Re: being adopted
Julie Stauffer
My kids have always known they were adopted. I made each of them a little
book with pictures of us waiting for them, their birth families, etc. and
the story of them coming to our home. I read it to them from when they were
babies. We have an open relationship with their birth families and try to
visit. Some of the families have been more involved than others. Adriane
just saw her birthmom and step-birthdad (at least thats what we call him) in
September when we were in Dallas for a stock show. We went out to dinner
and the birthparents came out to the stock show. Adriane spent several
hours hanging out with them while I was busy with the goats. Adriane is
excited that her birthmom is expecting a baby in the Spring.
It was harder when the kids were smaller. The hurt of not being able to
raise this child was still fresh and birthfamily visits often ended in
gentle tears, not tears of regret but tears of sadness and long, deep hugs.
The kids would pick up on the sadness but not understand. When Adriane
turned 6, she asked her birthmom to her birthday party. Kristy came and
spent the weekend with us, camping out in Adriane's room. The tears stopped
after that.
Zach used to wonder why his birthfamily didn't keep him to raise, but later
had 2 boys that they did keep. We talked a lot about differences in
circumstances and how babies can't always wait until we get it together.
Having been adopted has never seemed like a major issue around here, it is
talked about but not dwelt upon nor avoided. I have a memory box for each
of the kids with stuff from their birthfamilies, as well as baptisms, etc..
The kids love getting out the boxes and hearing the stories about the first
time I saw them or ways they are like their birthparents. Because it isn't
threatening to dh or me, I think it helps to not be threatening to the kids.
Julie
book with pictures of us waiting for them, their birth families, etc. and
the story of them coming to our home. I read it to them from when they were
babies. We have an open relationship with their birth families and try to
visit. Some of the families have been more involved than others. Adriane
just saw her birthmom and step-birthdad (at least thats what we call him) in
September when we were in Dallas for a stock show. We went out to dinner
and the birthparents came out to the stock show. Adriane spent several
hours hanging out with them while I was busy with the goats. Adriane is
excited that her birthmom is expecting a baby in the Spring.
It was harder when the kids were smaller. The hurt of not being able to
raise this child was still fresh and birthfamily visits often ended in
gentle tears, not tears of regret but tears of sadness and long, deep hugs.
The kids would pick up on the sadness but not understand. When Adriane
turned 6, she asked her birthmom to her birthday party. Kristy came and
spent the weekend with us, camping out in Adriane's room. The tears stopped
after that.
Zach used to wonder why his birthfamily didn't keep him to raise, but later
had 2 boys that they did keep. We talked a lot about differences in
circumstances and how babies can't always wait until we get it together.
Having been adopted has never seemed like a major issue around here, it is
talked about but not dwelt upon nor avoided. I have a memory box for each
of the kids with stuff from their birthfamilies, as well as baptisms, etc..
The kids love getting out the boxes and hearing the stories about the first
time I saw them or ways they are like their birthparents. Because it isn't
threatening to dh or me, I think it helps to not be threatening to the kids.
Julie
Myranda
That's really beautiful! :*)
Thanks for sharing, it really means a lot.
Myranda
From: Julie Stauffer
My kids have always known they were adopted. I made each of them a little
book with pictures of us waiting for them, their birth families, etc. and
the story of them coming to our home. I read it to them from when they were
babies. We have an open relationship with their birth families and try to
visit. Some of the families have been more involved than others. Adriane
just saw her birthmom and step-birthdad (at least thats what we call him) in
September when we were in Dallas for a stock show. We went out to dinner
and the birthparents came out to the stock show. Adriane spent several
hours hanging out with them while I was busy with the goats. Adriane is
excited that her birthmom is expecting a baby in the Spring.
It was harder when the kids were smaller. The hurt of not being able to
raise this child was still fresh and birthfamily visits often ended in
gentle tears, not tears of regret but tears of sadness and long, deep hugs.
The kids would pick up on the sadness but not understand. When Adriane
turned 6, she asked her birthmom to her birthday party. Kristy came and
spent the weekend with us, camping out in Adriane's room. The tears stopped
after that.
Zach used to wonder why his birthfamily didn't keep him to raise, but later
had 2 boys that they did keep. We talked a lot about differences in
circumstances and how babies can't always wait until we get it together.
Having been adopted has never seemed like a major issue around here, it is
talked about but not dwelt upon nor avoided. I have a memory box for each
of the kids with stuff from their birthfamilies, as well as baptisms, etc..
The kids love getting out the boxes and hearing the stories about the first
time I saw them or ways they are like their birthparents. Because it isn't
threatening to dh or me, I think it helps to not be threatening to the kids.
Julie
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Thanks for sharing, it really means a lot.
Myranda
From: Julie Stauffer
My kids have always known they were adopted. I made each of them a little
book with pictures of us waiting for them, their birth families, etc. and
the story of them coming to our home. I read it to them from when they were
babies. We have an open relationship with their birth families and try to
visit. Some of the families have been more involved than others. Adriane
just saw her birthmom and step-birthdad (at least thats what we call him) in
September when we were in Dallas for a stock show. We went out to dinner
and the birthparents came out to the stock show. Adriane spent several
hours hanging out with them while I was busy with the goats. Adriane is
excited that her birthmom is expecting a baby in the Spring.
It was harder when the kids were smaller. The hurt of not being able to
raise this child was still fresh and birthfamily visits often ended in
gentle tears, not tears of regret but tears of sadness and long, deep hugs.
The kids would pick up on the sadness but not understand. When Adriane
turned 6, she asked her birthmom to her birthday party. Kristy came and
spent the weekend with us, camping out in Adriane's room. The tears stopped
after that.
Zach used to wonder why his birthfamily didn't keep him to raise, but later
had 2 boys that they did keep. We talked a lot about differences in
circumstances and how babies can't always wait until we get it together.
Having been adopted has never seemed like a major issue around here, it is
talked about but not dwelt upon nor avoided. I have a memory box for each
of the kids with stuff from their birthfamilies, as well as baptisms, etc..
The kids love getting out the boxes and hearing the stories about the first
time I saw them or ways they are like their birthparents. Because it isn't
threatening to dh or me, I think it helps to not be threatening to the kids.
Julie
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/15/02 1:43:46 PM Eastern Standard Time,
jnjstau@... writes:
sounded nuts.
Because a new child is such a big deal, we record things. Baby books, videos,
photo albums. If one was to not tell their child, I would think the
alternative would be to lie!
Why would anyone do that? and I think that if they were the type to do so
(Lie or hide tha truth) then adoption vs biology would be completely beside
the point, but honesty and integrety would be a much larger issue.
Elissa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jnjstau@... writes:
> My kids have always known they were adopted. I made each of them a littleI think I just realized why I thought that "telling them they are adopted"
> book with pictures of us waiting for them, their birth families, etc. and
> the story of them coming to our home
sounded nuts.
Because a new child is such a big deal, we record things. Baby books, videos,
photo albums. If one was to not tell their child, I would think the
alternative would be to lie!
Why would anyone do that? and I think that if they were the type to do so
(Lie or hide tha truth) then adoption vs biology would be completely beside
the point, but honesty and integrety would be a much larger issue.
Elissa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/15/02 1:43:46 PM Eastern Standard Time,
jnjstau@... writes:
jnjstau@... writes:
> Having been adopted has never seemed like a major issue around here, it isSame with me. It's just a fact/
> talked about but not dwelt upon nor avoided.
> Because it isn't[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> threatening to dh or me, I think it helps to not be threatening to the
> kids.
>
> Julie
> This is exactly what I think many who don't have experience with adoption
> don't understand. It's not a threatening situation, nor a bad one.
> Elissa
>
>