Re: independence/mothering
[email protected]
**I personally believe that this culture puts too much stress on kids
becoming "independent." Right after they're born they're supposed to go
in a separate bed, in a separate room, separated by school, and later a
job and a new family. No wonder why this society is so incredibly
dysfunctional. People are continuously pushed away since they're born!**
AND they're encouraged to turn to things instead of people for comfort when
they're lonely or scared or sad. :( Parents are urged to "hook" their
children on "transitional objects" - blankets or snuggly animals and the like
- to help them separate from the parents easily. (not to be confused with
kids who develop such attachments on their own.) Seems like a recipe for
producing a materialistic culture, to me.
Deborah in IL
becoming "independent." Right after they're born they're supposed to go
in a separate bed, in a separate room, separated by school, and later a
job and a new family. No wonder why this society is so incredibly
dysfunctional. People are continuously pushed away since they're born!**
AND they're encouraged to turn to things instead of people for comfort when
they're lonely or scared or sad. :( Parents are urged to "hook" their
children on "transitional objects" - blankets or snuggly animals and the like
- to help them separate from the parents easily. (not to be confused with
kids who develop such attachments on their own.) Seems like a recipe for
producing a materialistic culture, to me.
Deborah in IL
Betsy
**Do you give that same response to your husband if he asks you to butter
his toast, or do something for him, or to a friend? Haven't you ever
asked anyone to do something for you that you can actually do yourself?
I am bit surprised by your comments. You sound so cold!**
Everyone sounds colder and flatter in email, I find. And talking about
personalities can make the discussion here deteriorate pretty quickly.
**If what we want is to build a relationship based on trust and
understanding, the attitude that they *should* do it themselves when
they ask for help (read support, love, companionship, comfort,
togetherness, etc.) certainly doesn't help. I am not sure where you are
coming from and what kind of relationship you want to establish with
your kids, but from what you say I get the impression that it's one of
total *independence* (read distance) from each other.**
I think this might fit Joyce's point that we may treat our children
differently because we have different *goals*. The goal of early
independence is such a strong current in American culture that we may
not even realize that it is there. I appreciate your posts because I
think it's really worthwhile to think about the cultural messages that
we get that really discourage nurturing. I think the goal of sweetly
loving our children and the goal of making them independent at early or
"appropriate" ages certainly can conflict with each other.
Betsy
PS And the economic goal of full employment for adults, that leads us
to require young adults to stay in school longer and longer, that goal
conflicts with the goal of early independence. If I were a teen, it
would make me crazy angry, I think.
his toast, or do something for him, or to a friend? Haven't you ever
asked anyone to do something for you that you can actually do yourself?
I am bit surprised by your comments. You sound so cold!**
Everyone sounds colder and flatter in email, I find. And talking about
personalities can make the discussion here deteriorate pretty quickly.
**If what we want is to build a relationship based on trust and
understanding, the attitude that they *should* do it themselves when
they ask for help (read support, love, companionship, comfort,
togetherness, etc.) certainly doesn't help. I am not sure where you are
coming from and what kind of relationship you want to establish with
your kids, but from what you say I get the impression that it's one of
total *independence* (read distance) from each other.**
I think this might fit Joyce's point that we may treat our children
differently because we have different *goals*. The goal of early
independence is such a strong current in American culture that we may
not even realize that it is there. I appreciate your posts because I
think it's really worthwhile to think about the cultural messages that
we get that really discourage nurturing. I think the goal of sweetly
loving our children and the goal of making them independent at early or
"appropriate" ages certainly can conflict with each other.
Betsy
PS And the economic goal of full employment for adults, that leads us
to require young adults to stay in school longer and longer, that goal
conflicts with the goal of early independence. If I were a teen, it
would make me crazy angry, I think.
Suzanne Ackerson
Deborah,
Lots of great points you made about children being pushed at young ages toward independence. Sounds like we are a society that is afraid to love. I guess the reason we are all so passionate about keeping our children out of school is that we know we all need to love one another more than anything else.
Suzanne (in Illinois too, south burbs)
Lots of great points you made about children being pushed at young ages toward independence. Sounds like we are a society that is afraid to love. I guess the reason we are all so passionate about keeping our children out of school is that we know we all need to love one another more than anything else.
Suzanne (in Illinois too, south burbs)
----- Original Message -----
From: dacunefare@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, January 10, 2003 12:10 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: independence/mothering
**I personally believe that this culture puts too much stress on kids
becoming "independent." Right after they're born they're supposed to go
in a separate bed, in a separate room, separated by school, and later a
job and a new family. No wonder why this society is so incredibly
dysfunctional. People are continuously pushed away since they're born!**
AND they're encouraged to turn to things instead of people for comfort when
they're lonely or scared or sad. :( Parents are urged to "hook" their
children on "transitional objects" - blankets or snuggly animals and the like
- to help them separate from the parents easily. (not to be confused with
kids who develop such attachments on their own.) Seems like a recipe for
producing a materialistic culture, to me.
Deborah in IL
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