Pam Hartley

>Today on another
>board, someone spoke of the unschoolers she knows as being
>poorly dressed, unhealthy emotionally, unprepared for life and
>the homes of these families as being chaotic and dirty.

:::snip:::

>Do you deal with these broad stereotypes about unschooling?
>What do you say to them?

I just tell them that the unschoolers I know are no more poorly dressed,
emotionally unhealthy, or unprepared for life than any other group. I also
tell them I think it's silly to judge anyone on how they dress, and on
points two and three I find unschoolers above the average, not below.

And I wouldn't post it for the benefit of the (you'll excuse the expression)
yahoo who actually spewed that kind of crappola, I'd post it for the benefit
of people who aren't having some kind of knee-jerk defense reaction against
unschooling and might be reading the same boards.

Be calm, state what your own experiences are, and trust the folks who do
have a few particles of sense to rub together to make an intelligent
judgment on her scenario vs. yours.

Oh, I also give out helpful websites like www.unschooling.com and encourage
those interested in learning about the realities of unschooling to visit
there.

>Also, there is a fairly popular philosophy that kids do better when
>pushed to perform (think of the strict teacher or the intense
>football coach, or the passionate and demanding theater
>director). Have you found that your kids generate enough
>self-motivation to achieve their goals? Do you urge completion of
>projects? Do you provide outside motivation (by coaching or
>pushing) when the child has expressed interest in a certain
>area?

I don't push them to achieve their goals. They're their goals, not mine, and
it's not my business to push them (that would be pushy! <g> And rude, too.)
I do try my best to give them the kind of support that will help them,
though -- whether that's money or car rides or listening to them yammer on
about their newest interest or whatever they seem to need at the time.

But when I start pushing, it becomes my goal, not theirs. I have enough
goals of my own that I don't need to live vicariously through my girls.

If they have a coach or whatever who is pushy and they still want to stick
with them, I'm fine with that. If they don't like that style of coaching,
I'm fine with them quitting.

Pam Hartley

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/8/03 6:51:17 PM, pamhartley@... writes:

<< And I wouldn't post it for the benefit of the (you'll excuse the
expression)
yahoo who actually spewed that kind of crappola, I'd post it for the benefit
of people who aren't having some kind of knee-jerk defense reaction against
unschooling and might be reading the same boards. >>

That is an important part of the considerations on just about every board.

When someone comes in here and says "I force phonics on my children and
they're all well-adjusted early readers," if I make comments about people who
did NOT have phonics forced on them, it's because I'm thinking about the
hundreds of others reading who are undecided. I don't want people who are
not experienced unschoolers coming in here and setting their theories or
practices up as though they're just as valid within this discussion as those
of parents of kids who've been unschooled for longer. (Or who have been
unschooled, as it keeps happening that people who aren't even unschoolers and
admit they don't understand what unschooling is, still tell us how they've
made their kids do this or that.)

More often than not in ANY debate comments are intended for the audience, not
the person who made the original statement.

So when someone comes here new and says "Everyone jumped on ME and they hate
ME!" they get twice as grumpy when the background response is "Who?" Because
it is the issue and idea that's being discussed, not the person. And that's
truly hard to get when people can't see their ideas as separate from
themselves.

Sandra