does unschooling work for everyone?
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/11/03 12:25:56 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< Some of us are raising various sorts of high-maintenance kids, and
they sometimes do need external structure because they aren't always
(and some of them never!) able to provide it for themselves. Some
kids need to be held and redirected in order to read an entire book
(or page). Some kids need lists of things to do to keep them from
obsessing on a single topic from waking to sleep. Some kids need to
be taught, step by step, year after year, how to make the simplest
decisions. >>
This whole attitude really bothers me.
I don't agree at all.....this list is about how everyone can get closer to
unschooling, pure unschooling.
I suggest you read Anne Ohmans article about her special needs child before
you decide that unschooling "can't work" for your child.
What you're describing is not truly honoring him for who he is.
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
[email protected] writes:
<< Some of us are raising various sorts of high-maintenance kids, and
they sometimes do need external structure because they aren't always
(and some of them never!) able to provide it for themselves. Some
kids need to be held and redirected in order to read an entire book
(or page). Some kids need lists of things to do to keep them from
obsessing on a single topic from waking to sleep. Some kids need to
be taught, step by step, year after year, how to make the simplest
decisions. >>
This whole attitude really bothers me.
I don't agree at all.....this list is about how everyone can get closer to
unschooling, pure unschooling.
I suggest you read Anne Ohmans article about her special needs child before
you decide that unschooling "can't work" for your child.
What you're describing is not truly honoring him for who he is.
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
Tom & Sheila
Where can I find the article to which you refer? I'm new to homeschooling 2 "special needs" kids and am having some problems trying to embrace the wholehearted unschooling lifestyle espoused here since there does seem to be a need for structure that I don't think is just my need.
Sheila
Sheila
----- Original Message -----
From: starsuncloud@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, February 11, 2003 3:03 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] does unschooling work for everyone?
In a message dated 2/11/03 12:25:56 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< Some of us are raising various sorts of high-maintenance kids, and
they sometimes do need external structure because they aren't always
(and some of them never!) able to provide it for themselves. Some
kids need to be held and redirected in order to read an entire book
(or page). Some kids need lists of things to do to keep them from
obsessing on a single topic from waking to sleep. Some kids need to
be taught, step by step, year after year, how to make the simplest
decisions. >>
This whole attitude really bothers me.
I don't agree at all.....this list is about how everyone can get closer to
unschooling, pure unschooling.
I suggest you read Anne Ohmans article about her special needs child before
you decide that unschooling "can't work" for your child.
What you're describing is not truly honoring him for who he is.
Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."
----Frances Hodgson Burnett
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/11/2003 4:45:32 PM Eastern Standard Time,
fourplus@... writes:
There's an entire thread (or two) on special needs/autism/aspergers
Anne (AnneO) Ohman and Mary (Zenmomma) Gold and Lisa Bugg/Miriam have written
extensively about special needs and how UNschooling---the lifestyle---is the
best option for the child to be "himself" and not some form of being the
parent would like for him to be. Great reading.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
fourplus@... writes:
> Where can I find the article to which you refer? I'm new to homeschooling 2You can go to www.unschooling.com and check the message boards.
> "special needs" kids and am having some problems trying to embrace the
> wholehearted unschooling lifestyle espoused here since there does seem to
> be a need for structure that I don't think is just my need.
> Sheila
There's an entire thread (or two) on special needs/autism/aspergers
Anne (AnneO) Ohman and Mary (Zenmomma) Gold and Lisa Bugg/Miriam have written
extensively about special needs and how UNschooling---the lifestyle---is the
best option for the child to be "himself" and not some form of being the
parent would like for him to be. Great reading.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
the_clevengers <[email protected]>
> In a message dated 2/11/03 12:25:56 PM Central Standard Time,kids, and
> [email protected] writes:
>
> << Some of us are raising various sorts of high-maintenance
> they sometimes do need external structure because they aren'talways
> (and some of them never!) able to provide it for themselves.Some
> kids need to be held and redirected in order to read an entirebook
> (or page). Some kids need lists of things to do to keep themfrom
> obsessing on a single topic from waking to sleep. Some kidsneed to
> be taught, step by step, year after year, how to make thesimplest
> decisions. >>I think there are definitely kids for whom unschooling works
differently. I'm not sure I'd say that it doesn't work. My kid is
a "special needs" kid, having fairly severe SID (sensory integration
dysfunction), and there are a lot of things we've worked with him on
to deal with that, but we've tried to work within what he is
comfortable with, and talk with him about them so that nothing is
being done *to him*. For instance, while most kids just learn to do
simple motor skills like dress themselves, his motor planning is/was
so off that he just wasn't getting it. So, when he asks for help in
dressing, I give it to him, but I also explain what I'm doing in
words so that he can process it and figure out how to translate that
into bodily action. For instance, I might say "When you have to
balance to put on your jeans, you can sit on the edge of the bed or
bathtub." Before I mentioned that, he would literally try to stand
on one leg and then fall over, and he would just keep repeating
that, becoming frustrated that it didn't work. Is it
not "unschooling" that I have to give him more information to do a
task than most people need? My daughter just figures these things
out, my son seems to need to hear verbally how to do something. I
can't imagine withholding information from him that helps him.
Similarly, when we saw how many problems he was having in every day
life (like not being able to brush teeth, comb hair, go in places
that were too light or too noisy, walk on surfaces that were too
soft or too hard or too fuzzy, or whatever, wear almost any kind of
clothes or shoes, walk without tripping, sit on a chair without
falling off), we sat down and talked it over with him and suggested
going to OT (occupational therapy). We told him exactly what it was,
and how it might help him out. He really loved going to visit Molly,
his therapist, and play there. The therapy helped re-wire his brain
so that these things no longer bother him to the extreme that they
once did, allowing him to function in the world.
I do think that parenting him has given me a much greater
appreciation for how incredibly differently kids can learn. I can
see how there might be a point at which unschooling wouldn't work.
Who among us can put ourselves in the shoes of the parent of a non-
verbal autistic kid and say with certainty what we would or would
not do? Would trying to reach a child like that with therapy be not
considered unschooling, if the child could not verbally or
nonverbally communicate or give consent? I don't know. I can only
say that unschooling has worked for myself in our situation - that
we've found a way to honor the ways in which our child is different
while still trying to help him work through the ways that his
differentness made his life miserable and unworkable. And we always
strive to do that while honoring his own feelings and wishes for
what is happening with his body and mind.
Blue Skies,
-Robin-
zenmomma2kids <[email protected]>
Talk about serendipity....I was just logging back on to this list
after a long break and the first message I read has my name in it.
Guess it was just the right time for me to reconnect back here at
unschooling-dotcom. :o)
espoused here since there does seem to be a need for structure that I
don't think is just my need.>>
There was just a discussion on the message boards about the
difference between structure and routine. Most of us enjoy having
some sort of routine built in to our day. We get up, have a cup of
coffee, eat, play, read, work, whatever. That's much, much different
from having a contrived structure imposed on us. I think any child
will feel good in a loving family with a gentle, happy routine. Our
routines include time to watch TV, time to read (or be read to), time
to create, time to move, etc. It's not the same every day, but it has
a sense of flow and familiarity.
Do you mind if I ask what kind of special needs are you talking
about, Sheila?
the lifestyle---is the best option for the child to be "himself" and
not some form of being the parent would like for him to be.>>
The thing is, all we can ever be is ourselves. Think about that for a
minute, because it's really important. It's not our job to *fix* our
special needs kids. It's our job to understand them and help them to
understand themselves. It's our job to help them to learn and to *be*
in their own unique way. It's our job to let them follow their own
path as they mature into their grown selves.
If we allow our children to lead the way, to set the pace, they will
lead *us* on an adventure of learning, doing and being. I have
learned soooo much by being with my kids and working to understand
them.
Remember too, that the routines of a real life won't look like
school. It will look like life. And in the midst of living that life,
there will be learning. Guaranteed.
Life is good.
~Mary
after a long break and the first message I read has my name in it.
Guess it was just the right time for me to reconnect back here at
unschooling-dotcom. :o)
>>I'm new to homeschooling 2 "special needs" kids and am having someproblems trying to embrace the wholehearted unschooling lifestyle
espoused here since there does seem to be a need for structure that I
don't think is just my need.>>
There was just a discussion on the message boards about the
difference between structure and routine. Most of us enjoy having
some sort of routine built in to our day. We get up, have a cup of
coffee, eat, play, read, work, whatever. That's much, much different
from having a contrived structure imposed on us. I think any child
will feel good in a loving family with a gentle, happy routine. Our
routines include time to watch TV, time to read (or be read to), time
to create, time to move, etc. It's not the same every day, but it has
a sense of flow and familiarity.
Do you mind if I ask what kind of special needs are you talking
about, Sheila?
>>Anne (AnneO) Ohman and Mary (Zenmomma) Gold and Lisa Bugg/Miriamhave written extensively about special needs and how UNschooling---
the lifestyle---is the best option for the child to be "himself" and
not some form of being the parent would like for him to be.>>
The thing is, all we can ever be is ourselves. Think about that for a
minute, because it's really important. It's not our job to *fix* our
special needs kids. It's our job to understand them and help them to
understand themselves. It's our job to help them to learn and to *be*
in their own unique way. It's our job to let them follow their own
path as they mature into their grown selves.
If we allow our children to lead the way, to set the pace, they will
lead *us* on an adventure of learning, doing and being. I have
learned soooo much by being with my kids and working to understand
them.
Remember too, that the routines of a real life won't look like
school. It will look like life. And in the midst of living that life,
there will be learning. Guaranteed.
Life is good.
~Mary
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/12/2003 1:48:49 PM Eastern Standard Time,
zenmomma@... writes:
unschoolingdotcomedy!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
zenmomma@... writes:
> Talk about serendipity....I was just logging back on to this listAnd I, for one, have MISSED you a lot! Glad you're back at
> after a long break and the first message I read has my name in it.
> Guess it was just the right time for me to reconnect back here at
> unschooling-dotcom. :o)
unschoolingdotcomedy!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
zenmomma2kids <[email protected]>
>>I can see how there might be a point at which unschooling wouldn'twork.>>
But whole post has said that having your son home, letting him live
life at his own pace and on his own terms has helped him
immeasurably. That's unschooling. Even if a child needs therapies, it
doesn't mean they need to be in a school, or forced to do "lessons."
I see your point about kids that are so low-functioning or non-
communicative or unable to be reached. But I don't think we can
really put those kinds of truly disabling factors in with a discusion
of whether unschooling works. That's at such a far end of the
spectrum. If we put that caveat of "well under certain circumstances
it won't work", I think we leave a big, huge hole for parents to hide
in. Unschooling takes a certain amount of courage. :o)
>>I can only say that unschooling has worked for myself in oursituation - that we've found a way to honor the ways in which our
child is different while still trying to help him work through the
ways that his differentness made his life miserable and unworkable.
And we always strive to do that while honoring his own feelings and
wishes for what is happening with his body and mind.>>
This is just beautiful. Your son is lucky to have you. :o)
Life is good.
~Mary
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/12/03 12:28:32 PM, zenmomma@... writes:
<< I see your point about kids that are so low-functioning or non-
communicative or unable to be reached. But I don't think we can
really put those kinds of truly disabling factors in with a discusion
of whether unschooling works. That's at such a far end of the
spectrum. If we put that caveat of "well under certain circumstances
it won't work", I think we leave a big, huge hole for parents to hide
in. Unschooling takes a certain amount of courage. :o) >>
Yes.
If we're saying "Unschooling can and does work this way" and then someone
comes along saying
"HARUMPH! My child is blind and isn't going to learn braille just feeling
around the house.
And she HATES watching movies, and art books are worthless to her."
My response to that would be "Duh."
So we don't want to tear down what we DO know about natural learning by
saying "Exceptions disprove our rule."
The problem will come when someone wants to say ADD is an exception, or *"gi
ftedness"* is an exception.
Sandra
<< I see your point about kids that are so low-functioning or non-
communicative or unable to be reached. But I don't think we can
really put those kinds of truly disabling factors in with a discusion
of whether unschooling works. That's at such a far end of the
spectrum. If we put that caveat of "well under certain circumstances
it won't work", I think we leave a big, huge hole for parents to hide
in. Unschooling takes a certain amount of courage. :o) >>
Yes.
If we're saying "Unschooling can and does work this way" and then someone
comes along saying
"HARUMPH! My child is blind and isn't going to learn braille just feeling
around the house.
And she HATES watching movies, and art books are worthless to her."
My response to that would be "Duh."
So we don't want to tear down what we DO know about natural learning by
saying "Exceptions disprove our rule."
The problem will come when someone wants to say ADD is an exception, or *"gi
ftedness"* is an exception.
Sandra
Tom & Sheila
My kids came to us as foster children. After three years of seesawing between their bio parents and our home, they became our adopted children. Our older son is 14 and came to us just before his 8th birthday. He had been with parents who were in an extremely dysfunctional relationship and who abused both drugs and alcohol. His younger brother was born cocaine exposed which is what brought them into the child welfare system.
The abuse and neglect which my older son experienced, as well as prenatal alcohol exposure, has left him very emotionally damaged and with very hard to categorize but increasingly recognizable brain damage. He is also 14! He has a whole line of alphabet diagnoses(FAS,ADHD, PTSD, Depression, Obsessive/compulsive tendencies as well as sexual abuse) which aren't very helpful in explaining this complicated soul who lives in our house but resists being part of our home. We continue to try to have him realize that he is part of a family where he is loved and protected. Unfortunately, he has many understandable barriers to such realization. Formal school institutions, both public and private, with specialized IEPs and within the mainstream, just didn't want him. Our younger son (his brother) came to us at 4 months. He has been diagnosed as ARND (Alcohol Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder) but does not have the behavior/social problems of his older brother. We kept him home after K for many reasons but mostly in order to prevent the devastating effect on his self esteem which happend to his brother in a system which did not have the time or resources to address his particular problems. We took our older son out after this past Christmas when it became apparent that the IEP was a joke and that he was just tuning out/dropping out when he was not involved in behavioral episodes.
I had naturally evolved to a more relaxed approach to homeschooling with my younger son just because it felt right. Now that our older son is home, I'm not quite sure what to do. There is so much sibling rivalry despite the difference in their ages since Michael, our older son, is often more developmentally close to 6 years old, that it is difficult to leave the two boys in the same room. Michael is also still caught up in "getting the right answer" that it is difficult to enjoy anything. He makes everything a competition. My younger son wants me to play a game with him right now (and we also have a 3 year old foster daughter who needs attention) so I find it very difficult to keep up on this board but I want the wisdom of your experiences!
I also have problems re: TV and computer with our boys. Maybe I'm wrong but they both seem much less "humanly" attached after time in front of screens and with button-pushing (my bias is showing but it's true). My husband and I have theorized that it is an easier world for them to navigate than the complex one of human relationships. For kids with attachment problems (substitute alcohol damage), I think these things are lethal. Michael wants friends and does not know how to get or keep them. Relating to a machine only seems to make it harder for him. I'm trying to accept who he is but it is difficult when he has such low self-esteem and is often very unlikable.
Help,
Sheila
The abuse and neglect which my older son experienced, as well as prenatal alcohol exposure, has left him very emotionally damaged and with very hard to categorize but increasingly recognizable brain damage. He is also 14! He has a whole line of alphabet diagnoses(FAS,ADHD, PTSD, Depression, Obsessive/compulsive tendencies as well as sexual abuse) which aren't very helpful in explaining this complicated soul who lives in our house but resists being part of our home. We continue to try to have him realize that he is part of a family where he is loved and protected. Unfortunately, he has many understandable barriers to such realization. Formal school institutions, both public and private, with specialized IEPs and within the mainstream, just didn't want him. Our younger son (his brother) came to us at 4 months. He has been diagnosed as ARND (Alcohol Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder) but does not have the behavior/social problems of his older brother. We kept him home after K for many reasons but mostly in order to prevent the devastating effect on his self esteem which happend to his brother in a system which did not have the time or resources to address his particular problems. We took our older son out after this past Christmas when it became apparent that the IEP was a joke and that he was just tuning out/dropping out when he was not involved in behavioral episodes.
I had naturally evolved to a more relaxed approach to homeschooling with my younger son just because it felt right. Now that our older son is home, I'm not quite sure what to do. There is so much sibling rivalry despite the difference in their ages since Michael, our older son, is often more developmentally close to 6 years old, that it is difficult to leave the two boys in the same room. Michael is also still caught up in "getting the right answer" that it is difficult to enjoy anything. He makes everything a competition. My younger son wants me to play a game with him right now (and we also have a 3 year old foster daughter who needs attention) so I find it very difficult to keep up on this board but I want the wisdom of your experiences!
I also have problems re: TV and computer with our boys. Maybe I'm wrong but they both seem much less "humanly" attached after time in front of screens and with button-pushing (my bias is showing but it's true). My husband and I have theorized that it is an easier world for them to navigate than the complex one of human relationships. For kids with attachment problems (substitute alcohol damage), I think these things are lethal. Michael wants friends and does not know how to get or keep them. Relating to a machine only seems to make it harder for him. I'm trying to accept who he is but it is difficult when he has such low self-esteem and is often very unlikable.
Help,
Sheila
----- Original Message -----
From: zenmomma2kids <zenmomma@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, February 12, 2003 12:47 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: does unschooling work for everyone?
Talk about serendipity....I was just logging back on to this list
after a long break and the first message I read has my name in it.
Guess it was just the right time for me to reconnect back here at
unschooling-dotcom. :o)
>>I'm new to homeschooling 2 "special needs" kids and am having some
problems trying to embrace the wholehearted unschooling lifestyle
espoused here since there does seem to be a need for structure that I
don't think is just my need.>>
There was just a discussion on the message boards about the
difference between structure and routine. Most of us enjoy having
some sort of routine built in to our day. We get up, have a cup of
coffee, eat, play, read, work, whatever. That's much, much different
from having a contrived structure imposed on us. I think any child
will feel good in a loving family with a gentle, happy routine. Our
routines include time to watch TV, time to read (or be read to), time
to create, time to move, etc. It's not the same every day, but it has
a sense of flow and familiarity.
Do you mind if I ask what kind of special needs are you talking
about, Sheila?
>>Anne (AnneO) Ohman and Mary (Zenmomma) Gold and Lisa Bugg/Miriam
have written extensively about special needs and how UNschooling---
the lifestyle---is the best option for the child to be "himself" and
not some form of being the parent would like for him to be.>>
The thing is, all we can ever be is ourselves. Think about that for a
minute, because it's really important. It's not our job to *fix* our
special needs kids. It's our job to understand them and help them to
understand themselves. It's our job to help them to learn and to *be*
in their own unique way. It's our job to let them follow their own
path as they mature into their grown selves.
If we allow our children to lead the way, to set the pace, they will
lead *us* on an adventure of learning, doing and being. I have
learned soooo much by being with my kids and working to understand
them.
Remember too, that the routines of a real life won't look like
school. It will look like life. And in the midst of living that life,
there will be learning. Guaranteed.
Life is good.
~Mary
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cathy Hilde
Mary,
These are sweet words to my eyes. My oldest was born with down syndrome. He
has been home for 2 years now and this is the kind of mantra I mutter to
myself each day. He is so happy and learning so many things. I just loved
seeing the things I believe in writing coming from someone else.
Thanks!
Cathy
There was just a discussion on the message boards about the
difference between structure and routine. Most of us enjoy having
some sort of routine built in to our day. We get up, have a cup of
coffee, eat, play, read, work, whatever. That's much, much different
from having a contrived structure imposed on us. I think any child
will feel good in a loving family with a gentle, happy routine. Our
routines include time to watch TV, time to read (or be read to), time
to create, time to move, etc. It's not the same every day, but it has
a sense of flow and familiarity.
Do you mind if I ask what kind of special needs are you talking
about, Sheila?
the lifestyle---is the best option for the child to be "himself" and
not some form of being the parent would like for him to be.>>
The thing is, all we can ever be is ourselves. Think about that for a
minute, because it's really important. It's not our job to *fix* our
special needs kids. It's our job to understand them and help them to
understand themselves. It's our job to help them to learn and to *be*
in their own unique way. It's our job to let them follow their own
path as they mature into their grown selves.
If we allow our children to lead the way, to set the pace, they will
lead *us* on an adventure of learning, doing and being. I have
learned soooo much by being with my kids and working to understand
them.
Remember too, that the routines of a real life won't look like
school. It will look like life. And in the midst of living that life,
there will be learning. Guaranteed.
Life is good.
~Mary
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an
email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
These are sweet words to my eyes. My oldest was born with down syndrome. He
has been home for 2 years now and this is the kind of mantra I mutter to
myself each day. He is so happy and learning so many things. I just loved
seeing the things I believe in writing coming from someone else.
Thanks!
Cathy
There was just a discussion on the message boards about the
difference between structure and routine. Most of us enjoy having
some sort of routine built in to our day. We get up, have a cup of
coffee, eat, play, read, work, whatever. That's much, much different
from having a contrived structure imposed on us. I think any child
will feel good in a loving family with a gentle, happy routine. Our
routines include time to watch TV, time to read (or be read to), time
to create, time to move, etc. It's not the same every day, but it has
a sense of flow and familiarity.
Do you mind if I ask what kind of special needs are you talking
about, Sheila?
>>Anne (AnneO) Ohman and Mary (Zenmomma) Gold and Lisa Bugg/Miriamhave written extensively about special needs and how UNschooling---
the lifestyle---is the best option for the child to be "himself" and
not some form of being the parent would like for him to be.>>
The thing is, all we can ever be is ourselves. Think about that for a
minute, because it's really important. It's not our job to *fix* our
special needs kids. It's our job to understand them and help them to
understand themselves. It's our job to help them to learn and to *be*
in their own unique way. It's our job to let them follow their own
path as they mature into their grown selves.
If we allow our children to lead the way, to set the pace, they will
lead *us* on an adventure of learning, doing and being. I have
learned soooo much by being with my kids and working to understand
them.
Remember too, that the routines of a real life won't look like
school. It will look like life. And in the midst of living that life,
there will be learning. Guaranteed.
Life is good.
~Mary
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
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Kelli Traaseth
Yes, Mary! Glad you're back.
We've missed you!
This Kelli too!
kbcdlovejo@... wrote:In a message dated 2/12/2003 1:48:49 PM Eastern Standard Time,
zenmomma@... writes:
unschoolingdotcomedy!
~Kelly
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We've missed you!
This Kelli too!
kbcdlovejo@... wrote:In a message dated 2/12/2003 1:48:49 PM Eastern Standard Time,
zenmomma@... writes:
> Talk about serendipity....I was just logging back on to this listAnd I, for one, have MISSED you a lot! Glad you're back at
> after a long break and the first message I read has my name in it.
> Guess it was just the right time for me to reconnect back here at
> unschooling-dotcom. :o)
unschoolingdotcomedy!
~Kelly
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
zenmomma *
>>The abuse and neglect which my older son experienced, as well as prenatalWow Sheila, you are really dealing with so much. I have so much respect for
>>alcohol exposure, has left him very emotionally damaged and with very hard
>>to categorize but increasingly recognizable brain damage. He is also 14!
>>He has a whole line of alphabet diagnoses(FAS,ADHD, PTSD, Depression,
>>Obsessive/compulsive tendencies as well as sexual abuse) which aren't very
>>helpful in explaining this complicated soul who lives in our house but
>>resists being part of our home.>>
what you are giving to your children. My situation is much milder than
yours. But still, I believe that school and any kind of school structure
should be the least of your worries. In fact I don't think you should give
it another thought. Your son needs to heal. He needs help with emotional and
physical damage he has been left with. He doesn't need to deal with negative
school pressures. He doesn't need one more piece of stress piled on his
plate. He doesn't need to "master" his studies before he's 18. He needs a
break. And you know that. That's why you're here asking these questions.
>>I had naturally evolved to a more relaxed approach to homeschooling withmy younger son just because it felt right. Now that our older son is home,
I'm not quite sure what to do.>>
Love them. Let them know that you're glad they're home with you. Go see a
movie. Go skating or skiiing or for a long walk. Feed them hearty, filling
meals. Bring home books on tape and MAD magazine. Reconnect.
>>Michael is also still caught up in "getting the right answer" that it isSounds like he needs a big long time to deschool. If he needs the
>>difficult to enjoy anything. He makes everything a competition.>>
competitive edge, maybe have an ice cream eating contest. Or watermelon seed
spitting. Or armpit farts. ;-) You get the picture, keep it light and NOT
about schooly stuff.
>>I also have problems re: TV and computer with our boys. Maybe I'm wrongWhat happens when you sit and play with them?
>>but they both seem much less "humanly" attached after time in front of
>>screens and with button-pushing (my bias is showing but it's true). My
>>husband and I have theorized that it is an easier world for them to
>>navigate than the complex one of human relationships.>>
>>I'm trying to accept who he is but it is difficult when he has such lowKind of like hugging a cactus sometimes I'll bet. It sounds like Who He Is
>>self-esteem and is often very unlikable.>>
is a boy who needs help right now. Who He Is is buried under layers of abuse
and neglect. Now he has to climb out of that hole and find his own true
self. You're giving him so much. He needs what you have to give him.
Life is good, but sometimes hard.
~Mary
_________________________________________________________________
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Tom & Sheila
Thank you.
Sheila
Sheila
----- Original Message -----
From: zenmomma *
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, February 12, 2003 9:17 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: does unschooling work for everyone?
>>The abuse and neglect which my older son experienced, as well as prenatal
>>alcohol exposure, has left him very emotionally damaged and with very hard
>>to categorize but increasingly recognizable brain damage. He is also 14!
>>He has a whole line of alphabet diagnoses(FAS,ADHD, PTSD, Depression,
>>Obsessive/compulsive tendencies as well as sexual abuse) which aren't very
>>helpful in explaining this complicated soul who lives in our house but
>>resists being part of our home.>>
Wow Sheila, you are really dealing with so much. I have so much respect for
what you are giving to your children. My situation is much milder than
yours. But still, I believe that school and any kind of school structure
should be the least of your worries. In fact I don't think you should give
it another thought. Your son needs to heal. He needs help with emotional and
physical damage he has been left with. He doesn't need to deal with negative
school pressures. He doesn't need one more piece of stress piled on his
plate. He doesn't need to "master" his studies before he's 18. He needs a
break. And you know that. That's why you're here asking these questions.
>>I had naturally evolved to a more relaxed approach to homeschooling with
my younger son just because it felt right. Now that our older son is home,
I'm not quite sure what to do.>>
Love them. Let them know that you're glad they're home with you. Go see a
movie. Go skating or skiiing or for a long walk. Feed them hearty, filling
meals. Bring home books on tape and MAD magazine. Reconnect.
>>Michael is also still caught up in "getting the right answer" that it is
>>difficult to enjoy anything. He makes everything a competition.>>
Sounds like he needs a big long time to deschool. If he needs the
competitive edge, maybe have an ice cream eating contest. Or watermelon seed
spitting. Or armpit farts. ;-) You get the picture, keep it light and NOT
about schooly stuff.
>>I also have problems re: TV and computer with our boys. Maybe I'm wrong
>>but they both seem much less "humanly" attached after time in front of
>>screens and with button-pushing (my bias is showing but it's true). My
>>husband and I have theorized that it is an easier world for them to
>>navigate than the complex one of human relationships.>>
What happens when you sit and play with them?
>>I'm trying to accept who he is but it is difficult when he has such low
>>self-esteem and is often very unlikable.>>
Kind of like hugging a cactus sometimes I'll bet. It sounds like Who He Is
is a boy who needs help right now. Who He Is is buried under layers of abuse
and neglect. Now he has to climb out of that hole and find his own true
self. You're giving him so much. He needs what you have to give him.
Life is good, but sometimes hard.
~Mary
_________________________________________________________________
Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online
http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Stephanie Elms
> In a message dated 2/12/2003 1:48:49 PM Eastern Standard Time,Add me to this list, even though you have no idea who I am LOL! I joined earlier
> zenmomma@... writes:
> > Talk about serendipity....I was just logging back on to this list
> > after a long break and the first message I read has my name in it.
> > Guess it was just the right time for me to reconnect back here at
> > unschooling-dotcom. :o)
>
> And I, for one, have MISSED you a lot! Glad you're back at
> unschoolingdotcomedy!
and loved reading your posts here and on the boards, but only recently de-lurked
and introduced myself here.
Glad you decided to come back!
Stephanie E.
zenmomma *
>Add me to this list, even though you have no idea who I am LOL! I joinedNice to meet you Stephanie. :o) Thanks to all who gave me such a warm
>earlier
>and loved reading your posts here and on the boards, but only recently
>de-lurked
>and introduced myself here.
>
>Glad you decided to come back!
>
>Stephanie E.
welcome back. It feels right to be here.
Life is good.
~Mary
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