[email protected]

In a message dated 10/26/02 10:28:22 PM, marji@... writes:

<< Marji, who's grateful that her mother has never visited her! Can you
believe that? >>

Can I believe that you're grateful, or can I believe she's never visited??

I hope my kids never say "I'm grateful my mother has never visited me," but I
am NOT really on visiting terms with my own mother who lives in the same city.

I went through a year of seeing her once or twice a month, a full year ago.
When she was evicted I declined to help. She hurled some insults at first,
but I said my half-brother got her evicted, he can help find her an
apartment. She got help from others, and she got into an apartment. I
haven't been there but have mailed a couple of things to her.

I wouldn't mind things being different (years back) but I don't mind much
that they are as they are.

I'd like for my kids to like me enough to have me visit, but then I think of
other mammals and whether their grown offspring come back to visit. Either
they stay in the same group (chimpanzees?) or they never look back (lions?).
Maybe what I get is the childhood and IF I get future relationships that's
just icing on the cake.

Sandra

Mary Bianco

>From: SandraDodd@...

<<I'd like for my kids to like me enough to have me visit, but then I think
of other mammals and whether their grown offspring come back to visit.
Either they stay in the same group (chimpanzees?) or they never look back
(lions?).
Maybe what I get is the childhood and IF I get future relationships that's
just icing on the cake.>>


This seems sad to me. I actually expect to be in my childrens lives until
I'm dead. I won't force it should something happen, but I would try like
everything to make it not so. I just never imagine that they wouldn't want
me around.

Mary B



_________________________________________________________________
Broadband?�Dial-up? Get reliable MSN Internet Access.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/default.asp

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/27/02 2:04:23 PM, mummyone24@... writes:

<< I actually expect to be in my childrens lives until
I'm dead. I won't force it should something happen, but I would try like
everything to make it not so. I just never imagine that they wouldn't want
me around.
>>

Probably all moms feel that way.
But look at the reality in the rear-view mirror.

Even some of the most extreme Christian homeschoolers I've read want nothing
to do with their parents. Why? They're not Christian, or not Christian
enough.

My own three Baptist cousins would have NOTHING to do with their father (a
former Baptist preacher) because he was no long Baptist.

If one of my boys marries someone who's sure formula feeding and daycare are
great ideas, I'll have the choice of pretending I think it's fine (what are
the odds?) risking making them all really angry, or just staying away.

Sandra

Mary Bianco

>From: SandraDodd@...

<<If one of my boys marries someone who's sure formula feeding and daycare
are great ideas, I'll have the choice of pretending I think it's fine (what
are the odds?) risking making them all really angry, or just staying away.>>


Well I guess I just have the confidence right now to know that my kids will
"know" how I feel long before they get to that point. Meaning I won't have
to tell them. It would be wonderful if they adopted the same lifestyle they
were brought up in, but realistically, it may not happen. I'm okay with
that, I think, but again, they will raise their own children without
interference from me. As hard as it will be. <BG> But I will still want to
be a part of all that. I'm actually looking forward to it.

Mary B


_________________________________________________________________
Surf the Web without missing calls! Get MSN Broadband.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/freeactivation.asp

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/27/02 2:30:51 PM, mummyone24@... writes:

<< Well I guess I just have the confidence right now to know that my kids
will
"know" how I feel long before they get to that point. >>

I think all parents feel that way.

The strictest probably believe it the most. And so if the kids stay, it's
because they're Godly and if they leave, Satan did it. But nowhere is it the
parents' fault if the kids "leave the fold" (meaning the church way more than
the house).

I do like to think that raising kids in freedom, based on principles of being
excellent to one another (or whatever <g>) will make it harder for them to
rebel. How can you rebel against THAT?

Sandra

Pam Hartley

***<<I'd like for my kids to like me enough to have me visit, but
then I think
of other mammals and whether their grown offspring come back
to visit.
Either they stay in the same group (chimpanzees?) or they never
look back
(lions?).
Maybe what I get is the childhood and IF I get future relationships
that's
just icing on the cake.>>


This seems sad to me.***

To me it seems sane, and might be what does bring Sandra's
children back -- they have an emotional choice in the matter.

My mother-in-law (Wally's stepmom) has a pretty amazing
relationship with her grown daughters -- both are confident, on
their own, successful by any standard, and both are very, very
close to Mom. I hope for that. I'll survive if it doesn't work out.

Pam

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/27/2002 3:04:23 PM Central Standard Time,
mummyone24@... writes:


> I just never imagine that they wouldn't want
> me around.
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/27/2002 3:04:23 PM Central Standard Time,
mummyone24@... writes:


> I just never imagine that they wouldn't want
> me around.
>

No teenagers, yet? ;)

Some people make parenting mistakes. Sometimes they make them when the kids
are particularly prone to holding grudges. Sometimes kids don't want to be
around their parents. Sometimes it doesn't last. Sometimes it does.

Sorry about that misfire.

Tuck


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Dalene and Andy

> I just never imagine that they wouldn't want
> me around.

Neither do I. I hope I'm not wrong.

Dalene


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary Bianco

>From: tuckervill@...

<<No teenagers, yet? ;)

Some people make parenting mistakes. Sometimes they make them when the kids
are particularly prone to holding grudges. Sometimes kids don't want to be
around their parents. Sometimes it doesn't last. Sometimes it does.>>


Yes, one who will be 17 shortly. One that has gone through hell and back and
so have we. But we fixed it and all is well. Can't say she ever really
wanted me to not be around or held a grudge against any mistakes I made. We
do make mistakes but my husband and I are great parents. Can't help but have
great kids!! Great kids that I see being around, maybe not always
physically, but still here.

Mary B



_________________________________________________________________
Unlimited Internet access for only $21.95/month.� Try MSN!
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/2monthsfree.asp

marji

At 14:43 10/27/02 -0500, Sandra Dodd wrote:

>In a message dated 10/26/02 10:28:22 PM, marji@... writes:
>
><< Marji, who's grateful that her mother has never visited her! Can you
>believe that? >>
>
>Can I believe that you're grateful, or can I believe she's never visited??

Both! But more so that she has never visited! When I moved out of my
parents house when I was 19, I moved to a house that was 20 minutes
away. She never saw it. It went on like that for years. I never lived
more than an hour north, but there was some kind of an invisible line that
she wouldn't cross to come and visit my home. She'd drive a couple of
hours to visit my sister, and my brother always lived close by. Jimmy and
I were living in an apartment in the same town my mom lived in, and she
visited there right after Liam was born. Then, we moved an hour or so
north west, and she visited once to come to a third birthday party for
Liam. Then, no more. So, I exaggerated when I said "never." She has
visited me twice. In twenty-five years.

>I hope my kids never say "I'm grateful my mother has never visited me," but I
>am NOT really on visiting terms with my own mother who lives in the same city

I hope Liam never says that either. I think she has never visited me
because she feels shame around my lack of wealth and good housekeeping
skills. Not that she has any kind of housekeeping skills at all, either,
but, well, there you have it.

>I went through a year of seeing her once or twice a month, a full year ago.
>When she was evicted I declined to help. She hurled some insults at first,
>but I said my half-brother got her evicted, he can help find her an
>apartment. She got help from others, and she got into an apartment. I
>haven't been there but have mailed a couple of things to her.

That just sounds like a bummer all around. I'm glad that you protect yourself.

>I wouldn't mind things being different (years back) but I don't mind much
>that they are as they are.

Well put. That about sums things up for me, too. I do see my mom, but I
gotta go there. My mom and dad have since moved about three hours south of
us, which makes seeing each other very rare. But Liam adores my folks,
especially my dad, to pieces, and they love him, too. Just not enough to
try harder to see him, I guess.

>I'd like for my kids to like me enough to have me visit, but then I think of
>other mammals and whether their grown offspring come back to visit. Either
>they stay in the same group (chimpanzees?) or they never look back (lions?).
> Maybe what I get is the childhood and IF I get future relationships that's
>just icing on the cake.
>
>Sandra

I don't know if I'll live long enough to see any grandchildren (Liam has
asserts that he will NOT marry and will always live with me, anyway), but
if I do, I will remember how much Liam misses seeing his grandma and papa
and remember to keep my arms and heart open and available.

Marji

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

Marji,
I totally know and understand what you are saying, I think its hard for a parent to see a child turn out a way that they think isn't 'right' or the way they wanted. They can't let go of what they want and let the child do what is in the childs heart? Maybe? This is what I see in my parents case. Why can't they just see that their children are just fine the way they are? (This could be an everlasting thread!)
Do you do your work from your home? I'm trying to figure out something like this for me and my husband.
I was wondering if I could e-mail you? I didn't want to bore everyone with my questions, it's not exactly about unschooling, but I'm hoping it might be a way that both of us can unschool our children successfully!
Thanks,
Kelli



marji <marji@...> wrote:At 14:43 10/27/02 -0500, Sandra Dodd wrote:

>In a message dated 10/26/02 10:28:22 PM, marji@... writes:
>
><< Marji, who's grateful that her mother has never visited her! Can you
>believe that? >>
>
>Can I believe that you're grateful, or can I believe she's never visited??

Both! But more so that she has never visited! When I moved out of my
parents house when I was 19, I moved to a house that was 20 minutes
away. She never saw it. It went on like that for years. I never lived
more than an hour north, but there was some kind of an invisible line that
she wouldn't cross to come and visit my home. She'd drive a couple of
hours to visit my sister, and my brother always lived close by. Jimmy and
I were living in an apartment in the same town my mom lived in, and she
visited there right after Liam was born. Then, we moved an hour or so
north west, and she visited once to come to a third birthday party for
Liam. Then, no more. So, I exaggerated when I said "never." She has
visited me twice. In twenty-five years.

>I hope my kids never say "I'm grateful my mother has never visited me," but I
>am NOT really on visiting terms with my own mother who lives in the same city

I hope Liam never says that either. I think she has never visited me
because she feels shame around my lack of wealth and good housekeeping
skills. Not that she has any kind of housekeeping skills at all, either,
but, well, there you have it.

>I went through a year of seeing her once or twice a month, a full year ago.
>When she was evicted I declined to help. She hurled some insults at first,
>but I said my half-brother got her evicted, he can help find her an
>apartment. She got help from others, and she got into an apartment. I
>haven't been there but have mailed a couple of things to her.

That just sounds like a bummer all around. I'm glad that you protect yourself.

>I wouldn't mind things being different (years back) but I don't mind much
>that they are as they are.

Well put. That about sums things up for me, too. I do see my mom, but I
gotta go there. My mom and dad have since moved about three hours south of
us, which makes seeing each other very rare. But Liam adores my folks,
especially my dad, to pieces, and they love him, too. Just not enough to
try harder to see him, I guess.

>I'd like for my kids to like me enough to have me visit, but then I think of
>other mammals and whether their grown offspring come back to visit. Either
>they stay in the same group (chimpanzees?) or they never look back (lions?).
> Maybe what I get is the childhood and IF I get future relationships that's
>just icing on the cake.
>
>Sandra

I don't know if I'll live long enough to see any grandchildren (Liam has
asserts that he will NOT marry and will always live with me, anyway), but
if I do, I will remember how much Liam misses seeing his grandma and papa
and remember to keep my arms and heart open and available.

Marji

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT

~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~

If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).

To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]

Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.



---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Y! Web Hosting - Let the expert host your web site

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

marji

At 07:24 10/28/02 -0800, Kelli wrote:

>I think its hard for a parent to see a child turn out a way that they
>think isn't 'right' or the way they wanted. They can't let go of what
>they want and let the child do what is in the childs heart? Maybe?

Kelli, I think you hit the nail square on the head here. I was surprised
when I learned for sure that my mom did not know who I was. I found this
out when she was surprised that I loved to hike and camp. I felt like I
was talking to a stranger!

>Why can't they just see that their children are just fine the way they
>are? (This could be an everlasting thread!)

Everlasting, yes. But not without merit!

>Do you do your work from your home?

Yes. I do medical transcription from home.

>I was wondering if I could e-mail you?

Please do, Kelli! I'd be very happy to help in any way I can.

Marji

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/28/02 6:22:23 AM, marji@... writes:

<< >I went through a year of seeing her once or twice a month, a full year
ago.
>When she was evicted I declined to help. She hurled some insults at first,
>but I said my half-brother got her evicted, he can help find her an
>apartment. She got help from others, and she got into an apartment. I
>haven't been there but have mailed a couple of things to her. >>

Oh. The important part of that story is is that she called me all in a panic
once and said "I have to move out of here TODAY. Help me." (She was living
with two alcoholic friends in a trailer, and they had had a fight, and she
was afraid.)

I had an apartment for her within 24 hours, and found people to help her move.

Because of it not being between the first and 5th, I paid her rent (they
would have charged her for part of a month if I hadn't paid the way I did),
and each month after paid her rent on time, and then she gave me a post-dated
check which we deposited a few days later.

THAT is the apartment she got thrown out of.

So that's why I wasn't keen to help her find another one.

And my brother isn't the one who ultimately helped her. The two friends she
had moved out on a year before did.

So no doubt in their discussions of all this, over beer and cigarettes, I'm
the bad guy. Unreasonable. Cold.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/28/02 9:26:31 AM Central Standard Time,
kellitraas@... writes:

> I was wondering if I could e-mail you? I didn't want to bore everyone with
> my questions, it's not exactly about unschooling, but I'm hoping it might
> be a way that both of us can unschool our children successfully!
> Thanks,
> Kelli
>

I think this sounds interesting, so if you want to keep it as a subject....
~Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

Nancy and others,

My husband and I are trying to figure out a way of making a living and him being able to be around more. Right now he makes a good living but he is gone each day, like most of the other working people. Well, I feel like there's no reason why we both can't be home and do something from home.
I have been trying to get a book called Unjobbing, but they ran out of it at Amazon and I need to get on Fun books and look it up. I think it would really help us on this.
I'm willing to move out of our new house into something less expensive hence cutting our expenses, but you do have to put food on the table some way. He is much less comfortable in taking this kind-of risk, but I'm going to do the research and then we'll decide. He's hoping we can for sure be doing something different in about 2 years. I'm hoping we can do something about this now! I feel bad he has to be stressed out with his job and I'm at home with the kids and loving it. Just wishing he could be part of this.
I'm also researching some different options that the kids could be part of. But I'm in the beginning of that too. I would love to have a little farm, grow our own food and stuff, could have a little petting zoo for extra income, thought I could sell home grown treats, crafts and things in a gift shop. This would all be great for the kids too! Anyway, this is my little dream. I'm quite convinced that I could make a go of it, my husband on the other hand is much more 'realistic' than me. He probably sees alot of the things that would be harder to do, travel, and such.

Back to my brainstorming!
Kelli

Dnowens@... wrote:In a message dated 10/28/02 9:26:31 AM Central Standard Time,
kellitraas@... writes:

> I was wondering if I could e-mail you? I didn't want to bore everyone with
> my questions, it's not exactly about unschooling, but I'm hoping it might
> be a way that both of us can unschool our children successfully!
> Thanks,
> Kelli
>

I think this sounds interesting, so if you want to keep it as a subject....
~Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT

~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~

If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).

To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]

Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.



---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Y! Web Hosting - Let the expert host your web site

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary Bianco

>From: Kelli Traaseth <kellitraas@...>

<<I would love to have a little farm, grow our own food and stuff, could
have a little petting zoo for extra income, thought I could sell home grown
treats, crafts and things in a gift shop. This would all be great for the
kids too! Anyway, this is my little dream. I'm quite convinced that I
could make a go of it, my husband on the other hand is much more
'realistic' than me. He probably sees alot of the things that would be
harder to do, travel, and such.>>


I think the real important thing in finding happiness with work is to find
something that you really enjoy and are good at. It could start with
soemthing as simple as being around people and then you expand on that.
Kelli, I can hear the excitement in your post when you talk about the farm,
petting zoo and gift shop. Sounds as if that's something that you would
enjoy and also be good at. Is there something in all that which appeals to
your husband? What is he good at and likes to do? Is it the business end of
running such a business or building stuff or farming or just the whole
planning and advertising part of it?

Again, I thinks it's important to find something you will really like.
There are great jobs with big pay and miserable people. It's a matter of
priorities too.

Mary B



_________________________________________________________________
Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online
http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963

marji

At 15:40 10/28/02 -0500, Nancy wrote (in response to questions about
working from home:
>I think this sounds interesting, so if you want to keep it as a subject....
>~Nancy

Hi, Nancy!

I did send Kelli a couple of rather long message about doing medical
transcription work from home, including how I got into it and what some of
the pitfalls of that particular kind of work are. I would be happy to post
them here, if anyone is interested, or send people the same messages off
list, if anyone would like me to.

Marji

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Kelli,

I love the farm idea, the homemade treats and crafts sound like fun. I have
always wanted a little craft boutique myself.

Mary P


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

This sounds familiar!! The cornerstone of my dream --which dh and the
kids are really open to --is to own and operate an herb farm! And of
course grow so many herbs that I need dh to work with me and the kids.
We currently live in MA but are looking into Maine or possibly NH or VT
also. I am thinking we could sell potted herbs, dried herbs and
eventually bulk! Does anyone know of some old farm houses in good shape
in these areas?

Sharon



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/28/02 3:32:10 PM Central Standard Time,
kellitraas@... writes:

> I'm also researching some different options that the kids could be part of.
> But I'm in the beginning of that too. I would love to have a little farm,
> grow our own food and stuff, could have a little petting zoo for extra
> income, thought I could sell home grown treats, crafts and things in a gift
> shop. This would all be great for the kids too! Anyway, this is my
> little dream. I'm quite convinced that I could make a go of it, my
> husband on the other hand is much more 'realistic' than me. He probably
> sees alot of the things that would be harder to do, travel, and such.
>
> Back to my brainstorming!
> Kelli

I don't know how much of a help this would be to you, but have you read any
of Amy Dacyczyn's Tightwad Gazettes? She promotes thrift as a lifestyle, she
worked from home for years publishing her newsletter and then complied the
best of her newsletters into three books called The Tightwad Gazette (also
T.G.II and III) She and her family live on a small farm in Maine, they raise
most of their food there. I think she still gives talks, but I don't know. I
don't know how much this would help but, if you are looking for ways for you
husband to be at home more and live on less, then she has some really great id
eas.

I wish you lots of luck, I am struggling with my own ideas and wants for our
family and they seem to be conflicting with my husbands ideas. I wish he
would be more willing to take some risks too.

~Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/28/02 5:40:28 PM Central Standard Time,
marji@... writes:

> Hi, Nancy!
>
> I did send Kelli a couple of rather long message about doing medical
> transcription work from home, including how I got into it and what some of
> the pitfalls of that particular kind of work are. I would be happy to post
>
> them here, if anyone is interested, or send people the same messages off
> list, if anyone would like me to.
>
> Marji
>

If you don't want to post here, if no one else is interested, could you send
it to me as well? I know all my med. terms. It does sound interesting.

~Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Shyrley

On 28 Oct 02, at 15:38, marji wrote:

> At 15:40 10/28/02 -0500, Nancy wrote (in response to questions about
> working from home: >I think this sounds interesting, so if you want to
> keep it as a subject.... >~Nancy
>
> Hi, Nancy!
>
> I did send Kelli a couple of rather long message about doing medical
> transcription work from home, including how I got into it and what
> some of the pitfalls of that particular kind of work are. I would be
> happy to post them here, if anyone is interested, or send people the
> same messages off list, if anyone would like me to.
>
> Marji
>
Yes please. Xmas is looming, the car is very sick and I got dental
bills for my poor mother who came to America for a visit and then
broke her tooth. And guess what travel insurance DOESN'T cover....

Waaaaaaaah

Shyrley


"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you are all the same."

Kimber

<<<<I would be happy to post
them here, if anyone is interested, or send people the same messages off
list, if anyone would like me to.

Marji>>>>>>


Yes, please post.
Kimber
:)




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Please post this, it does sound interesting
Teresa


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]