unschooling and rules
[email protected]
Being new I was wondering if/what rules are instilled in your household.
example- No food out of the dining area
bathing
ect
This is our first week and I do see some changes already, but trying to
change my out look on something's are very hard, like when my son just picks
and picks on the other child I take care of during the day. Will sit there
and repeat his name in a chant and when the child ask him to stop he keeps
doing it and will even follow him to do it. I just want to tell him to knock
it off but don't feel that is the right approach.
thanks
Heidi
example- No food out of the dining area
bathing
ect
This is our first week and I do see some changes already, but trying to
change my out look on something's are very hard, like when my son just picks
and picks on the other child I take care of during the day. Will sit there
and repeat his name in a chant and when the child ask him to stop he keeps
doing it and will even follow him to do it. I just want to tell him to knock
it off but don't feel that is the right approach.
thanks
Heidi
Myranda
We do have rules, but really they are more like habits because we've done them all along and no one argues about them or ignores them. Basically ones of cleanliness and respect to people and possessions.
Myranda
From: hmsclmyboy@...
Being new I was wondering if/what rules are instilled in your household.
example- No food out of the dining area
bathing
ect
This is our first week and I do see some changes already, but trying to
change my out look on something's are very hard, like when my son just picks
and picks on the other child I take care of during the day. Will sit there
and repeat his name in a chant and when the child ask him to stop he keeps
doing it and will even follow him to do it. I just want to tell him to knock
it off but don't feel that is the right approach.
thanks
Heidi
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Myranda
From: hmsclmyboy@...
Being new I was wondering if/what rules are instilled in your household.
example- No food out of the dining area
bathing
ect
This is our first week and I do see some changes already, but trying to
change my out look on something's are very hard, like when my son just picks
and picks on the other child I take care of during the day. Will sit there
and repeat his name in a chant and when the child ask him to stop he keeps
doing it and will even follow him to do it. I just want to tell him to knock
it off but don't feel that is the right approach.
thanks
Heidi
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
<< my son just picks
and picks on the other child I take care of during the day. Will sit there
and repeat his name in a chant and when the child ask him to stop he keeps
doing it and will even follow him to do it. I just want to tell him to knock
it off but don't feel that is the right approach. >>
That is not the kindest most compassionate answer at all. That is the
emergency nothing-else-works answer if the situation has no options. FIRST
look at options.
What I would do if I needed to extinguish that behavior NOW, before the boy
came back tomorrow is when that boy was gone, I would follow my own child
around repeating his name, and I wouldn't stop until he was begging me to
stop.
And once he was whimpering and begging I would say "SEE!?" It's irritating.
It hurts. Why can't you just believe me when I say something's irritating
next time?
And I think that would solve it quickly.
If quick isn't as important as humane, the more humane answers involve NOT
keeping someone else's child and giving every bit of attention to your own.
But I'm assuming that's not the option. (If that IS an option, maybe go with
that for a while, and spend more time with your son.)
So for me, if that kid were due back the next day, I would go for the taste
of his own medicine approach, even though it sounds kind of cruel.
I'm not willing to aid and abet or enable my children to be mean to other
children, especially those who are unable to get away from it, and certainly
not when they're guests in my home.
<<example- No food out of the dining area
bathing
ect>>
We don't have a food rule.
My kids like to take showers. Kirby does it almost every day. Marty every
two days or so, and when he gets a haircut.
Holly sometimes two times a day in the summer and every two or three days
when it's colder.
If I had ever MADE them take showers, I don't think they would like it now.
But we've tried to make it fun, instead. A game. A privilege. A cool thing
to do.
Sandra
and picks on the other child I take care of during the day. Will sit there
and repeat his name in a chant and when the child ask him to stop he keeps
doing it and will even follow him to do it. I just want to tell him to knock
it off but don't feel that is the right approach. >>
That is not the kindest most compassionate answer at all. That is the
emergency nothing-else-works answer if the situation has no options. FIRST
look at options.
What I would do if I needed to extinguish that behavior NOW, before the boy
came back tomorrow is when that boy was gone, I would follow my own child
around repeating his name, and I wouldn't stop until he was begging me to
stop.
And once he was whimpering and begging I would say "SEE!?" It's irritating.
It hurts. Why can't you just believe me when I say something's irritating
next time?
And I think that would solve it quickly.
If quick isn't as important as humane, the more humane answers involve NOT
keeping someone else's child and giving every bit of attention to your own.
But I'm assuming that's not the option. (If that IS an option, maybe go with
that for a while, and spend more time with your son.)
So for me, if that kid were due back the next day, I would go for the taste
of his own medicine approach, even though it sounds kind of cruel.
I'm not willing to aid and abet or enable my children to be mean to other
children, especially those who are unable to get away from it, and certainly
not when they're guests in my home.
<<example- No food out of the dining area
bathing
ect>>
We don't have a food rule.
My kids like to take showers. Kirby does it almost every day. Marty every
two days or so, and when he gets a haircut.
Holly sometimes two times a day in the summer and every two or three days
when it's colder.
If I had ever MADE them take showers, I don't think they would like it now.
But we've tried to make it fun, instead. A game. A privilege. A cool thing
to do.
Sandra
marji
At 11:02 10/22/02 -0400, Heidi wrote:
swimming pool, and I'm the chief (only) lifeguard. So, my rule is that
nobody hangs out in the area of the swimming pool unless I'm there. This
takes the heat off Liam (7yo) if one of his friends wants to go look at the
pool or something like that. Otherwise, I wouldn't call them "rules" as
much as "cultural norms," like respect for each other, speaking our truth
when we can, listening to each other. These aren't stated in the "rule
book," though because there is no rule book. We just try to treat each
other this way. There are certainly times when we're antagonistic towards
each other for one reason or other, but because we respect and love each
other we work it out. I try to help Liam whenever I can and certainly
whenever he wants me to. We are ALL learning here.
like, "Sounds like ______ doesn't like that." Your son may be bored or
feeling yucky in some way. This would be my cue to help him resolve those
feelings in a good way. It could mean talking together, but more than
likely it could mean that some snack is in order or pulling out some
interesting thing that your son hasn't seen before or in a long time. It
may mean that it's time to change the venue altogether and go for a walk or
to the park or something like that.
marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Being new I was wondering if/what rules are instilled in your household.The only "rules" we keep around here concern safety issues. We have a
>
>example- No food out of the dining area
> bathing
> ect
swimming pool, and I'm the chief (only) lifeguard. So, my rule is that
nobody hangs out in the area of the swimming pool unless I'm there. This
takes the heat off Liam (7yo) if one of his friends wants to go look at the
pool or something like that. Otherwise, I wouldn't call them "rules" as
much as "cultural norms," like respect for each other, speaking our truth
when we can, listening to each other. These aren't stated in the "rule
book," though because there is no rule book. We just try to treat each
other this way. There are certainly times when we're antagonistic towards
each other for one reason or other, but because we respect and love each
other we work it out. I try to help Liam whenever I can and certainly
whenever he wants me to. We are ALL learning here.
>This is our first week and I do see some changes already, but trying toIn this case, if it were going on without resolution, I might say something
>change my out look on something's are very hard, like when my son just picks
>and picks on the other child I take care of during the day. Will sit there
>and repeat his name in a chant and when the child ask him to stop he keeps
>doing it and will even follow him to do it. I just want to tell him to knock
>it off but don't feel that is the right approach.
like, "Sounds like ______ doesn't like that." Your son may be bored or
feeling yucky in some way. This would be my cue to help him resolve those
feelings in a good way. It could mean talking together, but more than
likely it could mean that some snack is in order or pulling out some
interesting thing that your son hasn't seen before or in a long time. It
may mean that it's time to change the venue altogether and go for a walk or
to the park or something like that.
marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Bianco
I think you have gotten a few good ideas about your child calling out after
the one you watch. I can't say I could add anything new.
As far as rules go, I'm not sure one would really call them rules. Well
maybe we do have one, one big one. Keep the front door closed at all times!
Not just because of the baby but mostly because of one cat that is dying to
get out and two dogs who would just love to terrorize the neighborhood.
Being that one is a Beagle, we'd never see her again. (you can see the dog
post about hunting dogs!!!)
Other than that, no rules. I guess things we've just always done that no one
questions or has a problem with.
All 4 kids take showers every night. The only exception is when they swim in
the evening and see no point in getting wet again! Food comes and goes
around this house so much it's no big deal. The 2 year old eats better on
the run so I'm use to following through her path with the vacuum. (don't get
a mental pic of me chasing after her with the vacuum!)
The kids generally eat in the dining room but mostly in the playroom. We use
to eat in the kitchen too but I lost my table in there because of 2 dog
crates. My husband, myself and sometimes our oldest will eat in the living
room watching TV from one of my stack tables and sometimes on a movie night,
we'll have dessert in there. Teeth get brushed twice a day but only because
that's what we've always done. I don't force and the kids don't complain,
although I will ask if it was "done yet." The playroom gets picked up every
night also, but again, it's what we've always done. If the kids go to bed
with stuff on the floor, no big deal. I'll do it or just leave it and it
gets done the next day. I guess some things have become a habit with us and
with the kids not giving us a hard time at all about it, it never became a
battle or a rule.
I know some people think it odd that none of our kids has ever slept with
us. Point is, none of them have ever asked or had a problem sleeping in
their own bed. I have asked them on occasion and they say "No Thank You." I
do have good kids!!! Just meaning maybe a bit easier than others.
Mary B
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the one you watch. I can't say I could add anything new.
As far as rules go, I'm not sure one would really call them rules. Well
maybe we do have one, one big one. Keep the front door closed at all times!
Not just because of the baby but mostly because of one cat that is dying to
get out and two dogs who would just love to terrorize the neighborhood.
Being that one is a Beagle, we'd never see her again. (you can see the dog
post about hunting dogs!!!)
Other than that, no rules. I guess things we've just always done that no one
questions or has a problem with.
All 4 kids take showers every night. The only exception is when they swim in
the evening and see no point in getting wet again! Food comes and goes
around this house so much it's no big deal. The 2 year old eats better on
the run so I'm use to following through her path with the vacuum. (don't get
a mental pic of me chasing after her with the vacuum!)
The kids generally eat in the dining room but mostly in the playroom. We use
to eat in the kitchen too but I lost my table in there because of 2 dog
crates. My husband, myself and sometimes our oldest will eat in the living
room watching TV from one of my stack tables and sometimes on a movie night,
we'll have dessert in there. Teeth get brushed twice a day but only because
that's what we've always done. I don't force and the kids don't complain,
although I will ask if it was "done yet." The playroom gets picked up every
night also, but again, it's what we've always done. If the kids go to bed
with stuff on the floor, no big deal. I'll do it or just leave it and it
gets done the next day. I guess some things have become a habit with us and
with the kids not giving us a hard time at all about it, it never became a
battle or a rule.
I know some people think it odd that none of our kids has ever slept with
us. Point is, none of them have ever asked or had a problem sleeping in
their own bed. I have asked them on occasion and they say "No Thank You." I
do have good kids!!! Just meaning maybe a bit easier than others.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online
http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/22/02 10:46:27 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< I just want to tell him to knock
it off but don't feel that is the right approach. >>
Why not? He's being obnoxious on purpose. He either needs some of your
attention, or is getting a kick out of annoying another person that can't
defend themselves.
How is that ok?
I would tell my dh to knock it off if he was pestering someone smaller and
less defensible. I have no hesitation in telling a child to stop taunting
another person.
I would also try to understand why the behavior is happening and try to
accomodate the need they are not having fulfilled.....boredom, need for
attention, SOMETHING real is going on to provoke the behavior.
But that doesn't make it ok for the adult present to allow the other child to
suffer because your child just feels like bugging them!!
Ren
[email protected] writes:
<< I just want to tell him to knock
it off but don't feel that is the right approach. >>
Why not? He's being obnoxious on purpose. He either needs some of your
attention, or is getting a kick out of annoying another person that can't
defend themselves.
How is that ok?
I would tell my dh to knock it off if he was pestering someone smaller and
less defensible. I have no hesitation in telling a child to stop taunting
another person.
I would also try to understand why the behavior is happening and try to
accomodate the need they are not having fulfilled.....boredom, need for
attention, SOMETHING real is going on to provoke the behavior.
But that doesn't make it ok for the adult present to allow the other child to
suffer because your child just feels like bugging them!!
Ren