rights
[email protected]
Forgive me if this post is a little "off". It's waaay past my bedtime, but I
felt I had to write.
Seems that when we write about children's rights, it's (sometimes) coming
across that the parent has NO rights. That we when we say no bedtimes, that
people think we mean the children are swinging from the chandeliers until all
hours. That when we say that kids can eat what and when they want, that they
eat ice cream and M&Ms all day.
That's NOT how it IS.
If your household has been restrictive and you suddenly "let go"---YES,
things may go a little wild. But it's really not that black and white.
If dad needs to go to bed early because he must be UP early, EVERYONE in the
family MUST respect that. Why WOULDN'T a child respect and understand that?
It's NECESSARY for dad's well-being (and to keep that paycheck rolling in! <g>
). There don't need to be a million rules, just-----what's the word???? (I'm
tired, forgive me!)
Showing children respect does NOT mean that they show NONE to the parents.
It's MUTUAL respect. EVERYone's needs must be met. It's not the OPPOSITE of
the top-down family . Ummmm--OK---It's like the opposite of school is NOT
homeschooling. That is replicating school at home. The OPPOSITE of school is
UNschooling where we don't DO school---or anything that resembles it.
The opposite of the topdown family is not that the children "run the show".
It's an equal partnership. We ALL work together. If dad needs relative quiet
in the house after 10:00pm, everyone should try to respect that. It's UNFAIR
to dad for the kids to be monkeys. JUST as it's unfair to set arbitrary
limits "because I'm the dad".
Could someone elaborate? Seems there's some "not quite there" newbies who are
struggling with this.
Thanks!
~Kelly
felt I had to write.
Seems that when we write about children's rights, it's (sometimes) coming
across that the parent has NO rights. That we when we say no bedtimes, that
people think we mean the children are swinging from the chandeliers until all
hours. That when we say that kids can eat what and when they want, that they
eat ice cream and M&Ms all day.
That's NOT how it IS.
If your household has been restrictive and you suddenly "let go"---YES,
things may go a little wild. But it's really not that black and white.
If dad needs to go to bed early because he must be UP early, EVERYONE in the
family MUST respect that. Why WOULDN'T a child respect and understand that?
It's NECESSARY for dad's well-being (and to keep that paycheck rolling in! <g>
). There don't need to be a million rules, just-----what's the word???? (I'm
tired, forgive me!)
Showing children respect does NOT mean that they show NONE to the parents.
It's MUTUAL respect. EVERYone's needs must be met. It's not the OPPOSITE of
the top-down family . Ummmm--OK---It's like the opposite of school is NOT
homeschooling. That is replicating school at home. The OPPOSITE of school is
UNschooling where we don't DO school---or anything that resembles it.
The opposite of the topdown family is not that the children "run the show".
It's an equal partnership. We ALL work together. If dad needs relative quiet
in the house after 10:00pm, everyone should try to respect that. It's UNFAIR
to dad for the kids to be monkeys. JUST as it's unfair to set arbitrary
limits "because I'm the dad".
Could someone elaborate? Seems there's some "not quite there" newbies who are
struggling with this.
Thanks!
~Kelly
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/25/03 2:54:15 AM Eastern Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
considerate of our children has modeled that and they are considerate of us.
They are young so sometimes need reminding. "That is getting loud and dad
does need to sleep to go to work in the morning." I liked what someone said
about not saying things to your children that you wouldn't say to your DH.
You would never tell your DH to do the dishes or else be punished (well maybe
not, LOL). You would ask for his help.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
> It's NECESSARY for dad's well-being (and to keep that paycheck rolling in! <In our house we are considerate of other people. And having always been
> g>
> ). There don't need to be a million rules, just-----what's the word????
> (I'm
> tired, forgive me!)
>
>
considerate of our children has modeled that and they are considerate of us.
They are young so sometimes need reminding. "That is getting loud and dad
does need to sleep to go to work in the morning." I liked what someone said
about not saying things to your children that you wouldn't say to your DH.
You would never tell your DH to do the dishes or else be punished (well maybe
not, LOL). You would ask for his help.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/25/03 12:54:15 AM, kbcdlovejo@... writes:
<< If your household has been restrictive and you suddenly "let go"---YES,
things may go a little wild. But it's really not that black and white. >>
And that is the best evidence that any crazed wildness in a reaction to
control.
Because kids who haven't been controlled don't exhibit crazed wildness.
<<There don't need to be a million rules, just-----what's the word???? (I'm
tired, forgive me!)>>
Principles involving courtesy and respect.
Sandra
<< If your household has been restrictive and you suddenly "let go"---YES,
things may go a little wild. But it's really not that black and white. >>
And that is the best evidence that any crazed wildness in a reaction to
control.
Because kids who haven't been controlled don't exhibit crazed wildness.
<<There don't need to be a million rules, just-----what's the word???? (I'm
tired, forgive me!)>>
Principles involving courtesy and respect.
Sandra
Stephanie Elms
> << If your household has been restrictive and you suddenlyYeah...this has been the hardest thing for me to realize...I do not
> "let go"---YES,
> things may go a little wild. But it's really not that black
> and white. >>
>
> And that is the best evidence that any crazed wildness in a
> reaction to
> control.
>
> Because kids who haven't been controlled don't exhibit crazed
> wildness.
really think of myself as a controlling person. But in certain areas
I am. To see Jason go wild as I have eased up on the restrictions has
been very eye opening (and at times difficult for me).
But we are getting there...slowly. I have noticed that it is getting easier
for me to change little things throughout the day that seem to make things
easier for both of us. I am catching myself before making arbitrary decisions
and am thinking things through a lot more. The scary thing is that I am noticing
more and more how much the people around me really treat kids without even thinking
about it...
Stephanie E.
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/26/03 12:46:40 AM Eastern Standard Time,
stephanie.elms@... writes:
to see others from a different perspective. It's been a true eye opener
for me too.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
stephanie.elms@... writes:
> The scary thing is that I am noticingYes, when you change your outlook and your point of view.. it is a revelation
> more and more how much the people around me really treat kids without even
> thinking
> about it...
>
to see others from a different perspective. It's been a true eye opener
for me too.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]