Friend Problems
Shay Seaborne
From: Susan Robinson <garden-inside@...>
Subject: Friend problems
<SNIP> My daughter does not want to give up on this girl but she is truly
hurt.
Any suggestions?>>
Hi Susan,
That is a tough situation for Naomi! It is always hard when a close
friend seems to so easily write you off completely just because you do
something that is different than what they expect from you. Being
inclined to do things my own way, this has happened to me a few times. It
is always painful, but easier to handle each time.
I would tell my dd that sometimes, people can't handle it when we do
something that serves our true selves, rather than going along with the
crowd. They probably feel it is some kind of threat, and it is really
about *them* and their inability to be open to individual
expressions--not about us.
Naomi is obviously not going to "win" back this girl's friendship. The
girl's poem makes that pretty clear, as do her nasty comments. So, IMHO,
the best thing you can do for your dd is help her express her hurt and
loss in an appropriate manner. Perhaps she needs to punch pillows,
scream, write a poem in response (and not send it), do an angry dance, or
make a memorial to the good things about the now-dead friendship. When I
suffer a loss, it really helps me to write about it, just to myself, and
then to create something--usually artwork. Often, I am amazed at what
comes out.
It is also very important that Naomi know that all of her feelings about
this, and toward the girl, are completely normal. She could be angry one
moment, and fearful the next. There might be grief, guilt or regret,
questioning herself and her worth, and many other emotions.
I think it's instinctual for us to want to protect our children from
such hurtful events, but we can't possibly do that--especially throughout
their lives. The best we can do is help them understand human nature, and
help them learn what they need to do when faced with these situations.
That will help them safely negotiate a lifetime of ups and downs.
Best of luck!
-Shay
FOLC eclectic homeschool support group http://expage.com/page/folcfolks
VaEclecticHomeschool discussion list
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/VaEclecticHomeschool
Virginia Home Education Association
http://www.people.virginia.edu/~pm6f/vhea.html
National Home Education Network http://www.nhen.org
Subject: Friend problems
<SNIP> My daughter does not want to give up on this girl but she is truly
hurt.
Any suggestions?>>
Hi Susan,
That is a tough situation for Naomi! It is always hard when a close
friend seems to so easily write you off completely just because you do
something that is different than what they expect from you. Being
inclined to do things my own way, this has happened to me a few times. It
is always painful, but easier to handle each time.
I would tell my dd that sometimes, people can't handle it when we do
something that serves our true selves, rather than going along with the
crowd. They probably feel it is some kind of threat, and it is really
about *them* and their inability to be open to individual
expressions--not about us.
Naomi is obviously not going to "win" back this girl's friendship. The
girl's poem makes that pretty clear, as do her nasty comments. So, IMHO,
the best thing you can do for your dd is help her express her hurt and
loss in an appropriate manner. Perhaps she needs to punch pillows,
scream, write a poem in response (and not send it), do an angry dance, or
make a memorial to the good things about the now-dead friendship. When I
suffer a loss, it really helps me to write about it, just to myself, and
then to create something--usually artwork. Often, I am amazed at what
comes out.
It is also very important that Naomi know that all of her feelings about
this, and toward the girl, are completely normal. She could be angry one
moment, and fearful the next. There might be grief, guilt or regret,
questioning herself and her worth, and many other emotions.
I think it's instinctual for us to want to protect our children from
such hurtful events, but we can't possibly do that--especially throughout
their lives. The best we can do is help them understand human nature, and
help them learn what they need to do when faced with these situations.
That will help them safely negotiate a lifetime of ups and downs.
Best of luck!
-Shay
FOLC eclectic homeschool support group http://expage.com/page/folcfolks
VaEclecticHomeschool discussion list
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/VaEclecticHomeschool
Virginia Home Education Association
http://www.people.virginia.edu/~pm6f/vhea.html
National Home Education Network http://www.nhen.org