Pam Sorooshian

>><< Just tonight I asked my 2 year old to "come here" and she was dawdling
over
something much more interesting than me wiping chocolate ice cream off her
face. I repeated twice more and ended up meeting her half way. First thing I
thought of was some kids would get a spanking for that. I hugged her before
the chocolate was wiped off!! >>
<<

I don't know how many adults there are - I'm 50 years old - who were raised
without even a threat of violence, but my sisters and I were. We were never
spanked and never shamed and not even punished almost at all. I knew when
my dad wasn't happy with me - he'd be very very quiet and have a certain
look in his eyes - but he never threatened any kind of punishment at all.
The only thing I can remember is my mom walking me to my room and hugging
me and talking to me about what was going on - and trying to work it out. I
was sent off to my room a few times when I was really out of control like
screaming/yelling/throwing things at my sisters, but just to cool off and
wait for her to come talk with me, not as a punishment. There was no
blaming - just figuring out what was happening and what to do about it. I
remember, once, my mom just totally lost her temper with my youngest sister
(who was about 5 or so) and she grabbed her by the arm and started to swing
one hand like she was going to swat her bottom. Totally freaked my sisters
and me out to see her do that. But at the last minute she didn't do it -
she avoided actually hitting her - and she hit her hand on the underside of
our couch and broke a bone in a finger. She always said that she'd deserved
it, to lose her temper like that and ever think of striking a child.

So - what happens to kids who are never spanked, shamed, punished?

We're all fine, happily married with great children of our own and not one
of us ever ever has spanked any of our children and none of us "punish" our
children either.

My mother died this week. It was unexpected and sudden and took her from us
while she was still in the prime of life, active and happy and working and
traveling. She gave all of us so much love and support and encouragement
and more wonderful memories than anyone can possibly imagine. We all cared
more about her opinion and having her respect than anybody else's. She
didn't earn that by being controlling or punishing, she earned it by giving
us space to make our own decisions and mistakes and NEVER criticising,
always supporting our strengths and seeing only the good in us.

This didn't come "naturally" to my mom. Her parents were strict and harsh
and she was orphaned at 15 and was in a strict and harsh and controlling
boarding school for a few years after that. She was only 21 when I was
born. I'm sure she made mistakes along the way -- but she just didn't have
it in her to be punishing to us kids - she adored us and did everything she
could for us and stood beside us as our advocate and our supporter no
matter what we got ourselves into.

She spent her whole life advocating for children, her own and all children,
and she was living proof that it is possible to overcome one's own
childhood conditioning and change the way generations of a family live and
will live together.

--pam
Pam Sorooshian
National Home Education Network
www.NHEN.org
Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/27/02 5:34:30 PM !!!First Boot!!!,
pamsoroosh@... writes:


>
> She spent her whole life advocating for children, her own and all children,
>
> and she was living proof that it is possible to overcome one's own
> childhood conditioning and change the way generations of a family live and
> will live together.
>
> --pam
>

What a wonderful testament to a life well lived and loved. I'm sorry for
your loss, Pam! How truly blessed you were to have your mom in your life.

Beth


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Peggy

Pam Sorooshian wrote:
>
> >><< Just tonight I asked my 2 year old to "come here" and she was dawdling
> over
> something much more interesting than me wiping chocolate ice cream off her
> face. I repeated twice more and ended up meeting her half way. First thing I
> thought of was some kids would get a spanking for that. I hugged her before
> the chocolate was wiped off!! >>
> <<
>
> I don't know how many adults there are - I'm 50 years old - who were raised
> without even a threat of violence, but my sisters and I were. We were never
> spanked and never shamed and not even punished almost at all. I knew when
> my dad wasn't happy with me - he'd be very very quiet and have a certain
> look in his eyes - but he never threatened any kind of punishment at all.
> The only thing I can remember is my mom walking me to my room and hugging
> me and talking to me about what was going on - and trying to work it out. I
> was sent off to my room a few times when I was really out of control like
> screaming/yelling/throwing things at my sisters, but just to cool off and
> wait for her to come talk with me, not as a punishment. There was no
> blaming - just figuring out what was happening and what to do about it. I
> remember, once, my mom just totally lost her temper with my youngest sister
> (who was about 5 or so) and she grabbed her by the arm and started to swing
> one hand like she was going to swat her bottom. Totally freaked my sisters
> and me out to see her do that. But at the last minute she didn't do it -
> she avoided actually hitting her - and she hit her hand on the underside of
> our couch and broke a bone in a finger. She always said that she'd deserved
> it, to lose her temper like that and ever think of striking a child.
>
> So - what happens to kids who are never spanked, shamed, punished?
>
> We're all fine, happily married with great children of our own and not one
> of us ever ever has spanked any of our children and none of us "punish" our
> children either.
>
> My mother died this week. It was unexpected and sudden and took her from us
> while she was still in the prime of life, active and happy and working and
> traveling. She gave all of us so much love and support and encouragement
> and more wonderful memories than anyone can possibly imagine. We all cared
> more about her opinion and having her respect than anybody else's. She
> didn't earn that by being controlling or punishing, she earned it by giving
> us space to make our own decisions and mistakes and NEVER criticising,
> always supporting our strengths and seeing only the good in us.
>
> This didn't come "naturally" to my mom. Her parents were strict and harsh
> and she was orphaned at 15 and was in a strict and harsh and controlling
> boarding school for a few years after that. She was only 21 when I was
> born. I'm sure she made mistakes along the way -- but she just didn't have
> it in her to be punishing to us kids - she adored us and did everything she
> could for us and stood beside us as our advocate and our supporter no
> matter what we got ourselves into.
>
> She spent her whole life advocating for children, her own and all children,
> and she was living proof that it is possible to overcome one's own
> childhood conditioning and change the way generations of a family live and
> will live together.
>
> --pam
> Pam Sorooshian
> National Home Education Network
> www.NHEN.org
> Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling
>


What an incredible post. What greater joy can a mother bring than this? So
sorry she was taken from you too soon.

Peggy

Myranda

(((((Pam)))))
I don't know how many adults there are - I'm 50 years old - who were raised
without even a threat of violence, but my sisters and I were. We were never
spanked and never shamed and not even punished almost at all. I knew when
my dad wasn't happy with me - he'd be very very quiet and have a certain
look in his eyes - but he never threatened any kind of punishment at all.
The only thing I can remember is my mom walking me to my room and hugging
me and talking to me about what was going on - and trying to work it out. I
was sent off to my room a few times when I was really out of control like
screaming/yelling/throwing things at my sisters, but just to cool off and
wait for her to come talk with me, not as a punishment. There was no
blaming - just figuring out what was happening and what to do about it. I
remember, once, my mom just totally lost her temper with my youngest sister
(who was about 5 or so) and she grabbed her by the arm and started to swing
one hand like she was going to swat her bottom. Totally freaked my sisters
and me out to see her do that. But at the last minute she didn't do it -
she avoided actually hitting her - and she hit her hand on the underside of
our couch and broke a bone in a finger. She always said that she'd deserved
it, to lose her temper like that and ever think of striking a child.

So - what happens to kids who are never spanked, shamed, punished?

We're all fine, happily married with great children of our own and not one
of us ever ever has spanked any of our children and none of us "punish" our
children either.

My mother died this week. It was unexpected and sudden and took her from us
while she was still in the prime of life, active and happy and working and
traveling. She gave all of us so much love and support and encouragement
and more wonderful memories than anyone can possibly imagine. We all cared
more about her opinion and having her respect than anybody else's. She
didn't earn that by being controlling or punishing, she earned it by giving
us space to make our own decisions and mistakes and NEVER criticising,
always supporting our strengths and seeing only the good in us.

This didn't come "naturally" to my mom. Her parents were strict and harsh
and she was orphaned at 15 and was in a strict and harsh and controlling
boarding school for a few years after that. She was only 21 when I was
born. I'm sure she made mistakes along the way -- but she just didn't have
it in her to be punishing to us kids - she adored us and did everything she
could for us and stood beside us as our advocate and our supporter no
matter what we got ourselves into.

She spent her whole life advocating for children, her own and all children,
and she was living proof that it is possible to overcome one's own
childhood conditioning and change the way generations of a family live and
will live together.

--pam
Pam Sorooshian
National Home Education Network
www.NHEN.org
Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Betsy

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Pam}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Your mom left a wonderful legacy.

Best wishes,
Betsy

**
My mother died this week. It was unexpected and sudden and took her from
us
while she was still in the prime of life, active and happy and working
and
traveling. She gave all of us so much love and support and encouragement
and more wonderful memories than anyone can possibly imagine. We all
cared
more about her opinion and having her respect than anybody else's. She
didn't earn that by being controlling or punishing, she earned it by
giving
us space to make our own decisions and mistakes and NEVER criticising,
always supporting our strengths and seeing only the good in us.**

kayb85

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Betsy <ecsamhill@e...> wrote:
>
>
> {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Pam}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
>
> Your mom left a wonderful legacy.
>
> Best wishes,
> Betsy

That's for sure! ((((((((Pam)))))))) It sounds like you have a
beautiful family, and you have been such an incredible help to so
many unschooling families.

Your mathematical joy tapes from the HSC conference were great! I
listened to both two times and now I'm letting a friend borrow them.

Sheila

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/27/02 11:34:19 AM Central Standard Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:

> She spent her whole life advocating for children, her own and all children,
> and she was living proof that it is possible to overcome one's own
> childhood conditioning and change the way generations of a family live and
> will live together.
>
> --pam
>

Pam,

I am really sorry to hear about your Mother. It sounds like she was a
wonderful woman. I am so glad that you will always have wonderful memories,
full of love to cherish. I am happy you shared what a beautiful person she
was with us.

Blessings to you and your family

~Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary Bianco

>From: Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>

<<She spent her whole life advocating for children, her own and all
children, and she was living proof that it is possible to overcome one's own
childhood conditioning and change the way generations of a family live and
will live together.>>


Pam,

I am so sorry for you loss. What a wonderful story to share with us. It made
me smile to know that you were raised so well and even more, that your mom
overcame so much to do that. She certainly stepped outside of her upbringing
to do the very best for her children. What wonderful memories you must have
of her. Even though I don't know you or your mom, there will be a memory of
her in my mind now because of what you have shared. Thank you.


Mary B


_________________________________________________________________
Choose an Internet access plan right for you -- try MSN!
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/default.asp

[email protected]

Pam,

I mentioned your mom in my unschooling talk in HSC this last year, because
she had told you that you and I (or all unschoolers?) need to tell people
what we DO, not just what we don't do.

I'm so sorry for you to have lost your mom and for the kids to lose their
grandmother.


Sandra

Tia Leschke

> My mother died this week. It was unexpected and sudden and took her from
us
> while she was still in the prime of life, active and happy and working and
> traveling. She gave all of us so much love and support and encouragement
> and more wonderful memories than anyone can possibly imagine. We all cared
> more about her opinion and having her respect than anybody else's. She
> didn't earn that by being controlling or punishing, she earned it by
giving
> us space to make our own decisions and mistakes and NEVER criticising,
> always supporting our strengths and seeing only the good in us.

Oh Pam! I'm so sorry to hear this. Your mother sounds like she was one
really special person.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Pam}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Tia

Robyn Coburn

Pam and family,

I'm sorry for your loss not only of a mother, but also a grandmother.

Fond regards,

Robyn Coburn

marji

Dear Pam,

Your post brought tears to my eyes before you even got to the part about
the passing of your mom. Please accept my sincere sympathy for the loss of
your mom. She sounds like a spectacular woman whose very existence made
the world a better place just by being who she is. Thank you for writing this.

Marji

At 09:34 10/27/02 -0800, Pam wrote:
>I don't know how many adults there are - I'm 50 years old - who were raised
>without even a threat of violence, but my sisters and I were. We were never
>spanked and never shamed and not even punished almost at all. I knew when
>my dad wasn't happy with me - he'd be very very quiet and have a certain
>look in his eyes - but he never threatened any kind of punishment at all.
>The only thing I can remember is my mom walking me to my room and hugging
>me and talking to me about what was going on - and trying to work it out. I
>was sent off to my room a few times when I was really out of control like
>screaming/yelling/throwing things at my sisters, but just to cool off and
>wait for her to come talk with me, not as a punishment. There was no
>blaming - just figuring out what was happening and what to do about it. I
>remember, once, my mom just totally lost her temper with my youngest sister
>(who was about 5 or so) and she grabbed her by the arm and started to swing
>one hand like she was going to swat her bottom. Totally freaked my sisters
>and me out to see her do that. But at the last minute she didn't do it -
>she avoided actually hitting her - and she hit her hand on the underside of
>our couch and broke a bone in a finger. She always said that she'd deserved
>it, to lose her temper like that and ever think of striking a child.
>
>So - what happens to kids who are never spanked, shamed, punished?
>
>We're all fine, happily married with great children of our own and not one
>of us ever ever has spanked any of our children and none of us "punish" our
>children either.
>
>My mother died this week. It was unexpected and sudden and took her from us
>while she was still in the prime of life, active and happy and working and
>traveling. She gave all of us so much love and support and encouragement
>and more wonderful memories than anyone can possibly imagine. We all cared
>more about her opinion and having her respect than anybody else's. She
>didn't earn that by being controlling or punishing, she earned it by giving
>us space to make our own decisions and mistakes and NEVER criticising,
>always supporting our strengths and seeing only the good in us.
>
>This didn't come "naturally" to my mom. Her parents were strict and harsh
>and she was orphaned at 15 and was in a strict and harsh and controlling
>boarding school for a few years after that. She was only 21 when I was
>born. I'm sure she made mistakes along the way -- but she just didn't have
>it in her to be punishing to us kids - she adored us and did everything she
>could for us and stood beside us as our advocate and our supporter no
>matter what we got ourselves into.
>
>She spent her whole life advocating for children, her own and all children,
>and she was living proof that it is possible to overcome one's own
>childhood conditioning and change the way generations of a family live and
>will live together.
>
>--pam
>Pam Sorooshian
>National Home Education Network
>www.NHEN.org
>Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling
>
>
>
>~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
>If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
>the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list
>owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an
>email to:
>[email protected]
>
>Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Fetteroll

on 10/27/02 12:34 PM, Pam Sorooshian at pamsoroosh@... wrote:

> She spent her whole life advocating for children, her own and all children,
> and she was living proof that it is possible to overcome one's own
> childhood conditioning and change the way generations of a family live and
> will live together.

What a wonderful testimony to her life1

I'm so sorry you lost her so soon. :-(

Joyce

Stephanie Elms

Pam, thank you so much for sharing a small piece of your mom with us. She sounds like a very special person.

Stephanie E.
>

[email protected]

Pam and family,
Thank you for sharing your many wonderful stories of your life -
especially involoving your mom. I am sorry to hear of your loss.
Blessings, Sharon