spanking and then not ever anymore
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/24/02 4:34:55 PM, meplusfive@... writes:
<< Are there moms here that have never spanked and had great results? And
moms that started out spanking and stopped by learning better ways? If
so what did you read or do to get to that point? >>
I have swatted kids. Not meaning to, and not lately. Every time it was
because I was more stressed out than the kid.
Here's a story written really soon after it happened (though it's an old
story now):
http://sandradodd.com/zeneverything
Sandra
<< Are there moms here that have never spanked and had great results? And
moms that started out spanking and stopped by learning better ways? If
so what did you read or do to get to that point? >>
I have swatted kids. Not meaning to, and not lately. Every time it was
because I was more stressed out than the kid.
Here's a story written really soon after it happened (though it's an old
story now):
http://sandradodd.com/zeneverything
Sandra
Stephanie Elms
> << Are there moms here that have never spanked and had greatWe have never spanked. I have come close many times. Mostly when I have
> results? And
> moms that started out spanking and stopped by learning
> better ways? If
> so what did you read or do to get to that point? >>
run out of other options. So I try to keep finding new options. I do
tend to yell and do the guilt thing more then I would like. And lately
I have been realizing that most of my frustrations seem to have to do
with issues of control and I am working on that. It has been eye opening...
What exactly do you consider great results? ;o) I am still working on dealing
with a lot of typical 2 yo and 5 yo behaviors, definitely don't have kids
who *always* behave, but they seem no worse then any other kids their age. :o)
Stephanie E.
Kimber
In our family, we spanked off and on until Alex (now 9) was 5 or 6. My husband and I were both spanked growing up and thought it was an option to discipline children. Wrong. When Alex was in kindergarten, (he went for 1 semester), he started having troubles. They have this colored card system that they use to notify the parents of the number of times a child was in trouble during the day. They cut construction paper into little squares, of differing colors, to have the kids bring home daily and the parent sign and return to school the next day. The child would miss recess if the card wasn't returned no matter the reason. Green=no problems at all, yellow=1x, orange=x2, blue=x3, and the undesired red card for 4 or more infractions. He started bringing home those darn red cards with an ugly note written on them about how my child wouldn't behave in class. This is before I 'discovered' that homeschool/unschool was even a possibility. We tried our best to work with the school and the teacher (which now I believe she is a total witch and doesn't like the boy children in her classes because they are too much trouble). I was called numerous times weekly about his behavior. We tried talking with him, taking away privileges, and anything else the 'regular' parenting books advocate. Then we resorted to spanking him.
We finally decided to spank. He was talked with and told that Daddy would spank him if he brought home red cards anymore. Before long, he was bringing home those red ones almost daily. Ugh! My husband would spank him, talk with him about behavior, and he just kept bringing home those darn red cards. That is what proved to us that spanking is no deterrent and cannot change behavior. We all cried a lot during that time.
This is the teacher that pushed us to have him tested for ADHD and to medicate him for her class. That was the straw that broke this camel's back! That is when I started researching ADHD and found homeschooling. Hallelujah!! We had another option! Not one person had mentioned it to me before. My reading about homeschooling opened our minds and hearts to even more solutions to our parenting issues than any of the other 'regular' parenting books had offered.
He remembers the spankings, the constant harrassment from this teacher, and the continual pleadings from us to try harder to behave. He was only 5. A boy. Shouldn't he behave like a little boy?? We have told him that we continue to learn about the world right along with him and we did the best we knew at the time. His self esteeem is just now returning and he is so excited about this journey we are on now. He is surrounded by those who love and care for him and have learned better ways to parent.
I do think that there needs to be more information about alternate ways to raise your children from the norm. I did not go to La Leche League meetings so I missed out on the information they could have provided. I am a voracious reader and devoured any parenting book I could find..........almost. I didn't know to look for _The Continuum Concept_, or _The Natural Parent_, or the unschooling books. Ignorance is not bliss in this instance. I am not sure how to "get the word out" to other parents who might not realize there are other options (like we didn't). I do know that my friends and family somewhat understand our new philosophy so we are sharing books and advice with them when asked. It's the people who don't know any different and might not have a friend or relative to offer alternative views that worry me.
Kimber
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We finally decided to spank. He was talked with and told that Daddy would spank him if he brought home red cards anymore. Before long, he was bringing home those red ones almost daily. Ugh! My husband would spank him, talk with him about behavior, and he just kept bringing home those darn red cards. That is what proved to us that spanking is no deterrent and cannot change behavior. We all cried a lot during that time.
This is the teacher that pushed us to have him tested for ADHD and to medicate him for her class. That was the straw that broke this camel's back! That is when I started researching ADHD and found homeschooling. Hallelujah!! We had another option! Not one person had mentioned it to me before. My reading about homeschooling opened our minds and hearts to even more solutions to our parenting issues than any of the other 'regular' parenting books had offered.
He remembers the spankings, the constant harrassment from this teacher, and the continual pleadings from us to try harder to behave. He was only 5. A boy. Shouldn't he behave like a little boy?? We have told him that we continue to learn about the world right along with him and we did the best we knew at the time. His self esteeem is just now returning and he is so excited about this journey we are on now. He is surrounded by those who love and care for him and have learned better ways to parent.
I do think that there needs to be more information about alternate ways to raise your children from the norm. I did not go to La Leche League meetings so I missed out on the information they could have provided. I am a voracious reader and devoured any parenting book I could find..........almost. I didn't know to look for _The Continuum Concept_, or _The Natural Parent_, or the unschooling books. Ignorance is not bliss in this instance. I am not sure how to "get the word out" to other parents who might not realize there are other options (like we didn't). I do know that my friends and family somewhat understand our new philosophy so we are sharing books and advice with them when asked. It's the people who don't know any different and might not have a friend or relative to offer alternative views that worry me.
Kimber
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/24/02 9:10:15 PM, stephanie.elms@...
writes:
<< What exactly do you consider great results? ;o) I am still working on
dealing
with a lot of typical 2 yo and 5 yo behaviors, definitely don't have kids
who *always* behave, but they seem no worse then any other kids their age.
:o) >>
That's a good question, about results.
A family in which a child has never been spanked will probably have better
results than I have just for having a child who has never ever had terror in
his eyes or flinched away from his mom when she moved her hand.
By the time Holly came I was a lot calmer (probably because I was nearly 40;
seriously). If I had had three in my late 20's or early 30's I wouldn't have
done as well as I did being older. Being older wasn't the ONLY factor, but I
had had more time to work out some of my own childhood stuff and resort it
into "not really necessary" and "the best she could do" and "lazy BS which
was NOT the best she could do" and that helped me see my own decision making
better where it concerned how to be with children.
Sandra
writes:
<< What exactly do you consider great results? ;o) I am still working on
dealing
with a lot of typical 2 yo and 5 yo behaviors, definitely don't have kids
who *always* behave, but they seem no worse then any other kids their age.
:o) >>
That's a good question, about results.
A family in which a child has never been spanked will probably have better
results than I have just for having a child who has never ever had terror in
his eyes or flinched away from his mom when she moved her hand.
By the time Holly came I was a lot calmer (probably because I was nearly 40;
seriously). If I had had three in my late 20's or early 30's I wouldn't have
done as well as I did being older. Being older wasn't the ONLY factor, but I
had had more time to work out some of my own childhood stuff and resort it
into "not really necessary" and "the best she could do" and "lazy BS which
was NOT the best she could do" and that helped me see my own decision making
better where it concerned how to be with children.
Sandra
Todd M.
At 08:45 AM 10/25/02 -0500, you wrote:
Just a thought...but what about putting notes on bulletin boards at grocery
and other stores? You know, something to the effect "Looking for
alternatives to public school? Try Homeschooling!" <g> And of course one
could put bumper-stickers on their cars. Make t-shirts and sell, wear,
and/or give them away :)
Todd
"A day without sunshine is, like, Night"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
>I am not sure how to "get the word out" to other parents who might not==
>realize there are other options (like we didn't).
Just a thought...but what about putting notes on bulletin boards at grocery
and other stores? You know, something to the effect "Looking for
alternatives to public school? Try Homeschooling!" <g> And of course one
could put bumper-stickers on their cars. Make t-shirts and sell, wear,
and/or give them away :)
Todd
"A day without sunshine is, like, Night"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
Stephanie Elms
> A family in which a child has never been spanked willOhhh...I wish I could say that he has never flinched from me. :o( I
> probably have better
> results than I have just for having a child who has never
> ever had terror in
> his eyes or flinched away from his mom when she moved her hand.
have never hit him, but I have picked him up hard and put him
on a couch or chair, I have come at him screaming which is not
pleasant either (I have seen myself in a mirror). Still working
on it...the biggest for me is to not touch him, grab him by
the shoulders or pick him up to move him (he helps with this
because if I even bump him he starts saying that I hurt him and that
distracts us from the issue at hand).
It's hard to be a parent, isn't it?
Stephanie E
>
marji
At 15:58 10/25/02 -0400, Stephanie E. wrote:
the clear blue (I think). He asked me if I ever thought he was "ugly" when
he got angry. I told him that I didn't. But then I asked him if he ever
thought I was ugly when I got angry. He said, "Sometimes."
Man, I just LOVE that guy! I just love that he can tell me that! He's a
much better mirror than the one I have hanging on the wall. I just have to
remember to check that "mirror" more often!
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Ohhh...I wish I could say that he has never flinched from me. :o( IIt's interesting that you say this! Liam just asked me a question out of
>have never hit him, but I have picked him up hard and put him
>on a couch or chair, I have come at him screaming which is not
>pleasant either (I have seen myself in a mirror).
the clear blue (I think). He asked me if I ever thought he was "ugly" when
he got angry. I told him that I didn't. But then I asked him if he ever
thought I was ugly when I got angry. He said, "Sometimes."
Man, I just LOVE that guy! I just love that he can tell me that! He's a
much better mirror than the one I have hanging on the wall. I just have to
remember to check that "mirror" more often!
>It's hard to be a parent, isn't it?Oh yeah.
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Bianco
I was telling my husband about the Christian lady here who spanks her kids
for not listenting the first time. Ou rson overheard (ears like a hawk!)and
was just totally astounded as to why people have to do that sort of thing.
He really couldn't comprehend why parents would want to do that to their
children. Knowing him, I'm sure the thought is brewing and there will be a
test on this one later from him!
Mary B
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for not listenting the first time. Ou rson overheard (ears like a hawk!)and
was just totally astounded as to why people have to do that sort of thing.
He really couldn't comprehend why parents would want to do that to their
children. Knowing him, I'm sure the thought is brewing and there will be a
test on this one later from him!
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Surf the Web without missing calls!�Get MSN Broadband.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/freeactivation.asp