Re: Speaking Up for Kids
Shay Seaborne
Date: Sun, 19 Dec 1999 15:58:29 +0100
From: McBryan Alignan <clairefree@...>
<<<< Why not speak up for the child? A statement perhaps: "She doesn't
want to share right now.">>>
Having been raised in an authoritarian household, I would have a hard
time saying something so "bold." I've come up with a way to address it,
though. I address the *child,* saying something like, "It seems important
to you to keep the vegetables right now. I have a hard time sharing my
favorite things, too, sometimes. I'm sure you'll share when you're
ready."
Sometimes, this causes the parent to empathize and change behavior. Even
if it doesn't, the child has received *some* validation of her feelings,
and a clue that they are "normal."
-Shay
FOLC eclectic homeschool support group http://expage.com/page/folcfolks
VaEclecticHomeschool discussion list
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/VaEclecticHomeschool
Virginia Home Education Association
http://www.people.virginia.edu/~pm6f/vhea.html
National Home Education Network http://www.nhen.org
From: McBryan Alignan <clairefree@...>
<<<< Why not speak up for the child? A statement perhaps: "She doesn't
want to share right now.">>>
Having been raised in an authoritarian household, I would have a hard
time saying something so "bold." I've come up with a way to address it,
though. I address the *child,* saying something like, "It seems important
to you to keep the vegetables right now. I have a hard time sharing my
favorite things, too, sometimes. I'm sure you'll share when you're
ready."
Sometimes, this causes the parent to empathize and change behavior. Even
if it doesn't, the child has received *some* validation of her feelings,
and a clue that they are "normal."
-Shay
FOLC eclectic homeschool support group http://expage.com/page/folcfolks
VaEclecticHomeschool discussion list
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/VaEclecticHomeschool
Virginia Home Education Association
http://www.people.virginia.edu/~pm6f/vhea.html
National Home Education Network http://www.nhen.org
Thad Martin
hi,
some of my strongest memories from my childhood were isolated events like this,
where someone i had very little or no knowledge of spoke with me. it really left a
deep impression.
-susan
austin.tx
Shay Seaborne wrote:
some of my strongest memories from my childhood were isolated events like this,
where someone i had very little or no knowledge of spoke with me. it really left a
deep impression.
-susan
austin.tx
Shay Seaborne wrote:
> From: Shay Seaborne <s-seaborne@...>
>
> Date: Sun, 19 Dec 1999 15:58:29 +0100
> From: McBryan Alignan <clairefree@...>
> <<<< Why not speak up for the child? A statement perhaps: "She doesn't
> want to share right now.">>>
>
> Having been raised in an authoritarian household, I would have a hard
> time saying something so "bold." I've come up with a way to address it,
> though. I address the *child,* saying something like, "It seems important
> to you to keep the vegetables right now. I have a hard time sharing my
> favorite things, too, sometimes. I'm sure you'll share when you're
> ready."
> Sometimes, this causes the parent to empathize and change behavior. Even
> if it doesn't, the child has received *some* validation of her feelings,
> and a clue that they are "normal."
>
> -Shay
McBryan Alignan
Shay Seaborne wrote:
You know, even the last phrase leaves sharing hovering there in the
air for "when she is ready", ruining a bit the joy of her play - of
play in the *moment*. The joy - the moment - is robbed because soon,
it will be all over and 'everyone is waiting'. Hurry up and get the
fun in. The problem with sharing has been set up and sets the child
up, no matter how you slice it, as having some sort of problem for
wanting to do what it is she is choosing and wanting to do. The
underlying tone is that the child is wrong for doing this. She is not.
Contrary to popular belief, according to my obersvation of certain
children, this respect for individuality does not set up nasty, greedy
hoarding little creatures. It is wise to leave the sharing thing alone,
validating feelings and backing off. It all comes together because
of love and life and the joy of living.
Do we say that we, too (adults), have trouble sharing? And do we?
Well, *why*?! And is it really the same "set up" for us as it is for
them (children)? Not at all.
In closing some ideas from this and other posts:
There is no "perfect" mother - I think even striving to be one,
takes away from each unique *moment* - it is simply not the
goal to strive for in the best interests of a child or a mother.
Looking into the child's eyes (a person's place) and putting
oneself in their point of view, puts so much into focus. It's not
about being the "best", it's about living and growing - learning
and giving. It's about children and respect.
Diane McBryan Alignan
>Yes. It's about validating the feelings of the child.
> From: Shay Seaborne <s-seaborne@...>
>
> Date: Sun, 19 Dec 1999 15:58:29 +0100
> From: McBryan Alignan <clairefree@...>
> <<<< Why not speak up for the child? A statement perhaps: "She doesn't
> want to share right now.">>>
>
> Having been raised in an authoritarian household, I would have a hard
> time saying something so "bold." I've come up with a way to address it,
> though. I address the *child,* saying something like, "It seems important
> to you to keep the vegetables right now. I have a hard time sharing my
> favorite things, too, sometimes. I'm sure you'll share when you're
> ready."
> Sometimes, this causes the parent to empathize and change behavior. Even
> if it doesn't, the child has received *some* validation of her feelings,
> and a clue that they are "normal."
>
> -Shay
You know, even the last phrase leaves sharing hovering there in the
air for "when she is ready", ruining a bit the joy of her play - of
play in the *moment*. The joy - the moment - is robbed because soon,
it will be all over and 'everyone is waiting'. Hurry up and get the
fun in. The problem with sharing has been set up and sets the child
up, no matter how you slice it, as having some sort of problem for
wanting to do what it is she is choosing and wanting to do. The
underlying tone is that the child is wrong for doing this. She is not.
Contrary to popular belief, according to my obersvation of certain
children, this respect for individuality does not set up nasty, greedy
hoarding little creatures. It is wise to leave the sharing thing alone,
validating feelings and backing off. It all comes together because
of love and life and the joy of living.
Do we say that we, too (adults), have trouble sharing? And do we?
Well, *why*?! And is it really the same "set up" for us as it is for
them (children)? Not at all.
In closing some ideas from this and other posts:
There is no "perfect" mother - I think even striving to be one,
takes away from each unique *moment* - it is simply not the
goal to strive for in the best interests of a child or a mother.
Looking into the child's eyes (a person's place) and putting
oneself in their point of view, puts so much into focus. It's not
about being the "best", it's about living and growing - learning
and giving. It's about children and respect.
Diane McBryan Alignan