Re: Life without Limits
Pam Hartley
----------
people write. I much prefer someone who just tells me what they think
without frills or hand-patting, some much prefer an extremely gentle
approach.
My writing style (says the writer) is not something that I am willing (or
possibly able) to change. I like my writing style. It's me. Many others like
it, too, but that's just a side benefit. My writing is one of the most pure
parts of Who I Am. I'd rather get into physical self-mutilation if I were
going to start cutting up my Self.
In a medium where our writing is all we know of each other (excepting a few
of us who have met a few others of us in real life) I believe it's wise to
get used to reading the message and not critiquing the style of the
messenger. Even if I think somebody is whining or cloying or coddling in
their style, I try not to tell them so. :) Just my little effort at public
service.
themselves and their own judgment calls. That's where the trust issue comes
in. I trust my children to make choices for themselves at any given time,
even if it's not a choice I would have made for them. They will make some
poor choices and learn from them. If I am in charge of choosing for them *I*
would make some poor choices for them, and what good would that do them?
for themselves.
are trying to fill a void with a high. My children have better choices and
know how to fill voids with my help and without.
I am not trying to dismiss what is obviously a very real fear, but my mind
boggles, you see. We have a home business. We unschool. Our children have
rich and varied lives and interests and keen curiousity. Making the leap
from there to a neglected bored schooled teen surrounded by same-situation
peers, many of them latch-key kids with no interest other than wearing black
and sneering, to the bright and interesting and active unschooled teens I
know is more a jump than I'm able for.
It's a bit like asking me what I would do if Brit took up a knife and tried
to kill the dog. Well, I'd stop her, but I don't expect her to do it. She
has better outlets for her energy, even her anger.
If my daughter were experimenting with serious drugs that presented a clear
and present danger of harming her or landing us all in jail, I would of
course stop her, just as I did stop my two year old from running headlong
down the stairs.
But I'm not interested in living our lives in prevention of Worst Case
Scenario.
Pam
>From: [email protected]The styles that people prefer to read vary as widely as the styles that
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 2490
>Date: Wed, Oct 16, 2002, 3:05 AM
>
> Thanks for all your replies, I do enjoy discussing this and I do have a lot
> to digest. I feel quite comfortable with most of the ideas. I do however
> find some of the responses (not only to me) on this group harsh,
> judgemental and aggressive. I do not understand this, since I would think
> people that so strongly believe in this style of parenting would be far
> more helpful to help other people in transition (like myself) to understand
> what unschooling is about. I imagine some people might be turned off by
> individual aggressive replies rather than the philosophy.
people write. I much prefer someone who just tells me what they think
without frills or hand-patting, some much prefer an extremely gentle
approach.
My writing style (says the writer) is not something that I am willing (or
possibly able) to change. I like my writing style. It's me. Many others like
it, too, but that's just a side benefit. My writing is one of the most pure
parts of Who I Am. I'd rather get into physical self-mutilation if I were
going to start cutting up my Self.
In a medium where our writing is all we know of each other (excepting a few
of us who have met a few others of us in real life) I believe it's wise to
get used to reading the message and not critiquing the style of the
messenger. Even if I think somebody is whining or cloying or coddling in
their style, I try not to tell them so. :) Just my little effort at public
service.
> As far as limits go, someone suggested that I might not trust my children.When talking about limits, you're trying to protect your children from
> I don't believe that this is a matter about trust. I believe it is about
> understanding my role as parent. I have always felt that my role is to love
> them, guide them and protect them. Within the unschooling approach I
> understand that I have to love them and guide them, but don't protect them.
> I'm not quite at ease with that. If feel that I might not be fulfilling my
> responsibility if I don't protect the and to protect them means to
> sometimes keep them away.
themselves and their own judgment calls. That's where the trust issue comes
in. I trust my children to make choices for themselves at any given time,
even if it's not a choice I would have made for them. They will make some
poor choices and learn from them. If I am in charge of choosing for them *I*
would make some poor choices for them, and what good would that do them?
> I think my uneasiness with all this is that I might make the wrong choiceWell, that brings us back to the beginning and letting them make the choices
> for my children.
for themselves.
> A hypothetical question comes to mind. What would you all do if your youngChildren who experiment with drugs don't usually have better choices, and/or
> teenager experiences with serious drugs??
are trying to fill a void with a high. My children have better choices and
know how to fill voids with my help and without.
I am not trying to dismiss what is obviously a very real fear, but my mind
boggles, you see. We have a home business. We unschool. Our children have
rich and varied lives and interests and keen curiousity. Making the leap
from there to a neglected bored schooled teen surrounded by same-situation
peers, many of them latch-key kids with no interest other than wearing black
and sneering, to the bright and interesting and active unschooled teens I
know is more a jump than I'm able for.
It's a bit like asking me what I would do if Brit took up a knife and tried
to kill the dog. Well, I'd stop her, but I don't expect her to do it. She
has better outlets for her energy, even her anger.
If my daughter were experimenting with serious drugs that presented a clear
and present danger of harming her or landing us all in jail, I would of
course stop her, just as I did stop my two year old from running headlong
down the stairs.
But I'm not interested in living our lives in prevention of Worst Case
Scenario.
Pam