Alan & Brenda Leonard

11/15/02 18:44:

> I don't think there's any way I can develop my feelings on this without
> offending people who are adopted. I think the biological tie is a
> strong one. If someone was planting doubts, based on appearance, that
> my biological child wasn't my descendant, I would want to reassure the
> child. I guess I believe that a biological child has an automatic sense
> of belonging. The experience of learning that one is adopted seems to
> be disturbing and disorienting at first. (However, this isn't something
> I can talk knowledgeably about.)

Betsy,

I think part of this issue is in the presentation. I never learned I was
adopted, it's part of my history. The adoption stories are part of the
litany of family stories I grew up with. (There was a point when I was mad
at my older sister because she remembered MY adoption and I of course
couldn't remember hers!) We celebrated 3 birthdays a year -- birth,
adoption, and baptism, and each one had seperate traditions. We always went
out to eat at a fancy place on my adoption birthday, which was pretty
special; those were lean years for my parents. I don't look like my
parents, but I was a teenager before that ever really occurred to me.

I've seen children whose biological parents had less tie with them than my
adoptive parents. Adopted children at least know that they were wanted.
It's a real effort to adopt. Lotsa people can have babies "the easy way"!
:)

I would hope that an adoptive parent would reassure an adopted child that he
or she was their descendant, too. It's not just about blood. It's about
your heritage.

brenda