NessaPower

With holidays and the past month or so with family gatherings. I'm constantly surrounded by family on both sides constantly talking and being so wrapped on "who's going where to college" or my son/daughter is doing this.....that I've let it bother me so, and feel inferior(sp?). Does this make sense? I know it has to do with me never going to college, and now pulling my kids out of public schools and doing our own thing. I just need to make it through December, and not deal with everyone as much after that...heheh....
Anyone deal with this and maybe have some good comebacks for me to use? I know we're doing the right thing for having them at home, but it annoys me so to hear this CONSTANTLY to a point I get a stressful headache or I need to down a few drinks to blow it off!!
Its not that bad really, just curious if anyone else was ever bothered by it?
Vanessa
Our lil' sweeties:
Victoria Rose, Madison Grace, and
David Kent

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/9/02 9:57:26 AM, nessapower@... writes:

<< Anyone deal with this and maybe have some good comebacks for me to use? >>

Maybe carry stationery for "I told you so" notes. Ask them to write down
their concerns, and seal them and date them. You can both initial the
envelope. Put a date on it, like 2010, and tell them to open it then, and if
they were right to call you right away and you'll apologize profusely. And
if, when they open it, it turns out they were wrong, there's no need for them
to call and apologize to you at all.

Sandra

[email protected]

LOL @ Sandra, I love that suggestion.. :-)

Teresa


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary Bianco

>From: "NessaPower" <nessapower@...>

<<Its not that bad really, just curious if anyone else was ever bothered by
it?>>


My in laws are the worst when it comes to stuff like this. They have never
asked us about any decisions we've made about our lifestyle, they just
criticize. They can't understand or more simply, just don't want to. I can
handle people not agreeing with me all day long, but not vocally criticizing
me for decisions they know nothing about. My SIL who works in the public
school system is adament about making her kids go to college whether they
want to or not. In her words, you can't be a success without college. I've
sat through 13 years of this and pretty much kept my mouth shut when I
realized no one really cared why we made the decisons we did, just that they
weren't what we should do according to them. It wasn't worth the arguments
that ensued. Keeping quiet didn't make it go away. Now I simply stay away
and so does my husband. Just wasn't worth it. I'm happier and therefor so is
my family!

Now of course my husband is having a change of heart. We just buried his BIL
and he wants to take another crack at his family. If he feels like there is
a chance, I'm willing to do so. But I won't be keeping quiet this time.

If the opinions are just their strongly stated ones, I'd keep quiet and let
them talk. If it gets personal and judgemental, I'd say something. Something
like saying you disagree and then asking if they would really like to know
why should do the trick.

Sorry for the rant. Sore spot.

Mary B


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margotapple <[email protected]

--- In [email protected], "NessaPower"
<nessapower@p...> wrote:
> With holidays and the past month or so with family gatherings. I'm
constantly surrounded by family on both sides constantly talking and
being so wrapped on "who's going where to college" or my son/daughter
is doing this.....that I've let it bother me so, and feel
inferior(sp?). Does this make sense? I know it has to do with me
never going to college, and now pulling my kids out of public schools
and doing our own thing. I just need to make it through December,
and not deal with everyone as much after that...heheh....


I would ask myself, "Why does this bother me? Why am I having a hard
time just letting this slide off as I let other things slide?" The pin
prick reaction is worth looking at deeper.

It might help to think of people having different communication styles
too, even the grown ups. ;) Some people seem to need to quantify and
to have benchmarks that are "common" ones easily identifiable by a
majority of the population. Your own benchmarks could be seen as more
subtle and not so "common". We all define success in our own ways.
Homeschoolers and Unschoolers also do things worth bragging about or
thinking about for the future.

> Anyone deal with this and maybe have some good comebacks for me to
use? I know we're doing the right thing for having them at home, but
it annoys me so to hear this CONSTANTLY to a point I get a stressful
headache or I need to down a few drinks to blow it off!!
> Its not that bad really, just curious if anyone else was ever
bothered by it?

It can be awful. But, if it is REALLY awful I would suspect that there
are some underlying power issues going on. Lunch line at the cafeteria
isn't the only place the pecking order surfaces. Family gatherings
are favorite stomping grounds for this. You can catch the ball and
throw it back, or you can just let it roll right past you. You don't
have to play if you don't want to. And not playing someone else's game
can be a very powerful move.

Peggy

Deborah Lewis

How old are your kids?
When Dylan was younger we got this a lot from my husband's sisters.
But as he got older their concerns and interference lessened. Still,
every once in awhile I get some question about his education, but for the
most part they have all relaxed. One sister in law (the one with no
children) was still sending me "educational" news when she read it, about
how well public school kids were doing or how great some ps program has
been, etc. Even this seems to be on the decline after I e-mailed her a
list of John Holt titles and told her how really glad I was to find
someone in the family who shared my interest in education.<g>

Offer to loan them your big fat John Taylor Gatto collection or some
other intimidating looking library of alternative education material and
tell them you're just DYING to talk to someone else who's read it.

Or just serve some bad eggnog and wave goodbye, cheerily.

Deb L, also planning for Christmas guests...



On Mon, 9 Dec 2002 10:57:10 -0600 "NessaPower" <nessapower@...>
writes:
> With holidays and the past month or so with family gatherings. I'm
> constantly surrounded by family on both sides constantly talking and
> being so wrapped on "who's going where to college" or my
> son/daughter is doing this.....that I've let it bother me so, and
> feel inferior(sp?). Does this make sense? I know it has to do with
> me never going to college, and now pulling my kids out of public
> schools and doing our own thing. I just need to make it through
> December, and not deal with everyone as much after that...heheh....
> Anyone deal with this and maybe have some good comebacks for me to
> use? I know we're doing the right thing for having them at home,
> but it annoys me so to hear this CONSTANTLY to a point I get a
> stressful headache or I need to down a few drinks to blow it off!!
> Its not that bad really, just curious if anyone else was ever
> bothered by it?
> Vanessa
> Our lil' sweeties:
> Victoria Rose, Madison Grace, and
> David Kent

NessaPower

Just wanted to thank everyone who responded. Definitly some food for thought! I do think it is a power trip that I need to get over!!
Vanessa
Our lil' sweeties:
Victoria Rose, Madison Grace, and
David Kent

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/9/2002 2:08:30 PM Eastern Standard Time,
ddzimlew@... writes:


> Or just serve some bad eggnog and wave goodbye, cheerily.
>

Well, My beverage menu has been changed for this weekend with the in-laws! <G>


Thanks, for the suggestion, Deb! <BWEG>

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Deborah Lewis

> Well, My beverage menu has been changed for this weekend with the
> in-laws! <G>

Eeeewww, my husband just told me they were drinking nasty eggnog on "Fear
Factor" tonight.

> Thanks, for the suggestion, Deb! <BWEG>
>~Kelly

And don't forget, if you go for the eggnog too late and it looks like
they'll all make it through dinner, you can always let the dog lick their
plates before setting the table. That's just one of those satisfying
little "extras" that can make holidays with the in-laws so much more
special.<g>

Deb L

[email protected]

Let me know what comebacks you receive. My own mother called CPS on me
for homeschooling my kids. She is a teacher and feels that they are more
qualified for the job. I have to disagree my husband has 2 1/2 yrs. of
Mechanical Engineer and I am a Certified Legal Assistant in the State of
Texas. I feel that we as parents are equally qualified.

Kelli Traaseth

** My own mother called CPS on me
for homeschooling my kids.**



OMG!! And here I'm worried that my Mom doesn't get unschooling.



You must be very brave, Way to Go!!



Kelli





QUALITY6263@... wrote:Let me know what comebacks you receive. My own mother called CPS on me
for homeschooling my kids. She is a teacher and feels that they are more
qualified for the job. I have to disagree my husband has 2 1/2 yrs. of
Mechanical Engineer and I am a Certified Legal Assistant in the State of
Texas. I feel that we as parents are equally qualified.


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[email protected]

In a message dated 12/10/02 7:18:24 AM, kellitraas@... writes:

<< ** My own mother called CPS on me
for homeschooling my kids.** >>

That's funny.
I've called CPS on my own mother!

I'm really sorry anyone's mom would do that to anyone.
A lot of people should be called on sending their kids to schools where the
children's joy and souls are sucked dry and replaced with chalkdust. But
it's not the parents fault. They're innocent of any crime if they send their
kids to school.

Sandra

Kelli Traaseth

Yeah, lets write a law book and have it child friendly or one that would guide parents in raising an emotionally stable, healthy child.

I guess in ways that's what I'm reading right now, Living Joyfully With Children.

I keep going back and rereading and rereading. It has soooo much info. Love it!

Kelli



Kelli

SandraDodd@... wrote:
In a message dated 12/10/02 7:18:24 AM, kellitraas@... writes:

<< ** My own mother called CPS on me
for homeschooling my kids.** >>

That's funny.
I've called CPS on my own mother!

I'm really sorry anyone's mom would do that to anyone.
A lot of people should be called on sending their kids to schools where the
children's joy and souls are sucked dry and replaced with chalkdust. But
it's not the parents fault. They're innocent of any crime if they send their
kids to school.

Sandra

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To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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[email protected]

In a message dated 12/9/02 10:37:18 PM Central Standard Time,
QUALITY6263@... writes:

> My own mother called CPS on me
> for homeschooling my kids.

OK, my answer is pretty harsh. I'd move and cut her out of my life. She's
into active aggression.

My parents went from passive to active aggression over an issue. I wrote
them a letter saying that I was sorry about the choices they had made and
that they needed to change if I was going to come back into their lives. It
was the best thing I had ever done up to that point in my life. And it
worked.

Of course, now you have a government agency involved and she has put your
family at great risk. My situation was nothing compared to this. I don't
know anything about your relationship with your mother or about you, but if
it were to happen to me, that's what I would do.

Elizabeth