re: defending children
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***Being an x-ray tech, I have seen
too many needless fractures in children because the parents were inattentive.***
Do you know for sure that the fractures you see are due to a parent's inattentiveness, or are you assuming?
I've often been accused of "letting" my children climb too high on trees as well as do other perceived-as-risky things because I for the most part let my children decide their own climbing limits.
I've been the recipient of those well-meaning but misguided dirty looks combined with saying to my child right over my head "oh honey get down, you'll hurt yourself."
I know, for example, that my neighbor thinks I'm neglectful because my toddler likes to jump off high surfaces in the backyard and I don't stop him. She's actually said to me "I can't believe you let him do that! Aren't you afraid he'll get hurt?!"
Now I'm not saying that your particular situation was misguided... I wasn't there and it does sound like the child may have been in danger. I'm just saying that sometimes what looks like neglect on the mother's part and "risky behavior" on the child's part might actually just be a physically adept child and a comfortable, trusting mother. (I've been heavily influenced by the continuum concept by Jean Liedloff in this area).
I think there is a much grayer area here than when the child is actually being hurt physically or verbally by a parent.
Patti
too many needless fractures in children because the parents were inattentive.***
Do you know for sure that the fractures you see are due to a parent's inattentiveness, or are you assuming?
I've often been accused of "letting" my children climb too high on trees as well as do other perceived-as-risky things because I for the most part let my children decide their own climbing limits.
I've been the recipient of those well-meaning but misguided dirty looks combined with saying to my child right over my head "oh honey get down, you'll hurt yourself."
I know, for example, that my neighbor thinks I'm neglectful because my toddler likes to jump off high surfaces in the backyard and I don't stop him. She's actually said to me "I can't believe you let him do that! Aren't you afraid he'll get hurt?!"
Now I'm not saying that your particular situation was misguided... I wasn't there and it does sound like the child may have been in danger. I'm just saying that sometimes what looks like neglect on the mother's part and "risky behavior" on the child's part might actually just be a physically adept child and a comfortable, trusting mother. (I've been heavily influenced by the continuum concept by Jean Liedloff in this area).
I think there is a much grayer area here than when the child is actually being hurt physically or verbally by a parent.
Patti
[email protected]
***If the advice is, "just grow a backbone and do it" <g> I'm okay with that.***
I'm okay with growing a backbone too (I definitely need one), I just wouldn't want my backbone to backfire on the child I'm trying to defend! :-/
Patti
I'm okay with growing a backbone too (I definitely need one), I just wouldn't want my backbone to backfire on the child I'm trying to defend! :-/
Patti
Kimber
<<<Do you know for sure that the fractures you see are due to a parent's inattentiveness, or are you assuming?
Patti>>>
One example I was thinking of was an infant who broke his femur when his mother left him in a car seat on top of a clothes dryer at a laudromat. He was kicking and I guess it tipped over and landed on the floor. The mother said she wasn't paying attention......she felt so horrible about it.
Kimber
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Patti>>>
One example I was thinking of was an infant who broke his femur when his mother left him in a car seat on top of a clothes dryer at a laudromat. He was kicking and I guess it tipped over and landed on the floor. The mother said she wasn't paying attention......she felt so horrible about it.
Kimber
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Betsy
**
I'm okay with growing a backbone too (I definitely need one), I just
wouldn't want my backbone to backfire on the child I'm trying to defend!**
I think this is some of what Myranda was trying to convey in the
beginning. It just got buried in all the other statements and chat.
Betsy
I'm okay with growing a backbone too (I definitely need one), I just
wouldn't want my backbone to backfire on the child I'm trying to defend!**
I think this is some of what Myranda was trying to convey in the
beginning. It just got buried in all the other statements and chat.
Betsy
Myranda
Yes, yes, yes, yes!!!!!!!! :-))
Myranda
From: Betsy
I think this is some of what Myranda was trying to convey in the
beginning. It just got buried in all the other statements and chat.
Betsy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Myranda
From: Betsy
I think this is some of what Myranda was trying to convey in the
beginning. It just got buried in all the other statements and chat.
Betsy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
***Because only if kids get the idea that not all adults believe
what their mom is doing is right and good and necessary will THEY begin to
question.***
I think this is what Alice Miller refers to as an "enlightened witness"- meaning a person who makes it clear to the child-victim that there is another way. If memory serves (I haven't read her in a while) I believe she actually says that it's the presence or absence of "enlightened witnesses" in an abused child's life that make the biggest difference in the long term outcome for the child.
Patti
what their mom is doing is right and good and necessary will THEY begin to
question.***
I think this is what Alice Miller refers to as an "enlightened witness"- meaning a person who makes it clear to the child-victim that there is another way. If memory serves (I haven't read her in a while) I believe she actually says that it's the presence or absence of "enlightened witnesses" in an abused child's life that make the biggest difference in the long term outcome for the child.
Patti