Kelle Kjeer

My questions regarding the types of viewing were put forth honestly. I wanted to know at what point one does set limits. Visual images can be immensely disturbing for a very long time, which I know from experience. I accidentally saw part of a movie several years ago that I wish I could erase from memory. It was violent, it was pornographic (in my opinion, maybe not everyone's), and although I immediately left the room, the image has stayed with me and I wish it wouldn't! The thing about t.v., then, is that even though a child may turn off something objectionable to them, they may have already seen enough of it to disturb them for a long time.

We had very limited television when I grew up. I have always considered it a good choice on my parent's part. It was never the "forbidden fruit"; when I grew older I watched as much as I wanted, which turned out to be little. It probably does depend on personality, but I wonder if instilling a love of books first, then allowing more television later (when kids are older), contributes to indifference.

<<The extreme examples are given in a reactionary and
challenging way, kind of as an insult to those who "claim" to give their
children freedoms. It does get tiring, but it's worth explaining again,>>

Sorry you read them this way. I'll reserve further comment until I get a handle on the way things are done around here.

Thanks,

Kelle



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Fetteroll

on 2/5/03 9:23 AM, Kelle Kjeer at kelle@... wrote:

> Visual images can be immensely disturbing for a very long time, which I know
> from experience.

It depends on the person. Which is not to say that one or more of your
children aren't especially sensitive to visual images. Only that it
shouldn't be assumed that they are. We should decide based who each child
is, not base our decisions for each child on ourselves and our
sensitivities.

> The thing about t.v., then, is that even though a child may turn off something
> objectionable to them, they may have already seen enough of it to disturb them
> for a long time.

It also depends on the environment. We can't protect them from everything
but we can avoid bringing in things we already know *they* don't like to
see.

It's a shift in mind set. It's shifting from protecting them from things
that might harm them to avoiding things they don't like.

And they aren't likely to like the things that harm them, are they? But they
*might* like the things we *think* might harm them.

> We had very limited television when I grew up. I have always considered it a
> good choice on my parent's part. It was never the "forbidden fruit"; when I
> grew older I watched as much as I wanted, which turned out to be little. It
> probably does depend on personality, but I wonder if instilling a love of
> books first, then allowing more television later (when kids are older),
> contributes to indifference.

I *loved* TV as a kid. I don't recall any restrictions. I can't remember
more than a handful of remarks to go outside and do something.

But I was also an avid reader. I often read in front of the TV.

Plato (or one of the Big 3 ancient philosophers) supposedly decried the use
of books because then kids wouldn't have to memorize things anymore. Which
was based on what?

> Sorry you read them this way. I'll reserve further comment until I get a
> handle on the way things are done around here.

Why do people give extreme examples? She isn't saying you did only to think
about why it's used as a tactic in trying to make a point. In the face of
people who are successfully and without dire consequences doing what we fear
to do, why do we cling to extreme examples? There are thousands of people
riding motorcycles and yet the bad outcomes that make our fears feel
justified get undue weight. We don't give that same weight to the far more
numerous automobile accidents because we *want* to drive a car.

We too often make decisions based on fear. We fear something will happen
therefore we take steps to avoid it. It just seems to be "better safe than
sorry." And we cling to extreme examples without understanding why they
occured or even *if* they occured because we want to feel we've done what we
could to protect ourselves from the things that we fear.

Maybe it's because we're not used to being able to think things through.
We've been handed the "right" answers our whole lives in school and at home.
So life seems like a bunch of rules to be memorized. When we go beyond the
rules, life seems like a crap shoot and we just pick the answer that seems
best.

But we can through discussion find out why the "right" answers are right.
And why sometimes the "right" answers are picked just because people fear
what might happen.

Joyce

Liz Pomeroy

Hey Kelle,

Don't feel bad. I personally agree with you that TV should be limited in
those early years. My two are now 12 & 13 & I don't have to limit their
watching as they have better things to do. Now don't get me wrong, TV can be
very educational but it can also have a negative effect. I grew up without a
TV & really believe that I missed out alot on History - world events etc but
in other ways it was good as I learnt how to occupy my time.

When my two were little I did restrict TV & was very careful what they
watched, keeping full control of the remote. They were never allowed to just
switch it on when they felt like it. I don't believe this was detrimmental
to them. In fact I believe I was being a wise parent & protecting their
young minds from things they didn't need to be seeing at that age. And yes,
by doing this they had to find other ways to occupy their time i.e reading,
playing together just to name a couple.

This is just my opinion, each of us is responsible for our own kids & answer
for how they turn out. YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU & what you feel
happy with. For eg I know there are many families out there who leave the TV
on all day. I absolutely abhor that, it drives me nuts, therefore our TV is
only on when we are watching it & that's what's right for us.

Have a good one,

Liz
-----Original Message-----
From: Kelle Kjeer [mailto:kelle@...]
Sent: Wednesday, February 05, 2003 9:24 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] TV, was Re: Is Unschooling
ATransformation?


My questions regarding the types of viewing were put forth honestly. I
wanted to know at what point one does set limits. Visual images can be
immensely disturbing for a very long time, which I know from experience. I
accidentally saw part of a movie several years ago that I wish I could erase
from memory. It was violent, it was pornographic (in my opinion, maybe not
everyone's), and although I immediately left the room, the image has stayed
with me and I wish it wouldn't! The thing about t.v., then, is that even
though a child may turn off something objectionable to them, they may have
already seen enough of it to disturb them for a long time.

We had very limited television when I grew up. I have always considered
it a good choice on my parent's part. It was never the "forbidden fruit";
when I grew older I watched as much as I wanted, which turned out to be
little. It probably does depend on personality, but I wonder if instilling
a love of books first, then allowing more television later (when kids are
older), contributes to indifference.

<<The extreme examples are given in a reactionary and
challenging way, kind of as an insult to those who "claim" to give their
children freedoms. It does get tiring, but it's worth explaining
again,>>

Sorry you read them this way. I'll reserve further comment until I get a
handle on the way things are done around here.

Thanks,

Kelle



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Fetteroll

on 2/5/03 10:20 AM, Liz Pomeroy at liz_pomeroy@... wrote:

> Now don't get me wrong, TV can be
> very educational but it can also have a negative effect.

Based on what?

There are people here who have unrestricted TV and they aren't noticing the
effects.

Joyce

Fetteroll

on 2/5/03 10:20 AM, Liz Pomeroy at liz_pomeroy@... wrote:

> When my two were little I did restrict TV & was very careful what they
> watched, keeping full control of the remote. They were never allowed to just
> switch it on when they felt like it. I don't believe this was detrimmental
> to them. In fact I believe I was being a wise parent & protecting their
> young minds from things they didn't need to be seeing at that age. And yes,
> by doing this they had to find other ways to occupy their time i.e reading,
> playing together just to name a couple.

Any my daughter has always been about to turn it on and flip through any
channels she wanted. She found the ones she likes. She said she hasn't seen
anything she didn't want to.

She spends a great deal of her time drawing and writing. She doesn't feel TV
limits her and in fact she says TV "definitly inspires my writing and
drawing."

> I absolutely abhor that, it drives me nuts, therefore our TV is
> only on when we are watching it & that's what's right for us.

Is that what your children decided was right for them or what you decided
for them? So it really isn't a matter of what is right for "us" so much as
what is right for you.

Joyce

Liz Pomeroy

As I said, it's up to each individual, or should I say family & that was &
still is my personal opinion. Young children, I believe, need to be guided &
for me part of that guidance was having control over the TV that they
watched.
-----Original Message-----
From: Fetteroll [mailto:fetteroll@...]
Sent: Wednesday, February 05, 2003 10:40 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] TV, was Re: Is
UnschoolingATransformation?


on 2/5/03 10:20 AM, Liz Pomeroy at liz_pomeroy@... wrote:

> Now don't get me wrong, TV can be
> very educational but it can also have a negative effect.

Based on what?

There are people here who have unrestricted TV and they aren't noticing
the
effects.

Joyce


~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

I
> And yes,
> > by doing this they had to find other ways to occupy their time i.e
> reading,
> > playing together just to name a couple.
>

"HAD TO" being the painful words. Mine read and play because they WANT TO.

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/5/2003 10:56:30 AM Eastern Standard Time,
liz_pomeroy@... writes:
> As I said, it's up to each individual, or should I say family & that was &
> still is my personal opinion.

Or rather, in your opinion, it's up to each "parent".

Young children, I believe, need to be guided &
> for me part of that guidance was having control over the TV that they
> watched.

The UNschooling thing may be a little harder for you to grasp then.

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

I have to also comment on the restricting, even if it is just a little restricting. I used to do alot of restricting and have now stopped, my kids are just fine, no sitting in front of the TV for hours or anything.

But I think what really got the idea through to me was that we don't know what will be the route of learning for our children, or how exactly they will learn.

I was never ever going to own a video system. I also hate violence. I used to equate the two. But what about my son who loves video games and computers, he's very mechanical and his mind works in strategic ways, so he loves games and he loves action movies. I don't really enjoy them, but does that mean he shouldn't be able to watch them? Yes there might be some violence in them, but that doesn't make him violent.

He'll probably end up working with computers or engineering or building things or what ever; who knows what it can lead to. But if he didn't have those mediums to learn he would really be limited, he would possibly find something to do or maybe kind-of enjoy. Who knows how long he would enjoy it. But most likely it would be something that I would have felt he should be doing. Not what he wanted to be doing. There is where lies the difference.

He would have been limited to my likes and he may have ended up in a hazey type of existence. Asking himself--what do I really like?

It takes alot of open minded considering, whether we want our kids to grow up how we want them to be or how they want themselves to be. I vote with them becoming who they want to be!

Kelli




Fetteroll <fetteroll@...> wrote:on 2/5/03 10:20 AM, Liz Pomeroy at liz_pomeroy@... wrote:

> When my two were little I did restrict TV & was very careful what they
> watched, keeping full control of the remote. They were never allowed to just
> switch it on when they felt like it. I don't believe this was detrimmental
> to them. In fact I believe I was being a wise parent & protecting their
> young minds from things they didn't need to be seeing at that age. And yes,
> by doing this they had to find other ways to occupy their time i.e reading,
> playing together just to name a couple.

Any my daughter has always been about to turn it on and flip through any
channels she wanted. She found the ones she likes. She said she hasn't seen
anything she didn't want to.

She spends a great deal of her time drawing and writing. She doesn't feel TV
limits her and in fact she says TV "definitly inspires my writing and
drawing."

> I absolutely abhor that, it drives me nuts, therefore our TV is
> only on when we are watching it & that's what's right for us.

Is that what your children decided was right for them or what you decided
for them? So it really isn't a matter of what is right for "us" so much as
what is right for you.

Joyce


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William Wordsworth


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

Liz Pomeroy <liz_pomeroy@...> wrote:
As I said, it's up to each individual, or should I say family & that was &
still is my personal opinion. Young children, I believe, need to be guided &
for me part of that guidance was having control over the TV that they
watched.



But will that lead to successful unschooling?

And isn't that what we are trying to find out?

Kelli







Come forth into the light of things, let Nature be your teacher.
William Wordsworth


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Liz Pomeroy <liz_pomeroy@...> wrote:
As I said, it's up to each individual, or should I say family &that was &
still is my personal opinion. Young children, I believe, need to be guided &
for me part of that guidance was having control over the TV that they
watched.

If it is up to the individual or family then how are your children involved
in that. It seems to me that what you mean is: it is up to you or the
adults, the children (as part of the family) have no say. Therefore it isn't
up to the family as a unit.
Pam G.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Shyrley

Liz Pomeroy wrote:

> As I said, it's up to each individual, or should I say family & that was &
> still is my personal opinion. Young children, I believe, need to be guided &
> for me part of that guidance was having control over the TV that they
> watched.
>

There's a big difference between guidance and control. Guidance for me means expressing my opinion but allowing the children to make their own decisions. In the same way an adult friend will guide me in
learning train for a 100 mile cycle but I can still do my own thing. She is telling me what works but I have choices.

Having control over someone is not 'guidance' to me.

Shyrley

Shyrley

kbcdlovejo@... wrote:

> I
> > And yes,
> > > by doing this they had to find other ways to occupy their time i.e
> > reading,
> > > playing together just to name a couple.
> >
>
> "HAD TO" being the painful words. Mine read and play because they WANT TO.
>
> ~Kelly
>

An example here. My kids have unlimited access to TV, computer and Play Station. They may chose to do either, any time, all day etc etc. Whatever they want. The TV hasn't been on for 3 days (apart from
DH watching Amrican Idol last night). Yesterday they played about an hour of Baldur's Gate on the computer. The rest of the time they have been reading, looking up NASA on the net and playing games with
a cardboard box.

Even with unlimited TV they haven't watched it. Back when I used to limit it, it made the TV 'special' so they would bug me to watch it. Same with the computer. Limiting led to addiction and tantrums
and unpleasantness over 'turns'. All that is gone and yet none of them have become TV or computer-holics.

Shyrley

Fetteroll

on 2/5/03 10:52 AM, Liz Pomeroy at liz_pomeroy@... wrote:

> As I said, it's up to each individual, or should I say family & that was &
> still is my personal opinion. Young children, I believe, need to be guided &
> for me part of that guidance was having control over the TV that they
> watched.

Anything suggested on a discussion list is up for discussion. And the
respectful treatment of children is a *big* foundation to base discussion on
here.

"My opinion" doesn't get to what you're basing your decision on. There's no
basis on which to examine any practices that are based on "opinion". I
brought up a number of points -- real life examples that show the dire
consequences that are feared did not happen -- that suggest that what you
are basing your decision on are falacies and fears. You haven't refuted
those points just fallen back on "my personal opinion".

It is many people's opinion that children should be spanked when they
disobey. Just because it's their opinion, does that make it okay? Right for
their family? The best they could be doing?

It is many people's opinion that children must go to school in order to
learn. And what do they base that opinion on? Do they have knowledge of kids
who haven't gone to school? Or are they basing it on what everyone else
thinks?

Most people base their opinions on very little thought and fall back on
"that's my opinion" in order to stop the discussion.

Joyce

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/5/2003 2:27:42 PM Eastern Standard Time,
shyrley.williams@... writes:
> Even with unlimited TV they haven't watched it. Back when I used to limit
> it, it made the TV 'special' so they would bug me to watch it. Same with
> the computer. Limiting led to addiction and tantrums
> and unpleasantness over 'turns'. All that is gone and yet none of them
> have become TV or computer-holics.

And Duncan (almost seven) has two friends (4 & 6) over that spent the night.
They woke up and turned on the TV---cartoonnetwork---Big hit as the friends
don't have cable. By 10:00, they were down here and on the computer. Then
they've been out on the trampoline and swings for over two hours. Now they
are playing Spiderman Monopoly in the kitchen---with their own rules <g>.

I've been on the 'puter, have groomed a dog, have cleaned a bit, and have
been glued to the TV(!) with the Colin Powell coverage.

We've all made our choices today.

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/5/2003 2:41:18 PM Eastern Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:


> We've all made our choices today.
>
OH! and although the new X-box saw a lot of play time by one of the boys
yesterday, it hasn't even been turned on today!

~K


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Shyrley

kbcdlovejo@... wrote:

> In a message dated 2/5/2003 2:27:42 PM Eastern Standard Time,
> shyrley.williams@... writes:
> > Even with unlimited TV they haven't watched it. Back when I used to limit
> > it, it made the TV 'special' so they would bug me to watch it. Same with
> > the computer. Limiting led to addiction and tantrums
> > and unpleasantness over 'turns'. All that is gone and yet none of them
> > have become TV or computer-holics.
>
> And Duncan (almost seven) has two friends (4 & 6) over that spent the night.
> They woke up and turned on the TV---cartoonnetwork---Big hit as the friends
> don't have cable. By 10:00, they were down here and on the computer. Then
> they've been out on the trampoline and swings for over two hours. Now they
> are playing Spiderman Monopoly in the kitchen---with their own rules <g>.
>
> I've been on the 'puter, have groomed a dog, have cleaned a bit, and have
> been glued to the TV(!) with the Colin Powell coverage.
>
> We've all made our choices today.
>
> ~Kelly
>

What Colin POwell coverage? I've been in bed with a migraine all day. Have I missed something?

Shyrley

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/5/03 7:20:58 AM, kelle@... writes:

<< It probably does depend on personality, but I wonder if instilling a love
of books first, then allowing more television later (when kids are older),
contributes to indifference. >>

Is indifference the goal?

Why would one have to instill a love of books? Aren't they inherently
lovable?

Sandra

[email protected]

<< our TV is only on when we are watching it >>

That makes sense. We turn things off when nobody's using them.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/5/03 9:47:37 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

> Why would one have to instill a love of books? Aren't they inherently
> lovable?
>
> Sandra
>

To most of us, yes. But to my 11 yo son, no. Books are the last thing on
his list of "fun" stuff.

Teresa


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/6/03 7:09:54 AM Eastern Standard Time, grlynbl@...
writes:

> To most of us, yes. But to my 11 yo son, no. Books are the last thing on
> his list of "fun" stuff.
>
>

Teresa,
Is it books in general or the types of books. My son loves those gaming
books, computer, PS2 and the table top gaming books. Also loves comic books
on certain topics.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Betsy

**My son loves those gaming
books, computer, PS2 and the table top gaming books. Also loves comic
books
on certain topics.**


Thanks to the great suggestions on this list I came home from the
library yesterday with:
a Nintendo game guide (gungan frontier?)
Mad magazine with star wars on the cover
& a graphic novel version of Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy
(I also threw in a documentary video about astronomy.)

They didn't stay "strewn" very long before they were snapped up. I
guess it helps that the librarians have pretty cool taste.

Betsy

The Robbins' Nest

<<<<<In a message dated 2/6/03 7:09:54 AM Eastern Standard Time, grlynbl@...
writes:

> To most of us, yes. But to my 11 yo son, no. Books are the last thing on
> his list of "fun" stuff.
>
>

Teresa,
Is it books in general or the types of books. My son loves those gaming
books, computer, PS2 and the table top gaming books. Also loves comic books
on certain topics.
Pam G.


>>>>>>>>>>

My (almost) 10 y/o son loves _Guiness Book of World Records_ and will spend lots of time thumbing through it. I have just purchased the 2003 edition and it's another favorite of his. He also likes joke books, _Outdoor Life_ magazine, and a few comic books. We have tried to suggest books to him but he has no interest in them. At all. He does love to cook so he reads recipes and directions frequently. I just try to notice all of the things he reads thoughout the day and not worry about it. (This is the kid who learned to read by looking at the TV Guide channel to see when his favorite shows were coming on!)

Just some more thoughts......

Kimber
Momma to ds9 and dd7

ps..Hey it snowed in Arkansas today! Not enough to let schools out but there is 2-3 inches on the ground that my kids are thoroughly enjoying! We haven't had any accumulation here for the past 2 or 3 years so the kids are just ecstatic. Something I was thinking about......I remember when I was in school, the thrill of the possiblity of snow which also meant the possiblity of school being cancelled. Then the disappointment when we had to go to school anyway. What good was the snow if we couldn't miss school??? My kids are so happy just BECAUSE of the snow. They are enjoying the peacefullness and the beauty without even a thought about whether they will get to miss school or not. It's a little sad watching the snow falling and knowing the other kids in town are watching it through the windows...........


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