Jeff & Diane Gwirtz

Hi Susan - Before I answer, I should say that I had a teenage
daughter who was a major handful - free spirit - always hated
restrictions - loved excitement. That combination made for some
exciting times, but she's 19 now, lives on her own and her
judgement seems to have improved. She's the reason we started
hschooling when she was 15.

> How late to you allow your dd/ds to be out at night?
>
We have a city-wide curfew of midnight 7 days a week, so the police
can pick our kids up if they're out after that. We used that as
well as an earlier one on weeknights (11 or so). That doesn't mean
she always followed it. With my 13 year old, I plan on
individualizing for the situation and negotiating, but we'll
probably still have to stick to the midnight because of the city
ordinance.

> Do you wait up for your dd/ds to get home when s/he is out for the evening?
>
I was usually up, but if not, we had an agreement that she would
wake us up when she came in.

> Do you ask your dd/ds to call you during their evening out?
>
Yes - we asked her to check in frequently, especially since kids
seem to move around alot, and sometimes when they leave home, they
have no idea where they'll actually end up. I've got to say -
Caller ID is a real plus here. You know where they're calling from
and who's calling them. Granted, they can block it, but that
would immediately raise my suspicions. A cell phone wouldn't be bad
either.

> How far away are you comfortable allowing your dd/ds to drive?
>
We live in a college town and everywhere she needed to be was within the city
limits. We tried to keep her from leaving town until after she was
about 18 :-)

> If your dd/ds is going to a party at the house of someone you don't know, do
> you call the parents to make sure an adult will be there?
>
I've done this with limited success. It takes cooperation from other
parents who sometimes hold different values from ours. I still think
it's worth trying.

> Unschooling complicates the decision-making on some of these issues (a week
> night isn't a "school night", for example) and I'm curious about other
> unschooling families.
>
My daughter's friends were all in ps, so we ended up sticking with a
more normal week.

Good luck! I think one of the most important things is to let your
daughter help you set the limits. Some kids, like my daughter are going
to push whatever limits you set. With those kids, you kind of hold
your breath and keep your fingers crossed. My 13 year old has a
completely different personality and I think, will need less in the
way of restrictions. We'll see, I guess.

Diane in KS

[email protected]

My16 (almost 17) year-old daughter is feeling somewhat constricted by me and
I'm wondering how other parents of older teenagers handle this age of
beginning the transition into adulthood:

How late to you allow your dd/ds to be out at night?

Do you wait up for your dd/ds to get home when s/he is out for the evening?

Do you ask your dd/ds to call you during their evening out?

How far away are you comfortable allowing your dd/ds to drive?

If your dd/ds is going to a party at the house of someone you don't know, do
you call the parents to make sure an adult will be there?

Unschooling complicates the decision-making on some of these issues (a week
night isn't a "school night", for example) and I'm curious about other
unschooling families.

Thanks!

Susan