Julie Stauffer

Things kind of go on a continuum here. I really try to make sure the kids
are free to do what they choose as long as they are not infringing on the
rights of others. When they are it is discussed and since several of my
kids are still quite young, they occassionally have to deal with the
consequences of their choices. Example: Shelly (3) is playing play station
right now. Danny (4) has been in pestering at her because she isn't playing
how he does. I talked with Danny about how Shelly can play as she chooses,
that there are lots of ways to play the game, etc. He continued and
continued to pester at her until she became upset. I attempted to get Danny
to come do an activity with me but he was still into what Shelly was doing.
So I told him that he needed to come away and quit pestering her. He
eventually was asked to leave the room. But this is also the kid that peels
his own apples, climbs as high as he is comfortable in trees, etc..

Adriane (12) is completely in control of her entire life. She eats what and
when she chooses, she sleeps where and when she chooses, watches and listens
to whatever she chooses, bathes and brushes whenever she chooses, etc..

Zach (10) is somewhere in the middle. The choices he makes sometimes brush
up against the rights of others. Example: He hates to brush his teeth.
After a few days, I find it disgusting and don't want to hang out too close
with him. It is not uncommon for me to ask him to brush his teeth when he
wants me to do something with him that requires close contact. He hates to
change his clothes but dh will often ask him to change if he wants to
accompany dh somewhere.

Julie

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In a message dated 1/7/03 1:35:14 PM Eastern Standard Time, jnjstau@...
writes:

> Adriane (12) is completely in control of her entire life. She eats what and
> when she chooses,

Zach (10) is somewhere in the middle.  The choices he makes sometimes brush
up against the rights of others.  Example:  He hates to brush his teeth


They sound like my children. Anna (13) and Ethan (11) Pretty much the exact
same dynamics. Ethan HATES to change clothes and bathe or brush his teeth
(Ok basically, he has horrible personal hygeine) Well, now that he's
approaching puberty, that boy can get RANK. .. Sometimes I just have to say,
Ethan, please take a shower, please. It gets to the point that no one can
stand to be around him, esp in close quarters like the van. Usually, if he
hasnt bathed and we are going somewhere, thats when I have to insist... He
still protests and hates to do it.. but he will usually "give in" Sometimes
I just compromise and purseude him to just wash under his arms so he doesnt
have to take a complete shower. So.. how would you guys handle a situation
like this? Just let him shower when he wants to ( never).. or impose
"reasonable" standards of hygiene for health and sanitation sake? ( and the
sake of our noses.. lol)

Teresa

Oh.. of course, I forgot something.. Yesterday some folks were posting about
how thier boys didnt like to leave the house.. Had to drag them kicking and
screaming, etc.. and they were getting worse.. Well, Ethan is also the same
in those regards. This resisting bathing ,changing clothes, etc, is just
another way for him to avoid change. Children with ADHD have a very
difficult time making transitions. Just like some others said, its not
really the "thing" the kid is going to do that bugs them ( they may love the
movies or going to the library) Its the change of activities that upsets
them. This was one BIG challange in Ethan going to public school. He hated
getting up and getting ready .. it was horrible.. I am so glad I dont have to
deal with that anymore. I try everything I can think of to make
transistions easier for Ethan. But, nothing really seems to work. He opts
to stay home a lot of the time.. . And I know that he is really missing
things that he would enjoy if he would just come along. . But, I dont push
him, unless he HAS to go, ( like I dont want to stay home alone for a long
period of time.) Its heartbreaking, really.. and I wish I knew the
solution

Teresa


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Tia Leschke

So.. how would you guys handle a situation
like this? Just let him shower when he wants to ( never).. or impose
"reasonable" standards of hygiene for health and sanitation sake? ( and
the
sake of our noses.. lol)

He's 11. Can you wait a year or two? <g> In a couple of years he'll be
taking two showers a day, at least based on my experience with boys.
Tia

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In a message dated 1/7/03 7:27:02 PM Eastern Standard Time, leschke@...
writes:

> He's 11. Can you wait a year or two? <g> In a couple of years he'll be
> taking two showers a day, at least based on my experience with boys.
> Tia
>

Yeah, thats true.. My 16 yo wasnt too keen on hygiene either at that age..
But,now, hes a regular squeaky clean.. LOL.. You know., those LOOOONNNNGGGG
showers til the hot water runs out.. :-)

Teresa


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In a message dated 1/7/2003 6:26:57 PM Central Standard Time, leschke@...
writes:

> He's 11. Can you wait a year or two? <g> In a couple of years he'll be
> taking two showers a day, at least based on my experience with boys.
>

Ditto that. But I make Will take showers. If he wants to sleep in my bed,
he's going to have to be non-smelly.

The other day he took a shower and then came in and gave me a hug. I asked
him if he had used soap, and he said the soap was too little, so he didn't!

I made him take another one. Got him some soap. lol.

Tuck


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