I Think I'm Understanding Unschooling
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I went to the unschooling.com website and read a lot about unschooling. I
think I'm understanding more about it.
My big concern with the unschooling way of life was my thought that children
would grow up very selfish, not care about anyone else's feelings, have lots
of cavaties, be very sick from only eating candy and cookies, and be hard to
deal with. I know now how ignorant I was when thinking this. I didn't think
that kids would grow up this way because than why would unschoolers do this,
but I thought how could they not? A quote I read helped me understand this.
The quote is "When I require something of my children, it is usually becasue
there is an immediate and very real *need* for it-to keep them healthy and
safe, to keep the family functioning, to respect someone else's needs or
feelings, ect." This quote may not be how all unschoolers think, but it
makes sense to me. Right now my children love to brush their teeth, comb
their hair, help with chores. I know this will not always be the case. As
they grow older and understand more, I can let go of things and let them make
their own decisions. Right now my kids are only 3 and 4 so they are too
young to really understand that if they never brush their teeth, they'll get
cavaties, gum disease, etc. Even if I explain to them what that means, they
don't understand. When they are able to understand the choices, then they
can begin to make decisions. As my children get older and older, they can
begin to make more and more decisions, like staying up until midnight if they
want to do that. Another thing I read and agree with is that parents should
respect their children's needs, feelings and desires. Although it may seem
like coersion to some, parents should not expect children to make decisions
and suffer the consequences if the children are not experienced or don't
really understand the consequences.
This is something I'll add about someone I know who was able to do whatever
she wanted at too young of an age. The little girl was young and was not
required to brush her teeth, eat healthy foods if she didn't want to. When I
mean young, I mean toddler and up. Her teeth are rotting out of her head all
ready and she's only 14. Even though she sees a dentist on a regular basis,
it's not enough to combat all the junk food and neglect. At first I thought,
is this what unschoolers mean? Let children do whatever they want all the
time, even if they really don't understand the consequences? Most children
could care less about what might happen in the future. Most children only
think of the present. Maybe they think this way because they were never
taught how to make decisions, they were never given the responsibility to
make decisions when they were mature enough, and they were never explained
why but only given orders? We often hear that teenagers are too young to
make important decisions because many are not mature enough to think about
the consequences, which is in the future. Many young teens begin to smoke,
but they really don't think about what that means, ie. they stink, their
teeth may turn yellow, they can spend the money on something else that they'd
want to do or have, and it's not good for their health. I know none of the
kids in my family smoked or did drugs. It's not because my parents were
strict or forbade us, it's because they taught us how to make decisions and
really think about things and their consequences before doing them. I never
had a curfew, I was never grounded, I was never punished (even after wrecking
my parents car for playing around on the road). They never needed to do
those things. My friends were very surprised I didn't get into trouble for
wrecking the car.
If I'm still not understanding unschooling, or I'm a little wrong, please let
me know. I think I'm starting to get it.
Patti
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
think I'm understanding more about it.
My big concern with the unschooling way of life was my thought that children
would grow up very selfish, not care about anyone else's feelings, have lots
of cavaties, be very sick from only eating candy and cookies, and be hard to
deal with. I know now how ignorant I was when thinking this. I didn't think
that kids would grow up this way because than why would unschoolers do this,
but I thought how could they not? A quote I read helped me understand this.
The quote is "When I require something of my children, it is usually becasue
there is an immediate and very real *need* for it-to keep them healthy and
safe, to keep the family functioning, to respect someone else's needs or
feelings, ect." This quote may not be how all unschoolers think, but it
makes sense to me. Right now my children love to brush their teeth, comb
their hair, help with chores. I know this will not always be the case. As
they grow older and understand more, I can let go of things and let them make
their own decisions. Right now my kids are only 3 and 4 so they are too
young to really understand that if they never brush their teeth, they'll get
cavaties, gum disease, etc. Even if I explain to them what that means, they
don't understand. When they are able to understand the choices, then they
can begin to make decisions. As my children get older and older, they can
begin to make more and more decisions, like staying up until midnight if they
want to do that. Another thing I read and agree with is that parents should
respect their children's needs, feelings and desires. Although it may seem
like coersion to some, parents should not expect children to make decisions
and suffer the consequences if the children are not experienced or don't
really understand the consequences.
This is something I'll add about someone I know who was able to do whatever
she wanted at too young of an age. The little girl was young and was not
required to brush her teeth, eat healthy foods if she didn't want to. When I
mean young, I mean toddler and up. Her teeth are rotting out of her head all
ready and she's only 14. Even though she sees a dentist on a regular basis,
it's not enough to combat all the junk food and neglect. At first I thought,
is this what unschoolers mean? Let children do whatever they want all the
time, even if they really don't understand the consequences? Most children
could care less about what might happen in the future. Most children only
think of the present. Maybe they think this way because they were never
taught how to make decisions, they were never given the responsibility to
make decisions when they were mature enough, and they were never explained
why but only given orders? We often hear that teenagers are too young to
make important decisions because many are not mature enough to think about
the consequences, which is in the future. Many young teens begin to smoke,
but they really don't think about what that means, ie. they stink, their
teeth may turn yellow, they can spend the money on something else that they'd
want to do or have, and it's not good for their health. I know none of the
kids in my family smoked or did drugs. It's not because my parents were
strict or forbade us, it's because they taught us how to make decisions and
really think about things and their consequences before doing them. I never
had a curfew, I was never grounded, I was never punished (even after wrecking
my parents car for playing around on the road). They never needed to do
those things. My friends were very surprised I didn't get into trouble for
wrecking the car.
If I'm still not understanding unschooling, or I'm a little wrong, please let
me know. I think I'm starting to get it.
Patti
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/9/03 1:15:44 PM, HappyMato2@... writes:
<< Right now my children love to brush their teeth, comb
their hair, help with chores. I know this will not always be the case. >>
It might be.
If you treat them with joyful respect, why would they want to change the
things they enjoy doing?
Unless there's spite or avoidance involved, they can keep having fun for a
long time.
<<Although it may seem
like coersion to some, parents should not expect children to make decisions
and suffer the consequences if the children are not experienced or don't
really understand the consequences.>>
I didn't quite understand this part.
Kids make decisions within the contexts of their own real everyday lives. No
glaring big lifelong decisions are likely to jump out at them. Just the
everyday stuff.
<<It's not because my parents were
strict or forbade us, it's because they taught us how to make decisions and
really think about things and their consequences before doing them. I never
had a curfew, I was never grounded, I was never punished (even after wrecking
my parents car for playing around on the road). They never needed to do
those things. My friends were very surprised I didn't get into trouble for
wrecking the car.>>
You're way ahead of where many of us started, then!
Sandra
<< Right now my children love to brush their teeth, comb
their hair, help with chores. I know this will not always be the case. >>
It might be.
If you treat them with joyful respect, why would they want to change the
things they enjoy doing?
Unless there's spite or avoidance involved, they can keep having fun for a
long time.
<<Although it may seem
like coersion to some, parents should not expect children to make decisions
and suffer the consequences if the children are not experienced or don't
really understand the consequences.>>
I didn't quite understand this part.
Kids make decisions within the contexts of their own real everyday lives. No
glaring big lifelong decisions are likely to jump out at them. Just the
everyday stuff.
<<It's not because my parents were
strict or forbade us, it's because they taught us how to make decisions and
really think about things and their consequences before doing them. I never
had a curfew, I was never grounded, I was never punished (even after wrecking
my parents car for playing around on the road). They never needed to do
those things. My friends were very surprised I didn't get into trouble for
wrecking the car.>>
You're way ahead of where many of us started, then!
Sandra