[email protected]

Just wanted to thank you all for your replies and feedback. I
especially want to thank Robin -- your idea about the letter is great
and I think I will write one. My mom has said a few things to me that
are a bit unnerving for me -- things that are about my choices and
lifestyle. I tried to tell her "some times we do need your help with
things and sometimes we just have different ideas." she took that
personal and thinks we don't want her involoved in our lives. I want
her in my life but don't need this type of "involvement" from anyone.
(well...except you people! LOL)

I know I know ..it isn't her business. But for some reason since it
comes from her it really bothers me. I don't feel I come off like my
way of living is better than her way of living but it IS better FOR ME.
Why do people get so angry if you don't live "their " way?? Anyone
else have someone like this??

UUGGHHH! Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better now. tt's
wonderful to have a whole crew of open minded folks to talk to!
Sharon :)

Kelli Traaseth

**Anyone
else have someone like this??**


Sharon,

My mom is very similar, she is taking my unschooling choices personally. I think she feels like since I'm doing something different her choices were wrong. I've never told her this but she gets very moody and defensive if I try and talk to her about our life.

She will say, I trust you, I know you're doing what you think is right, so I guess that's better than nothing. But then sometimes she gets pretty sick of me being so different from everyone else and throws up her arms and says that she can't figure out where I came from, nice, huh?

It is difficult sometimes being the martian. I feel its good, but still difficult sometimes.

Kelli




sharonashleigh@... wrote:Just wanted to thank you all for your replies and feedback. I
especially want to thank Robin -- your idea about the letter is great
and I think I will write one. My mom has said a few things to me that
are a bit unnerving for me -- things that are about my choices and
lifestyle. I tried to tell her "some times we do need your help with
things and sometimes we just have different ideas." she took that
personal and thinks we don't want her involoved in our lives. I want
her in my life but don't need this type of "involvement" from anyone.
(well...except you people! LOL)

I know I know ..it isn't her business. But for some reason since it
comes from her it really bothers me. I don't feel I come off like my
way of living is better than her way of living but it IS better FOR ME.
Why do people get so angry if you don't live "their " way?? Anyone
else have someone like this??

UUGGHHH! Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better now. tt's
wonderful to have a whole crew of open minded folks to talk to!
Sharon :)


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Peggy

> I know I know ..it isn't her business. But for some reason since it
> comes from her it really bothers me. I don't feel I come off like my
> way of living is better than her way of living but it IS better FOR ME.
> Why do people get so angry if you don't live "their " way?? Anyone
> else have someone like this??

Did she cut your hair when you were a child and you didn't want her to?

They don't get upset unless it isn't really about hair. It is about
control. As Joyce so eloquently writes, a family where ideas and
opinions are openly expressed and discussed and have always been openly
discussed and expressed and encouraged is a very different environment
than most of us experienced with the authority figures in our lives.
When change comes, and it comes to all eventually, if the habits of a
lifetime have been control instead of communication, then family life
can become a mine field of miscommunication and hurt feelings.

In the eighties we had trickle-down economics - Reagan told everyone
that what was good for the top 4% of the country, the ones who control
most of the wealth, would trickle down and bring good things to those
below. It didn't work.

Many parents use the same kind of logic and will tell even their grown
children, who are protesting, that what is good for the parent *is* good
for the child. And if the grown child protests, well, then there's a
whole new generation of grandchildren to feel powerful over.

Peggy

the_clevengers <[email protected]>

--- In [email protected], sharonashleigh@w... wrote:
> Just wanted to thank you all for your replies and feedback. I
> especially want to thank Robin -- your idea about the letter is
great
> and I think I will write one.

Thanks, I'm glad it was helpful.

> I know I know ..it isn't her business. But for some reason since it
> comes from her it really bothers me. I don't feel I come off like
my
> way of living is better than her way of living but it IS better FOR
ME.
> Why do people get so angry if you don't live "their " way?? Anyone
> else have someone like this??

Most of our society is all about control. It scares people when they
can't control someone else. Our societal language reflects that. Ever
hear someone referred to as being "Totally out of control"?? It's
*not* considered a compliment!

I know for my folks, they were so much less controlling than their
own parents (and society) were to them. Heck, when my mom was growing
up, girls weren't allowed to wear pants to school. She was under *so
much* more control when she was a child, and she bucked that to a
huge extent in raising us. We're just continuing the trend. But it's
so hard for people to let go of. It's just something we all have to
deal with, in small and very large global ways. The country I live in
is about to go into a war that is all about control. Now I'm not
meaning to start any kind of big political discussion, just pointing
out that control issues are micro and macro in our society. It's
everywhere. So we can't expect it to go away, just to deal with it
and do what we can within ourselves and our own households.

Blue Skies,
-Robin-

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/7/2003 2:34:52 AM Eastern Standard Time,
diamondair@... writes:


> . Heck, when my mom was growing
> up, girls weren't allowed to wear pants to school.

Neither was I! Girls weren't allowed to wear pants until I was a junior in
high school! I'm 42.

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

> I know for my folks, they were so much less controlling than their
> own parents (and society) were to them. Heck, when my mom was growing
> up, girls weren't allowed to wear pants to school.

When *I* was growing up, girls weren't allowed to wear pants to school.
Tia

nellebelle

I'm 44. We were allowed to wear Pant Suits (top and jacket had to be same
fabric) in 7th grade. Any pants except jeans in 8th. By 9th, they were
saying, we don't care what you wear, just please show up.

Also, any length hair became OK for boys. Just a few years earlier my older
brother was sent home for hair touching his collar. Dh bought himself a
short hair wig to wear to work around '73.

Mary Ellen

----- Original Message ----- Girls weren't allowed to wear pants until I
was a junior in
> high school! I'm 42.

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/7/2003 12:24:52 PM Eastern Standard Time,
nellebelle@... writes:


I'm 44. We were allowed to wear Pant Suits (top and jacket had to be same
> fabric) in 7th grade. Any pants except jeans in 8th.

Yeah, jeans were NEVER OK. As a junior we could wear "slacks". Khakis were
big.

By 9th, they were
> saying, we don't care what you wear, just please show up.

Not here---Nobody I knew EVER cut school without an excuse---but there were
only 19 in my graduating class (just over 500 in 3K-12th!)---so everybody
knew your business (whether you were sick or out of town or whatever)!

> Also, any length hair became OK for boys. Just a few years earlier my older
> brother was sent home for hair touching his collar.

Standard reason to be sent home. Long-necked boys had it better than the
short-necked! <G>

Dh bought himself a
> short hair wig to wear to work around '73.

CLEVER!

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]