelege of
seeing the truth spoken here come true!
Yesterday, Jared went outside first thing in the morning. He was out playing
with sticks in the backyard, just hanging out. The video games and tv lay
dormant.
I got myself, Jalen and Sierra ready and we joined him. We went down to the
pond and mucked out their Tonka trucks which had layed in the pond mud for
the last year largely ignored.
We got them scrubbed off (I'm surprised no frogs had taken up residence) and
the kids found an area of the yard to dig in for the day. This inspired me
to get an area on the side of the house cleaned up for them.
Trevor had joined us at this point and helped me haul a bunch of pine needles
up to the street, raking and uncovering some garden beds we put in last year.
All this dirt play, raking and WORK was being done at the exclusion of
tv/video games.
They had full choice, but they chose outside yesterday.
Trevor drifted in and out, watching tv and playing games some and then
hanging out with the rest of us outside for periods of time.
The other three spent the ENTIRE day outside, only coming in to eat or drink
or use the bathroom.
They built dirt castles, sculpted a dolphin in the dirt, raked, hoed, planned
a fort, planted garlic in a garden bed, mucked around by the pond and dug
with their Tonka trucks.
Later, we all went out for pizza (at Sams club of all places) and Jared
picked out a new GBA game, "Metroid Fusion". We stopped and rented a movie
on the way home and while the rest of us watched Men in Black 2, Jared sat
with us and played his game, barely looking up.
Free choice is awesome and powerful stuff!
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected] writes:
<< Yu-gi-oh is social interactions. If he prefers it in any one instance to
another social interaction, it seems he's be the best judge of that. >>
Yes. My boys spend most of their "resource day" (a get together with other
relaxed/eclectic homeschoolers and unschoolers once a week) playing Yugioh or
Mage Knight.
I don't see all their enjoyment of this game as a waste of time, even though
they exclude other things to play that sometimes. The artwork on the cards
has inspired them more times than I can say, the friendships they've built
around the game are wonderful, the logic and strategy of the game are firing
of new neural pathways like mad I'm quite sure!!
Anything that holds their fascination so deeply must be important for their
lives.
My kids would rarely turn down any kind of excursion to stay home and watch
tv, but if they did, I would assume that's what was important for them at
that moment.
Since letting go of control, I've been through some bumpy times where I
really believed my oldest would never learn to self regulate. But we've
emerged on the other side of freedom, joy intact and I get the privelege of
seeing the truth spoken here come true!
Yesterday, Jared went outside first thing in the morning. He was out playing
with sticks in the backyard, just hanging out. The video games and tv lay
dormant.
I got myself, Jalen and Sierra ready and we joined him. We went down to the
pond and mucked out their Tonka trucks which had layed in the pond mud for
the last year largely ignored.
We got them scrubbed off (I'm surprised no frogs had taken up residence) and
the kids found an area of the yard to dig in for the day. This inspired me
to get an area on the side of the house cleaned up for them.
Trevor had joined us at this point and helped me haul a bunch of pine needles
up to the street, raking and uncovering some garden beds we put in last year.
All this dirt play, raking and WORK was being done at the exclusion of
tv/video games.
They had full choice, but they chose outside yesterday.
Trevor drifted in and out, watching tv and playing games some and then
hanging out with the rest of us outside for periods of time.
The other three spent the ENTIRE day outside, only coming in to eat or drink
or use the bathroom.
They built dirt castles, sculpted a dolphin in the dirt, raked, hoed, planned
a fort, planted garlic in a garden bed, mucked around by the pond and dug
with their Tonka trucks.
Later, we all went out for pizza (at Sams club of all places) and Jared
picked out a new GBA game, "Metroid Fusion". We stopped and rented a movie
on the way home and while the rest of us watched Men in Black 2, Jared sat
with us and played his game, barely looking up.
Free choice is awesome and powerful stuff!
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/14/03 9:08:14 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< I think it's a mistake to zero in on what the child is doing as the
problem.
The problem lies in *why* the child is not happy. If a child is freely
choosing (of whatever) and isn't happy, then the problem is helping them
help themselves be happy. >>
In our house it was my control that wouldn't allow Trevor to happily self
regulate.
I would freak out every so often, because he'd been at the tv ALL day, hours
and hours and he would be bummed out that he hadn't done anything else.
But when I suggested turning it off and coming to do other things, he
couldn't tear himeself away.
I finally realized that after a while, he'd have his fill, realize that I
wasn't going to jump in a control again and he'd mellow out and move on.
I decided that even if it took two years, it wasn't going to hurt him in the
long run.
It took over a year. About 1.5 years actually of rather obsessive behavior.
But you know what?
He trusts me now.
He knows he has access to tv and video games whenever he wants it and it
doesn't have the hold over him that it did before.
I explained to him that I would nudge him to do other things and help him
feel better by doing other stuff, but I wouldn't make him, he had to decide
what was more important.
He chooses a lot of different things now. A very intelligent and well
balanced person (although some here would see the hours and hours spent on
Yugioh and video games and not consider it a balance perhaps) that knows a
lot about a LOT of different things.
Tv taught him a lot in that time.
It didn't damage him and in fact, he knows himself better now.
It doesn't hold any power over him or his life, but it would if I hadn't
finally said "no more controlling this child!!"
Sometimes you can nudge or suggest, but giving your child their freedom of
choice is possibly the only way to get to that unschooling Nirvana.....
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected] writes:
<< I think it's a mistake to zero in on what the child is doing as the
problem.
The problem lies in *why* the child is not happy. If a child is freely
choosing (of whatever) and isn't happy, then the problem is helping them
help themselves be happy. >>
In our house it was my control that wouldn't allow Trevor to happily self
regulate.
I would freak out every so often, because he'd been at the tv ALL day, hours
and hours and he would be bummed out that he hadn't done anything else.
But when I suggested turning it off and coming to do other things, he
couldn't tear himeself away.
I finally realized that after a while, he'd have his fill, realize that I
wasn't going to jump in a control again and he'd mellow out and move on.
I decided that even if it took two years, it wasn't going to hurt him in the
long run.
It took over a year. About 1.5 years actually of rather obsessive behavior.
But you know what?
He trusts me now.
He knows he has access to tv and video games whenever he wants it and it
doesn't have the hold over him that it did before.
I explained to him that I would nudge him to do other things and help him
feel better by doing other stuff, but I wouldn't make him, he had to decide
what was more important.
He chooses a lot of different things now. A very intelligent and well
balanced person (although some here would see the hours and hours spent on
Yugioh and video games and not consider it a balance perhaps) that knows a
lot about a LOT of different things.
Tv taught him a lot in that time.
It didn't damage him and in fact, he knows himself better now.
It doesn't hold any power over him or his life, but it would if I hadn't
finally said "no more controlling this child!!"
Sometimes you can nudge or suggest, but giving your child their freedom of
choice is possibly the only way to get to that unschooling Nirvana.....
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/14/03 11:17:00 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<<
I think too often we deem a certain method of childrearing will lead to a
certain outcome, and I'm not certain it is true. >>
I think for most of us "outcome" is not the goal. It's about living in a way
that brings the most joy, the most happiness and the best relationships right
NOW.
If the outcome is good ('course when do you decide that there is "outcome"?
age 18, 30, 60?) that's just a side benefit from living mindfully.
Nothing is guaranteed in this life, certainly.
Even more reason to live happily TODAY. I may not have my loved one tomorrow,
or they might now have me.
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected] writes:
<<
I think too often we deem a certain method of childrearing will lead to a
certain outcome, and I'm not certain it is true. >>
I think for most of us "outcome" is not the goal. It's about living in a way
that brings the most joy, the most happiness and the best relationships right
NOW.
If the outcome is good ('course when do you decide that there is "outcome"?
age 18, 30, 60?) that's just a side benefit from living mindfully.
Nothing is guaranteed in this life, certainly.
Even more reason to live happily TODAY. I may not have my loved one tomorrow,
or they might now have me.
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett