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I've been very busy lately and am just now catching up on this list. I have
to comment on the "lazybones", nicknames issue. My MIL says everything with a
smile, no matter how negative. The last time she visited she talked about how
lazy my husband was as a child, she laughed and talked about it in a
good-natured way. I watched my husband smile and wince the whole time. I've
lived with him for 12 years I know it hurt him, she doesn't acknowledge it or
know it. My husband tends to excuse everything she says even if he doesn't
like it, because she says everything so "lovingly". If he calls her on it,
who looks like the spoilsport? She's just being affectionate, right? The
mother who calls her son lazybones writes in one of her posts that the son
enjoys the nickname. Well maybe he sees that you enjoy it and approve of it,
it doesn't mean he enjoys it. It may take him years to admit that he hates
it, just like it has my husband. Children usually can't sort out complex
emotions and feelings until much later. Right now all he knows is Mommy finds
"lazybones" cute, later on he may realize that Mommy was comparing him to his
more active sibling, negatively. You may say it's not a negative comparison
but the first post on this "lazy" issue spoke volumns, every post after that
is just defensiveness. I'm not trying to be mean, just truthful. I've
unconsciously done the labeling thing to my own son. Fortunately I've had
friends and family call me on it and I've taken into account what they have to
say. Other people are not always right in their opinion but I figure if the
issue is presenting itself to me there is a damn good reason and I better look
at it closely before I dismiss it. I'd urge you to do the same.