Thanks! (Long)
debi watson
I had a small "A-hah!" moment yesterday, and it wouldn't have been possible
without this line, so I wanted to thank all the people who have been so
helpful, especially those I was very skeptical of at first. Sometimes I
would read the posts aghast, and think "There is no WAY I could do that --
that is so irresponsible!" or "Shouldn't kids just have to obey without all
this pussyfooting around?" (Okay, I am terribly embarrassed to admit it
now, but I was also in the process of deschooling myself! Still am, in lots
of ways.) Anyhow, yesterday I had to drop the older two off at the "Y" for
their gym and swim session. I usually run errands for the first hour while
they do whatever the sport of the week is, and join them in the pool for the
last half. The 2 year old was most anxious to go swimming, and needed
constant reassurance that she would get to go. She fell asleep in the van
on the way to the pool, which left me with a real dilemma. Should I wake
her from her nap and contend with a grumpy toddler, or let her sleep and
break my promise? I mean, how important was a promise to a two year old,
anyway? She wouldn't even remember when she was older. And she'd be much
better off with the extra sleep. Now, I know for most of you there wouldn't
even have been a question here. Unschooling is just second nature. Ashamed
as I am to admit it, I actually had to reason it out. I finally took a deep
breath and woke her. Sure enough, she woke up howling and demanding her
hat. I was completely mystified, as she has no hat. She grudgingly put on
her suit, and then sobbed for a good quarter of an hour in the pool while I
held her and rocked her and asked if she wanted to go home, or play, or
nurse, or what. She just kept asking for her hat. Feeling very frustrated
(but remembering to try to not say "no"), I finally asked her what her hat
looked like. She described it, and I promised that as soon as we got home,
we would find a hat just like that. (And we did!) She finally calmed down,
leaned her head against me, and said, "I love you mama; in the whole world."
Then she splashed happily about. Could she have used the extra sleep? Given
her response to being waken, most assuredly. WIll she remember I kept my
promise? Possibly not -- but hopefully I am establishing a pattern here.
Was it wretched having her howl and yowl and advertise to the "Y" at large
that I am the World's Worst Mother? Oh, don't even go there. The
temptation to say, "What's your mama's name, little girl? Shall I help you
find her?" and be elevated to Heroic Rescuer instead of WWM was almost
overwhelming. But it's like those mastercard commercials: they add up all
the costs of whatever, but then deem the experience "priceless". SO although
it wasn't second nature, I think I am finally starting to internalize what
you lot know already. Thanks for the help along the journey. Debi
without this line, so I wanted to thank all the people who have been so
helpful, especially those I was very skeptical of at first. Sometimes I
would read the posts aghast, and think "There is no WAY I could do that --
that is so irresponsible!" or "Shouldn't kids just have to obey without all
this pussyfooting around?" (Okay, I am terribly embarrassed to admit it
now, but I was also in the process of deschooling myself! Still am, in lots
of ways.) Anyhow, yesterday I had to drop the older two off at the "Y" for
their gym and swim session. I usually run errands for the first hour while
they do whatever the sport of the week is, and join them in the pool for the
last half. The 2 year old was most anxious to go swimming, and needed
constant reassurance that she would get to go. She fell asleep in the van
on the way to the pool, which left me with a real dilemma. Should I wake
her from her nap and contend with a grumpy toddler, or let her sleep and
break my promise? I mean, how important was a promise to a two year old,
anyway? She wouldn't even remember when she was older. And she'd be much
better off with the extra sleep. Now, I know for most of you there wouldn't
even have been a question here. Unschooling is just second nature. Ashamed
as I am to admit it, I actually had to reason it out. I finally took a deep
breath and woke her. Sure enough, she woke up howling and demanding her
hat. I was completely mystified, as she has no hat. She grudgingly put on
her suit, and then sobbed for a good quarter of an hour in the pool while I
held her and rocked her and asked if she wanted to go home, or play, or
nurse, or what. She just kept asking for her hat. Feeling very frustrated
(but remembering to try to not say "no"), I finally asked her what her hat
looked like. She described it, and I promised that as soon as we got home,
we would find a hat just like that. (And we did!) She finally calmed down,
leaned her head against me, and said, "I love you mama; in the whole world."
Then she splashed happily about. Could she have used the extra sleep? Given
her response to being waken, most assuredly. WIll she remember I kept my
promise? Possibly not -- but hopefully I am establishing a pattern here.
Was it wretched having her howl and yowl and advertise to the "Y" at large
that I am the World's Worst Mother? Oh, don't even go there. The
temptation to say, "What's your mama's name, little girl? Shall I help you
find her?" and be elevated to Heroic Rescuer instead of WWM was almost
overwhelming. But it's like those mastercard commercials: they add up all
the costs of whatever, but then deem the experience "priceless". SO although
it wasn't second nature, I think I am finally starting to internalize what
you lot know already. Thanks for the help along the journey. Debi
Mary Bianco
>From: debi watson <debiwatson@...>(snip) <<SO although it wasn't second nature, I think I am finally starting
to internalize what you lot know already. Thanks for the help along the
journey. Debi>>
I like that story Debi. Good for you.
Mary B
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marji
At 08:32 11/7/02 -0700, you wrote:
ever want my responses to be too second nature. Every situation is
different, and a lot of what I rely on to determine my response has to do
with more careful consideration than automatic responses. True, my default
is set on "yes," and I try to make sure I say "yes" whenever I can. But,
sometimes in order to say yes I have to think about how best to do it and
what ramifications Yes may have on other folks (one person's yes can be
result in another person's no).
What I feel so glad for you about is that in your reasoning this out, you
were going for the most compassionate way rather than the most convenient
way for you or some nebulous what-would-be-best-for-the-child solution.
I'm glad for you.
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>I had a small "A-hah!" moment yesterday,That is so cool!
>Now, I know for most of you there wouldn't even have been a questionNo shame in that, Debi!! Speaking strictly for myself, I don't think I
>here. Unschooling is just second nature. Ashamed
>as I am to admit it, I actually had to reason it out.
ever want my responses to be too second nature. Every situation is
different, and a lot of what I rely on to determine my response has to do
with more careful consideration than automatic responses. True, my default
is set on "yes," and I try to make sure I say "yes" whenever I can. But,
sometimes in order to say yes I have to think about how best to do it and
what ramifications Yes may have on other folks (one person's yes can be
result in another person's no).
What I feel so glad for you about is that in your reasoning this out, you
were going for the most compassionate way rather than the most convenient
way for you or some nebulous what-would-be-best-for-the-child solution.
I'm glad for you.
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]