Help with kids (and my own) frustration...
Stephanie Elms
I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how to help Jason (6 yo) deal better with his
frustration about not being able to do things on the first try. This happens quite a bit,
most often with video games but also with other things, like writing and now basketball.
Usually, I just try to hold him when he is melting down and we talk about lots of things
that mommy was (is) not good at and how as you get older you are better able to do things,
sometimes just because you are older and sometimes because you have more experience.
I let him back off if he does not want to try (like not making him write like my dad
wants me to do), but sometimes he does not want to back off and just keeps getting
upset. If it is a video game, I will try to help him get past the point where he is
stuck, but sometimes like yesterday with that danged Lego Racers 2 game I couldn't
do it either.
Not sure what I am looking for, but maybe also ways to help me keep my patience too...
I try really hard, but sometimes it can be hard. Like when he was melting down at
11pm the other night because he was too tired but refused to go to sleep and when
he starts getting mad at *me* because I can't give him the answers...he did this
yesterday when the tips I found online did not help him get past the point he was at.
I guess that it is hard because it is not anything that I can "fix" for him. So I feel
like I should be giving some sage wonderful advice rather then feeling helpless and
telling him will do it when he is ready.
Also any suggestions on how to handle an almost 3 yo who wants to play the same
games as his brother? Jason is really into bionicles and Kyle has started wanting
to play the online bionicle game...well, he is no where near to being able to do it
which means that he wants me to sit with him and do it for him. I don't mind doing
this for a little while, but how do I deal with the fact that this is just not
fun for me? It was more fun when I was helping Jason do it because he and I were more
of a team. Kyle has his own reader rabbit toddler and blues clues software, plus
he just got a cute little "laptop" with lots of games his level and Jason's level
from my ILs for christmas. But no dice...he only
wants to play the games that he just is not developmentally ready for...which means
he winds up getting frustrated...
Maybe I just need more tips on handling frustration with kids in general. I think
that I have been realizing lately that this is a hot spot for me...how to be
supportive and not take their frustration and anger personally....
Stephanie E.
frustration about not being able to do things on the first try. This happens quite a bit,
most often with video games but also with other things, like writing and now basketball.
Usually, I just try to hold him when he is melting down and we talk about lots of things
that mommy was (is) not good at and how as you get older you are better able to do things,
sometimes just because you are older and sometimes because you have more experience.
I let him back off if he does not want to try (like not making him write like my dad
wants me to do), but sometimes he does not want to back off and just keeps getting
upset. If it is a video game, I will try to help him get past the point where he is
stuck, but sometimes like yesterday with that danged Lego Racers 2 game I couldn't
do it either.
Not sure what I am looking for, but maybe also ways to help me keep my patience too...
I try really hard, but sometimes it can be hard. Like when he was melting down at
11pm the other night because he was too tired but refused to go to sleep and when
he starts getting mad at *me* because I can't give him the answers...he did this
yesterday when the tips I found online did not help him get past the point he was at.
I guess that it is hard because it is not anything that I can "fix" for him. So I feel
like I should be giving some sage wonderful advice rather then feeling helpless and
telling him will do it when he is ready.
Also any suggestions on how to handle an almost 3 yo who wants to play the same
games as his brother? Jason is really into bionicles and Kyle has started wanting
to play the online bionicle game...well, he is no where near to being able to do it
which means that he wants me to sit with him and do it for him. I don't mind doing
this for a little while, but how do I deal with the fact that this is just not
fun for me? It was more fun when I was helping Jason do it because he and I were more
of a team. Kyle has his own reader rabbit toddler and blues clues software, plus
he just got a cute little "laptop" with lots of games his level and Jason's level
from my ILs for christmas. But no dice...he only
wants to play the games that he just is not developmentally ready for...which means
he winds up getting frustrated...
Maybe I just need more tips on handling frustration with kids in general. I think
that I have been realizing lately that this is a hot spot for me...how to be
supportive and not take their frustration and anger personally....
Stephanie E.
Nora or Devereaux Cannon
I have a 6 who on some things is a perfectionist; mostly she is
pleased if she has tried her best, but we still have the melt
downs. I noticed that they are more common when she is already
stressed, so if the thing is a tough one or much anticipated
source of joy, I try to make sure it is available for trying out
shortly after breakfast or maybe lunch. If she really wants to
try it out at 11 at night, I won't stop her, but I will point out
that she is less likely to succeed when she is already tired, so
maybe just get the feel of it and start back in the morning. I
actively started on this strategy about 6 months ago and notice
that she now will frequently apply on her own - spreading out all
the contents of a kit the night before, so she can "play" with
it, but not doing the project until the morning.
The other thing that has helped (I think), is helping her spot
the things she gets better at. Improved scores in gymnastics;
more accuracy in throwing; less re rolling of cookie dough;
whatever.
As for the littler kid who want to be bigger having had a 2 and a
5 who love to play together and whose skills are quite different,
one concrete thing that helped the younger have fun with the
on-line games was a little kid free exploration by me. For
instance, there are a slew of preschool Lego games on-line. If
you click through from big brother's bionicle site to the
preschool page you may all be happier; you just have to find the
path when you can remember how you got there, LOL. On a couple I
found e-cards. The 2 y.o. sent great grandparents and half the
world e-cards from sites that he otherwise had no hope of
navigating, but he got back tons of e-cards, so all was good.
pleased if she has tried her best, but we still have the melt
downs. I noticed that they are more common when she is already
stressed, so if the thing is a tough one or much anticipated
source of joy, I try to make sure it is available for trying out
shortly after breakfast or maybe lunch. If she really wants to
try it out at 11 at night, I won't stop her, but I will point out
that she is less likely to succeed when she is already tired, so
maybe just get the feel of it and start back in the morning. I
actively started on this strategy about 6 months ago and notice
that she now will frequently apply on her own - spreading out all
the contents of a kit the night before, so she can "play" with
it, but not doing the project until the morning.
The other thing that has helped (I think), is helping her spot
the things she gets better at. Improved scores in gymnastics;
more accuracy in throwing; less re rolling of cookie dough;
whatever.
As for the littler kid who want to be bigger having had a 2 and a
5 who love to play together and whose skills are quite different,
one concrete thing that helped the younger have fun with the
on-line games was a little kid free exploration by me. For
instance, there are a slew of preschool Lego games on-line. If
you click through from big brother's bionicle site to the
preschool page you may all be happier; you just have to find the
path when you can remember how you got there, LOL. On a couple I
found e-cards. The 2 y.o. sent great grandparents and half the
world e-cards from sites that he otherwise had no hope of
navigating, but he got back tons of e-cards, so all was good.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Stephanie Elms" <stephanie.elms@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, January 08, 2003 1:11 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Help with kids (and my own)
frustration...
| I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how to help
Jason (6 yo) deal better with his
| frustration about not being able to do things on the first try.
This happens quite a bit,
| most often with video games but also with other things, like
writing and now basketball.
|
| Usually, I just try to hold him when he is melting down and we
talk about lots of things
| that mommy was (is) not good at and how as you get older you
are better able to do things,
| sometimes just because you are older and sometimes because you
have more experience.
| I let him back off if he does not want to try (like not making
him write like my dad
| wants me to do), but sometimes he does not want to back off and
just keeps getting
| upset. If it is a video game, I will try to help him get past
the point where he is
| stuck, but sometimes like yesterday with that danged Lego
Racers 2 game I couldn't
| do it either.
|
| Not sure what I am looking for, but maybe also ways to help me
keep my patience too...
| I try really hard, but sometimes it can be hard. Like when he
was melting down at
| 11pm the other night because he was too tired but refused to go
to sleep and when
| he starts getting mad at *me* because I can't give him the
answers...he did this
| yesterday when the tips I found online did not help him get
past the point he was at.
|
| I guess that it is hard because it is not anything that I can
"fix" for him. So I feel
| like I should be giving some sage wonderful advice rather then
feeling helpless and
| telling him will do it when he is ready.
|
| Also any suggestions on how to handle an almost 3 yo who wants
to play the same
| games as his brother? Jason is really into bionicles and Kyle
has started wanting
| to play the online bionicle game...well, he is no where near to
being able to do it
| which means that he wants me to sit with him and do it for him.
I don't mind doing
| this for a little while, but how do I deal with the fact that
this is just not
| fun for me? It was more fun when I was helping Jason do it
because he and I were more
| of a team. Kyle has his own reader rabbit toddler and blues
clues software, plus
| he just got a cute little "laptop" with lots of games his level
and Jason's level
| from my ILs for christmas. But no dice...he only
| wants to play the games that he just is not developmentally
ready for...which means
| he winds up getting frustrated...
|
| Maybe I just need more tips on handling frustration with kids
in general. I think
| that I have been realizing lately that this is a hot spot for
me...how to be
| supportive and not take their frustration and anger
personally....
|
| Stephanie E.
|
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[email protected]
In a message dated 1/8/03 12:13:07 PM, stephanie.elms@...
writes:
<< Also any suggestions on how to handle an almost 3 yo who wants to play the
same
games as his brother? Jason is really into bionicles and Kyle has started
wanting
to play the online bionicle game. >>
Pay Jason ( on the sly) to play it with Kyle every day. That won't last too
long, and it will be money well applied.
Sandra
writes:
<< Also any suggestions on how to handle an almost 3 yo who wants to play the
same
games as his brother? Jason is really into bionicles and Kyle has started
wanting
to play the online bionicle game. >>
Pay Jason ( on the sly) to play it with Kyle every day. That won't last too
long, and it will be money well applied.
Sandra
Stephanie Elms
> Pay Jason ( on the sly) to play it with Kyle every day. ThatNow there is an idea! Actually, Jason was getting a kick out of helping Kyle
> won't last too
> long, and it will be money well applied.
for a little while, but the novelty wore off...maybe $$$ might make it more
interesting...
Stephanie E.
Stephanie Elms
I
frustrated and how angry he gets. I am becoming more and more comfortable
with this aspect of his personality, but sometimes it gets hard for me.
I have realized that he basically likes to wait until he is good and ready
before he does most things. He learns by watching me do things and waiting
until he is ready. Then it gets hard to balance our needs sometimes...how
many times do *I* want to play Lemmings, realizing that this is part of how
he learns...
excited when we finally won the bionicle game. He went back and played it again
and again, each time needing less and less of my help. Now he likes to see
how fast he can get through it. And my dad was worried that Jason would never
learn the benefits of sticking to something that was hard. :o)
not usually accept substitutes...
Stephanie E.
> actively started on this strategy about 6 months ago and noticeThanks for the suggestions. I think what gets me is how quickly he gets
> that she now will frequently apply on her own - spreading out all
> the contents of a kit the night before, so she can "play" with
> it, but not doing the project until the morning.
frustrated and how angry he gets. I am becoming more and more comfortable
with this aspect of his personality, but sometimes it gets hard for me.
I have realized that he basically likes to wait until he is good and ready
before he does most things. He learns by watching me do things and waiting
until he is ready. Then it gets hard to balance our needs sometimes...how
many times do *I* want to play Lemmings, realizing that this is part of how
he learns...
> The other thing that has helped (I think), is helping her spotYeah, actually computer games have really helped a lot with this...he was *so*
> the things she gets better at. Improved scores in gymnastics;
> more accuracy in throwing; less re rolling of cookie dough;
> whatever.
excited when we finally won the bionicle game. He went back and played it again
and again, each time needing less and less of my help. Now he likes to see
how fast he can get through it. And my dad was worried that Jason would never
learn the benefits of sticking to something that was hard. :o)
>Yeah, I will keep looking. Unfortunately Kyle is extremely persistent and does
> As for the littler kid who want to be bigger having had a 2 and a
> 5 who love to play together and whose skills are quite different,
> one concrete thing that helped the younger have fun with the
> on-line games was a little kid free exploration by me. For
> instance, there are a slew of preschool Lego games on-line. If
> you click through from big brother's bionicle site to the
> preschool page you may all be happier; you just have to find the
> path when you can remember how you got there, LOL. On a couple I
> found e-cards. The 2 y.o. sent great grandparents and half the
> world e-cards from sites that he otherwise had no hope of
> navigating, but he got back tons of e-cards, so all was good.
not usually accept substitutes...
Stephanie E.
Marjorie Kirk
I asked David Albert a very similar question when he was here to speak in
September (which, by the way, was great!). He said that one of the best
ways to show kids how to deal with the frustration involved with learning a
new skill is to demonstrate. It's one thing to say "Mommy couldn't color
inside the lines when she was 5 either, but I got better with practice",
it's quite different for them to see you sitting at the piano playing the
same song over and over again, starting off awful and getting slowly but
progressively better. My kids have learned so much through my attempts to
learn to type, play piano, do yoga, etc.. Sometimes they even get to see
mom have her own mini-meltdown!
Marjorie
September (which, by the way, was great!). He said that one of the best
ways to show kids how to deal with the frustration involved with learning a
new skill is to demonstrate. It's one thing to say "Mommy couldn't color
inside the lines when she was 5 either, but I got better with practice",
it's quite different for them to see you sitting at the piano playing the
same song over and over again, starting off awful and getting slowly but
progressively better. My kids have learned so much through my attempts to
learn to type, play piano, do yoga, etc.. Sometimes they even get to see
mom have her own mini-meltdown!
Marjorie
Stephanie Elms
> My kids have learned so much throughLOL! The boys have definitely gotten to see mom have a melt down before! In fact
> my attempts to
> learn to type, play piano, do yoga, etc.. Sometimes they
> even get to see
> mom have her own mini-meltdown!
Jason and I are helping to remind the other not to yell....
Good idea...I do try to point out when I make a mistake (usually driving and I
get lost!) and he has seen me fail miserably at video games (but I do keep trying!)
Stephanie E.