Ex may be against homeschooling
troybridgetm
I have a problem. I am divorced...and remarried. Well...my ex
usually doesn't have any interest in my 5 yr. olds schooling, but
loves to find something to fight with me about. I told him that I
am "relaxed homeschooling" which is where I am at at this point. I
haven't totally started unschooling yet, for different reasons...but
a big one being that I am afraid that my ex husband will end up doing
something that will force my son into public school at worst...or to
be rigid with homeschooling.
I am going to be part of a NAPS in our area. I've told my ex that I
teach him the basics...we work on phonics and math, but that I let
him go with HIS interests in most of the other areas. I AM keeping
track of all he things he does on his own during the week...and it is
clear by looking at all he's done that he is progressing really great!
I just wondered if any of you had any tips as to how I can argue my
case with my ex. My son is just SO healthy all the way around and my
ex cannot argue that...but...I am afraid he will fight me on it just
to try to get a little control. I appreciate any suggestions from
any of you! Thank you so much! :-) Bridget
usually doesn't have any interest in my 5 yr. olds schooling, but
loves to find something to fight with me about. I told him that I
am "relaxed homeschooling" which is where I am at at this point. I
haven't totally started unschooling yet, for different reasons...but
a big one being that I am afraid that my ex husband will end up doing
something that will force my son into public school at worst...or to
be rigid with homeschooling.
I am going to be part of a NAPS in our area. I've told my ex that I
teach him the basics...we work on phonics and math, but that I let
him go with HIS interests in most of the other areas. I AM keeping
track of all he things he does on his own during the week...and it is
clear by looking at all he's done that he is progressing really great!
I just wondered if any of you had any tips as to how I can argue my
case with my ex. My son is just SO healthy all the way around and my
ex cannot argue that...but...I am afraid he will fight me on it just
to try to get a little control. I appreciate any suggestions from
any of you! Thank you so much! :-) Bridget
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/2/02 2:14:44 PM, TroyBridgetM@... writes:
<< I just wondered if any of you had any tips as to how I can argue my
case with my ex. My son is just SO healthy all the way around and my
ex cannot argue that...but...I am afraid he will fight me on it just
to try to get a little control. I appreciate any suggestions from
any of you! Thank you so much! :-) >>
How much child support does he pay?
If he pays a lot, just keep saying you're homeschooling and don't give him
details.
If he's not paying much, tell him you're not willing to compromise your
well-researched beliefs just to make him feel better while he's off doing
whatever he does.
If he pays no child support, tell him to blow it out his ass.
That might not be much help, but it's heartfelt. <g>
Sandra
<< I just wondered if any of you had any tips as to how I can argue my
case with my ex. My son is just SO healthy all the way around and my
ex cannot argue that...but...I am afraid he will fight me on it just
to try to get a little control. I appreciate any suggestions from
any of you! Thank you so much! :-) >>
How much child support does he pay?
If he pays a lot, just keep saying you're homeschooling and don't give him
details.
If he's not paying much, tell him you're not willing to compromise your
well-researched beliefs just to make him feel better while he's off doing
whatever he does.
If he pays no child support, tell him to blow it out his ass.
That might not be much help, but it's heartfelt. <g>
Sandra
Peggy
"troybridgetm" <TroyBridgetM@a...> wrote:
young child. Lots of issues there and you have my total sympathy. It usually
takes a while for emotions to settle down, but the sooner it happens the
better for any children involved so working toward that goal is important.
Maybe he likes to get you to fight with him because it shows him that he still
affects you?
are working on letter recognition/basic one to one correspondence/ small and
large motor control. Maybe just learning some "educationese" you can talk
about with your ex when he asks will calm his fears.
mutter about following the Core Knowledge Series. You might want to take a
look at the Kindergarten and the First Grade volumes just to get an idea of
what that means. You can even show the books to your ex. ;) That doesn't mean
you have to follow them, just that you will be educating yourself on what
other people say when they say that *they* are following them. It might give
you a bit of peace of mind to know how some people feel comfortable with a
guideline like that, while you are able to find resources and support your own
child's learning without that crutch. Another thing you can do is if they
print out a list of books you've borrowed from the library, you might keep the
lists to show your ex or just remind yourself all the subjects you've
explored.
real effort to hear the words and not react to them, at least to him in
person, with strong emotion. This can be difficult with ex's but as some folks
around here have said at times, using a mental picture, maybe of your ex as he
was as a child, instead of as a demanding adult, might help. Find out the
areas that he is concerned about and make an effort to calm *his* fears. He
does have a right to be concerned about his son's education. I don't think it
is dishonest not to actively bring in the concept of "un" schooling at this
point, not with a five year old. Who knows where you will be next year or the
year after that? Right now just work on today and keep the topic current
rather than inviting argument. Think of this time as the time you and your ex
will be building a base of communication for the coming years as partners in
raising your son. Even if the raising has been a bit one sided, the better the
communication between you two, the better it will be for your son.
All the best,
Peggy
>I have a problem. I am divorced...and remarried. Well...my exI think it is very difficult to be divorced and have a new husband and raise a
>usually doesn't have any interest in my 5 yr. olds schooling, but
>loves to find something to fight with me about.
young child. Lots of issues there and you have my total sympathy. It usually
takes a while for emotions to settle down, but the sooner it happens the
better for any children involved so working toward that goal is important.
Maybe he likes to get you to fight with him because it shows him that he still
affects you?
>I told him that IAt age five you have quite a lot of leeway in teaching. In kindergarten they
>am "relaxed homeschooling" which is where I am at at this point. I
>haven't totally started unschooling yet, for different reasons...but
>a big one being that I am afraid that my ex husband will end up doing
>something that will force my son into public school at worst...or to
>be rigid with homeschooling.
are working on letter recognition/basic one to one correspondence/ small and
large motor control. Maybe just learning some "educationese" you can talk
about with your ex when he asks will calm his fears.
>That sounds very positive. What all the charter schools here seem to do is
>I am going to be part of a NAPS in our area. I've told my ex that I
>teach him the basics...we work on phonics and math, but that I let
>him go with HIS interests in most of the other areas. I AM keeping
>track of all he things he does on his own during the week...and it is
>clear by looking at all he's done that he is progressing really great!
mutter about following the Core Knowledge Series. You might want to take a
look at the Kindergarten and the First Grade volumes just to get an idea of
what that means. You can even show the books to your ex. ;) That doesn't mean
you have to follow them, just that you will be educating yourself on what
other people say when they say that *they* are following them. It might give
you a bit of peace of mind to know how some people feel comfortable with a
guideline like that, while you are able to find resources and support your own
child's learning without that crutch. Another thing you can do is if they
print out a list of books you've borrowed from the library, you might keep the
lists to show your ex or just remind yourself all the subjects you've
explored.
>He's still so young. Try to really listen to your ex's concerns and make a
>I just wondered if any of you had any tips as to how I can argue my
>case with my ex. My son is just SO healthy all the way around and my
>ex cannot argue that...but...I am afraid he will fight me on it just
>to try to get a little control. I appreciate any suggestions from
>any of you! Thank you so much! :-) Bridget
real effort to hear the words and not react to them, at least to him in
person, with strong emotion. This can be difficult with ex's but as some folks
around here have said at times, using a mental picture, maybe of your ex as he
was as a child, instead of as a demanding adult, might help. Find out the
areas that he is concerned about and make an effort to calm *his* fears. He
does have a right to be concerned about his son's education. I don't think it
is dishonest not to actively bring in the concept of "un" schooling at this
point, not with a five year old. Who knows where you will be next year or the
year after that? Right now just work on today and keep the topic current
rather than inviting argument. Think of this time as the time you and your ex
will be building a base of communication for the coming years as partners in
raising your son. Even if the raising has been a bit one sided, the better the
communication between you two, the better it will be for your son.
All the best,
Peggy
Deborah Lewis
What's the compulsory school age in your state?
In Montana it's 7 years old. We silenced friends and relatives and
grandparents early on with the fact that he wasn't legally required to
"do" school for two more years. By then most couldn't find a reason to
question what he was learning.
Deb L
In Montana it's 7 years old. We silenced friends and relatives and
grandparents early on with the fact that he wasn't legally required to
"do" school for two more years. By then most couldn't find a reason to
question what he was learning.
Deb L
Mary Bianco
If you think he can be reasoned with at all, I would print up some info and
stats to give your ex to read. The just try talking about what you do with
your child and how he learns. Small steps and don't get upset about it but
be convicted and concerned enough so he sees you do care and watch closely
what and how he learns. Even if you don't do school at home, I would make it
sound more like you do for the moment. At least until he gets more receptive
to the idea.
It would also help if you found out a little about the court system there
and how receptive they are to it. See if you can find out about judges
there. Word of mouth works great for this. You can get a good idea of what
would happen if you had to go to court for this if your ex decided on it.
Then you can keep and put together records to have in case that happens. I
would say make stuff up if you have to. Better to be safe then sorry.
Mary B
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stats to give your ex to read. The just try talking about what you do with
your child and how he learns. Small steps and don't get upset about it but
be convicted and concerned enough so he sees you do care and watch closely
what and how he learns. Even if you don't do school at home, I would make it
sound more like you do for the moment. At least until he gets more receptive
to the idea.
It would also help if you found out a little about the court system there
and how receptive they are to it. See if you can find out about judges
there. Word of mouth works great for this. You can get a good idea of what
would happen if you had to go to court for this if your ex decided on it.
Then you can keep and put together records to have in case that happens. I
would say make stuff up if you have to. Better to be safe then sorry.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Unlimited Internet access for only $21.95/month.� Try MSN!
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/2monthsfree.asp