suggestions please
Mary Bianco
I have two things that I am totally stumped on. Any suggestions would help.
1. My son Joseph (7) has always had these habits that he has picked up that
aren't the best. First it was him picking his fingernails. He never bit
them, just picked until they bled. Then it was him picking his lips. That he
did until they bled also. Then he started to chew his tongue. He still does
that some when he's really involved in something like drawing or even
playing gameboy. We would use a code word to him that no one knew but him so
that we could remind him of what he was doing. He stopped doing each one and
now has moved on to something different. Now he touches his penis. Not like
a scratching, although he has said it itches. More like a playing twisting
kind of thing. He has no rash or anything. If I remind him of it then
sometimes he crosses his legs real tight like he has to pee. I'm not sure
it's something he'll grow out of as it seems to be quite a habit. He also
does this in public.
2. My daughter Sierra (6) is a crier. She's very funny and very easy to
laugh and just as easy to cry. She'll cry if something physical happens and
cries like she broke something. She'll also cry if she want's something that
just isn't happening. Like when the carnival shut down exactly at 11:00 and
she wanted to ride the dragons again. When this happens, she really cries.
If we try talking to her, it gets worse. I usually just hold her and wait it
out. It can go on quite awhile. If I try to talk to her after the fact, all
she says is I don't know when asked about how she felt or what we can do to
help. I get no answers at all. I feel bad that she gets so upset and feel
helpless.
Any ideas with either one of my dilemma's would be appreciated.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Unlimited Internet access -- and 2 months free!� Try MSN.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/2monthsfree.asp
1. My son Joseph (7) has always had these habits that he has picked up that
aren't the best. First it was him picking his fingernails. He never bit
them, just picked until they bled. Then it was him picking his lips. That he
did until they bled also. Then he started to chew his tongue. He still does
that some when he's really involved in something like drawing or even
playing gameboy. We would use a code word to him that no one knew but him so
that we could remind him of what he was doing. He stopped doing each one and
now has moved on to something different. Now he touches his penis. Not like
a scratching, although he has said it itches. More like a playing twisting
kind of thing. He has no rash or anything. If I remind him of it then
sometimes he crosses his legs real tight like he has to pee. I'm not sure
it's something he'll grow out of as it seems to be quite a habit. He also
does this in public.
2. My daughter Sierra (6) is a crier. She's very funny and very easy to
laugh and just as easy to cry. She'll cry if something physical happens and
cries like she broke something. She'll also cry if she want's something that
just isn't happening. Like when the carnival shut down exactly at 11:00 and
she wanted to ride the dragons again. When this happens, she really cries.
If we try talking to her, it gets worse. I usually just hold her and wait it
out. It can go on quite awhile. If I try to talk to her after the fact, all
she says is I don't know when asked about how she felt or what we can do to
help. I get no answers at all. I feel bad that she gets so upset and feel
helpless.
Any ideas with either one of my dilemma's would be appreciated.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Unlimited Internet access -- and 2 months free!� Try MSN.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/2monthsfree.asp
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/23/02 11:30:58 PM Central Daylight Time,
mummyone24@... writes:
also, and sometimes, something will upset my little guy so much he just
cries. It breaks my heart. The other evening, I was about to go out to a
meeting and was showing a new baby-sitter around and the dog had to go out.
Jack was playing playstation and no one else was around, so I went ahead and
asked him to please take Maggie out. He got up all happy and excited and took
her out. Meanwhile, I went to the kitchen to show the sitter how the phone
works, where snacks are... and Moly went to the living room, realized her
show was about to start and turned off the playstation. When Jack came back
in he just broke down. I was almost late because I was holding him. I talked
about how Moly should have found out if he was done before she turned it off
etc... He just cried harder. In the end, it turned out that all he wished
Moly would have done was save it before she turned it off. At Karate this
evening, he cried and cried when the class was over. Turned out he had so
much fun, he still thought there should be more time.
I agree with you Mary, its heartbreaking to see them cry and cry like that.
And I always feel so powerless when it happens, and I never know what to say
and sometimes, no matter what I say he just cries harder. And these crying
jags aren't like temper tantrums, this is pure emotion just pouring out!
~Nancy Sympathizing with Mary! (Is it a 6 thing?)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummyone24@... writes:
> 2. My daughter Sierra (6) is a crier. She's very funny and very easy toI too would like some suggestions on this! Is it just a phase? Jack is 6
> laugh and just as easy to cry. She'll cry if something physical happens and
>
> cries like she broke something. She'll also cry if she want's something
> that
> just isn't happening. Like when the carnival shut down exactly at 11:00 and
>
> she wanted to ride the dragons again. When this happens, she really cries.
> If we try talking to her, it gets worse. I usually just hold her and wait
> it
> out. It can go on quite awhile. If I try to talk to her after the fact, all
>
> she says is I don't know when asked about how she felt or what we can do to
>
> help. I get no answers at all. I feel bad that she gets so upset and feel
> helpless.
also, and sometimes, something will upset my little guy so much he just
cries. It breaks my heart. The other evening, I was about to go out to a
meeting and was showing a new baby-sitter around and the dog had to go out.
Jack was playing playstation and no one else was around, so I went ahead and
asked him to please take Maggie out. He got up all happy and excited and took
her out. Meanwhile, I went to the kitchen to show the sitter how the phone
works, where snacks are... and Moly went to the living room, realized her
show was about to start and turned off the playstation. When Jack came back
in he just broke down. I was almost late because I was holding him. I talked
about how Moly should have found out if he was done before she turned it off
etc... He just cried harder. In the end, it turned out that all he wished
Moly would have done was save it before she turned it off. At Karate this
evening, he cried and cried when the class was over. Turned out he had so
much fun, he still thought there should be more time.
I agree with you Mary, its heartbreaking to see them cry and cry like that.
And I always feel so powerless when it happens, and I never know what to say
and sometimes, no matter what I say he just cries harder. And these crying
jags aren't like temper tantrums, this is pure emotion just pouring out!
~Nancy Sympathizing with Mary! (Is it a 6 thing?)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Bianco
>From: Dnowens@...<<I agree with you Mary, its heartbreaking to see them cry and cry like
that. And I always feel so powerless when it happens, and I never know what
to say and sometimes, no matter what I say he just cries harder. And these
crying jags aren't like temper tantrums, this is pure emotion just pouring
out!
~Nancy Sympathizing with Mary! (Is it a 6 thing?)>>
Gee when I saw the subject line I got all excited thinking I had a
suggestion already!!! It is heartbreaking isn't it Nancy? Has your son been
doing this or has it just come up? Sierra has always been like this. I think
it might be somewhat better now than when she was younger. Not really enough
for me to be sure though. I wonder if it's something she will be able to
better handle as she gets older, then again I think of someone I knew like
that well into adult life. I just hate not knowing if it's something to just
hug and leave alone or something I could/should be doing. Hopefully we'll
get some response on this one.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Surf the Web without missing calls!�Get MSN Broadband.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/freeactivation.asp
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/24/02 12:21:24 AM Central Daylight Time,
mummyone24@... writes:
subconsciously that it should be getting better as he get older and it is,
but I am overreacting ... make sense?) it seems like lately, things are just
so overwhelming for him. Not that I hope anyone else has gone through this
with a child, but I do hope someone has that miracle cure!
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummyone24@... writes:
> Gee when I saw the subject line I got all excited thinking I had aHe has always been a sensitive child, but (and I could be wrong, or thinking
> suggestion already!!! It is heartbreaking isn't it Nancy? Has your son been
>
> doing this or has it just come up?
subconsciously that it should be getting better as he get older and it is,
but I am overreacting ... make sense?) it seems like lately, things are just
so overwhelming for him. Not that I hope anyone else has gone through this
with a child, but I do hope someone has that miracle cure!
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tami
My son is very sensitive to things. Everyday things really bother him! So we
talk alot about why, what could he do to change it, and we/he figure
something out. Sometimes it isnt that simple and he is just sad for awhile,
but usually he figures something out all on his own. Collin is 12 .
Peace,
Tami
talk alot about why, what could he do to change it, and we/he figure
something out. Sometimes it isnt that simple and he is just sad for awhile,
but usually he figures something out all on his own. Collin is 12 .
Peace,
Tami
----- Original Message -----
From: <Dnowens@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, October 24, 2002 12:37 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] suggestions please
> In a message dated 10/24/02 12:21:24 AM Central Daylight Time,
> mummyone24@... writes:
>
> > Gee when I saw the subject line I got all excited thinking I had a
> > suggestion already!!! It is heartbreaking isn't it Nancy? Has your son
been
> >
> > doing this or has it just come up?
>
> He has always been a sensitive child, but (and I could be wrong, or
thinking
> subconsciously that it should be getting better as he get older and it is,
> but I am overreacting ... make sense?) it seems like lately, things are
just
> so overwhelming for him. Not that I hope anyone else has gone through this
> with a child, but I do hope someone has that miracle cure!
> ~Nancy
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an
email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
marji
At 04:29 10/24/02 +0000, Mary Bianco wrote:
cry, the only thing that helps me is empathy. Someone with their arm
around my shoulders and a quiet, "Yeah." or "You must be so sad
[frustrated, angry, whatever emotion seems to be right]." What I do NOT
want is someone trying to help me figure out ways to deal with it! I just
want someone to understand and care that I'm upset. My husband used to try
to fix stuff for me by saying, "Well, I think you need to..." and then he'd
tell me all the stuff I should be doing or thinking about. It would just
piss me off. Then, I summoned the courage to say, "I don't want you to fix
this. I can figure it out. I'm sad and what I need from you is
comfort." So, that's what I do for Liam. If he doesn't want my comfort,
he lets me know. I respect that. But, more often than not, he'll lay his
head on my lap and cry, maybe for quite a while. Sometimes we'll talk, if
he initiates it. We may be silent for a few moments, and then he'll be okay.
As far as problem #1, I'd be interested to see others' responses.
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>I have two things that I am totally stumped on. Any suggestions would help.What occurs to me is that when I'm feeling sad enough about something to
>
>2. My daughter Sierra (6) is a crier. She's very funny and very easy to
>laugh and just as easy to cry. She'll cry if something physical happens and
>cries like she broke something. She'll also cry if she want's something that
>just isn't happening. Like when the carnival shut down exactly at 11:00 and
>she wanted to ride the dragons again. When this happens, she really cries.
>If we try talking to her, it gets worse. I usually just hold her and wait it
>out. It can go on quite awhile. If I try to talk to her after the fact, all
>she says is I don't know when asked about how she felt or what we can do to
>help. I get no answers at all. I feel bad that she gets so upset and feel
>helpless.
>
>Any ideas with either one of my dilemma's would be appreciated.
cry, the only thing that helps me is empathy. Someone with their arm
around my shoulders and a quiet, "Yeah." or "You must be so sad
[frustrated, angry, whatever emotion seems to be right]." What I do NOT
want is someone trying to help me figure out ways to deal with it! I just
want someone to understand and care that I'm upset. My husband used to try
to fix stuff for me by saying, "Well, I think you need to..." and then he'd
tell me all the stuff I should be doing or thinking about. It would just
piss me off. Then, I summoned the courage to say, "I don't want you to fix
this. I can figure it out. I'm sad and what I need from you is
comfort." So, that's what I do for Liam. If he doesn't want my comfort,
he lets me know. I respect that. But, more often than not, he'll lay his
head on my lap and cry, maybe for quite a while. Sometimes we'll talk, if
he initiates it. We may be silent for a few moments, and then he'll be okay.
As far as problem #1, I'd be interested to see others' responses.
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Bianco
>From: marji <marji@...><<So, that's what I do for Liam. If he doesn't want my comfort, he lets me
know. I respect that. But, more often than not, he'll lay his
head on my lap and cry, maybe for quite a while. Sometimes we'll talk, if
he initiates it. We may be silent for a few moments, and then he'll be
okay.>>
Thanks Marji. And that's exactly what I do now with Sierra. The talking
during or even after doesn't work, so hugging is my only response now. I
just can't help feeling there is something else I could be doing for her.
<<As far as problem #1, I'd be interested to see others' responses.>>
You and me both!!
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Surf the Web without missing calls!�Get MSN Broadband.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/freeactivation.asp
[email protected]
<<Now he touches his penis. Not like
a scratching, although he has said it itches. More like a playing
twisting
kind of thing. He has no rash or anything. If I remind him of it then
sometimes he crosses his legs real tight like he has to pee. I'm not sure
it's something he'll grow out of as it seems to be quite a habit. He also
does this in public.>>
Mary, my guy does this, in fact I'm amazed at how far that appendage can
be stretched with apparently no pain. LOL I haven't thought much about
it, although he does seem to leave it alone in public. Obviously it's
not the same as playing with his elbow, since others can touch his elbow
and not be inappropriate but it's still just a part of his body.
Personally I don't say anything to him, if that's what he wants to be
touching so be it, seems pretty normal. If he did it in public and I was
concerned that someone would comment rudely I might mention that this
could happen so he could be aware.
Kris
________________________________________________________________
Sign Up for Juno Platinum Internet Access Today
Only $9.95 per month!
Visit www.juno.com
a scratching, although he has said it itches. More like a playing
twisting
kind of thing. He has no rash or anything. If I remind him of it then
sometimes he crosses his legs real tight like he has to pee. I'm not sure
it's something he'll grow out of as it seems to be quite a habit. He also
does this in public.>>
Mary, my guy does this, in fact I'm amazed at how far that appendage can
be stretched with apparently no pain. LOL I haven't thought much about
it, although he does seem to leave it alone in public. Obviously it's
not the same as playing with his elbow, since others can touch his elbow
and not be inappropriate but it's still just a part of his body.
Personally I don't say anything to him, if that's what he wants to be
touching so be it, seems pretty normal. If he did it in public and I was
concerned that someone would comment rudely I might mention that this
could happen so he could be aware.
Kris
________________________________________________________________
Sign Up for Juno Platinum Internet Access Today
Only $9.95 per month!
Visit www.juno.com
marji
At 16:17 10/24/02 +0000, Mary Bianco wrote:
keeping your mouth closed and your arms and heart open. Aside from
allowing her to know that her feelings are okay and don't need to be fixed,
you're teaching her an appropriate compassionate response that she will be
able to call on for her friends and family in the future. You're showing
her that it's okay to feel our feelings and that you love her and all her
wide range of good and bad feelings.
I hope this makes sense!
Love,
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Thanks Marji.You're so very, very welcome!
>And that's exactly what I do now with Sierra. The talkingI know what you mean. But, I think you're doing a whole lot just by
>during or even after doesn't work, so hugging is my only response now. I
>just can't help feeling there is something else I could be doing for her.
keeping your mouth closed and your arms and heart open. Aside from
allowing her to know that her feelings are okay and don't need to be fixed,
you're teaching her an appropriate compassionate response that she will be
able to call on for her friends and family in the future. You're showing
her that it's okay to feel our feelings and that you love her and all her
wide range of good and bad feelings.
I hope this makes sense!
Love,
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Hartley
> 1. My son Joseph (7) has always had these habits that he has picked up thatAs you've had success in moving the "location" of the compulsion each time,
> aren't the best. First it was him picking his fingernails. He never bit
> them, just picked until they bled. Then it was him picking his lips. That he
> did until they bled also. Then he started to chew his tongue. He still does
> that some when he's really involved in something like drawing or even
> playing gameboy. We would use a code word to him that no one knew but him so
> that we could remind him of what he was doing. He stopped doing each one and
> now has moved on to something different. Now he touches his penis. Not like
> a scratching, although he has said it itches. More like a playing twisting
> kind of thing. He has no rash or anything. If I remind him of it then
> sometimes he crosses his legs real tight like he has to pee. I'm not sure
> it's something he'll grow out of as it seems to be quite a habit. He also
> does this in public.
I wonder if you could get him to intentionally move it to something fairly
harmless? (I'm now trying to think of something fairly harmless that could
be done repeatedly -- I know people who are always running their hand
through their hair when concentrating, etc., there must be more than that
one, though). If you could help him to pick something along those lines,
maybe you could redirect to that and then if he outgrew it, great, and if
not, no actual harm done.
> 2. My daughter Sierra (6) is a crier. She's very funny and very easy toSix was hard on my oldest daughter, too. I think sympathizing with her
> laugh and just as easy to cry. She'll cry if something physical happens and
> cries like she broke something. She'll also cry if she want's something that
> just isn't happening. Like when the carnival shut down exactly at 11:00 and
> she wanted to ride the dragons again. When this happens, she really cries.
> If we try talking to her, it gets worse. I usually just hold her and wait it
> out. It can go on quite awhile. If I try to talk to her after the fact, all
> she says is I don't know when asked about how she felt or what we can do to
> help. I get no answers at all. I feel bad that she gets so upset and feel
> helpless.
general pain in life will eventually move her past it to better coping. She
may NOT know why she's crying or what you can do about it. You could talk to
her after sometime and make a few suggestions of things you'd be willing to
do, and ask her, "Would you rather I pick you up and take you someplace
quiet, or sit with you there? Would you rather I talk to you while you're
crying, or just hush up and rock you? Does it help if I stroke your hair, or
is that just annoying?"
Pam
Todd M.
At 06:19 AM 10/24/02 -0700, you wrote:
I used to be the "I'll fix it, here are some suggestions" kinda guy. Then
my wife explained to me that she "just wants someone to hear her, NOT fix
it". Now I just listen, hug, empathize (quietly), and things are much
better :-)
Todd
"A day without sunshine is, like, Night"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
>My husband used to try to fix stuff for me by saying, "Well, I think you==
>need to..." and then he'd tell me all the stuff I should be doing or
>thinking about. It would just piss me off. Then, I summoned the courage
>to say, "I don't want you to fix this. I can figure it out. I'm sad and
>what I need from you is comfort."
I used to be the "I'll fix it, here are some suggestions" kinda guy. Then
my wife explained to me that she "just wants someone to hear her, NOT fix
it". Now I just listen, hug, empathize (quietly), and things are much
better :-)
Todd
"A day without sunshine is, like, Night"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
Julie Stauffer
<<he touches his penis>>
My son is just exactly like yours. Zach is 9. He is a twitchy kind of kid.
He is always biting the skin on his fingers, making odd noises, scratching,
adjusting his penis. It is just the way he is. We talk about how socially
acceptable or possibly injurious the behaviors are and try to leave it at
that. Example: Adriane (11)is mortified about Zach adjusting his penis
while talking with her friends. We suggested that he might want to excuse
himself to do that.
He does better with lots of physical activity and with time spent daily
getting a backrub.
Julie
My son is just exactly like yours. Zach is 9. He is a twitchy kind of kid.
He is always biting the skin on his fingers, making odd noises, scratching,
adjusting his penis. It is just the way he is. We talk about how socially
acceptable or possibly injurious the behaviors are and try to leave it at
that. Example: Adriane (11)is mortified about Zach adjusting his penis
while talking with her friends. We suggested that he might want to excuse
himself to do that.
He does better with lots of physical activity and with time spent daily
getting a backrub.
Julie
Alan & Brenda Leonard
10/24/02 19:31:
anything. If I remind him of it then sometimes he crosses his legs real
tight like he has to pee. I'm not sure it's something he'll grow out of as
it seems to be quite a habit. He also does this in public.
Mary,
I went through this with Tim, and it was worse in summer, since shorts make
all those parts more accessible. Winter coming helped us, but since you're
in south Florida (right?), I don't know that the weather will solve this one
for you!
Tim and I had a talk about private parts and they really can be fun to play
with, and that it's fine to play with them. But there are better and worse
places to do this. Just like bouncing big balls in the house is a bad idea,
but outside is great, playing with your private parts when other people are
around is not a good idea, because some people might not be comfortable with
you doing that.
He got the idea, but wanted endless details like, in your bed is always
fine, in your car seat is ok if it's just Mommy and Daddy in the car, in a
restaurant waiting for food is not good, etc. Maybe this is too much like
rules, but it did work, with a few gentle reminders.
brenda
who has realized lately that her husband is always gone when the really good
problems come up, so she has to deal with them herself! (Now how does he do
that?)
> Now he touches his penis. Not like a scratching, although he has said ititches. More like a playing twisting kind of thing. He has no rash or
anything. If I remind him of it then sometimes he crosses his legs real
tight like he has to pee. I'm not sure it's something he'll grow out of as
it seems to be quite a habit. He also does this in public.
Mary,
I went through this with Tim, and it was worse in summer, since shorts make
all those parts more accessible. Winter coming helped us, but since you're
in south Florida (right?), I don't know that the weather will solve this one
for you!
Tim and I had a talk about private parts and they really can be fun to play
with, and that it's fine to play with them. But there are better and worse
places to do this. Just like bouncing big balls in the house is a bad idea,
but outside is great, playing with your private parts when other people are
around is not a good idea, because some people might not be comfortable with
you doing that.
He got the idea, but wanted endless details like, in your bed is always
fine, in your car seat is ok if it's just Mommy and Daddy in the car, in a
restaurant waiting for food is not good, etc. Maybe this is too much like
rules, but it did work, with a few gentle reminders.
brenda
who has realized lately that her husband is always gone when the really good
problems come up, so she has to deal with them herself! (Now how does he do
that?)
Deborah Lewis
***My son Joseph (7) has always had these habits that he has picked up
that
aren't the best.***
This won't help but it reminded me of a story. My friend's son used to
pick his fingernails and his teacher at school called the counselor and
the counselor called them mom and said she absolutely must get him
counseling and maybe medication blah, blah, blah. She was visiting her
sister (who is a naturopath) that weekend and her sister looked at him
and discovered he had a fungus.
I wonder how much counseling the poor itchy kid would have had to endure
at school for a fungus?
Any way, might he just have to pee? My son always waited until the very
last crucial second before going and wiggly gyrations and twisting of
body parts were all part of that ritual to help him hold it just a little
bit longer. He just didn't want to miss one interesting thing by being
in the bathroom.
Briefs too tight?
***My daughter Sierra (6) is a crier.***
Could she just be reacting to excitement or stress? The thing that makes
her cry is like the last straw? Dylan was like that, if there was a lot
of excitement he could take it for a while but then if anything went
wrong he just melted. A kind of sensory overload.
He has out grown this mostly, although he still avoids really busy places
and things.
Would it help to get her someplace quiet while she calms down?
Sorry Mary = ( I hate for little people to be sad.
Deb L
that
aren't the best.***
This won't help but it reminded me of a story. My friend's son used to
pick his fingernails and his teacher at school called the counselor and
the counselor called them mom and said she absolutely must get him
counseling and maybe medication blah, blah, blah. She was visiting her
sister (who is a naturopath) that weekend and her sister looked at him
and discovered he had a fungus.
I wonder how much counseling the poor itchy kid would have had to endure
at school for a fungus?
Any way, might he just have to pee? My son always waited until the very
last crucial second before going and wiggly gyrations and twisting of
body parts were all part of that ritual to help him hold it just a little
bit longer. He just didn't want to miss one interesting thing by being
in the bathroom.
Briefs too tight?
***My daughter Sierra (6) is a crier.***
Could she just be reacting to excitement or stress? The thing that makes
her cry is like the last straw? Dylan was like that, if there was a lot
of excitement he could take it for a while but then if anything went
wrong he just melted. A kind of sensory overload.
He has out grown this mostly, although he still avoids really busy places
and things.
Would it help to get her someplace quiet while she calms down?
Sorry Mary = ( I hate for little people to be sad.
Deb L
Liza Sabater
Todd,
Why allow him even the thought of a heaven?
Hitler can't go to heaven if there is no hell.
He's just dead.
Nevertheless, people are wrong to suggest that fascism died with
Hitler. It is so easy to create monsters out of an individual.
Instead, we should consider that nazism is just one permutation of
all the prejudices and atrocities humans are are more than capable of
achieving.
What I am more worried about are the little acts of fascism that
people commit everyday --especially if they are just passive
observers.
Best,
Liza
Why allow him even the thought of a heaven?
Hitler can't go to heaven if there is no hell.
He's just dead.
Nevertheless, people are wrong to suggest that fascism died with
Hitler. It is so easy to create monsters out of an individual.
Instead, we should consider that nazism is just one permutation of
all the prejudices and atrocities humans are are more than capable of
achieving.
What I am more worried about are the little acts of fascism that
people commit everyday --especially if they are just passive
observers.
Best,
Liza
>At 06:19 AM 10/24/02 -0700, you wrote:[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>>My husband used to try to fix stuff for me by saying, "Well, I think you
>>need to..." and then he'd tell me all the stuff I should be doing or
>>thinking about. It would just piss me off. Then, I summoned the courage
>>to say, "I don't want you to fix this. I can figure it out. I'm sad and
>>what I need from you is comfort."
>==
>I used to be the "I'll fix it, here are some suggestions" kinda guy. Then
>my wife explained to me that she "just wants someone to hear her, NOT fix
>it". Now I just listen, hug, empathize (quietly), and things are much
>better :-)
>
>Todd
>"A day without sunshine is, like, Night"
><http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html>http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
>
Mary Bianco
>From: louisam1@...<<Mary, my guy does this, in fact I'm amazed at how far that appendage can
be stretched with apparently no pain. LOL I haven't thought much about
it, although he does seem to leave it alone in public. Obviously it's
not the same as playing with his elbow, since others can touch his elbow
and not be inappropriate but it's still just a part of his body.
Personally I don't say anything to him, if that's what he wants to be
touching so be it, seems pretty normal. If he did it in public and I was
concerned that someone would comment rudely I might mention that this could
happen so he could be aware.>>
You know I at first thought it was just a little boy thing and that he would
stop. But it's been like a year now and it hasn't gotten any better and I do
worry as he does do it just as much when in public or whoever is around.
I've seen grown men walking around during the day doing the same thing and
it doesn't look nice. Don't want Joseph to be one of those guys.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Surf the Web without missing calls!�Get MSN Broadband.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/freeactivation.asp
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/24/2002 1:16:16 PM Central Daylight Time,
jnjstau@... writes:
<< He is always biting the skin on his fingers, making odd noises, scratching,
adjusting his penis. >>
Does he blink a lot?
Tuck
jnjstau@... writes:
<< He is always biting the skin on his fingers, making odd noises, scratching,
adjusting his penis. >>
Does he blink a lot?
Tuck
Dalene and Andy
>>Does he blink a lot?Why are you asking?? I've got a blinker.
Dalene
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Bianco
>From: marji <marji@...><<I know what you mean. But, I think you're doing a whole lot just by
keeping your mouth closed and your arms and heart open. Aside from
allowing her to know that her feelings are okay and don't need to be fixed,
you're teaching her an appropriate compassionate response that she will be
able to call on for her friends and family in the future. You're showing
her that it's okay to feel our feelings and that you love her and all her
wide range of good and bad feelings.
I hope this makes sense!>>
Yes it does make sense. And thank you again Marji.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online
http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/24/2002 5:06:07 PM Central Daylight Time,
mactier@... writes:
<< >Does he blink a lot?
Why are you asking?? I've got a blinker.
indicators of Tourette Syndrome. It's not a horrible thing, but if someone
who knew had not asked me that question, I'd probably still be wondering
what's wrong with my son.
http://tourettenowwhat.tripod.com/
Tuck
mactier@... writes:
<< >Does he blink a lot?
Why are you asking?? I've got a blinker.
>>Because blinking, shrugging shoulders, etc., are often some of the first
indicators of Tourette Syndrome. It's not a horrible thing, but if someone
who knew had not asked me that question, I'd probably still be wondering
what's wrong with my son.
http://tourettenowwhat.tripod.com/
Tuck
Mary Bianco
>From: Pam Hartley <pamhartley@...><<As you've had success in moving the "location" of the compulsion each
time, I wonder if you could get him to intentionally move it to something
fairly harmless? (I'm now trying to think of something fairly harmless that
could be done repeatedly -- I know people who are always running their hand
through their hair when concentrating, etc., there must be more than that
one, though). If you could help him to pick something along those lines,
maybe you could redirect to that and then if he outgrew it, great, and if
not, no actual harm done.>>
You know Pam, I thought of this a while ago and just couldn't come up with
anything that worked for him to do besides "that." I mean at least he always
has his penis with him! <BG> I'll keep thinking and see what I can come up
with. I really forgot about that alternative recently.
As far as Sierra goes, I'm trying to be as comforting as possible. I guess
that will be enough for her and maybe she will handle her feelings better as
she gets older. If not, mom will still be here. I just have feelings
sometimes of not quite doing enough. Know what I mean?
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Unlimited Internet access -- and 2 months free!� Try MSN.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/2monthsfree.asp
Mary Bianco
>From: Alan & Brenda Leonard <abtleo@...><<Mary,
I went through this with Tim, and it was worse in summer, since shorts make
all those parts more accessible. Winter coming helped us, but since you're
in south Florida (right?), I don't know that the weather will solve this one
for you!
Tim and I had a talk about private parts and they really can be fun to play
with, and that it's fine to play with them. But there are better and worse
places to do this. Just like bouncing big balls in the house is a bad idea,
but outside is great, playing with your private parts when other people are
around is not a good idea, because some people might not be comfortable with
you doing that.>>
Hi Brenda, I actually had that little talk with him too. Just trying from
the beginning to even just keep it in the house or back yard instead of in
public. Didn't even suggest just his bedroom. The whole house would be fine
if he could just stop in public. I pick him up from his homeschooling sports
camp and here he comes walking with maybe 80 people around and he's still
playing! I've mentioned to my husband maybe he needs a cup!! Okay, only
kidding on that one.
And no, with us in FL I don't see where the weather will make a difference.
I've even asked maybe if different underwear would help as he's actually
said it "bothers" him. He wears the boxer briefs and also has regular briefs
too. Not sure if boxers would make it better or worse. Maybe I should try
that. Believe me when I say he does it A LOT.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Get faster connections�-- switch to�MSN Internet Access!
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/default.asp
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/24/02 11:19:17 AM Central Daylight Time,
louisam1@... writes:
except for night time and it tends to itch in the mornings. He did much more
pulling and yanking when he was training and I went through a thing of asking
him not to. Now I just tell him that I can't watch it because it looks like
it hurts. That makes it much less of a thing for us, less of a control issue
for me. But it is amazing how much they can play with their penises, isn't
it?
Elizabeth
louisam1@... writes:
> Now he touches his penis.My four year old does this, but mostly when it does itch. He's potty trained
except for night time and it tends to itch in the mornings. He did much more
pulling and yanking when he was training and I went through a thing of asking
him not to. Now I just tell him that I can't watch it because it looks like
it hurts. That makes it much less of a thing for us, less of a control issue
for me. But it is amazing how much they can play with their penises, isn't
it?
Elizabeth
Mica
For the compulsive body handling - what about ear lobes?
Mica
ghal9720@...
Stawell, Victoria, Australia
Mica
ghal9720@...
Stawell, Victoria, Australia
> -----Original Message-----each
> From: Mary Bianco [mailto:mummyone24@...]
> Sent: Friday, 25 October 2002 8:22 AM
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: suggestions please
>
> >From: Pam Hartley <pamhartley@...>
>
> <<As you've had success in moving the "location" of the compulsion
> time, I wonder if you could get him to intentionally move it tosomething
> fairly harmless? (I'm now trying to think of something fairly harmlessthat
> that
> could be done repeatedly -- I know people who are always running their
> hand
> through their hair when concentrating, etc., there must be more than
> one, though). If you could help him to pick something along thoselines,
> maybe you could redirect to that and then if he outgrew it, great, andif
> not, no actual harm done.>>with
>
>
> You know Pam, I thought of this a while ago and just couldn't come up
> anything that worked for him to do besides "that." I mean at least hecome up
> always
> has his penis with him! <BG> I'll keep thinking and see what I can
> with. I really forgot about that alternative recently.guess
>
> As far as Sierra goes, I'm trying to be as comforting as possible. I
> that will be enough for her and maybe she will handle her feelingsbetter
> asemail
> she gets older. If not, mom will still be here. I just have feelings
> sometimes of not quite doing enough. Know what I mean?
>
> Mary B
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Unlimited Internet access -- and 2 months free! Try MSN.
> http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/2monthsfree.asp
>
>
> ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please
> the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the listan
> owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address
> email to:http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to
>
Mica
Mary wrote:
applying attention to a health issue? I don't have any idea what that
might realistically be, but guessing wildly... hydration, dermatitis,
maybe a fungus, infection?
Mica
ghal9720@...
Stawell, Victoria, Australia
> if he could just stop in public. I pick him up from his homeschoolingstill
> sports
> camp and here he comes walking with maybe 80 people around and he's
> playing!When I read this scene Mary I wondered if your son was instinctively
applying attention to a health issue? I don't have any idea what that
might realistically be, but guessing wildly... hydration, dermatitis,
maybe a fungus, infection?
Mica
ghal9720@...
Stawell, Victoria, Australia
Tia Leschke
> My four year old does this, but mostly when it does itch. He's pottytrained
> except for night time and it tends to itch in the mornings. He did muchmore
> pulling and yanking when he was training and I went through a thing ofasking
> him not to. Now I just tell him that I can't watch it because it lookslike
> it hurts. That makes it much less of a thing for us, less of a controlissue
> for me. But it is amazing how much they can play with their penises,isn't
> it?One of my boys used to look as if he were trying to tie it in a knot!
Tia
Mary Bianco
>From: "Tia Leschke" <leschke@...><<One of my boys used to look as if he were trying to tie it in a knot!>>
LOL!!!! Sorry, but that was funny!! It would make me feel great if you said
that he finally stopped all on his own. If that's the case, how old was
he???
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Internet access plans that fit your lifestyle -- join MSN.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/default.asp
Tia Leschke
>said
> <<One of my boys used to look as if he were trying to tie it in a knot!>>
>
>
> LOL!!!! Sorry, but that was funny!! It would make me feel great if you
> that he finally stopped all on his own. If that's the case, how old wasProbably by the time he was 3 or 4. He was 2 at the time I remember. He
> he???
used to run around naked. He had a little friend who lived very close by in
our trailer park. One day I came around the corner of our trailer and saw
him walking up the steps to her trailer . . . buck naked and tieing it in a
knot. For some reason, she wasn't allowed out to play that day. <g>
Tia
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/29/2002 11:55:25 PM Central Standard Time,
mummyone24@... writes:
remember because my mom nagged me about it.
My boys finally stopped around 4 or 5. It seems like it got worse or better
depending on the change of seasons and whether they were wearing diapers or
pull-ups or undies or jeans or shorts and sweats. It's not as accessible in
blue jeans.
I think it's perfectly normal and to be expected, but a little guidance on
when it's definitely *not* appropriate is okay.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummyone24@... writes:
> <<One of my boys used to look as if he were trying to tie it in a knot!>>All my boys played with it. I played with myself when I was little, too. I
>
>
> LOL!!!! Sorry, but that was funny!! It would make me feel great if you said
>
> that he finally stopped all on his own. If that's the case, how old was
> he???
>
remember because my mom nagged me about it.
My boys finally stopped around 4 or 5. It seems like it got worse or better
depending on the change of seasons and whether they were wearing diapers or
pull-ups or undies or jeans or shorts and sweats. It's not as accessible in
blue jeans.
I think it's perfectly normal and to be expected, but a little guidance on
when it's definitely *not* appropriate is okay.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Bianco
>From: tuckervill@...<<All my boys played with it. I played with myself when I was little, too.
I remember because my mom nagged me about it.
My boys finally stopped around 4 or 5. It seems like it got worse or better
depending on the change of seasons and whether they were wearing diapers or
pull-ups or undies or jeans or shorts and sweats. It's not as accessible in
blue jeans.
I think it's perfectly normal and to be expected, but a little guidance on
when it's definitely *not* appropriate is okay.>>
Well I guess not having one, I'm a little less familiar with what is the
norm!!! We have discussed that he just do it at home for starters. The thing
is it's become such a habit, it's hard for him to remember not to do it when
we are out. Someone suggested to try and change the compulsion to another
body part, like his earlobe. He just laughed at me when I suggested that. We
are still working on a solution together. By the way, he's almost 8.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Unlimited Internet access -- and 2 months free!� Try MSN.
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/2monthsfree.asp