personal limits
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/12/02 12:08:58 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< I'm struggling with learning how to set my own personal limits and
knowing when it's ok to put my foot down and say no. >>
And that's a very different thing than rules.
No one here is advocating not respecting yourself. I sleep when I'm tired,
eat when I'm hungry etc....and they can do the same.
I may have to give up sleep for one of them, that's part of the Mom job.
But when I say I'm falling asleep I can't read anymore, they have no problem
with this.
When you meet their needs, they aren't feeling needy about being read to, or
played with or any other number of things.
So when you say "I can't do anymore" they are ok with that usually. You are
creating non-needy kids, that can handle other peoples needs very well.
This comes with maturity too, I sure don't expect the little guy to
undertstand that Mommy's tired in the middle of the night when he wants to
nurse.
Nor do I expect Sierra at five y.o. to understand my needs the way Trevor
(13) does.
Tonight I told them I was getting tired and anyone that wanted me to lay down
with them needed to come now.
Sierra was building with Lincoln logs in the middle of the floor and ignored
me. I started to head back to the room with Jalen and Jared, she said "oh, I
wanted to leave this up"
I told her that if she put it out of the way so no one would step on it she
could leave it up as long as she wanted.
She decided to build it again tomorrow and put all the Lincoln logs in a bin.
I sat on Jalens bed reading stories, he loves his little board books. Pretty
soon I had all four kids around (and on) me.
Trevor drifted out after a minute and we read a couple of books and then
Sierra went to lay on my bed while I nursed Jalen to sleep.
Jared and I talked while Jalen nursed. Mostly he wanted me to tell him
stories of when my sisters and I were little.
He laughed a lot and asked for more. By the time Jalen was done nursing they
were both asleep.
I came out to Trevor organizing a cupboard in the kitchen and all the dishes
rinsed.
No one asked him to clean up....he just did.
When asked why he organized the cupboard the answer was "it was really
bugging me".
I said "Oh, then if I want things cleaned I just have to ignore them long
enough for it to be really, really bad and then you guys will do it for me?"
He laughed and asked me to please not do that, he likes that I keep things
picked up for them and hugged me.
Then he went to bed, even though he has the option to play Nintendo, Gameboy,
read, eat, watch tv or any other number of things.
I like that I had this night to share in the midst of this discussion.....I
think it shows how kids that aren't feeling needy will consider everyone's
needs, not just their own.
Ren
"Knowledge will not always take the place of simple observation."
~Arnold Lobel
Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
[email protected] writes:
<< I'm struggling with learning how to set my own personal limits and
knowing when it's ok to put my foot down and say no. >>
And that's a very different thing than rules.
No one here is advocating not respecting yourself. I sleep when I'm tired,
eat when I'm hungry etc....and they can do the same.
I may have to give up sleep for one of them, that's part of the Mom job.
But when I say I'm falling asleep I can't read anymore, they have no problem
with this.
When you meet their needs, they aren't feeling needy about being read to, or
played with or any other number of things.
So when you say "I can't do anymore" they are ok with that usually. You are
creating non-needy kids, that can handle other peoples needs very well.
This comes with maturity too, I sure don't expect the little guy to
undertstand that Mommy's tired in the middle of the night when he wants to
nurse.
Nor do I expect Sierra at five y.o. to understand my needs the way Trevor
(13) does.
Tonight I told them I was getting tired and anyone that wanted me to lay down
with them needed to come now.
Sierra was building with Lincoln logs in the middle of the floor and ignored
me. I started to head back to the room with Jalen and Jared, she said "oh, I
wanted to leave this up"
I told her that if she put it out of the way so no one would step on it she
could leave it up as long as she wanted.
She decided to build it again tomorrow and put all the Lincoln logs in a bin.
I sat on Jalens bed reading stories, he loves his little board books. Pretty
soon I had all four kids around (and on) me.
Trevor drifted out after a minute and we read a couple of books and then
Sierra went to lay on my bed while I nursed Jalen to sleep.
Jared and I talked while Jalen nursed. Mostly he wanted me to tell him
stories of when my sisters and I were little.
He laughed a lot and asked for more. By the time Jalen was done nursing they
were both asleep.
I came out to Trevor organizing a cupboard in the kitchen and all the dishes
rinsed.
No one asked him to clean up....he just did.
When asked why he organized the cupboard the answer was "it was really
bugging me".
I said "Oh, then if I want things cleaned I just have to ignore them long
enough for it to be really, really bad and then you guys will do it for me?"
He laughed and asked me to please not do that, he likes that I keep things
picked up for them and hugged me.
Then he went to bed, even though he has the option to play Nintendo, Gameboy,
read, eat, watch tv or any other number of things.
I like that I had this night to share in the midst of this discussion.....I
think it shows how kids that aren't feeling needy will consider everyone's
needs, not just their own.
Ren
"Knowledge will not always take the place of simple observation."
~Arnold Lobel
Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
Kelli Traaseth
Ren,
Thank you for sharing your evening.
These are exactly the things I need to hear.
IMO, the personal limit thing is one of the biggest challenges when we choose to be homeschoolers and unschoolers. Especially for those of us who are new to the unschooling and related philosophies. I think for me I first heard no limits and then out went my own limits! So talking about how to take care of ourselves is so beneficial. I have to get into my mind that if I take care of myself I will also be much better at taking care of the kids, duhhh.... but that is hard to remember. Hopefully it will get easier and easier..
take care,
Kelli
starsuncloud@... wrote:In a message dated 12/12/02 12:08:58 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< I'm struggling with learning how to set my own personal limits and
knowing when it's ok to put my foot down and say no. >>
And that's a very different thing than rules.
No one here is advocating not respecting yourself. I sleep when I'm tired,
eat when I'm hungry etc....and they can do the same.
I may have to give up sleep for one of them, that's part of the Mom job.
But when I say I'm falling asleep I can't read anymore, they have no problem
with this.
When you meet their needs, they aren't feeling needy about being read to, or
played with or any other number of things.
So when you say "I can't do anymore" they are ok with that usually. You are
creating non-needy kids, that can handle other peoples needs very well.
This comes with maturity too, I sure don't expect the little guy to
undertstand that Mommy's tired in the middle of the night when he wants to
nurse.
Nor do I expect Sierra at five y.o. to understand my needs the way Trevor
(13) does.
Tonight I told them I was getting tired and anyone that wanted me to lay down
with them needed to come now.
Sierra was building with Lincoln logs in the middle of the floor and ignored
me. I started to head back to the room with Jalen and Jared, she said "oh, I
wanted to leave this up"
I told her that if she put it out of the way so no one would step on it she
could leave it up as long as she wanted.
She decided to build it again tomorrow and put all the Lincoln logs in a bin.
I sat on Jalens bed reading stories, he loves his little board books. Pretty
soon I had all four kids around (and on) me.
Trevor drifted out after a minute and we read a couple of books and then
Sierra went to lay on my bed while I nursed Jalen to sleep.
Jared and I talked while Jalen nursed. Mostly he wanted me to tell him
stories of when my sisters and I were little.
He laughed a lot and asked for more. By the time Jalen was done nursing they
were both asleep.
I came out to Trevor organizing a cupboard in the kitchen and all the dishes
rinsed.
No one asked him to clean up....he just did.
When asked why he organized the cupboard the answer was "it was really
bugging me".
I said "Oh, then if I want things cleaned I just have to ignore them long
enough for it to be really, really bad and then you guys will do it for me?"
He laughed and asked me to please not do that, he likes that I keep things
picked up for them and hugged me.
Then he went to bed, even though he has the option to play Nintendo, Gameboy,
read, eat, watch tv or any other number of things.
I like that I had this night to share in the midst of this discussion.....I
think it shows how kids that aren't feeling needy will consider everyone's
needs, not just their own.
Ren
"Knowledge will not always take the place of simple observation."
~Arnold Lobel
Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Plus - Powerful. Affordable. Sign up now
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thank you for sharing your evening.
These are exactly the things I need to hear.
IMO, the personal limit thing is one of the biggest challenges when we choose to be homeschoolers and unschoolers. Especially for those of us who are new to the unschooling and related philosophies. I think for me I first heard no limits and then out went my own limits! So talking about how to take care of ourselves is so beneficial. I have to get into my mind that if I take care of myself I will also be much better at taking care of the kids, duhhh.... but that is hard to remember. Hopefully it will get easier and easier..
take care,
Kelli
starsuncloud@... wrote:In a message dated 12/12/02 12:08:58 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< I'm struggling with learning how to set my own personal limits and
knowing when it's ok to put my foot down and say no. >>
And that's a very different thing than rules.
No one here is advocating not respecting yourself. I sleep when I'm tired,
eat when I'm hungry etc....and they can do the same.
I may have to give up sleep for one of them, that's part of the Mom job.
But when I say I'm falling asleep I can't read anymore, they have no problem
with this.
When you meet their needs, they aren't feeling needy about being read to, or
played with or any other number of things.
So when you say "I can't do anymore" they are ok with that usually. You are
creating non-needy kids, that can handle other peoples needs very well.
This comes with maturity too, I sure don't expect the little guy to
undertstand that Mommy's tired in the middle of the night when he wants to
nurse.
Nor do I expect Sierra at five y.o. to understand my needs the way Trevor
(13) does.
Tonight I told them I was getting tired and anyone that wanted me to lay down
with them needed to come now.
Sierra was building with Lincoln logs in the middle of the floor and ignored
me. I started to head back to the room with Jalen and Jared, she said "oh, I
wanted to leave this up"
I told her that if she put it out of the way so no one would step on it she
could leave it up as long as she wanted.
She decided to build it again tomorrow and put all the Lincoln logs in a bin.
I sat on Jalens bed reading stories, he loves his little board books. Pretty
soon I had all four kids around (and on) me.
Trevor drifted out after a minute and we read a couple of books and then
Sierra went to lay on my bed while I nursed Jalen to sleep.
Jared and I talked while Jalen nursed. Mostly he wanted me to tell him
stories of when my sisters and I were little.
He laughed a lot and asked for more. By the time Jalen was done nursing they
were both asleep.
I came out to Trevor organizing a cupboard in the kitchen and all the dishes
rinsed.
No one asked him to clean up....he just did.
When asked why he organized the cupboard the answer was "it was really
bugging me".
I said "Oh, then if I want things cleaned I just have to ignore them long
enough for it to be really, really bad and then you guys will do it for me?"
He laughed and asked me to please not do that, he likes that I keep things
picked up for them and hugged me.
Then he went to bed, even though he has the option to play Nintendo, Gameboy,
read, eat, watch tv or any other number of things.
I like that I had this night to share in the midst of this discussion.....I
think it shows how kids that aren't feeling needy will consider everyone's
needs, not just their own.
Ren
"Knowledge will not always take the place of simple observation."
~Arnold Lobel
Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Plus - Powerful. Affordable. Sign up now
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/12/02 2:12:57 AM Eastern Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
working on them.
Elissa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
starsuncloud@... writes:
> <<I'm struggling with learning how to set my own personal limits andI too recently have discovered that I'm not so good with Boundaries. So I am
> knowing when it's ok to put my foot down and say no. >>
>
> And that's a very different thing than rules.
>
working on them.
Elissa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
susan marie
just a thought.. my 12 yo would like to stay up later than she
should --- and by "should" I mean that when she stays up much past 10:30
on a regular basis, she's very weepy and irritable. We don't enforce a
bedtime, we simply point out to her that she's been weepy and grumpy and
maybe she's been staying up too late. Now, with her getting home from
play practice after ten pm, that isn't always practical. But we go with
the need for sleep and learning to listen to your own rhythms. Rules are
too much work. Rituals, guidelines, common sense seems to work just fine
for us.
my two cents,
susan
should --- and by "should" I mean that when she stays up much past 10:30
on a regular basis, she's very weepy and irritable. We don't enforce a
bedtime, we simply point out to her that she's been weepy and grumpy and
maybe she's been staying up too late. Now, with her getting home from
play practice after ten pm, that isn't always practical. But we go with
the need for sleep and learning to listen to your own rhythms. Rules are
too much work. Rituals, guidelines, common sense seems to work just fine
for us.
my two cents,
susan
On Thursday, December 12, 2002, at 02:11 AM, starsuncloud@... wrote:
> In a message dated 12/12/02 12:08:58 AM Central Standard Time,
> [email protected] writes:
>
> << I'm struggling with learning how to set my own personal limits and
> knowing when it's ok to put my foot down and say no. >>
>
> And that's a very different thing than rules.
> No one here is advocating not respecting yourself. I sleep when I'm
> tired,
> eat when I'm hungry etc....and they can do the same.
> I may have to give up sleep for one of them, that's part of the Mom job.
> But when I say I'm falling asleep I can't read anymore, they have no
> problem
> with this.
> When you meet their needs, they aren't feeling needy about being read
> to, or
> played with or any other number of things.
> So when you say "I can't do anymore" they are ok with that usually. You
> are
> creating non-needy kids, that can handle other peoples needs very well.
> This comes with maturity too, I sure don't expect the little guy to
> undertstand that Mommy's tired in the middle of the night when he wants
> to
> nurse.
> Nor do I expect Sierra at five y.o. to understand my needs the way
> Trevor
> (13) does.
>
> Tonight I told them I was getting tired and anyone that wanted me to
> lay down
> with them needed to come now.
> Sierra was building with Lincoln logs in the middle of the floor and
> ignored
> me. I started to head back to the room with Jalen and Jared, she said
> "oh, I
> wanted to leave this up"
> I told her that if she put it out of the way so no one would step on it
> she
> could leave it up as long as she wanted.
> She decided to build it again tomorrow and put all the Lincoln logs in
> a bin.
> I sat on Jalens bed reading stories, he loves his little board books.
> Pretty
> soon I had all four kids around (and on) me.
> Trevor drifted out after a minute and we read a couple of books and then
> Sierra went to lay on my bed while I nursed Jalen to sleep.
> Jared and I talked while Jalen nursed. Mostly he wanted me to tell him
> stories of when my sisters and I were little.
> He laughed a lot and asked for more. By the time Jalen was done nursing
> they
> were both asleep.
> I came out to Trevor organizing a cupboard in the kitchen and all the
> dishes
> rinsed.
> No one asked him to clean up....he just did.
> When asked why he organized the cupboard the answer was "it was really
> bugging me".
> I said "Oh, then if I want things cleaned I just have to ignore them
> long
> enough for it to be really, really bad and then you guys will do it for
> me?"
> He laughed and asked me to please not do that, he likes that I keep
> things
> picked up for them and hugged me.
> Then he went to bed, even though he has the option to play Nintendo,
> Gameboy,
> read, eat, watch tv or any other number of things.
>
> I like that I had this night to share in the midst of this
> discussion.....I
> think it shows how kids that aren't feeling needy will consider
> everyone's
> needs, not just their own.
>
> Ren
> "Knowledge will not always take the place of simple observation."
> ~Arnold Lobel
> Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please
> email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the
> list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address
> an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
peace,
Susan
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can
change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
- Margaret Mead
"All we are saying is give peace a chance."
- John Lennon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]