Unschooling "bad words"
Deborah Lewis
***I'de much rather "fuck" be avoided that "practice, teach, lesson,
chore,
routine, bedtime, command, NO, punish, text book, " ***
I don't think the eff word ever gave me a moments unhappiness in my
childhood. But I could have lived more joyously if I'd never heard those
others as a child.
My son is very sensitive to words used by other parents and by some of
his friends. One girl is forever asking "are we ALLOWED to do that?"
We don't even use "allowance", as in money paid weekly to a kid, because
it implies the power of the big to DIS allow. Extreme maybe. ( we're
weird <g>) My son gets a pay day, just like the rest of us.
If we move away from words that have a psychological hold over parents
(the powerful) and children (too often the powerless) we'll all be better
off.
Applied to unschooling it's even more important to be aware of the power
of the words we use to effect the way children view themselves and their
own intelligence and their own power.
For the sake of not wanting to think about it too deeply if an
unschooling mom makes no effort to move away from "school" language
she'll be doing less than everything in her power to help her unschooling
children find their OWN power.
Deb L
chore,
routine, bedtime, command, NO, punish, text book, " ***
I don't think the eff word ever gave me a moments unhappiness in my
childhood. But I could have lived more joyously if I'd never heard those
others as a child.
My son is very sensitive to words used by other parents and by some of
his friends. One girl is forever asking "are we ALLOWED to do that?"
We don't even use "allowance", as in money paid weekly to a kid, because
it implies the power of the big to DIS allow. Extreme maybe. ( we're
weird <g>) My son gets a pay day, just like the rest of us.
If we move away from words that have a psychological hold over parents
(the powerful) and children (too often the powerless) we'll all be better
off.
Applied to unschooling it's even more important to be aware of the power
of the words we use to effect the way children view themselves and their
own intelligence and their own power.
For the sake of not wanting to think about it too deeply if an
unschooling mom makes no effort to move away from "school" language
she'll be doing less than everything in her power to help her unschooling
children find their OWN power.
Deb L
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/28/03 11:30:09 AM, ddzimlew@... writes:
<< My son is very sensitive to words used by other parents and by some of
his friends. One girl is forever asking "are we ALLOWED to do that?"
We don't even use "allowance", as in money paid weekly to a kid, because
it implies the power of the big to DIS allow. >>
Hmm.
We still say "allowance."
Never much thought about it.
But we've never even HINTED there was such a thing as withholding allowance.
They don't have to earn it in any way.
That's the part of their dad's income that they're allowed to have gratis to
use as they wish without our agreement.
The rest of their dad's income is also potentially available to them, but
they have to negotiate that. <g>
We don't require them to do anything particular with their allowance either.
Some families make them put some in savings, or to charity, or make them buy
their clothes or lunches.
If my kids are going out for the day I'll ask if they need money, without
regard to whether they just got allowance or not. Usually they say no, they
don't.
I used to give Kirby $5 for lunch any time he was going to work for more than
just a few hours. He never asks for it any more. He uses his own money.
But if he did ask for it, I'd be happy to give it to him. If he said "Mom,
I've spent my money and really want to buy a gift for so'n'so" or "I need to
pay other kids' way to the movies because I owe them," I would hand him $20
or $30 happily, because I figure on that lunch deal, I'm in his debt. But
we're not counting.
Sandra
<< My son is very sensitive to words used by other parents and by some of
his friends. One girl is forever asking "are we ALLOWED to do that?"
We don't even use "allowance", as in money paid weekly to a kid, because
it implies the power of the big to DIS allow. >>
Hmm.
We still say "allowance."
Never much thought about it.
But we've never even HINTED there was such a thing as withholding allowance.
They don't have to earn it in any way.
That's the part of their dad's income that they're allowed to have gratis to
use as they wish without our agreement.
The rest of their dad's income is also potentially available to them, but
they have to negotiate that. <g>
We don't require them to do anything particular with their allowance either.
Some families make them put some in savings, or to charity, or make them buy
their clothes or lunches.
If my kids are going out for the day I'll ask if they need money, without
regard to whether they just got allowance or not. Usually they say no, they
don't.
I used to give Kirby $5 for lunch any time he was going to work for more than
just a few hours. He never asks for it any more. He uses his own money.
But if he did ask for it, I'd be happy to give it to him. If he said "Mom,
I've spent my money and really want to buy a gift for so'n'so" or "I need to
pay other kids' way to the movies because I owe them," I would hand him $20
or $30 happily, because I figure on that lunch deal, I'm in his debt. But
we're not counting.
Sandra
Deborah Lewis
On Tue, 28 Jan 2003 13:52:39 EST SandraDodd@... writes:
***But we've never even HINTED there was such a thing as withholding
allowance.
They don't have to earn it in any way. ***
That's the way it is here. When there's money we all have some to
spend. Dylan doesn't have to earn anything. For a while he regularly
put some portion into his savings account and still does sometimes but
it's up to him. The things he's interested in are more expensive now,
Playstation games, etc. and putting some away isn't as easy as it was
when he was younger. ( his parents feel this too!)
***If my kids are going out for the day I'll ask if they need money,
without
regard to whether they just got allowance or not. Usually they say no,
they
don't.***
We ask Dylan, too. And he asks us! Yesterday he forgot to take water
to Karate and asked if I could go downstairs and get him a bottle. (
there's a kids club right below the dojo) He asked if I needed
money.<g> Such a cool kid.
Deb L
***But we've never even HINTED there was such a thing as withholding
allowance.
They don't have to earn it in any way. ***
That's the way it is here. When there's money we all have some to
spend. Dylan doesn't have to earn anything. For a while he regularly
put some portion into his savings account and still does sometimes but
it's up to him. The things he's interested in are more expensive now,
Playstation games, etc. and putting some away isn't as easy as it was
when he was younger. ( his parents feel this too!)
***If my kids are going out for the day I'll ask if they need money,
without
regard to whether they just got allowance or not. Usually they say no,
they
don't.***
We ask Dylan, too. And he asks us! Yesterday he forgot to take water
to Karate and asked if I could go downstairs and get him a bottle. (
there's a kids club right below the dojo) He asked if I needed
money.<g> Such a cool kid.
Deb L
marji
At 12:25 1/28/03 -0700, Deb L wrote:
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Such a cool kid.Such a cool mom. (Sorry, I just couldn't resist!)
>
>Deb L
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deborah Lewis
On Tue, 28 Jan 2003 12:02:55 -0800 marji <marji@...> writes:
Marji *
Ah, shucks. <blush>
I haven't felt anything like cool this month. I've had some awful virus
and it's all I can do to get up and get going. But I have found it's
just as easy to be sick sliding down the big hill at the end of Montana
street as it is to be sick at home on the sofa.
Tomorrow we're going bird watching, then out to lunch with friends and
then Dylan has a Tae Kwon Do class and then I have a clay class. My
cool kid just drags me into the world in spite of myself.<g>
Deb L
> At 12:25 1/28/03 -0700, Deb L wrote:*Such a cool mom. (Sorry, I just couldn't resist!)
>Such a cool kid.
>
>Deb L
Marji *
Ah, shucks. <blush>
I haven't felt anything like cool this month. I've had some awful virus
and it's all I can do to get up and get going. But I have found it's
just as easy to be sick sliding down the big hill at the end of Montana
street as it is to be sick at home on the sofa.
Tomorrow we're going bird watching, then out to lunch with friends and
then Dylan has a Tae Kwon Do class and then I have a clay class. My
cool kid just drags me into the world in spite of myself.<g>
Deb L