Jim Selvage

How do I handle the things that we have previously agreed to do when now I
am giving the children the option to do only those activities they want to
do?

For example:

Piano Lessons: Both my daughter and I take Suzuki piano lessons. In
Suzuki, it is required that the student memorize all the songs, listen to
the recording daily, and our teacher has us memorize the solfege (sp) for
each song. My daughter likes the piano lessons, and the teacher.

We drive 2 1/2 hours to go to lessons and only go twice a month, so this is
not something I have taken lightly. But, now that my daughter has the
option she is only practicing occasionally and objects whenever I put in the
CD. She should be testing out of book one at this next lesson and be going
on to book two, but she refuses to practice anything in book two (which she
would need to do before the lesson.) She does still want to continue and to
go to the lesson.

I have not been super stringent about practicing in that I have never sat
with her and required her to do all the teacher asked her to do(she is way
beyond me musically, I am still in the middle of book one and painstakingly
moving forward, lol. She took traditional piano for four years before we
switched to Suzuki). I have always asked that she practice every day, but
understood when we didn't get time occasionally, etc. Still, she was
practicing more before we decided to unschool (only a month or so).

It costs a lot of money and time to go to these lessons, and I want her to
get the most out of them she can. And she also wants flute lessons! How
would you handle this?

thanks in advance for thehelp,
erin

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/28/03 10:14:27 AM, jselvage@... writes:

<< Both my daughter and I take Suzuki piano lessons. In
Suzuki, it is required that the student memorize all the songs, listen to
the recording daily, and our teacher has us memorize the solfege (sp) for
each song. My daughter likes the piano lessons, and the teacher. >>

"Required" or what?
If she goes in and isn't prepared, will they shun her for life?
Call the cops?
Fine you?

You can put that recording on and say YOU want to listen to it. If she hears
it fine, if she doesn't fine.

-=- But, now that my daughter has the option she is only practicing
occasionally ...-=-

How many lessons have you been to since she has been exercising her new
freedom not to practice?

If none, too soon to worry.
If one, how did it go?
If two, how does she feel about it?

If she doesn't mind the feeling of being unprepared, she's fine.
If she doesn't like the feeling of being unprepared, she will probably
practice more. FINALLY she will be practicing because she wants to, because
she has a personal, real reason to do it. It will be a different kind of
practicing, too. Because she won't be just going through the motions.

<<She should be testing out of book one at this next lesson and be going
on to book two, but she refuses to practice anything in book two (which she
would need to do before the lesson.) She does still want to continue and to
go to the lesson.>>

Take her.

<<Still, she was practicing more before we decided to unschool (only a month
or so).>>

And she'll practice more once you're unschooling and not just recovering from
requirements and rules. Deschooling takes some time.

Sandra

Jim Selvage

Sandra,

Thanks, that is exactly what I needed to hear!

Required" or what?
> If she goes in and isn't prepared, will they shun her for life?
> Call the cops?
> Fine you?

I think the only thing that will happen is that her teacher will be
dissapointed! I am not sure whether she cares about that or not, lol. I
personally really love the teacher, and like it much better when she is
pleased with me, and my daughter. But, of course, I liked it when my
teachers were pleased with me in school too!

How many lessons have you been to since she has been exercising her new
> freedom not to practice?

We have not gone to a lesson since we started unschooling, so this will be
her first time to choose how she wants to be prepared. (Christmas break,
and no money, lol).

FINALLY she will be practicing because she wants to, because
> she has a personal, real reason to do it. It will be a different kind of
> practicing, too. Because she won't be just going through the motions.

Very good point, and this is what I have wanted for her all along anyway, to
play piano because she wants to!

Thanks, these ideas will help me through this!

blessings,
erin

marji

At 13:37 1/28/03 -0500, you wrote:
>-=- But, now that my daughter has the option she is only practicing
>occasionally ...-=-

This is kind of interesting. My husband is a guitar teacher with probably
about 35 years or more of experience under his belt (well, he teaches
people, not guitars). Anyway, understanding the benefits of kids learning
to play an instrument at an early age, he insisted a few years ago that
Liam learn to play an instrument of his choosing. He didn't care what the
instrument was, as long as Liam was learning to play it. Liam first opted
for cello, then piano, then violin, and then guitar. He did great with all
these different instruments, but he never, ever chose to practice them. I
never forced him to practice, either, and neither did DH. In spite of not
ever practicing, Liam has always been REALLY good at whatever instrument he
attempts and has been extremely focused during his lessons.

I recently (well, today) suggested to DH that Liam might be more into
playing his guitar if he were learning to play the chords to the Songs that
He Likes rather than the notes on the first string of the guitar! I
remembered that I taught myself to play the guitar when I was a kid, and
what I wanted to play were the songs I liked. DH remembered that he taught
himself and learned from friends that same way, playing the songs he
liked. Then, when he got older and saw the need to learn more theory,
etc., he found a teacher and dedicated himself to it. Now, DH is really a
world-class player (jazz and classical). That's because he has and has
always had the passion for it. Me, too (having the passion for playing the
instrument, I mean), although I wouldn't call myself anything near being a
world-class player. But, I am a pretty competent player, and I'm happy
with my playing and always trying to get better.

I think passion for something can be like a budding flower, and it's very
susceptible to the elements. I can see that Liam has the competence for
playing an instrument; he just needs the passion. He loves music, and Liam
was a little surprised and delighted when I suggested to him that he could
learn to play the songs he likes right now.

I'm glad DH saw my point and is going to lay off the Hal Leonard method
books for now.

Just my thoughts (while I'm supposed to be working).

Marji

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jim Selvage

Marji,

Thanks for the great thoughts! I do definitely think that those who have a
passion for music will learn to play no matter what. I don't know if my
daughter has a passion for it. I guess we will see how things change when
she does not have to practice, but also when she does not have to do all
that school work and may have time to practice.

We are not what anyone would call a musical family, but I have always wanted
to be, lol. I cannot even carry a tune, but fortunately, both my children
have more musical ability than I. I haven't given up though. I did
practice (that would be play) piano today!

" This is kind of interesting. My husband is a guitar teacher with probably
> about 35 years or more of experience under his belt (well, he teaches
people, not guitars). Anyway, understanding the benefits of kids learning
to play an instrument at an early age, he insisted a few years ago that
Liam learn to play an instrument of his choosing. He didn't care what the
instrument was, as long as Liam was learning to play it. Liam first opted
for cello, then piano, then violin, and then guitar. He did great with all
these different instruments, but he never, ever chose to practice them. I
never forced him to practice, either, and neither did DH. In spite of not
ever practicing, Liam has always been REALLY good at whatever instrument he
attempts and has been extremely focused during his lessons."