Alan & Brenda Leonard

> I have tried so hard to encourage her, and to make her feel better
> when she's feeling frustrated. Her mood can switch like a
> lightswitch when she gets frustrated from something. She can go from
> happy-go-lucky to hostile.

Reflections from a perfectionist:
I hate when people try to make me feel better, and I will get hostile. And
I'm not 9, and I'm well past the puberty horomnes, thanks!

> She'll be playing the violin, and I'll tell her how nice it sounds,
> and she'll get frustrated anyway, because it wasn't perfect.

When the sound in your ear didn't match the one in your head, it's pretty
frustrating. The initial problem likely isn't you at all.

>No, not lying. ...... To me, it DOES sound beautiful.

But, if it doesn't sound nice to her, that's her reality. Your reality may
be that you don't hear the problem, but you can't make that her reality.
Can you wait until the end, or until she asks for your opinion?

I truly hate to be talked to when I practice. My mom learned to be around
where she could hear, in case I happened to shout, "Wow! Did you hear
that!", but out of sight, silent unless needed.

From someone else,
>Maybe three ten minute sessions would be better for her than a solid half hour.

Or even better, in my book, is knowing that there is no time limit on being
happy learning. If you know you don't have to stay there, you can walk away
as needed and come back if desired. Nobody learns best while pounding their
head against a wall, literally or figuratively.

> But, her attitude can come, often, from not wanting to be bothered.
> Not wanting to contribute. Not wanting to make an effort. Ho hum.

Maybe she truly doesn't want to be bothered. Just because it doesn't look
to you like she's busy doesn't mean she's not lost in thought. You are
interrupting her. I ask, but I'm not offended by being put off or refused.
(Although around here, that's usually my cue that I've asked an awful lot
lately.)

Finally, remember that what makes your daughter a wonderful, exciting,
passionate, caring person are the same things that make her a hostile,
angry, sarcastic, emotional person. It's the same gifts. They're not
always easy to live with, but she'll not be a dull woman!

Peace,
brenda