Child's urge to hit
[email protected]
Oops, sorry for the previous post - I somehow sent Mary's post (below) along
again - it's definitely starting to feel like bedtime!
Thanks you all for the great advice and insight. I think we are going to try
to find some older playmates for Kalie, and, with luck, some with the same
parenting attitudes we have. I'm also going to try to help her interact a
little more easily, if that seems to be her desire, and shorten up playdates
a little/lot depending what's needed to keep her excitement/frustration from
building to a point that's not manageable for her right now.
And a (another) question - are there any other parents of young 'only
children' who might be willing to share how much interaction with other
children they seek/arrange access to for their child? Do you think the
one-on-one or small playgroup is critically important, or are group
activities like library storytime, etc, enough? We're having a tough time
finding playmates in our neighborhood - plenty of children, but most, if not
all, in daycare or preschool. I'd love to know what others think on this.
Thanks.
Linda
<<From: "Mary Bianco" <mummyone24@...>:
I caught that your daughter was an only child a few posts ago. Sorry, I must
have missed that. And I think Joyce made the remark that maybe she want's to
interact but doesn't know how to go about it. Also when you said that the
kids aren't quite as vocal and such as she is, maybe she does want to play
but just doesn't get the kind of response she's looking for. That mixed with
boredom, again from not getting what she wants can add up to just kicking
someone out of frustration of it all. I can understand that. Maybe trying
some older kids would help.
My Sierra happens to get along great with kids her age and older kids too
but just loves ones a bit younger than her. She has this mother thing she
does and plays really well with 4 and 5 year olds. My son and youngest
happen to like older kids more so but still get along great with kids the
same age or younger. It just seems like a preference they have right now.
I'm sure you'll figure it out in no time with all the great advice flying
around here.
Let us know how it goes.
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
again - it's definitely starting to feel like bedtime!
Thanks you all for the great advice and insight. I think we are going to try
to find some older playmates for Kalie, and, with luck, some with the same
parenting attitudes we have. I'm also going to try to help her interact a
little more easily, if that seems to be her desire, and shorten up playdates
a little/lot depending what's needed to keep her excitement/frustration from
building to a point that's not manageable for her right now.
And a (another) question - are there any other parents of young 'only
children' who might be willing to share how much interaction with other
children they seek/arrange access to for their child? Do you think the
one-on-one or small playgroup is critically important, or are group
activities like library storytime, etc, enough? We're having a tough time
finding playmates in our neighborhood - plenty of children, but most, if not
all, in daycare or preschool. I'd love to know what others think on this.
Thanks.
Linda
<<From: "Mary Bianco" <mummyone24@...>:
I caught that your daughter was an only child a few posts ago. Sorry, I must
have missed that. And I think Joyce made the remark that maybe she want's to
interact but doesn't know how to go about it. Also when you said that the
kids aren't quite as vocal and such as she is, maybe she does want to play
but just doesn't get the kind of response she's looking for. That mixed with
boredom, again from not getting what she wants can add up to just kicking
someone out of frustration of it all. I can understand that. Maybe trying
some older kids would help.
My Sierra happens to get along great with kids her age and older kids too
but just loves ones a bit younger than her. She has this mother thing she
does and plays really well with 4 and 5 year olds. My son and youngest
happen to like older kids more so but still get along great with kids the
same age or younger. It just seems like a preference they have right now.
I'm sure you'll figure it out in no time with all the great advice flying
around here.
Let us know how it goes.
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Todd M.
At 11:24 PM 10/24/02 -0400, you wrote:
I was *basically* an only child (5 yrs. between me and an older), and I
spent A LOT of time playing by myself. Even when I did have friends to play
with, it was only one or two at a time, and not an every day kind of thing.
So my *personal* opinion is that one-on-one time with other kids isn't that
important, as long as there is at least occasional (once a month?) contact
with other kids. Library time can be a good place to find them, if not,
there's always books to look at there. <g>
Todd
"A day without sunshine is, like, Night"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
>Do you think the one-on-one or small playgroup is critically important, or==
>are group
>activities like library storytime, etc, enough? We're having a tough time
>finding playmates in our neighborhood - plenty of children, but most, if not
>all, in daycare or preschool. I'd love to know what others think on this.
>
>Thanks.
>Linda
I was *basically* an only child (5 yrs. between me and an older), and I
spent A LOT of time playing by myself. Even when I did have friends to play
with, it was only one or two at a time, and not an every day kind of thing.
So my *personal* opinion is that one-on-one time with other kids isn't that
important, as long as there is at least occasional (once a month?) contact
with other kids. Library time can be a good place to find them, if not,
there's always books to look at there. <g>
Todd
"A day without sunshine is, like, Night"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
Fetteroll
on 10/24/02 11:24 PM, LsMe@... at LsMe@... wrote:
to the playground occasionally. She played with her cousin maybe once a
month. At 2-5 she seemed to be okay just being with other kids regardless if
she knew them or not and running around. Often she'd meet someone and they'd
be instant best friends ;-)
It wasn't enough for her liking but she seems to have come out fine and has
better social skills than I do ;-) But if she were an extrovert who needed
people, it wouldn't have been enough, I don't think.
Are there any unschooling groups or inclusive homeschooling groups? Or a
Mom's-with-Toddlers group? That would be a way of meeting with others with
onlies or young ones in need of other young ones.
Joyce
> Do you think theWe had a really nice local children's museum we went to once a week. We went
> one-on-one or small playgroup is critically important, or are group
> activities like library storytime, etc, enough? We're having a tough time
> finding playmates in our neighborhood - plenty of children, but most, if not
> all, in daycare or preschool. I'd love to know what others think on this.
to the playground occasionally. She played with her cousin maybe once a
month. At 2-5 she seemed to be okay just being with other kids regardless if
she knew them or not and running around. Often she'd meet someone and they'd
be instant best friends ;-)
It wasn't enough for her liking but she seems to have come out fine and has
better social skills than I do ;-) But if she were an extrovert who needed
people, it wouldn't have been enough, I don't think.
Are there any unschooling groups or inclusive homeschooling groups? Or a
Mom's-with-Toddlers group? That would be a way of meeting with others with
onlies or young ones in need of other young ones.
Joyce
katielouba
Thanks, Todd - This is really useful info for me, coming from a
family with 3 sisters, like I did!
Linda
family with 3 sisters, like I did!
Linda
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Todd M." <Ozarkren@r...> wrote:
> I was *basically* an only child (5 yrs. between me and an older),
and I
> spent A LOT of time playing by myself. Even when I did have friends
to play
> with, it was only one or two at a time, and not an every day kind
of thing.
> So my *personal* opinion is that one-on-one time with other kids
isn't that
> important, as long as there is at least occasional (once a month?)
contact
> with other kids. Library time can be a good place to find them, if
not,
> there's always books to look at there. <g>
katielouba
Joyce: Thanks for the input. We're hot on the trail of an unschooling
group now (I found them last night on the unschooling.com website),
and are also attempting to get involved with the local homeschooling
groups - these are great suggestions.
We try to get to the playgroud at least every other day - we have 6
or so within a few miles, but usually we're the only ones there. This
seems to be fine with Kalie, she loves the playground, although she
does seems to prefer it a bit when other children - particularly
older ones - are there.We spend lots of time at our library (a
terrific one, by the way - lots of children's activities),and as much
of that type of thing as we can....I think you've all helped to set
my mind at ease - I guess we're doing fine!
Thank you.
Linda
group now (I found them last night on the unschooling.com website),
and are also attempting to get involved with the local homeschooling
groups - these are great suggestions.
We try to get to the playgroud at least every other day - we have 6
or so within a few miles, but usually we're the only ones there. This
seems to be fine with Kalie, she loves the playground, although she
does seems to prefer it a bit when other children - particularly
older ones - are there.We spend lots of time at our library (a
terrific one, by the way - lots of children's activities),and as much
of that type of thing as we can....I think you've all helped to set
my mind at ease - I guess we're doing fine!
Thank you.
Linda
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Fetteroll <fetteroll@e...> wrote:
> We had a really nice local children's museum we went to once a
week. We went
> to the playground occasionally. She played with her cousin maybe
once a
> month. At 2-5 she seemed to be okay just being with other kids
regardless if
> she knew them or not and running around. Often she'd meet someone
and they'd
> be instant best friends ;-)
>
> It wasn't enough for her liking but she seems to have come out fine
and has
> better social skills than I do ;-) But if she were an extrovert who
needed
> people, it wouldn't have been enough, I don't think.
>
> Are there any unschooling groups or inclusive homeschooling groups?
Or a
> Mom's-with-Toddlers group? That would be a way of meeting with
others with
> onlies or young ones in need of other young ones.
>
> Joyce
Todd M.
At 12:49 PM 10/25/02 +0000, you wrote:
You're most welcome. Glad it was useful for you :)
Todd
"A day without sunshine is, like, Night"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
>Thanks, Todd - This is really useful info for me, coming from a family==
>with 3 sisters, like I did!
>Linda
You're most welcome. Glad it was useful for you :)
Todd
"A day without sunshine is, like, Night"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
Kelli Traaseth
I am also struggling with this,
I was also pretty much an only child, 7 years between next sibling, I also played on my own alot. Herein lies my question, I'm wondering where can we draw the line on playdates and playing with kids.
Let me explain, my mother rarely played with me, this is what I remember anyway, Ii remember wanting her to play with me, so I always feel like I have to be playing with my kids all the time. Or when-ever they want someone over I go ahead and ask someone. But, this isn't working right now, especially with my 5dd. I'm feeling very overwhelmed and now I got a cold so she doesn't understand why I don't have the energy or patience for her. I have tons of patience in the a.m. but in the evening I'm dead tired and get grumpy.
Does anyone have any suggestions, Do you think if I just play with her when ever she wants that eventually the neediness will eventually resolve itself? Maybe its because before unschooling I wasn't always there for her, was trying to do everything else. We are relatively new to this. Just 6 months for total unschooling living. Maybe I'm being unrealistic that I think they'll be just 'fine' already.
I'm sure some of this has been covered before but I just really need some reassurance and suggestions right now, <sad>I really had a bad night with her last night. <very sad>
Kelli
"Todd M." <Ozarkren@...> wrote:At 11:24 PM 10/24/02 -0400, you wrote:
I was *basically* an only child (5 yrs. between me and an older), and I
spent A LOT of time playing by myself. Even when I did have friends to play
with, it was only one or two at a time, and not an every day kind of thing.
So my *personal* opinion is that one-on-one time with other kids isn't that
important, as long as there is at least occasional (once a month?) contact
with other kids. Library time can be a good place to find them, if not,
there's always books to look at there. <g>
Todd
"A day without sunshine is, like, Night"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I was also pretty much an only child, 7 years between next sibling, I also played on my own alot. Herein lies my question, I'm wondering where can we draw the line on playdates and playing with kids.
Let me explain, my mother rarely played with me, this is what I remember anyway, Ii remember wanting her to play with me, so I always feel like I have to be playing with my kids all the time. Or when-ever they want someone over I go ahead and ask someone. But, this isn't working right now, especially with my 5dd. I'm feeling very overwhelmed and now I got a cold so she doesn't understand why I don't have the energy or patience for her. I have tons of patience in the a.m. but in the evening I'm dead tired and get grumpy.
Does anyone have any suggestions, Do you think if I just play with her when ever she wants that eventually the neediness will eventually resolve itself? Maybe its because before unschooling I wasn't always there for her, was trying to do everything else. We are relatively new to this. Just 6 months for total unschooling living. Maybe I'm being unrealistic that I think they'll be just 'fine' already.
I'm sure some of this has been covered before but I just really need some reassurance and suggestions right now, <sad>I really had a bad night with her last night. <very sad>
Kelli
"Todd M." <Ozarkren@...> wrote:At 11:24 PM 10/24/02 -0400, you wrote:
>Do you think the one-on-one or small playgroup is critically important, or==
>are group
>activities like library storytime, etc, enough? We're having a tough time
>finding playmates in our neighborhood - plenty of children, but most, if not
>all, in daycare or preschool. I'd love to know what others think on this.
>
>Thanks.
>Linda
I was *basically* an only child (5 yrs. between me and an older), and I
spent A LOT of time playing by myself. Even when I did have friends to play
with, it was only one or two at a time, and not an every day kind of thing.
So my *personal* opinion is that one-on-one time with other kids isn't that
important, as long as there is at least occasional (once a month?) contact
with other kids. Library time can be a good place to find them, if not,
there's always books to look at there. <g>
Todd
"A day without sunshine is, like, Night"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/26/02 6:24:16 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< Does anyone have any suggestions, Do you think if I just play with her
when ever she wants that eventually the neediness will eventually resolve
itself? >>
Maybe I missed some of what you said, but is it possible to invite one or two
children over to play? Or take her to a friends house some?
Sounds like you need to find your space too. I don't think a Mom can continue
playing when she's exhausted or resentful, it's going to show.
You either have to shift your thinking and be joyful about it, or do the
things you need to do for getting yourself rested and happy again.
I'd suggest playing with her a lot, giving a lot of focused attention when
you are alert and feeling good.
In the evening, since that is your "down" time, explain to her that you are
tired and need to stop playing now.
Respecting your own needs is important too. If it conflicts with her needs,
can't you find some other options for spending time with her that don't leave
you feeling exhausted?
Like watching movies together, or reading books?
Maybe cuddling in bed and just talking would meet her need for attention.
There isn't a magic pill, cure all here. But there are probably loads of
options, you just have to get creative. That doesn't mean ignoring your own
body signals though.
Ren
[email protected] writes:
<< Does anyone have any suggestions, Do you think if I just play with her
when ever she wants that eventually the neediness will eventually resolve
itself? >>
Maybe I missed some of what you said, but is it possible to invite one or two
children over to play? Or take her to a friends house some?
Sounds like you need to find your space too. I don't think a Mom can continue
playing when she's exhausted or resentful, it's going to show.
You either have to shift your thinking and be joyful about it, or do the
things you need to do for getting yourself rested and happy again.
I'd suggest playing with her a lot, giving a lot of focused attention when
you are alert and feeling good.
In the evening, since that is your "down" time, explain to her that you are
tired and need to stop playing now.
Respecting your own needs is important too. If it conflicts with her needs,
can't you find some other options for spending time with her that don't leave
you feeling exhausted?
Like watching movies together, or reading books?
Maybe cuddling in bed and just talking would meet her need for attention.
There isn't a magic pill, cure all here. But there are probably loads of
options, you just have to get creative. That doesn't mean ignoring your own
body signals though.
Ren
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/26/02 5:24:54 AM, kellitraas@... writes:
<< Do you think if I just play with her when ever she wants that eventually
the neediness will eventually resolve itself? Maybe its because before
unschooling I wasn't always there for her, was trying to do everything else.
her to be with her. Lots of people would probably say that encouraging her
to be with you doing the real things you're doing is better than you doing
the make-believe stuff with her. But some of both. Sorting laundry, putting
away groceries, working in the yard--that time spent together would be really
valuable too.
Sandra
<< Do you think if I just play with her when ever she wants that eventually
the neediness will eventually resolve itself? Maybe its because before
unschooling I wasn't always there for her, was trying to do everything else.
>>At least the kinds of games will change. You don't have to be playing with
her to be with her. Lots of people would probably say that encouraging her
to be with you doing the real things you're doing is better than you doing
the make-believe stuff with her. But some of both. Sorting laundry, putting
away groceries, working in the yard--that time spent together would be really
valuable too.
Sandra
Valerie
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., starsuncloud@c... wrote:
happy just to have me laying on the floor with her and taking a
passive part in the playing. Or we would play "doctor" and I would
be the patient, laying on the couch getting my temperature taken,
etc. I woke up one time with my arm covered in bandaids. The
neediness will resolve itself, and you'll long for the days when she
wanted you to play with her all the time. :-)
love, Valerie
> In a message dated 10/26/02 6:24:16 AM Central Daylight Time,with her
> Unschooling-dotcom@y... writes:
>
> << Does anyone have any suggestions, Do you think if I just play
> when ever she wants that eventually the neediness will eventuallyresolve
> itself? >>*****When Laurie wanted me to play with her and I was tired, she was
happy just to have me laying on the floor with her and taking a
passive part in the playing. Or we would play "doctor" and I would
be the patient, laying on the couch getting my temperature taken,
etc. I woke up one time with my arm covered in bandaids. The
neediness will resolve itself, and you'll long for the days when she
wanted you to play with her all the time. :-)
love, Valerie
Kelli Traaseth
Thanks Valerie, Today has been better, I took out her stain glass paints and she did that while I did my yoga. She liked that. Its just so hard for me to find time for myself. Like so many others on this list have said. I think I really have to pick and choose carefully what I do when I do have a little time.
Take Care,
Kelli
Valerie <valfitz@...> wrote:--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., starsuncloud@c... wrote:
happy just to have me laying on the floor with her and taking a
passive part in the playing. Or we would play "doctor" and I would
be the patient, laying on the couch getting my temperature taken,
etc. I woke up one time with my arm covered in bandaids. The
neediness will resolve itself, and you'll long for the days when she
wanted you to play with her all the time. :-)
love, Valerie
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Take Care,
Kelli
Valerie <valfitz@...> wrote:--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., starsuncloud@c... wrote:
> In a message dated 10/26/02 6:24:16 AM Central Daylight Time,with her
> Unschooling-dotcom@y... writes:
>
> << Does anyone have any suggestions, Do you think if I just play
> when ever she wants that eventually the neediness will eventuallyresolve
> itself? >>*****When Laurie wanted me to play with her and I was tired, she was
happy just to have me laying on the floor with her and taking a
passive part in the playing. Or we would play "doctor" and I would
be the patient, laying on the couch getting my temperature taken,
etc. I woke up one time with my arm covered in bandaids. The
neediness will resolve itself, and you'll long for the days when she
wanted you to play with her all the time. :-)
love, Valerie
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dalene and Andy
>>Sorting laundry, puttingaway groceries, working in the yard--that time spent together would be really
valuable too.
Sadly many parents choose pre-schools for their young children, because they believe they need the stimulation that pre-schools offer. The parents do not realise the importance of just being together. I realise this is an unschooling list, but I believe we would have a better world, if we could at least encourage parents to keep their young children home.
Dalene
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]