Overwhelmed but appreciative (long)
[email protected]
Part formal introduction, I think I started posting without one. I work at
home and tend to only post when I have the time or something has really gotten
to me. And part reply to Myranda, who is concerned about the responses of some
on this list.
My name is Cherry. I'm 29, a wahm mother to 1 son, Caesar. I was introduced
to unschooling by my friend Beth Ali, she's also on this list.
The subject reads overwhelmed because I'm very busy with work right now and
I've had to read almost 100 posts in one sitting. Many of the posts made me
cry. They bring up painful memories. The subject reads appreciative because
they provided an opening for me and my husband to have a really great
discussion this morning and because they gave me a sense of hope.
I'm very grateful for Sandra and Ren and others who are willing to be brutally
honest about the revulsion they feel about abuse. Neither my husband or I had
people in our lives willing to stand up for us. I was sexually abused by my
father and he was beaten by his. In my family no one ever said I was a liar
or denied the abuse but they also never took my father to task about the
abuse. Everyone continued to treat him as if he was a decent human being.
Until this morning my husband had never said that he feels anger at his
mother, who never hit him, but did condone his abuse by not stopping it. We
both felt like no one really cared that we had been hurt. I think it led us
to excuse alot of abusive, coercive behavior in people. For both of us our
abuse ended when we vehemently said no to our abusers. I remember so clearly
being at the kitchen sink and my father coming up behind me and touching me.
It was primal instinct more than anything that made me push him off of me and
start screaming no. My husband says his father was beating him with a broom
stick, which broke. He picked up a piece of the stick and threw it at him.
He said he'll never forget how shocked his father looked.
Sometimes a voracious, no pussy-footing around NO is what's needed to stop
abuse. Abuse is not nice or gentle or kind and the response to it can't be
nice or gentle or kind. Brutal honesty, like all things can be used for good
or bad, in the case of the posters on this board I believe it's being used for
good. Take intentions into account before criticizing.
I understand the desire to understand and accept people and give positive
responses (I'm a Sagittarius ;-) But it can't be at the expense of an
innocent child's well-being. And no matter how many ways the christians try
to spin it spanking diminishes the spirit. People who spank should not expect
positive or gentle responses to them or their discipline choices when they do
not give positive or gentle responses to their own children. My own parents
did not give beating-type spankings, they would hit us on an open hand with a
wooden paddle. But it put fear and mis-trust in us. Even before I was
molested there was a dark cloud on me and my family because of it.
Cherry in GA
PS-I also want to add that my belief that children choose their parents
happened because I was a very promiscious teenager and I never got pregnant
(never got stds either) I even had a boyfriend (who had children with other
women) ask me why I didn't get pregnant. I've been pregnant twice by my
husband, the first time I miscarried. When our son was born I had a strange
sense that he was the same spirit that had been with us before and he was now
choosing to be with us because the time was right.
home and tend to only post when I have the time or something has really gotten
to me. And part reply to Myranda, who is concerned about the responses of some
on this list.
My name is Cherry. I'm 29, a wahm mother to 1 son, Caesar. I was introduced
to unschooling by my friend Beth Ali, she's also on this list.
The subject reads overwhelmed because I'm very busy with work right now and
I've had to read almost 100 posts in one sitting. Many of the posts made me
cry. They bring up painful memories. The subject reads appreciative because
they provided an opening for me and my husband to have a really great
discussion this morning and because they gave me a sense of hope.
I'm very grateful for Sandra and Ren and others who are willing to be brutally
honest about the revulsion they feel about abuse. Neither my husband or I had
people in our lives willing to stand up for us. I was sexually abused by my
father and he was beaten by his. In my family no one ever said I was a liar
or denied the abuse but they also never took my father to task about the
abuse. Everyone continued to treat him as if he was a decent human being.
Until this morning my husband had never said that he feels anger at his
mother, who never hit him, but did condone his abuse by not stopping it. We
both felt like no one really cared that we had been hurt. I think it led us
to excuse alot of abusive, coercive behavior in people. For both of us our
abuse ended when we vehemently said no to our abusers. I remember so clearly
being at the kitchen sink and my father coming up behind me and touching me.
It was primal instinct more than anything that made me push him off of me and
start screaming no. My husband says his father was beating him with a broom
stick, which broke. He picked up a piece of the stick and threw it at him.
He said he'll never forget how shocked his father looked.
Sometimes a voracious, no pussy-footing around NO is what's needed to stop
abuse. Abuse is not nice or gentle or kind and the response to it can't be
nice or gentle or kind. Brutal honesty, like all things can be used for good
or bad, in the case of the posters on this board I believe it's being used for
good. Take intentions into account before criticizing.
I understand the desire to understand and accept people and give positive
responses (I'm a Sagittarius ;-) But it can't be at the expense of an
innocent child's well-being. And no matter how many ways the christians try
to spin it spanking diminishes the spirit. People who spank should not expect
positive or gentle responses to them or their discipline choices when they do
not give positive or gentle responses to their own children. My own parents
did not give beating-type spankings, they would hit us on an open hand with a
wooden paddle. But it put fear and mis-trust in us. Even before I was
molested there was a dark cloud on me and my family because of it.
Cherry in GA
PS-I also want to add that my belief that children choose their parents
happened because I was a very promiscious teenager and I never got pregnant
(never got stds either) I even had a boyfriend (who had children with other
women) ask me why I didn't get pregnant. I've been pregnant twice by my
husband, the first time I miscarried. When our son was born I had a strange
sense that he was the same spirit that had been with us before and he was now
choosing to be with us because the time was right.
Dalene and Andy
>>When our son was born I had a strangesense that he was the same spirit that had been with us before and he was now
choosing to be with us because the time was right.
What a lovely thought.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Dalene
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/26/02 9:28:44 AM, savagewilson@... writes:
<< I understand the desire to understand and accept people and give positive
responses . . . But it can't be at the expense of an
innocent child's well-being. >>
I'm a Leo. <g>
And I take the child's side first.
Sandra
<< I understand the desire to understand and accept people and give positive
responses . . . But it can't be at the expense of an
innocent child's well-being. >>
I'm a Leo. <g>
And I take the child's side first.
Sandra
Shyrley
On 26 Oct 02, at 21:27, SandraDodd@... wrote:
this week....)
She has been ranting on that kids should be seen and not heard,
should show adults respect just because they are adults, should
brush their hair and look 'proper', should be 'well-mannered'
(whatver that is), shouldn't have opinions that differ from an adults.
The list goes on and on.
She even had a go at me for saying please when i asked my
daughter to pass something as 'children should obey without any
expectations and obey instantly'
As you can imagine things have been a little stormy, not heped by
the fact that she broke her tooth on Day 1 and needed root canal
treatment by day 5 (man, dentists charge a lot don't they and
guess who paid...) so she's been tetchy with pain and doped on
codeine.
I need a holiday.
Shyrley
"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you are all the same."
>I do too. Much to my mother's disgust. (She's visiting from England
> In a message dated 10/26/02 9:28:44 AM, savagewilson@...
> writes:
>
> << I understand the desire to understand and accept people and give
> positive responses . . . But it can't be at the expense of an
> innocent child's well-being. >>
>
> I'm a Leo. <g>
>
> And I take the child's side first.
>
> Sandra
>
this week....)
She has been ranting on that kids should be seen and not heard,
should show adults respect just because they are adults, should
brush their hair and look 'proper', should be 'well-mannered'
(whatver that is), shouldn't have opinions that differ from an adults.
The list goes on and on.
She even had a go at me for saying please when i asked my
daughter to pass something as 'children should obey without any
expectations and obey instantly'
As you can imagine things have been a little stormy, not heped by
the fact that she broke her tooth on Day 1 and needed root canal
treatment by day 5 (man, dentists charge a lot don't they and
guess who paid...) so she's been tetchy with pain and doped on
codeine.
I need a holiday.
Shyrley
"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you are all the same."
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/26/02 7:35:26 PM, shyrley.williams@... writes:
<< so she's been tetchy with pain and doped on
codeine.
I need a holiday. >>
Double the dose and rent some cheery movies. Movies with lots of English
countryside so she'll be homesick and want to go home!
Sandra
<< so she's been tetchy with pain and doped on
codeine.
I need a holiday. >>
Double the dose and rent some cheery movies. Movies with lots of English
countryside so she'll be homesick and want to go home!
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/26/02 9:14:51 PM Central Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> Double the dose and rent some cheery movies. Movies with lots of EnglishThe nurse in me gasped and shrieked! The rest of me just giggled! <beg>
> countryside so she'll be homesick and want to go home!
>
> Sandra
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
marji
At 21:38 10/26/02 -0400, Shyrley wrote:
gonna be when she goes back home!
Hang in there!
Marji, who's grateful that her mother has never visited her! Can you
believe that?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>As you can imagine things have been a little stormy, not heped byUgh!!! Oh, how I feel for you! Just think how peaceful and nice it's
>the fact that she broke her tooth on Day 1 and needed root canal
>treatment by day 5 (man, dentists charge a lot don't they and
>guess who paid...) so she's been tetchy with pain and doped on
>codeine.
>
>I need a holiday.
>
>Shyrley
gonna be when she goes back home!
Hang in there!
Marji, who's grateful that her mother has never visited her! Can you
believe that?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Shyrley
On 26 Oct 02, at 22:13, SandraDodd@... wrote:
would be easier to see her in small doses once a month than big
dose once a year.
Ho hum.
Off to beat my kids to prevent the moral decay of the planet.....
Shyrley
"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you are all the same."
>She's leaving tomorrow. Its a pity she's 4000 miles away cos it
> In a message dated 10/26/02 7:35:26 PM, shyrley.williams@...
> writes:
>
> << so she's been tetchy with pain and doped on
> codeine.
>
> I need a holiday. >>
>
> Double the dose and rent some cheery movies. Movies with lots of
> English countryside so she'll be homesick and want to go home!
>
> Sandra
>
would be easier to see her in small doses once a month than big
dose once a year.
Ho hum.
Off to beat my kids to prevent the moral decay of the planet.....
Shyrley
"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you are all the same."