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In a message dated 10/31/02 8:31:13 AM, starsuncloud@... writes:

<< So what does a woman do? Force her dh to do it even if he has major
problems
with it?
I personally didn't have a problem getting it done. It irritated me that he
was so nervous. But it was the right move for us. >>

Some things are an "us" thing, and some aren't.

I had my tubes tied when Holly was born. I knew I didn't want to have any
more children.

I can't say that Keith doesn't want any more children.

Marriage is not for the entire life of both people. It's until one dies.

Here's my reasoning:
IF I die before Keith, leaving children, he might remarry.

If he has had a vasectomy, he won't attract a woman who wants children.
If he attracts a woman who doesn't want children, how would she treat MY
children?

It's less a concern now that Holly's about to turn 11, and all the kids are
quite verbal and in the double digits. But when I was first thinking about
it Keith (who is younger than I am) was 35 years old. No guarantees
whatsoever that I will live until he is past his usefulness to some other
woman in the future.

If I were to remarry now or in the future (like if Keith died today), I'm 49
years old. I have no business being a 70-year-old mother of a 20 year old.


Also, Keith has that end-of-mankind fantasy going and it's important to his
fantasy life that he is fertile just in case he's one of the last few humans
on earth after catastrophic whatever. That's no problem for me.

Sandra

Mike Ebbers

<< So what does a woman do? Force her dh to do it even if he has
>>major problems with it? >>

>>In a message dated 10/31/02 8:31:13 AM, starsuncloud@c... writes:
>>I personally didn't have a problem getting it done. It irritated me
>>that he was so nervous. But it was the right move for us. >>

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>Some things are an "us" thing, and some aren't. I had my tubes tied
>when Holly was born. I knew I didn't want to have any more children.
>I can't say that Keith doesn't want any more children. No
>guarantees whatsoever that I will live until he is past his
>usefulness to some other woman in the future.

If a couple is not sure whether to get "fixed" or who should get
fixed, having your tubes tied is one solution. Here are three others:

1. The man can get a vasectomy, then have it reversed later.
2. If the woman is regular, you can use natural family planning until
the woman reaches the age of menopause.
3. My wife read a book called "A Full Quiver". 12 years ago when we
got married, we did not intend to have children because I was 39 and
my wife at 35 had a 16yo daughter from her previous marriage. But
then my wife read the above book and stopped taking birth control. A
month or so later, we had our first son, then a daughter 19 months
later, then a son 19 months after that, then none for the past 9
years. Still not using birth control even today. The book says that
God has a certain number of children in mind for you, and that is the
number you will have. Seems to hold true for us.

Mike and Mary Kay Ebbers
(but she doesn't do lists or anything on the Internet)

Joseph Fuerst

snip-no pun intended in re: this discussion
>>. But
> then my wife read the above book and stopped taking birth control. A
> month or so later, we had our first son, <<<

This is amazing.....are you saying she got pregnant while on the pill and
continued to take the pill for eight months or are you saying you had a
miraculous preemie that lived, or are you saying something else?
Susan

Mike Ebbers

I'm saying something else. But I had to read your post three times
before I figured out what I WAS saying. Thanks for the chance to
clarify. (By the way, clever use of "snip". <BG>)

A month after my wife stopped the pill, she was pregnant for our son,
who was then born nine months later. Instead of my using "had",
which is often used in place of "born", a clearer word might have
been "conceived". We considered him our child as soon as he was
conceived, and we've had him ever since. <s>

Mike

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Joseph Fuerst" <fuerst@f...> wrote:
> snip-no pun intended in re: this discussion
>>> But then my wife read the above book and stopped taking birth
control. A month or so later, we had our first son, <<<

> This is amazing.....are you saying she got pregnant while on the
>pill and continued to take the pill for eight months or are you
>saying you had a miraculous preemie that lived, or are you saying
>something else?
> Susan