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I wrestled with whether to post this "publically" or to email either Anne or
Mary ( or both) privately to discuss these matters. I know by posting such
personal and sensitive issues on a public board, I am setting myself up for
scrutiny, perhaps even condescension and misunderstanding. .. But, Im willing
to take the chance ( and the heat, if I have to) because ultimately, I know
I am not the only parent out here with these kinds of situations and issues
and I really think that it's helpful for folks to talk about thier real life
challanges and to see that they are NOT alone in facing them.

I know there is no way to discuss EVERY aspect of challanges and concerns
that I have for my sons within the context of one post. And, it wouldnt be
possible for anyone to sufficiently give feedback, advice, suggestions, etc.
on several topics at once. So, I am going to pick one thing that is really
causing a lot of stress, upset, and emotional turmoil in our home right now.


My 11 yo is ADHD, and he probably has several other " disablities" that
have never been diagnosed officially. I know he has a lot of traits of
central processing deficits. He can be very aggressive.. emotionally
distraught, mood swings, depressed, introverted, low self esteem. My 7 yo
is VERY similar in behavior. ALTHOUGH, I think a lot of his behavior is
learned from his brother.. I know he has a low frustration level, just like
Ethan, but, he seems to be more able to control his outbursts.. Heck, I
dont know.. sometimes it seems like he cant.. OK.. heres what we are facing
now

Video games. Yes, both of my sons ( 7 and 11) love them. Actually, they
used to play computer games.. we didnt have video game systems til Christmas.
We had many many conflicts over computer games because of having to share
the computer with 6 people.. And our computer is not "gaming effecient" lots
of technical difficulties which led to frustration and upset. I hoped that
the new Xbox and Nintendo 64 would alleviate some of this.

Well, Ethan threw the controller on the Xbox within a week of getting it.. I
bought a new one ( to the suggestion of list members).. He threw it and broke
it in less than 2 weeks.. We had to wait another 2 weeks to get one .. (
money and time issues).. So, I bought a new one. He broke it the next day.
OK.. in the mean time.. I had also bought ANOTHER N64 to help with the
"sharing" problem. There were a total of 5 controllers for N64.. Now, we're
down to 1.. Either Ethan or JP broke all of them. They love the action of
playing the games.. BUT, neither of them can take the frustration of losing
or not "getting" what they want in the game. They scream, cry, cuss, throw
things. Hit each other, basically throw INTENSE temper tantrums. I have
tried to play the games with them.. talk to them, Ive looked up tons of
"cheats and tricks" for every game they have.. ( also, they tend to get
frustrated with games and I have to continually buy new ( used) ones)..
Thier days are rounds of playing, screaming, crying, tantrums. more playing..
They are NOT interested in anything else.. I have to MAKE.. yes.. MAKE,
physically pick up or manuever them to go out with me. Its not a good idea
to leave a 7 and 11 yo at home alone and its not fair for the Anna and I to
stay home all the time.. I try to do most of my "outside" stuff when my
oldest son gets home or my husband so they boys can stay.. But, I cant do it
ALL after 3:00.. Anna wants to go to band, the library, other homeschool
activites. Its a BIG TIME "struggle" ( and thats a mild word) to get them
to stop playing video games for anything.. You know, if they were happily
playing, loving every minute of it.. at least I could understand why they
dont want to stop to go somewhere ( thats the only time I make them stop..
not to eat, sleep or "anything" else) But they are NOT happy at least half
the time they are playing.. They are mad, angry, flailing about throwing
tantrums, breaking stuff, fighting each other. WHAT THE HELL IS FUN ABOUT
THAT??? Or.. what is being "learned"?? Its nothing but a terriblly
exhaustive stress on me and them and thier sibs.

I "offer" lots of other things to do. We have TONS of books, arts, crafts,
musical instruments, videos, blocks, toys.. Heck,you name it.. Nope.. they
want to play ( ie fight over.. games). I make suggestions.. "hey its so nice
outside, lets go ride our bikes ... Gosh, lets go see Grandpa and ride the
4-wheeler.. Do you guys want to go to the park?" I just do stuff and hope
they will become interested.( read, paint, cook, whatever). Nope.. BUT, per
unschooling advice. I let them decide if they want to do these things or
not.. ANd the response is NOT.

Today, I just had it.. JP was playing a new game i got him yesterday.. Lego
racers.. I thought it may be easier than some he tries to play. Maybe he
would be successful at it.. Well, hell, something wasnt working right.. He
got mad.. he yelled at me.. I came in.. and asked what was wrong.. He
screamed. "IM NOT TELLING YOU" Ok.. well, how can I help if I dont know what
is wrong.. ?!?!?! He throws his fit for a while.. I finally get him calmed
down.. Then he is playing again and Ethan comes in and sits down to watch.
.This infuriates JP and he screams that Ethan is messing him up and he throws
a remote at Ethan.. Ethan goes beserk, throws a chair, clears the
(clutttered) dining room table.. basically a meltdown.. Its total psycho
chaos trying to control them from hurting themselves or each other.. I yanked
the cords out of the N64 and put it up. Period.. I couldnt deal with it any
more. Ethan went outside to play. JP screamed and yelled at me for 20 more
minutes or so.. I tried to calm him down too.. Soothe him.. explain to him
that the N64 is "not fun" if its causing this kind of conflict. He went
outside with Ethan.

This kind of stuff has been going on since Christmas. ..If they just 'sat
like zombies" in front of the games.. I wouldnt be so upset. . But, its like
the games are just fuel for their frustrations and the enjoyment they get out
of them is minute compared to the "bad stuff"

OK. . now what?

Teresa


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