Julie Bogart

From Mary
>
> Again I think it's possibly the wording that can give one the wrong
> impression. First you call it a routine, which for me sounds like it's done
> exactly the same way. That's what doesn't set well with me and for us here.
> It just seems to strict and not open to change. Then you say it's a habit,
> which sounds more like something we have just always done and do when we
> feel like it.

THANK you! I get what's happening. In the circles I run in, the word
"schedule" is the word that throws people off. It sounds like the rigid,
inflexible thing that you are hearing when I say routine.

For instance, when I've shared at homeschool events before, I have talked
about routines being those things that we do daily, but that don't have a
fixed time or means.

So for us, we routinely get up and eat breakfast before other things in the
day. That sometimes happens at 8:00 a.m. But many days it may be 10 before
everyone is up.

We generally eat breakfast individually during that time period, but
occasionally we eat something together. We just about always eat lunch and
dinner together, but just last night, in fact, the kids and my dh got into a
long game of Star Craft on the computers, my dd was sick and in my bed
watching Band of Bros and her older brother was keeping her company. So my
little 6yodd helped me make trays of food for everyone and we distributed
them.

The "routine" or to use the word you prefer, "habit" is dinner together
because we all like it. The time changes nightly based on who will be home
when. But when there is something else more exciting, we aren't slaves to
it.

Charlotte Mason talks a lot about habits as rails that our lives run on to
help them function smoothly. The main contribution I was hoping to make to
this discussion of homes in chaos is that having a few "habits" that
everyone enjoys or at minimum agrees to (like putting shoes in our hall
closet when you come in, please) makes life just easier. Kids at least know
what they can do to help!

(I find shoes strewn in front of the closet door every day, but I see them
making the attempt. I pick them up and toss them in. Or they trip over MY
shoes an toss mine in for me. But the habit is: shoes in hall closet.)

Does this make more sense? I think I understand why I keep setting off alarm
bells. If you could see how we live, you would know in a heartbeat that we
do NOT keep a schedule with a bunch of unvarying requirements. But we have
family habits that help us live together in harmony.

Thanks again Mary.

Julie B

Jim Selvage

Okay Julie, I like what you said in this post, but my question would be, how
do you instill the habits? I have habits or routines that I have made for
myself (tied to be a flybaby, only thing that stuck was the morning
routine), but I don't think we have habits or routines as a family. The
shoes are by the door, the kids just fling them off as they come in, and
don't pick them up or straighten them unless someone asks them to. They are
suppose to be set on a rug that is there for that purpose.

many blessings,
erin
>
> THANK you! I get what's happening. In the circles I run in, the word
> "schedule" is the word that throws people off. It sounds like the rigid,
> inflexible thing that you are hearing when I say routine.
>
> For instance, when I've shared at homeschool events before, I have talked
> about routines being those things that we do daily, but that don't have a
> fixed time or means.
>
> So for us, we routinely get up and eat breakfast before other things in
the
> day. That sometimes happens at 8:00 a.m. But many days it may be 10 before
> everyone is up.
>
> We generally eat breakfast individually during that time period, but
> occasionally we eat something together. We just about always eat lunch and
> dinner together, but just last night, in fact, the kids and my dh got into
a
> long game of Star Craft on the computers, my dd was sick and in my bed
> watching Band of Bros and her older brother was keeping her company. So my
> little 6yodd helped me make trays of food for everyone and we distributed
> them.
>
> The "routine" or to use the word you prefer, "habit" is dinner together
> because we all like it. The time changes nightly based on who will be home
> when. But when there is something else more exciting, we aren't slaves to
> it.
>
> Charlotte Mason talks a lot about habits as rails that our lives run on to
> help them function smoothly. The main contribution I was hoping to make to
> this discussion of homes in chaos is that having a few "habits" that
> everyone enjoys or at minimum agrees to (like putting shoes in our hall
> closet when you come in, please) makes life just easier. Kids at least
know
> what they can do to help!
>
> (I find shoes strewn in front of the closet door every day, but I see them
> making the attempt. I pick them up and toss them in. Or they trip over MY
> shoes an toss mine in for me. But the habit is: shoes in hall closet.)
>
> Does this make more sense? I think I understand why I keep setting off
alarm
> bells. If you could see how we live, you would know in a heartbeat that we
> do NOT keep a schedule with a bunch of unvarying requirements. But we have
> family habits that help us live together in harmony.
>
> Thanks again Mary.
>
> Julie B

Mary Bianco

>From: Julie Bogart <julie@...>

<<Does this make more sense? I think I understand why I keep setting off
alarm bells. If you could see how we live, you would know in a heartbeat
that we do NOT keep a schedule with a bunch of unvarying requirements. But
we have family habits that help us live together in harmony.>>


See, the big aha light bulb moments are great aren't they? LOL!!
I get you.

Mary B



_________________________________________________________________
Tired of spam? Get advanced junk mail protection with MSN 8.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail

Julie Bogart <[email protected]>

--- In [email protected], "Jim Selvage"
<jselvage@u...> wrote:
> Okay Julie, I like what you said in this post, but my question
would be, how
> do you instill the habits? I have habits or routines that I have
made for
> myself (tied to be a flybaby, only thing that stuck was the
morning
> routine), but I don't think we have habits or routines as a family.
The
> shoes are by the door, the kids just fling them off as they come
in, and
> don't pick them up or straighten them unless someone asks
them to. They are
> suppose to be set on a rug that is there for that purpose.
>
> many blessings,
> erin

Well mine fling theirs in the general direction of the hall closet,
so I'll bet our front entries look a lot a like! :)

I am grateful that they are in the general locale so that I can
easily pick them up before visitors arrive and toss them in a bin. I
would never use anything like a rug that required them to be
neatly ordered since I can't maintain neat. I can maintain tidy and
out of view.

So I guess if your kids are tossing their shoes in the direction of
the rug for tha tpurpose, your kids do have the habit.

I sometimes will yell from the other room, "Can someone throw
all the shoes in the holder?" And someone often does. But I do it
the most. And I break the "rule" the most too since I often take off
my shoes in my office or under the kitchen table and forget to
move them. Dh is the one who finds them and returns them to
the closet. :)

I guess it just depends on the family and since we haven't used
the "let them discover they want to o it themselves" mode, my
advice might not jibe totally. That's why I kept asking questions
here.

I do like the help it is to me to know that everyone knows what
they can do to pick up or clean up. One of my friends had such a
messy home that her boys felt powerless to make a difference in
it and gave up. My goal has been to let the family know where
things go, how they can make the home tidy and what they can
do that makes an impact on how our home looks and feels.

Does that make sense?

Julie B~~learning along with you

Jim Selvage

Yes, Julie, it does make sense. I figured it out, I am shipping my children
to your house, maybe I 'll come too, and once we have figured it out we will
come home again and try it out. How long do you think it will take? <g>

The reason for the rug for shoes is that we live in North Dakota. There is
snow here all winter, and the shoes are wet when we come in. If they place
them on rug, the snow melts there instead of on the linoleum! Taking your
shoes off as you come in the house is definitely a ND custom (at least
around here).

I am the one who breaks the rule here too, I leave mine on mostly. It hurts
my leg too much to walk without shoes.

Thanks for letting me learn along with YOU!

blessings,
erin



> Well mine fling theirs in the general direction of the hall closet,
> so I'll bet our front entries look a lot a like! :)
>
> I am grateful that they are in the general locale so that I can
> easily pick them up before visitors arrive and toss them in a bin. I
> would never use anything like a rug that required them to be
> neatly ordered since I can't maintain neat. I can maintain tidy and
> out of view.
>
> So I guess if your kids are tossing their shoes in the direction of
> the rug for tha tpurpose, your kids do have the habit.
>
> I sometimes will yell from the other room, "Can someone throw
> all the shoes in the holder?" And someone often does. But I do it
> the most. And I break the "rule" the most too since I often take off
> my shoes in my office or under the kitchen table and forget to
> move them. Dh is the one who finds them and returns them to
> the closet. :)
>
> I guess it just depends on the family and since we haven't used
> the "let them discover they want to o it themselves" mode, my
> advice might not jibe totally. That's why I kept asking questions
> here.
>
> I do like the help it is to me to know that everyone knows what
> they can do to pick up or clean up. One of my friends had such a
> messy home that her boys felt powerless to make a difference in
> it and gave up. My goal has been to let the family know where
> things go, how they can make the home tidy and what they can
> do that makes an impact on how our home looks and feels.
>
> Does that make sense?
>
> Julie B~~learning along with you

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/24/03 3:06:55 PM, jselvage@... writes:

<< I don't think we have habits or routines as a family. The
shoes are by the door, the kids just fling them off as they come in, and
don't pick them up or straighten them unless someone asks them to. They are
suppose to be set on a rug that is there for that purpose. >>

Can you make a game? Draw cards and the lowest lines the shoes up?
Or throw dice?

Sandra

Bill and Diane

One thing I've read suggested when things are ust *too* overwhelming to
deal with is to put down a hula hoop and just clean inside it. Another
is to set an alarm for 15 minutes and let everyone (who's participating)
do as much as they can in 15 minutes--perhaps with some energetic music.

:-) Diane

>>One of my friends had such a
>>messy home that her boys felt powerless to make a difference in
>>it and gave up. My goal has been to let the family know where
>>things go, how they can make the home tidy and what they can
>>do that makes an impact on how our home looks and feels.
>>