I need LOTS of encooouragement
AAge & Josie Gribskov
Hi all, I need some encouragement.
I have 3 children 8 and 10 and 22 (gone from the nest.)
Our homeschooling experience has been the first on and off in and out of
school. second unschool until end of first grade when 4 buddies moved away
and he was very lonely. We sent hime to the local Waldrof school. His siter
followed in k the following year and I taught music there. after two years
we decided the school was a challenging community to be part of in many
ways. Last year I stated homeschooling. We did fun projects and story
lessons and feild trips on north american indians of our area. that was fun
for about 2 months. but it got old the kids said we don't really want to do
this can we just do our own thing. I said great. From then to mid sept they
did what they liked. Abbie has taught herself the piano is doing
scrapbooking, in gymnastics, swimming dog 4h and sometimes reads a little
but she is at go dog go level. She is very tenacious and likes to challenge
herself. I feel comfortable unschooling her because she does stuff that is
recognizable learning. Nikolas on the other hand hangs out rides his bike
reads harry potter for the eigthieth time does his chores sometimes and has
gone through his bank account of sixty dollars on candy. This year i decided
to do structured school with him using oak meadow 5th grade. he seemed to be
needing some structure because he was always upset and tense and seemed to
be asking for something but I wasn't sure what. well he doesn't like it, not
at all. I am doing a lot of nagging on everything and restricting him if he
doesn't do his work. (I know y'all are cringing. He often has tantrums and
is very reclcitrant. Yet when he finally does begin his work 90% of the time
he likes it is proud and says he likes doing it as says he wished he hadn't
put up a fuss. but he almost always balks the next time. The reason I chose
to be structured woth him is to give him a chance to work hard at something
and stay with it. he avoids complicated projects, work, thinking etc. Or
this is the waty he seems to me. He likes to be very comfotable and know
something well before he might risk tryng something new. which happens only
at urging. Anyway in my heart I am a true unschooler and would like to give
hime the chance to follow something. Everytime drop academis expectations I
get panicky he just hangs out in his room or on his bike and I don't even
see him. He is not interested in doing projects with abbie and I. Can
someone help talk me to me more about this. My head says he should be my
heart says let go of those academic expectations. ( he reads well and is
good at math already) I hope this is not to long a diatribe. YOu all seem so
comfotable hanging out and following your kids leads. I can do that with
abbie because she is so curious but nikolas has me stumped. Hubby also
thinks work is very important. tahnk you for listening
Josie mom, worrier and closet control freak.
I have 3 children 8 and 10 and 22 (gone from the nest.)
Our homeschooling experience has been the first on and off in and out of
school. second unschool until end of first grade when 4 buddies moved away
and he was very lonely. We sent hime to the local Waldrof school. His siter
followed in k the following year and I taught music there. after two years
we decided the school was a challenging community to be part of in many
ways. Last year I stated homeschooling. We did fun projects and story
lessons and feild trips on north american indians of our area. that was fun
for about 2 months. but it got old the kids said we don't really want to do
this can we just do our own thing. I said great. From then to mid sept they
did what they liked. Abbie has taught herself the piano is doing
scrapbooking, in gymnastics, swimming dog 4h and sometimes reads a little
but she is at go dog go level. She is very tenacious and likes to challenge
herself. I feel comfortable unschooling her because she does stuff that is
recognizable learning. Nikolas on the other hand hangs out rides his bike
reads harry potter for the eigthieth time does his chores sometimes and has
gone through his bank account of sixty dollars on candy. This year i decided
to do structured school with him using oak meadow 5th grade. he seemed to be
needing some structure because he was always upset and tense and seemed to
be asking for something but I wasn't sure what. well he doesn't like it, not
at all. I am doing a lot of nagging on everything and restricting him if he
doesn't do his work. (I know y'all are cringing. He often has tantrums and
is very reclcitrant. Yet when he finally does begin his work 90% of the time
he likes it is proud and says he likes doing it as says he wished he hadn't
put up a fuss. but he almost always balks the next time. The reason I chose
to be structured woth him is to give him a chance to work hard at something
and stay with it. he avoids complicated projects, work, thinking etc. Or
this is the waty he seems to me. He likes to be very comfotable and know
something well before he might risk tryng something new. which happens only
at urging. Anyway in my heart I am a true unschooler and would like to give
hime the chance to follow something. Everytime drop academis expectations I
get panicky he just hangs out in his room or on his bike and I don't even
see him. He is not interested in doing projects with abbie and I. Can
someone help talk me to me more about this. My head says he should be my
heart says let go of those academic expectations. ( he reads well and is
good at math already) I hope this is not to long a diatribe. YOu all seem so
comfotable hanging out and following your kids leads. I can do that with
abbie because she is so curious but nikolas has me stumped. Hubby also
thinks work is very important. tahnk you for listening
Josie mom, worrier and closet control freak.
Myranda
Hi Josie!!! I have a 7 yr old who also just eats up anything he can get his hands or eyes on! I'm extremely comfortable because I see him learning every day! My 5 yr old son, however, still does not even recgonize his letters. He doesn't know how to tie shoes, he doesn't know how to spread peanut butter on a piece of bread. He is lazy - does not want to try anything new that might take effort. His favorite sayings are "it's too hard" and "I can't". I offer to include him with whatever we're doing, and let it go if he's not interested. When we go places, I ask him to let me know if he sees anything he'd like to know more about, and he never does. I worry about him, but since he's still so young I try not to. No matter what though, I've found out, mom's are going to worry! Just let go, try to relax, and if he still hasn't decided he wants to do anything by college-age, then you can worry! LOL
Myranda
Hi all, I need some encouragement.
I have 3 children 8 and 10 and 22 (gone from the nest.)
Our homeschooling experience has been the first on and off in and out of
school. second unschool until end of first grade when 4 buddies moved away
and he was very lonely. We sent hime to the local Waldrof school. His siter
followed in k the following year and I taught music there. after two years
we decided the school was a challenging community to be part of in many
ways. Last year I stated homeschooling. We did fun projects and story
lessons and feild trips on north american indians of our area. that was fun
for about 2 months. but it got old the kids said we don't really want to do
this can we just do our own thing. I said great. From then to mid sept they
did what they liked. Abbie has taught herself the piano is doing
scrapbooking, in gymnastics, swimming dog 4h and sometimes reads a little
but she is at go dog go level. She is very tenacious and likes to challenge
herself. I feel comfortable unschooling her because she does stuff that is
recognizable learning. Nikolas on the other hand hangs out rides his bike
reads harry potter for the eigthieth time does his chores sometimes and has
gone through his bank account of sixty dollars on candy. This year i decided
to do structured school with him using oak meadow 5th grade. he seemed to be
needing some structure because he was always upset and tense and seemed to
be asking for something but I wasn't sure what. well he doesn't like it, not
at all. I am doing a lot of nagging on everything and restricting him if he
doesn't do his work. (I know y'all are cringing. He often has tantrums and
is very reclcitrant. Yet when he finally does begin his work 90% of the time
he likes it is proud and says he likes doing it as says he wished he hadn't
put up a fuss. but he almost always balks the next time. The reason I chose
to be structured woth him is to give him a chance to work hard at something
and stay with it. he avoids complicated projects, work, thinking etc. Or
this is the waty he seems to me. He likes to be very comfotable and know
something well before he might risk tryng something new. which happens only
at urging. Anyway in my heart I am a true unschooler and would like to give
hime the chance to follow something. Everytime drop academis expectations I
get panicky he just hangs out in his room or on his bike and I don't even
see him. He is not interested in doing projects with abbie and I. Can
someone help talk me to me more about this. My head says he should be my
heart says let go of those academic expectations. ( he reads well and is
good at math already) I hope this is not to long a diatribe. YOu all seem so
comfotable hanging out and following your kids leads. I can do that with
abbie because she is so curious but nikolas has me stumped. Hubby also
thinks work is very important. tahnk you for listening
Josie mom, worrier and closet control freak.
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Myranda
Hi all, I need some encouragement.
I have 3 children 8 and 10 and 22 (gone from the nest.)
Our homeschooling experience has been the first on and off in and out of
school. second unschool until end of first grade when 4 buddies moved away
and he was very lonely. We sent hime to the local Waldrof school. His siter
followed in k the following year and I taught music there. after two years
we decided the school was a challenging community to be part of in many
ways. Last year I stated homeschooling. We did fun projects and story
lessons and feild trips on north american indians of our area. that was fun
for about 2 months. but it got old the kids said we don't really want to do
this can we just do our own thing. I said great. From then to mid sept they
did what they liked. Abbie has taught herself the piano is doing
scrapbooking, in gymnastics, swimming dog 4h and sometimes reads a little
but she is at go dog go level. She is very tenacious and likes to challenge
herself. I feel comfortable unschooling her because she does stuff that is
recognizable learning. Nikolas on the other hand hangs out rides his bike
reads harry potter for the eigthieth time does his chores sometimes and has
gone through his bank account of sixty dollars on candy. This year i decided
to do structured school with him using oak meadow 5th grade. he seemed to be
needing some structure because he was always upset and tense and seemed to
be asking for something but I wasn't sure what. well he doesn't like it, not
at all. I am doing a lot of nagging on everything and restricting him if he
doesn't do his work. (I know y'all are cringing. He often has tantrums and
is very reclcitrant. Yet when he finally does begin his work 90% of the time
he likes it is proud and says he likes doing it as says he wished he hadn't
put up a fuss. but he almost always balks the next time. The reason I chose
to be structured woth him is to give him a chance to work hard at something
and stay with it. he avoids complicated projects, work, thinking etc. Or
this is the waty he seems to me. He likes to be very comfotable and know
something well before he might risk tryng something new. which happens only
at urging. Anyway in my heart I am a true unschooler and would like to give
hime the chance to follow something. Everytime drop academis expectations I
get panicky he just hangs out in his room or on his bike and I don't even
see him. He is not interested in doing projects with abbie and I. Can
someone help talk me to me more about this. My head says he should be my
heart says let go of those academic expectations. ( he reads well and is
good at math already) I hope this is not to long a diatribe. YOu all seem so
comfotable hanging out and following your kids leads. I can do that with
abbie because she is so curious but nikolas has me stumped. Hubby also
thinks work is very important. tahnk you for listening
Josie mom, worrier and closet control freak.
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
On Tue, 8 Oct 2002 19:15:47 -0400 "Myranda" <myrandab@...>
writes:
Ouch.
Dar
writes:
> My 5 yr old son, however, still does notLazy and can't "even" recognize his letters.
> even recgonize his letters. He doesn't know how to tie shoes, he
> doesn't know how to spread peanut butter on a piece of bread. He is
> lazy - does not want to try anything new that might take effort.
Ouch.
Dar
Myranda
Yes, lazy because he'd rather miss a meal than have to actually get up and walk to the table. He'd rather sit and do nothing than open the closet to get to the lego's. He'd rather sit and watch other kids play outside than put his slip-on sandles on so he can go out. He's our little lazybones, said with all fondness. He's getting better a tiny bit at a time. Now he'll at least go and do things when we're out, when just last summer he wouldn't. Sorry about the "can't even recgonize", though, I should have put "can't" or "doesn't recgonize" but when speed-typing with a baby standing up by pulling on your hair, you tend to not be as particular about wording. <g> Oh, he has learned to recgonize and spell his name this last month, so I am thankful for that.
Myranda
Lazy and can't "even" recognize his letters.
Ouch.
Dar
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Myranda
Lazy and can't "even" recognize his letters.
Ouch.
Dar
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deborah Lewis
> My 5 yr old son, however, still does notA five year old doesn't need to recognize letters. They are not allowed
> even recgonize his letters. He doesn't know how to tie shoes, he
> doesn't know how to spread peanut butter on a piece of bread. He is
> lazy - does not want to try anything new that might take effort. His
> favorite sayings are "it's too hard" and "I can't".
to be home alone, they are not allowed to drive, have a job, vote. The
only reason a five year old would NEED to recognize letters is if he was
in school and it was an inconvenience to his teacher for him not to.
Buy Velcro shoes. Or tie them for him.
Make his sandwich for him, or show him how ten times if he wants you to.
We understand that learning to walk and talk takes time but we think
other skills are supposed to be automatic. Some people need to see a
thing many times before they understand it. Some people need help with
the doing for a long time before they're ready to do it on their own.
Even if you never say lazy in front of him he will know that's what you
think of him. That can't help him be a better person and it doesn't make
you look like a better mom in his eyes. It's only going to hurt, and
hurt in a way that will last his whole life and you can't really want
that for your little man. That's really, really harsh, and not a nice
way to talk about someone who needs your loving attention.
Maybe things really are too hard. Not every five year old is ready for
this stuff. You have a little baby don't you? Has your five year old
been expected to do more for himself since the baby came? He must seem
like a big boy to you compared to the little one, but five is very small.
Very, very small, and maybe he's overwhelmed. Maybe he'd like to be
your little baby again. You could baby him some and he will grow
happily. When people feel good about themselves they can accomplish
much more than people who feel, and have heard, that they can't do
anything and they're lazy.
Deb L
margotapple
How about unmotivated? Unmotivated gets the adult thinking about what
the problem could be and what they could do to motivate the child.
Lazy is such an ugly label that usually says more about the person
saying it than the one it is attached to.
Maybe you're feeling a bit lazy (fill in stressed out, over-whelmed,
needy) with all the youngsters so that you aren't able to provide the
right kind of encouragement that fits *his* needs? See what I mean?
The label "Lazy" just gets in the way of getting to a solution.
Kids do things at different times and see things and life in different
ways from their parents. Half the fun of being a parent is figuring
out the unique abililies and ways of seeing the world that our
children have. Negative labels limit both parents and children, they
get in the way of solutions and they hurt.
Not that I didn't hear plenty of those ugly labels when I was a child.
I have to consciously *not* use them with my own children. And, by
doing so, I've managed to heal some of the pain those labels caused me
when I was a child. And, the more I practice not using them, the
easier it gets. We can reprogram those negative tapes that play in our
heads, and sometimes we don't even realize are there, until we hear
our parent's negative words coming out of our mouths directed at our
own children.
Peggy
the problem could be and what they could do to motivate the child.
Lazy is such an ugly label that usually says more about the person
saying it than the one it is attached to.
Maybe you're feeling a bit lazy (fill in stressed out, over-whelmed,
needy) with all the youngsters so that you aren't able to provide the
right kind of encouragement that fits *his* needs? See what I mean?
The label "Lazy" just gets in the way of getting to a solution.
Kids do things at different times and see things and life in different
ways from their parents. Half the fun of being a parent is figuring
out the unique abililies and ways of seeing the world that our
children have. Negative labels limit both parents and children, they
get in the way of solutions and they hurt.
Not that I didn't hear plenty of those ugly labels when I was a child.
I have to consciously *not* use them with my own children. And, by
doing so, I've managed to heal some of the pain those labels caused me
when I was a child. And, the more I practice not using them, the
easier it gets. We can reprogram those negative tapes that play in our
heads, and sometimes we don't even realize are there, until we hear
our parent's negative words coming out of our mouths directed at our
own children.
Peggy
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Myranda" <myrandab@b...> wrote:
> Yes, lazy because he'd rather miss a meal than have to actually get
up and walk to the table. He'd rather sit and do nothing than open the
closet to get to the lego's. He'd rather sit and watch other kids play
outside than put his slip-on sandles on so he can go out. He's our
little lazybones, said with all fondness. He's getting better a tiny
bit at a time. Now he'll at least go and do things when we're out,
when just last summer he wouldn't. Sorry about the "can't even
recgonize", though, I should have put "can't" or "doesn't recgonize"
but when speed-typing with a baby standing up by pulling on your hair,
you tend to not be as particular about wording. <g> Oh, he has
learned to recgonize and spell his name this last month, so I am
thankful for that.
> Myranda
> Lazy and can't "even" recognize his letters.
>
> Ouch.
>
> Dar
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelli Traaseth
Ok, Ok, lets remember that we are all learning.
I used to think the same thing about my son, because he wouldn't get up to do a whole lot, but I really, really thought alot about it. I really think I had been so hard on him for his first years that he didn't know what to do, I'm trying to be much more accepting and just be understanding and loving. I also have a 5 yr old and she kind-of recognizes her letters and she doesn't tie her shoes, and you know what, it doesn't matter. They will learn when they learn. I have to keep telling myself that they grow up sooo fast and what's the big deal to just help her with things, she's only 5!!! And even my son who is 9 is still only 9! It is still so young.
We expect so much from our children at such young ages, we don't allow them to be kids. My son is just now willing to try things because I have been laying off him for the last 6 months or so. For so long I'm sure I just would do everything for him and not encourage him or anything. If I were him I wouldn't do anything either, I would be 'lazy' too.
Looking at our children in different ways really opens eyes. Look at them as individuals give them respect like you or I would want. Regarding encouragement---Relax and have fun! And you know what before you know it that 'lazy' kid will be doing everything with you. And life will be good. (I miss Mary! Where is she?)
Take Care,
Kelli
freeform@... wrote:
On Tue, 8 Oct 2002 19:15:47 -0400 "Myranda" <myrandab@...>
writes:
Ouch.
Dar
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I used to think the same thing about my son, because he wouldn't get up to do a whole lot, but I really, really thought alot about it. I really think I had been so hard on him for his first years that he didn't know what to do, I'm trying to be much more accepting and just be understanding and loving. I also have a 5 yr old and she kind-of recognizes her letters and she doesn't tie her shoes, and you know what, it doesn't matter. They will learn when they learn. I have to keep telling myself that they grow up sooo fast and what's the big deal to just help her with things, she's only 5!!! And even my son who is 9 is still only 9! It is still so young.
We expect so much from our children at such young ages, we don't allow them to be kids. My son is just now willing to try things because I have been laying off him for the last 6 months or so. For so long I'm sure I just would do everything for him and not encourage him or anything. If I were him I wouldn't do anything either, I would be 'lazy' too.
Looking at our children in different ways really opens eyes. Look at them as individuals give them respect like you or I would want. Regarding encouragement---Relax and have fun! And you know what before you know it that 'lazy' kid will be doing everything with you. And life will be good. (I miss Mary! Where is she?)
Take Care,
Kelli
freeform@... wrote:
On Tue, 8 Oct 2002 19:15:47 -0400 "Myranda" <myrandab@...>
writes:
> My 5 yr old son, however, still does notLazy and can't "even" recognize his letters.
> even recgonize his letters. He doesn't know how to tie shoes, he
> doesn't know how to spread peanut butter on a piece of bread. He is
> lazy - does not want to try anything new that might take effort.
Ouch.
Dar
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Bianco
Josie,
Sounds like you are very comfortable with your daughter and how she
unschools herself. That's great when you have a kid like that, especially
when just starting out. Makes it so much easier to trust them and you,
right? But alas, not all kids will be that easy for you to be that
comfortable right away.
Now your son that you are concerned about, is he the 10 year old one? I ask
in great disbelief because to me 10 is well, just so darn young. Some kids
aren't even reading at that age let alone doing math. He was in and out of
school and also 'doing school' at home too right? How long did you just let
him be to deschool? Doesn't sound like it was long enough to me. You started
to freak a little and think he 'needed' structure. Well it doesn't sound
like that is working either.
If you ask me, I would just let him play and don't worry about suggesting
any kind of busy work for him. Still nothing wrong with asking him what he
would like to do though and if he is the one who suggests something
structured, that's a different story. Just him balking at it suggests to me
it's doing him no good though, no matter what he says afterwards.
I say let them both do what they need to do right now, no matter how
educational it seems or not. Two totally different kids with different
methods of living and learning. I think if you can relax and just sit back
from afar, given enough time for your son, you'll see it all working out.
Now your husband is a different story!!
Mary B
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Sounds like you are very comfortable with your daughter and how she
unschools herself. That's great when you have a kid like that, especially
when just starting out. Makes it so much easier to trust them and you,
right? But alas, not all kids will be that easy for you to be that
comfortable right away.
Now your son that you are concerned about, is he the 10 year old one? I ask
in great disbelief because to me 10 is well, just so darn young. Some kids
aren't even reading at that age let alone doing math. He was in and out of
school and also 'doing school' at home too right? How long did you just let
him be to deschool? Doesn't sound like it was long enough to me. You started
to freak a little and think he 'needed' structure. Well it doesn't sound
like that is working either.
If you ask me, I would just let him play and don't worry about suggesting
any kind of busy work for him. Still nothing wrong with asking him what he
would like to do though and if he is the one who suggests something
structured, that's a different story. Just him balking at it suggests to me
it's doing him no good though, no matter what he says afterwards.
I say let them both do what they need to do right now, no matter how
educational it seems or not. Two totally different kids with different
methods of living and learning. I think if you can relax and just sit back
from afar, given enough time for your son, you'll see it all working out.
Now your husband is a different story!!
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos:
http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx
Myranda
OK, I think ya'll may have misunderstood me since I was typing so quickly. I'm not expecting him to know these things, just stating that he doesn't, as opposed to his brother who was eager to learn and could do these things by age 3. He does have velcro, or just slip-on shoes, I do make his sandwiches and either me or big brother does most everything else for him. I don't call him lazy, we don't even use that word, he's just very fondly nicknamed our little lazybones and has been since he was about 8 mths old. Brett's our silly goosey, we use both nicknames the same. Oh, and he still gets the exact same treatment from us as he did before we had the baby. Heck, I still look at my oldest son as a baby! He tells me all the time to stop babying him.
Sorry for the misunderstandings, I'll try to remember to save the posting for when I have longer to re-read over what I typed!!!
Myranda
A five year old doesn't need to recognize letters. They are not allowed
to be home alone, they are not allowed to drive, have a job, vote. The
only reason a five year old would NEED to recognize letters is if he was
in school and it was an inconvenience to his teacher for him not to.
Buy Velcro shoes. Or tie them for him.
Make his sandwich for him, or show him how ten times if he wants you to.
We understand that learning to walk and talk takes time but we think
other skills are supposed to be automatic. Some people need to see a
thing many times before they understand it. Some people need help with
the doing for a long time before they're ready to do it on their own.
Even if you never say lazy in front of him he will know that's what you
think of him. That can't help him be a better person and it doesn't make
you look like a better mom in his eyes. It's only going to hurt, and
hurt in a way that will last his whole life and you can't really want
that for your little man. That's really, really harsh, and not a nice
way to talk about someone who needs your loving attention.
Maybe things really are too hard. Not every five year old is ready for
this stuff. You have a little baby don't you? Has your five year old
been expected to do more for himself since the baby came? He must seem
like a big boy to you compared to the little one, but five is very small.
Very, very small, and maybe he's overwhelmed. Maybe he'd like to be
your little baby again. You could baby him some and he will grow
happily. When people feel good about themselves they can accomplish
much more than people who feel, and have heard, that they can't do
anything and they're lazy.
Deb L
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sorry for the misunderstandings, I'll try to remember to save the posting for when I have longer to re-read over what I typed!!!
Myranda
A five year old doesn't need to recognize letters. They are not allowed
to be home alone, they are not allowed to drive, have a job, vote. The
only reason a five year old would NEED to recognize letters is if he was
in school and it was an inconvenience to his teacher for him not to.
Buy Velcro shoes. Or tie them for him.
Make his sandwich for him, or show him how ten times if he wants you to.
We understand that learning to walk and talk takes time but we think
other skills are supposed to be automatic. Some people need to see a
thing many times before they understand it. Some people need help with
the doing for a long time before they're ready to do it on their own.
Even if you never say lazy in front of him he will know that's what you
think of him. That can't help him be a better person and it doesn't make
you look like a better mom in his eyes. It's only going to hurt, and
hurt in a way that will last his whole life and you can't really want
that for your little man. That's really, really harsh, and not a nice
way to talk about someone who needs your loving attention.
Maybe things really are too hard. Not every five year old is ready for
this stuff. You have a little baby don't you? Has your five year old
been expected to do more for himself since the baby came? He must seem
like a big boy to you compared to the little one, but five is very small.
Very, very small, and maybe he's overwhelmed. Maybe he'd like to be
your little baby again. You could baby him some and he will grow
happily. When people feel good about themselves they can accomplish
much more than people who feel, and have heard, that they can't do
anything and they're lazy.
Deb L
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Myranda
I guess some people would/could see "lazy" as a negative word, but we don't. Neither DH or I grew up hearing that word used, and we use it only, like I said, as a fond nickname "lazybones", and we have "lazy Sunday's" about once a month when we eat leftovers all day, watch tv, read, or play games all day, and just enjoy being with each other - we don't do a single thing we don't feel like doing (well, except for feeding the animals). Sometimes on our lazy days we'll go to the beach or a park and just sit and watch the clouds and people go by. Lazy, to us, is a warm-fuzzy-snuggly-type word used more to describe a just-wanna-take-it-easy mood or day.
Myranda
How about unmotivated? Unmotivated gets the adult thinking about what
the problem could be and what they could do to motivate the child.
Lazy is such an ugly label that usually says more about the person
saying it than the one it is attached to.
Maybe you're feeling a bit lazy (fill in stressed out, over-whelmed,
needy) with all the youngsters so that you aren't able to provide the
right kind of encouragement that fits *his* needs? See what I mean?
The label "Lazy" just gets in the way of getting to a solution.
Kids do things at different times and see things and life in different
ways from their parents. Half the fun of being a parent is figuring
out the unique abililies and ways of seeing the world that our
children have. Negative labels limit both parents and children, they
get in the way of solutions and they hurt.
Not that I didn't hear plenty of those ugly labels when I was a child.
I have to consciously *not* use them with my own children. And, by
doing so, I've managed to heal some of the pain those labels caused me
when I was a child. And, the more I practice not using them, the
easier it gets. We can reprogram those negative tapes that play in our
heads, and sometimes we don't even realize are there, until we hear
our parent's negative words coming out of our mouths directed at our
own children.
Peggy
Myranda
How about unmotivated? Unmotivated gets the adult thinking about what
the problem could be and what they could do to motivate the child.
Lazy is such an ugly label that usually says more about the person
saying it than the one it is attached to.
Maybe you're feeling a bit lazy (fill in stressed out, over-whelmed,
needy) with all the youngsters so that you aren't able to provide the
right kind of encouragement that fits *his* needs? See what I mean?
The label "Lazy" just gets in the way of getting to a solution.
Kids do things at different times and see things and life in different
ways from their parents. Half the fun of being a parent is figuring
out the unique abililies and ways of seeing the world that our
children have. Negative labels limit both parents and children, they
get in the way of solutions and they hurt.
Not that I didn't hear plenty of those ugly labels when I was a child.
I have to consciously *not* use them with my own children. And, by
doing so, I've managed to heal some of the pain those labels caused me
when I was a child. And, the more I practice not using them, the
easier it gets. We can reprogram those negative tapes that play in our
heads, and sometimes we don't even realize are there, until we hear
our parent's negative words coming out of our mouths directed at our
own children.
Peggy
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Myranda" <myrandab@b...> wrote:
> Yes, lazy because he'd rather miss a meal than have to actually get
up and walk to the table. He'd rather sit and do nothing than open the
closet to get to the lego's. He'd rather sit and watch other kids play
outside than put his slip-on sandles on so he can go out. He's our
little lazybones, said with all fondness. He's getting better a tiny
bit at a time. Now he'll at least go and do things when we're out,
when just last summer he wouldn't. Sorry about the "can't even
recgonize", though, I should have put "can't" or "doesn't recgonize"
but when speed-typing with a baby standing up by pulling on your hair,
you tend to not be as particular about wording. <g> Oh, he has
learned to recgonize and spell his name this last month, so I am
thankful for that.
> Myranda
> Lazy and can't "even" recognize his letters.
>
> Ouch.
>
> Dar
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Myranda
No objections there! I've never done more than ask if they want to do something, or offer it up as an option, to either one of the boys. My oldest jumps at the chance, while the youngest doesn't. That's fine with me. :-)
Myranda
Ok, Ok, lets remember that we are all learning.
I used to think the same thing about my son, because he wouldn't get up to do a whole lot, but I really, really thought alot about it. I really think I had been so hard on him for his first years that he didn't know what to do, I'm trying to be much more accepting and just be understanding and loving. I also have a 5 yr old and she kind-of recognizes her letters and she doesn't tie her shoes, and you know what, it doesn't matter. They will learn when they learn. I have to keep telling myself that they grow up sooo fast and what's the big deal to just help her with things, she's only 5!!! And even my son who is 9 is still only 9! It is still so young.
We expect so much from our children at such young ages, we don't allow them to be kids. My son is just now willing to try things because I have been laying off him for the last 6 months or so. For so long I'm sure I just would do everything for him and not encourage him or anything. If I were him I wouldn't do anything either, I would be 'lazy' too.
Looking at our children in different ways really opens eyes. Look at them as individuals give them respect like you or I would want. Regarding encouragement---Relax and have fun! And you know what before you know it that 'lazy' kid will be doing everything with you. And life will be good. (I miss Mary! Where is she?)
Take Care,
Kelli
freeform@... wrote:
On Tue, 8 Oct 2002 19:15:47 -0400 "Myranda" <myrandab@...>
writes:
Ouch.
Dar
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Myranda
Ok, Ok, lets remember that we are all learning.
I used to think the same thing about my son, because he wouldn't get up to do a whole lot, but I really, really thought alot about it. I really think I had been so hard on him for his first years that he didn't know what to do, I'm trying to be much more accepting and just be understanding and loving. I also have a 5 yr old and she kind-of recognizes her letters and she doesn't tie her shoes, and you know what, it doesn't matter. They will learn when they learn. I have to keep telling myself that they grow up sooo fast and what's the big deal to just help her with things, she's only 5!!! And even my son who is 9 is still only 9! It is still so young.
We expect so much from our children at such young ages, we don't allow them to be kids. My son is just now willing to try things because I have been laying off him for the last 6 months or so. For so long I'm sure I just would do everything for him and not encourage him or anything. If I were him I wouldn't do anything either, I would be 'lazy' too.
Looking at our children in different ways really opens eyes. Look at them as individuals give them respect like you or I would want. Regarding encouragement---Relax and have fun! And you know what before you know it that 'lazy' kid will be doing everything with you. And life will be good. (I miss Mary! Where is she?)
Take Care,
Kelli
freeform@... wrote:
On Tue, 8 Oct 2002 19:15:47 -0400 "Myranda" <myrandab@...>
writes:
> My 5 yr old son, however, still does notLazy and can't "even" recognize his letters.
> even recgonize his letters. He doesn't know how to tie shoes, he
> doesn't know how to spread peanut butter on a piece of bread. He is
> lazy - does not want to try anything new that might take effort.
Ouch.
Dar
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Mary Bianco
On Tue, 8 Oct 2002 19:15:47 -0400 "Myranda" <myrandab@...>
even recgonize his letters. He doesn't know how to tie shoes, he
doesn't know how to spread peanut butter on a piece of bread. He is
lazy - does not want to try anything new that might take effort.>>
Okay, I certainly don't want to overwhelm you because I think you may get a
bit of response on this one. But I do have to say 'something.' And only
because the way you put it sounds as if deep down inside, it does bother
you.
So I think what really helps is not just to have people say stop worrying.
That NEVER works for me. But maybe just hearing that we all have kids or
know kids like that and they are fine and productive and loving and caring
and smart, will help.
Even if you never say what you said on list to your son, he's going to get
that idea from you. Trust me on this one, he will. My Sierra, who is almost
7 in a few months, was very quiet when she was younger when it came to being
around new people or even family she wasn't familiar with that much. She was
labeled shy of course. I tried very hard to not have people say that around
her and never used it myself out loud, point was I was thinking it cause
what other way could I explain it? Well why should I have to explain it?????
She obviously wasn't ready for whatever it was everyone else thought she
should do. I relaxed and eased way up and never made excuses for her, I just
let her be. She's a darn bubbly little thing now who's has loud and screamy
(in a happy way) than any other kid I know.
My Joseph, almost 8 in a few months, was never one to be with us as a
family. We would rent a movie for family night and he would never make it
even half way through. He would get up and go to his room to play. When we
would all play inside, he would go outside. When we would play ball ouside,
he would leave and go to his room. It was so obvious that it really started
to bother me that there was a problem. Thank God my husband picks up that
unschooly behavior when I sometimes faulter!!! He said to let him be, he was
fine, he needed his own time right now and it was no big deal. Although we
both were bothered that he wouldn't be with us.
Long story short, somewhat, he's fine now and very involved in whatever we
all do. He still needs his time alone and we give it to him now just as we
did before. He just learned by the way to tie his bathing suit this year. He
has velcro sneakers!!!
Relax and realize that these are our babies yet and so very young at the
ages most of us are speaking of. Believe me when they are 16, you will
wonder where all the years went and want that little couch potatoe candy
eating crying for mommy little rug rat back. Enjoy each day for each day and
watch and learn right along with them. They will grow and learn and blossom
before you know it. Don't rush, don't judge and don't label. It really does
more harm than good.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Join the world�s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail.
http://www.hotmail.com
>writes:<<My 5 yr old son, however, still does not
even recgonize his letters. He doesn't know how to tie shoes, he
doesn't know how to spread peanut butter on a piece of bread. He is
lazy - does not want to try anything new that might take effort.>>
Okay, I certainly don't want to overwhelm you because I think you may get a
bit of response on this one. But I do have to say 'something.' And only
because the way you put it sounds as if deep down inside, it does bother
you.
So I think what really helps is not just to have people say stop worrying.
That NEVER works for me. But maybe just hearing that we all have kids or
know kids like that and they are fine and productive and loving and caring
and smart, will help.
Even if you never say what you said on list to your son, he's going to get
that idea from you. Trust me on this one, he will. My Sierra, who is almost
7 in a few months, was very quiet when she was younger when it came to being
around new people or even family she wasn't familiar with that much. She was
labeled shy of course. I tried very hard to not have people say that around
her and never used it myself out loud, point was I was thinking it cause
what other way could I explain it? Well why should I have to explain it?????
She obviously wasn't ready for whatever it was everyone else thought she
should do. I relaxed and eased way up and never made excuses for her, I just
let her be. She's a darn bubbly little thing now who's has loud and screamy
(in a happy way) than any other kid I know.
My Joseph, almost 8 in a few months, was never one to be with us as a
family. We would rent a movie for family night and he would never make it
even half way through. He would get up and go to his room to play. When we
would all play inside, he would go outside. When we would play ball ouside,
he would leave and go to his room. It was so obvious that it really started
to bother me that there was a problem. Thank God my husband picks up that
unschooly behavior when I sometimes faulter!!! He said to let him be, he was
fine, he needed his own time right now and it was no big deal. Although we
both were bothered that he wouldn't be with us.
Long story short, somewhat, he's fine now and very involved in whatever we
all do. He still needs his time alone and we give it to him now just as we
did before. He just learned by the way to tie his bathing suit this year. He
has velcro sneakers!!!
Relax and realize that these are our babies yet and so very young at the
ages most of us are speaking of. Believe me when they are 16, you will
wonder where all the years went and want that little couch potatoe candy
eating crying for mommy little rug rat back. Enjoy each day for each day and
watch and learn right along with them. They will grow and learn and blossom
before you know it. Don't rush, don't judge and don't label. It really does
more harm than good.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Join the world�s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail.
http://www.hotmail.com
Myranda
Oops, that should have said "we don't use that word LIKE THAT". Jeez, I think it's bedtime!
Myranda
I don't call him lazy, we don't even use that word,
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Myranda
I don't call him lazy, we don't even use that word,
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/8/02 6:17:23 PM Central Daylight Time,
myrandab@... writes:
still can't tie his shoes either. Moly learned to tie hers in one day when
she was just turned 4. A friend of ours was teaching her 6yo dd and Moly just
sat a watched. When she came home that night she *just knew how* Jack can't
make a pb sandwich either. And many times he says something is *too hard* as
well. It probably is too hard. Whenever his Dad tries to help him with tying
shoes, Jack says *I can't* and I believe him. I doubt his little hands are
coordinated enough for it yet. Darin says if he can play video games as well
as he does, he should be able to tie shoes. I don't agree. But I want to
issue a gentle, loving warning to you, comparing your children can be
dangerous. What one does at 4, another might not be able to or be ready to do
at 6. Its all apples and oranges. And calling them lazy (even if you just do
it in writing, you must think it and if you think it, your kids will pick up
on it. Even if you never say it.)
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
myrandab@... writes:
> My 5 yr old son, however, still does not even recgonize his letters. HeOh Myranda!!! Your little guy isn't lazy, he is 5! Jack is almost 6.5 and he
> doesn't know how to tie shoes, he doesn't know how to spread peanut butter
> on a piece of bread. He is lazy - does not want to try anything new that
> might take effort. His favorite sayings are "it's too hard" and "I can't".
>
still can't tie his shoes either. Moly learned to tie hers in one day when
she was just turned 4. A friend of ours was teaching her 6yo dd and Moly just
sat a watched. When she came home that night she *just knew how* Jack can't
make a pb sandwich either. And many times he says something is *too hard* as
well. It probably is too hard. Whenever his Dad tries to help him with tying
shoes, Jack says *I can't* and I believe him. I doubt his little hands are
coordinated enough for it yet. Darin says if he can play video games as well
as he does, he should be able to tie shoes. I don't agree. But I want to
issue a gentle, loving warning to you, comparing your children can be
dangerous. What one does at 4, another might not be able to or be ready to do
at 6. Its all apples and oranges. And calling them lazy (even if you just do
it in writing, you must think it and if you think it, your kids will pick up
on it. Even if you never say it.)
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
On Tue, 8 Oct 2002 20:49:25 -0400 "Myranda" <myrandab@...>
writes:
you say things you don't mean.. Your recent posts are full of
contradictions. You say you're not expecting him to know these things,
and then you say you're "so thankful" that he learned to recognize and
spell his name last month.You say you don't see "lazy" as a negative
word, and then you say he's your little lazybones but he's "getting
better". If you don't see "lazy" as a negative, then why would becomes
less lazy be "getting better"? I don't know if you're trying to fool us
or yourself. To really learn and grow, I've found that it helps to take
in the things that people are saying and look at them honestly - you
don't need to immediately go on the defense.
Dar
writes:
> OK, I think ya'll may have misunderstood me since I was typing soI don't think we misunderstood at all, and typing quickly doesn't make
> quickly. I'm not expecting him to know these things, just stating
> that he doesn't, as opposed to his brother who was eager to learn
> and could do these things by age 3.
you say things you don't mean.. Your recent posts are full of
contradictions. You say you're not expecting him to know these things,
and then you say you're "so thankful" that he learned to recognize and
spell his name last month.You say you don't see "lazy" as a negative
word, and then you say he's your little lazybones but he's "getting
better". If you don't see "lazy" as a negative, then why would becomes
less lazy be "getting better"? I don't know if you're trying to fool us
or yourself. To really learn and grow, I've found that it helps to take
in the things that people are saying and look at them honestly - you
don't need to immediately go on the defense.
Dar
Deborah Lewis
On Tue, 8 Oct 2002 15:56:18 -0700 "AAge & Josie Gribskov"
<gribskov@...> writes:
deschooling myself and at 39 it's still an ongoing process.
I really think hanging out and riding a bike and reading Harry Potter
again and spending money the way one likes is much more "educational"
than sitting down to geography lessons or any other school work.
Especially if your ten.<g>
It sounds like there has been a lot of change and indecision at your
house, what with school and unschooling and curriculums and such. I know
my own ten year old is like a living emotions receptor. He can sense
any discomfort, stress, uncertainty and the like in the family. Maybe
your son is having a hard time understanding what it is he wants because
you're not certain yourself. It's hard to feel good about yourself when
you're little if you think your mom's unhappy with you, no matter what
you do. Make sure, first thing, that he knows the stuff he likes to do
is ok with you. And then work hard deschooling yourself. He will be
able to sense your disapproval and anxiety and it will affect the way he
interacts with your family. Try to find something positive in what he's
doing. If the only thing you can find is that it makes him happy, let
that warm your heart. Happy is wonderful.
I would have a heart to heart with him. Tell him you think he's
wonderful and that you want to try this weird thing called unschooling.
Tell him there are people in the world who believe playing Gameboy and
riding bikes and hanging out are better than any thing he could do at
school, and that you want to be one of these wacky people. Explain it
might take time for everyone in the family to get really comfortable
with, especially him. Let him know you'll help him do the things he
discovers he wants to.
This could be such a cool family adventure. Your son sounds just right
to me. When you start feeling better about unschooling he will too.
I would definitely stop the curriculum and the nagging and the
restrictions.<g> That's a good place to start unschooling. Think about
what he really likes and find a way to let him do it. Find a way to be
happy with who he is.
Deb L
<gribskov@...> writes:
> Nikolas on the other hand hangs out rides hisI don't know anything about deschooling a ten year old but I know about
> bike
> reads harry potter for the eigthieth time does his chores sometimes
> and has
> gone through his bank account of sixty dollars on candy.
deschooling myself and at 39 it's still an ongoing process.
I really think hanging out and riding a bike and reading Harry Potter
again and spending money the way one likes is much more "educational"
than sitting down to geography lessons or any other school work.
Especially if your ten.<g>
It sounds like there has been a lot of change and indecision at your
house, what with school and unschooling and curriculums and such. I know
my own ten year old is like a living emotions receptor. He can sense
any discomfort, stress, uncertainty and the like in the family. Maybe
your son is having a hard time understanding what it is he wants because
you're not certain yourself. It's hard to feel good about yourself when
you're little if you think your mom's unhappy with you, no matter what
you do. Make sure, first thing, that he knows the stuff he likes to do
is ok with you. And then work hard deschooling yourself. He will be
able to sense your disapproval and anxiety and it will affect the way he
interacts with your family. Try to find something positive in what he's
doing. If the only thing you can find is that it makes him happy, let
that warm your heart. Happy is wonderful.
I would have a heart to heart with him. Tell him you think he's
wonderful and that you want to try this weird thing called unschooling.
Tell him there are people in the world who believe playing Gameboy and
riding bikes and hanging out are better than any thing he could do at
school, and that you want to be one of these wacky people. Explain it
might take time for everyone in the family to get really comfortable
with, especially him. Let him know you'll help him do the things he
discovers he wants to.
This could be such a cool family adventure. Your son sounds just right
to me. When you start feeling better about unschooling he will too.
I would definitely stop the curriculum and the nagging and the
restrictions.<g> That's a good place to start unschooling. Think about
what he really likes and find a way to let him do it. Find a way to be
happy with who he is.
Deb L
Mary Bianco
>From: Deborah Lewis <ddzimlew@...><<I don't know anything about deschooling a ten year old but I know about
deschooling myself and at 39 it's still an ongoing process.
I really think hanging out and riding a bike and reading Harry Potter
again and spending money the way one likes is much more "educational"
than sitting down to geography lessons or any other school work.
Especially if your ten.<g>
It sounds like there has been a lot of change and indecision at your
house, what with school and unschooling and curriculums and such. I know my
own ten year old is like a living emotions receptor. He can sense any
discomfort, stress, uncertainty and the like in the family. Maybe your son
is having a hard time understanding what it is he wants because you're not
certain yourself.It's hard to feel good about yourself when you're little if
you think your mom's unhappy with you, no matter what you do. Make sure,
first thing, that he knows the stuff he likes to do is ok with you. And
then work hard deschooling yourself. He will be able to sense your
disapproval and anxiety and it will affect the way he interacts with your
family. Try to find something positive in what he's doing. If the only thing
you can find is that it makes him happy, let that warm your heart. Happy is
wonderful.
I would have a heart to heart with him. Tell him you think he's
wonderful and that you want to try this weird thing called unschooling.
Tell him there are people in the world who believe playing Gameboy and
riding bikes and hanging out are better than any thing he could do at
school, and that you want to be one of these wacky people. Explain it might
take time for everyone in the family to get really comfortable with,
especially him. Let him know you'll help him do the things he discovers he
wants to.
This could be such a cool family adventure. Your son sounds just right
to me. When you start feeling better about unschooling he will too.
I would definitely stop the curriculum and the nagging and the
restrictions.<g> That's a good place to start unschooling. Think about
what he really likes and find a way to let him do it. Find a way to be
happy with who he is.>>
I've been on this list before just recently and I have to say that I think
this is one of the best posts I have ever read. Plain and simply said with
no I can write a book jargon. Especially the part about a kid feeling good
about themselves if they think the parent isn't happy with them. I'm
printing this out for my husband. (not too much to read!) He's a great guy
and a great dad but sometimes just a little harder on the kids than I want.
Thanks Deb. this is good.
Mary B
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Deborah Lewis
> Thanks Deb.Thank you Mary! ( small, unmarked bills, right? wink, wink.)
> Mary B
Deb L
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/8/02 6:06:13 PM, myrandab@... writes:
<< He'd rather sit and watch other kids play outside than put his slip-on
sandles on so he can go out. He's our little lazybones, said with all
fondness. >>
There's no fondness, really, in such insults.
My sister was called "Cow" by my mother many times, and not lovingly. She
said it because my sister would be the last to get in the car and the last to
get out. Sometimes the last to come into the house on a cold day. "Hurry
up, COW!" she would say.
My mother had been called "Goose" by her own parents.
I call my daughter "Holly" and tell her I love her, and to take her time.
Names stick.
"Lazy" isn't nice and can't be made nice by smiling or by saying "I'm saying
this because I like you."
<<Yes, lazy because he'd rather miss a meal than have to actually get up and
walk to the table. >>
Maybe he doesn't want to be at the table with people who are calling him
lazy. I wouldn't.
If food is important, take it to him where he is! Maybe take yours too!
Or pick him up and hug him and say you want to eat with him and carry him to
the table.
Or get him to help you finish up the meal and garnish and present.
Or go out.
But don't call him lazy.
Sandra
<< He'd rather sit and watch other kids play outside than put his slip-on
sandles on so he can go out. He's our little lazybones, said with all
fondness. >>
There's no fondness, really, in such insults.
My sister was called "Cow" by my mother many times, and not lovingly. She
said it because my sister would be the last to get in the car and the last to
get out. Sometimes the last to come into the house on a cold day. "Hurry
up, COW!" she would say.
My mother had been called "Goose" by her own parents.
I call my daughter "Holly" and tell her I love her, and to take her time.
Names stick.
"Lazy" isn't nice and can't be made nice by smiling or by saying "I'm saying
this because I like you."
<<Yes, lazy because he'd rather miss a meal than have to actually get up and
walk to the table. >>
Maybe he doesn't want to be at the table with people who are calling him
lazy. I wouldn't.
If food is important, take it to him where he is! Maybe take yours too!
Or pick him up and hug him and say you want to eat with him and carry him to
the table.
Or get him to help you finish up the meal and garnish and present.
Or go out.
But don't call him lazy.
Sandra
marji
At 20:04 10/8/02 -0400, Myranda wrote:
Listen... how labeling ("he's our little lazybones"), even lovingly, our
kids can really set them up for filling roles rather than just Being Who
They Are. If you can get a copy of that book from the library, I think you
will really enjoy reading that section! It's an eye-opener!
else may have said these things, probably much more eloquently) that you
take a look at how you may be pushing him to do things on your clock rather
than his clock. We all do the things *we* need to do when *we* see the
need to do them. He may just enjoy sitting there doing nothing but being
with his own thoughts and feelings. How delightful it is to have the space
to do that. Recognizing letters and spelling your name is something you
have to see the need for before you want to learn to do it. If he feels
rushed or pushed into learning things he may not be getting the freedom to
learn things from his own internal desire. There's a huge difference I think.
Warmly,
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Yes, lazy because he'd rather miss a meal than have to actually get up andMyranda, I can remember reading in the book How to Talk So Kids Will
>walk to the table. He'd rather sit and do nothing than open the closet to
>get to the lego's. He'd rather sit and watch other kids play outside than
>put his slip-on sandles on so he can go out. He's our little lazybones,
>said with all fondness.
Listen... how labeling ("he's our little lazybones"), even lovingly, our
kids can really set them up for filling roles rather than just Being Who
They Are. If you can get a copy of that book from the library, I think you
will really enjoy reading that section! It's an eye-opener!
>He's getting better a tiny bit at a time. Now he'll at least go and doI would also suggest (I haven't read all the other answers yet, and someone
>things when we're out, when just last summer he wouldn't. Sorry about the
>"can't even recgonize", though, I should have put "can't" or "doesn't
>recgonize" but when speed-typing with a baby standing up by pulling on
>your hair, you tend to not be as particular about wording. <g> Oh, he
>has learned to recgonize and spell his name this last month, so I am
>thankful for that.
else may have said these things, probably much more eloquently) that you
take a look at how you may be pushing him to do things on your clock rather
than his clock. We all do the things *we* need to do when *we* see the
need to do them. He may just enjoy sitting there doing nothing but being
with his own thoughts and feelings. How delightful it is to have the space
to do that. Recognizing letters and spelling your name is something you
have to see the need for before you want to learn to do it. If he feels
rushed or pushed into learning things he may not be getting the freedom to
learn things from his own internal desire. There's a huge difference I think.
Warmly,
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
marji
This is such a great post, Deb! I was gonna write stuff on it, but you
said it all, and beautifully, too. (I'm just imagining how good your
shopping lists must be! <BG>)
Marji
At 21:42 10/8/02 -0600, Deb L wrote:
said it all, and beautifully, too. (I'm just imagining how good your
shopping lists must be! <BG>)
Marji
At 21:42 10/8/02 -0600, Deb L wrote:
>On Tue, 8 Oct 2002 15:56:18 -0700 "AAge & Josie Gribskov"[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
><gribskov@...> writes:
>
> > Nikolas on the other hand hangs out rides his
> > bike
> > reads harry potter for the eigthieth time does his chores sometimes
> > and has
> > gone through his bank account of sixty dollars on candy.
>
>I don't know anything about deschooling a ten year old but I know about
>deschooling myself and at 39 it's still an ongoing process.
>
>I really think hanging out and riding a bike and reading Harry Potter
>again and spending money the way one likes is much more "educational"
>than sitting down to geography lessons or any other school work.
>Especially if your ten.<g>
>
>It sounds like there has been a lot of change and indecision at your
>house, what with school and unschooling and curriculums and such. I know
>my own ten year old is like a living emotions receptor. He can sense
>any discomfort, stress, uncertainty and the like in the family. Maybe
>your son is having a hard time understanding what it is he wants because
>you're not certain yourself. It's hard to feel good about yourself when
>you're little if you think your mom's unhappy with you, no matter what
>you do. Make sure, first thing, that he knows the stuff he likes to do
>is ok with you. And then work hard deschooling yourself. He will be
>able to sense your disapproval and anxiety and it will affect the way he
>interacts with your family. Try to find something positive in what he's
>doing. If the only thing you can find is that it makes him happy, let
>that warm your heart. Happy is wonderful.
>
>I would have a heart to heart with him. Tell him you think he's
>wonderful and that you want to try this weird thing called unschooling.
>Tell him there are people in the world who believe playing Gameboy and
>riding bikes and hanging out are better than any thing he could do at
>school, and that you want to be one of these wacky people. Explain it
>might take time for everyone in the family to get really comfortable
>with, especially him. Let him know you'll help him do the things he
>discovers he wants to.
>
>This could be such a cool family adventure. Your son sounds just right
>to me. When you start feeling better about unschooling he will too.
>
>I would definitely stop the curriculum and the nagging and the
>restrictions.<g> That's a good place to start unschooling. Think about
>what he really likes and find a way to let him do it. Find a way to be
>happy with who he is.
>
>Deb L
Myranda
Thanks Mary, but honestly, it doesn't bother me at all. It's just the way he is, nothing new, he's been like that since he first learned to crawl LOL. It is great to hear about your kids though!! :-)
Myranda
Myranda
----- Original Message -----
From: Mary Bianco
Okay, I certainly don't want to overwhelm you because I think you may get a
bit of response on this one. But I do have to say 'something.' And only
because the way you put it sounds as if deep down inside, it does bother
you.
So I think what really helps is not just to have people say stop worrying.
That NEVER works for me. But maybe just hearing that we all have kids or
know kids like that and they are fine and productive and loving and caring
and smart, will help.
Even if you never say what you said on list to your son, he's going to get
that idea from you. Trust me on this one, he will. My Sierra, who is almost
7 in a few months, was very quiet when she was younger when it came to being
around new people or even family she wasn't familiar with that much. She was
labeled shy of course. I tried very hard to not have people say that around
her and never used it myself out loud, point was I was thinking it cause
what other way could I explain it? Well why should I have to explain it?????
She obviously wasn't ready for whatever it was everyone else thought she
should do. I relaxed and eased way up and never made excuses for her, I just
let her be. She's a darn bubbly little thing now who's has loud and screamy
(in a happy way) than any other kid I know.
My Joseph, almost 8 in a few months, was never one to be with us as a
family. We would rent a movie for family night and he would never make it
even half way through. He would get up and go to his room to play. When we
would all play inside, he would go outside. When we would play ball ouside,
he would leave and go to his room. It was so obvious that it really started
to bother me that there was a problem. Thank God my husband picks up that
unschooly behavior when I sometimes faulter!!! He said to let him be, he was
fine, he needed his own time right now and it was no big deal. Although we
both were bothered that he wouldn't be with us.
Long story short, somewhat, he's fine now and very involved in whatever we
all do. He still needs his time alone and we give it to him now just as we
did before. He just learned by the way to tie his bathing suit this year. He
has velcro sneakers!!!
Relax and realize that these are our babies yet and so very young at the
ages most of us are speaking of. Believe me when they are 16, you will
wonder where all the years went and want that little couch potatoe candy
eating crying for mommy little rug rat back. Enjoy each day for each day and
watch and learn right along with them. They will grow and learn and blossom
before you know it. Don't rush, don't judge and don't label. It really does
more harm than good.
Mary B
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Stephanie
My suggestion to you would be to get yourself over to FUNbooks.com (no I am not affiliated, just a thrilled customer) and order the Living is Learning guide for his age group, they are about $13 and worth 10 times that. I have the PreK, K and 1st grade one, and boy has it let me breathe easier *S*
There are lists,of what is typically "expected" in school of children this age, along with all the things that can fill these requirements, making it easier for you if you need to report to your state, and then lists of all kinds of things they can use to gain these skills as well, like games, books, videos, places to go etc.
Stephanie in upstate NY
Mom to Matt 18 a future Marine, Ryan 15, Rebecca 13,
Chrysten 10, Andrew 7, and Adrianna 5- Dx'd T1 Diabetes Feb. '02
Homeschooling Andrew and Adrianna
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SerendipitySisters
There are lists,of what is typically "expected" in school of children this age, along with all the things that can fill these requirements, making it easier for you if you need to report to your state, and then lists of all kinds of things they can use to gain these skills as well, like games, books, videos, places to go etc.
Stephanie in upstate NY
Mom to Matt 18 a future Marine, Ryan 15, Rebecca 13,
Chrysten 10, Andrew 7, and Adrianna 5- Dx'd T1 Diabetes Feb. '02
Homeschooling Andrew and Adrianna
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SerendipitySisters
----- Original Message -----
From: AAge & Josie Gribskov
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, October 08, 2002 6:56 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] I need LOTS of encooouragement
Hi all, I need some encouragement.
I have 3 children 8 and 10 and 22 (gone from the nest.)
Our homeschooling experience has been the first on and off in and out of
school. second unschool until end of first grade when 4 buddies moved away
and he was very lonely. We sent hime to the local Waldrof school. His siter
followed in k the following year and I taught music there. after two years
we decided the school was a challenging community to be part of in many
ways. Last year I stated homeschooling. We did fun projects and story
lessons and feild trips on north american indians of our area. that was fun
for about 2 months. but it got old the kids said we don't really want to do
this can we just do our own thing. I said great. From then to mid sept they
did what they liked. Abbie has taught herself the piano is doing
scrapbooking, in gymnastics, swimming dog 4h and sometimes reads a little
but she is at go dog go level. She is very tenacious and likes to challenge
herself. I feel comfortable unschooling her because she does stuff that is
recognizable learning. Nikolas on the other hand hangs out rides his bike
reads harry potter for the eigthieth time does his chores sometimes and has
gone through his bank account of sixty dollars on candy. This year i decided
to do structured school with him using oak meadow 5th grade. he seemed to be
needing some structure because he was always upset and tense and seemed to
be asking for something but I wasn't sure what. well he doesn't like it, not
at all. I am doing a lot of nagging on everything and restricting him if he
doesn't do his work. (I know y'all are cringing. He often has tantrums and
is very reclcitrant. Yet when he finally does begin his work 90% of the time
he likes it is proud and says he likes doing it as says he wished he hadn't
put up a fuss. but he almost always balks the next time. The reason I chose
to be structured woth him is to give him a chance to work hard at something
and stay with it. he avoids complicated projects, work, thinking etc. Or
this is the waty he seems to me. He likes to be very comfotable and know
something well before he might risk tryng something new. which happens only
at urging. Anyway in my heart I am a true unschooler and would like to give
hime the chance to follow something. Everytime drop academis expectations I
get panicky he just hangs out in his room or on his bike and I don't even
see him. He is not interested in doing projects with abbie and I. Can
someone help talk me to me more about this. My head says he should be my
heart says let go of those academic expectations. ( he reads well and is
good at math already) I hope this is not to long a diatribe. YOu all seem so
comfotable hanging out and following your kids leads. I can do that with
abbie because she is so curious but nikolas has me stumped. Hubby also
thinks work is very important. tahnk you for listening
Josie mom, worrier and closet control freak.
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Stephanie
OK.... if you think lazy is a word to describe:"a just-wanna-take-it-easy
mood or day " and YOUR lazy days are when "we don't do a single thing we
don't feel like doing" then why on earth do you expect that HE should be
doing things he does not want to do, when you yourself say he is a
lazybones, which to me says he is a laid back kid who does only what he
wants to and not what you feel he should be doing? By your definition you
are saying he is the kind of kid who does not do things he feels pressured
to do...maybe he is just enjoying being!
I still don't like the "name" but *sheesh* by your very definition of the
word you should see he is being just that... RELAXED. So why do you have all
these expectations of knowing his alphabet at 5 etc?????
Stephanie in upstate NY
Mom to Matt 18 a future Marine, Ryan 15, Rebecca 13,
Chrysten 10, Andrew 7, and Adrianna 5- Dx'd T1 Diabetes Feb. '02
Homeschooling Andrew and Adrianna
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SerendipitySisters
mood or day " and YOUR lazy days are when "we don't do a single thing we
don't feel like doing" then why on earth do you expect that HE should be
doing things he does not want to do, when you yourself say he is a
lazybones, which to me says he is a laid back kid who does only what he
wants to and not what you feel he should be doing? By your definition you
are saying he is the kind of kid who does not do things he feels pressured
to do...maybe he is just enjoying being!
I still don't like the "name" but *sheesh* by your very definition of the
word you should see he is being just that... RELAXED. So why do you have all
these expectations of knowing his alphabet at 5 etc?????
Stephanie in upstate NY
Mom to Matt 18 a future Marine, Ryan 15, Rebecca 13,
Chrysten 10, Andrew 7, and Adrianna 5- Dx'd T1 Diabetes Feb. '02
Homeschooling Andrew and Adrianna
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SerendipitySisters
----- Original Message -----
From: Myranda
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, October 08, 2002 9:35 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: I need LOTS of encooouragement
I guess some people would/could see "lazy" as a negative word, but we don't.
Neither DH or I grew up hearing that word used, and we use it only, like I
said, as a fond nickname "lazybones", and we have "lazy Sunday's" about once
a month when we eat leftovers all day, watch tv, read, or play games all
day, and just enjoy being with each other - we don't do a single thing we
don't feel like doing (well, except for feeding the animals). Sometimes on
our lazy days we'll go to the beach or a park and just sit and watch the
clouds and people go by. Lazy, to us, is a warm-fuzzy-snuggly-type word used
more to describe a just-wanna-take-it-easy mood or day.
Myranda
How about unmotivated? Unmotivated gets the adult thinking about what
the problem could be and what they could do to motivate the child.
Lazy is such an ugly label that usually says more about the person
saying it than the one it is attached to.
Maybe you're feeling a bit lazy (fill in stressed out, over-whelmed,
needy) with all the youngsters so that you aren't able to provide the
right kind of encouragement that fits *his* needs? See what I mean?
The label "Lazy" just gets in the way of getting to a solution.
Kids do things at different times and see things and life in different
ways from their parents. Half the fun of being a parent is figuring
out the unique abililies and ways of seeing the world that our
children have. Negative labels limit both parents and children, they
get in the way of solutions and they hurt.
Not that I didn't hear plenty of those ugly labels when I was a child.
I have to consciously *not* use them with my own children. And, by
doing so, I've managed to heal some of the pain those labels caused me
when I was a child. And, the more I practice not using them, the
easier it gets. We can reprogram those negative tapes that play in our
heads, and sometimes we don't even realize are there, until we hear
our parent's negative words coming out of our mouths directed at our
own children.
Peggy
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Myranda" <myrandab@b...> wrote:
> Yes, lazy because he'd rather miss a meal than have to actually get
up and walk to the table. He'd rather sit and do nothing than open the
closet to get to the lego's. He'd rather sit and watch other kids play
outside than put his slip-on sandles on so he can go out. He's our
little lazybones, said with all fondness. He's getting better a tiny
bit at a time. Now he'll at least go and do things when we're out,
when just last summer he wouldn't. Sorry about the "can't even
recgonize", though, I should have put "can't" or "doesn't recgonize"
but when speed-typing with a baby standing up by pulling on your hair,
you tend to not be as particular about wording. <g> Oh, he has
learned to recgonize and spell his name this last month, so I am
thankful for that.
> Myranda
> Lazy and can't "even" recognize his letters.
>
> Ouch.
>
> Dar
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Myranda
I'm not trying to be defensive, just correct the incorrect view you seem to have gotten from my post. I am thankful he has learned to recgonize his name, we've been putting the boys names on their things since they were babies so we could tell whose stuff is whose, it's nice that he can recgonize it now after over 5 years of seeing it. Why shouldn't it be? He is getting better at doing some things like getting dressed in the mornings and going to the bathroom when he needs to, shouldn't I be thankful of that too? That doesn't mean he's getting "less lazy", he'll always be our little lazybones at heart, it's just the way he is. Just like Brett will always be our curious one, that's just the way he is. It's their personalities, nothing negative or wrong with it. Tyler would rather laze around and just enjoy the days slowly going by, while Brett would rather be doing something to help the day go by faster. And that's perfectly fine. I don't think it would be half as much fun if they're personalities were more alike. I think it may be the view of the word lazy as a negative that makes it hard to understand where I'm coming from.
Myranda
I don't think we misunderstood at all, and typing quickly doesn't make
you say things you don't mean.. Your recent posts are full of
contradictions. You say you're not expecting him to know these things,
and then you say you're "so thankful" that he learned to recognize and
spell his name last month.You say you don't see "lazy" as a negative
word, and then you say he's your little lazybones but he's "getting
better". If you don't see "lazy" as a negative, then why would becomes
less lazy be "getting better"? I don't know if you're trying to fool us
or yourself. To really learn and grow, I've found that it helps to take
in the things that people are saying and look at them honestly - you
don't need to immediately go on the defense.
Dar
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Myranda
I don't think we misunderstood at all, and typing quickly doesn't make
you say things you don't mean.. Your recent posts are full of
contradictions. You say you're not expecting him to know these things,
and then you say you're "so thankful" that he learned to recognize and
spell his name last month.You say you don't see "lazy" as a negative
word, and then you say he's your little lazybones but he's "getting
better". If you don't see "lazy" as a negative, then why would becomes
less lazy be "getting better"? I don't know if you're trying to fool us
or yourself. To really learn and grow, I've found that it helps to take
in the things that people are saying and look at them honestly - you
don't need to immediately go on the defense.
Dar
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In a message dated 10/9/02 6:55:26 AM, myrandab@... writes:
<< That doesn't mean he's getting "less lazy", he'll always be our little
lazybones at heart, it's just the way he is. Just like Brett will always be
our curious one, that's just the way he is. It's their personalities, nothing
negative or wrong with it. >>
You are ignoring us completely.
You don't know his heart, and you cannot and SHOULD not say what he will
"always be."
It's just the way you define him, not necessarily the way he is.
But if you keep up that definition you will create truth in a way which is
NOT as good as you had hoped.
To say Brett is curious says the others aren't, or shouldn't be, because
that's Brett's thing.
People are very sweetly and wisely asking you to consider damage you might be
doing. People are telling personal tales of similar situations and saying
they wished it had stopped, and you're saying "You're all wrong, I won't
stop, I won't think about it, nothing I'm doing is bad."
-=-Tyler would rather laze around-=-
You don't know what he's thinking or what his motivations are, but you're
using language that characterizes it by your observations.
-=-and just enjoy the days slowly going by, while Brett would rather be doing
something to help the day go by faster.-=-
Days don't go by faster. Every one has 24 hours.
-=-I think it may be the view of the word lazy as a negative that makes it
hard to understand where I'm coming from. -=-
I think we all understand very well.
I think you should stop defending yourself for a week or two and really
honestly look at what "lazy" means.
Sandra
<< That doesn't mean he's getting "less lazy", he'll always be our little
lazybones at heart, it's just the way he is. Just like Brett will always be
our curious one, that's just the way he is. It's their personalities, nothing
negative or wrong with it. >>
You are ignoring us completely.
You don't know his heart, and you cannot and SHOULD not say what he will
"always be."
It's just the way you define him, not necessarily the way he is.
But if you keep up that definition you will create truth in a way which is
NOT as good as you had hoped.
To say Brett is curious says the others aren't, or shouldn't be, because
that's Brett's thing.
People are very sweetly and wisely asking you to consider damage you might be
doing. People are telling personal tales of similar situations and saying
they wished it had stopped, and you're saying "You're all wrong, I won't
stop, I won't think about it, nothing I'm doing is bad."
-=-Tyler would rather laze around-=-
You don't know what he's thinking or what his motivations are, but you're
using language that characterizes it by your observations.
-=-and just enjoy the days slowly going by, while Brett would rather be doing
something to help the day go by faster.-=-
Days don't go by faster. Every one has 24 hours.
-=-I think it may be the view of the word lazy as a negative that makes it
hard to understand where I'm coming from. -=-
I think we all understand very well.
I think you should stop defending yourself for a week or two and really
honestly look at what "lazy" means.
Sandra
Myranda
You would have to be here to understand. Lazybones is not an insult, any more than calling Brett a silly goose or a curious cat is. We all have nicknames that fit our personality, and we all call each other by them. They sometimes get giggles, always smiles, and are sure to brighten up a gloomy mood. It's something special we do as a family, and we all love it. They are free to say if it bothers them (and I don't think they'd hesitate since they don't hesitate to say if anything else bothers them). They have let us know in no uncertain terms that they do NOT want to be called sweetie, honey, or anything "mushy" like that.
One thing I don't understand - just because I listed some things that he couldn't do or didn't want to do, several of you told me that I should be doing it for him. Why would you think I wasn't already doing it? Did I say something that made you think that I would force him to do something he didn't want to do? We practice what is now known as attachment parenting with our children, if they need or want something, we're there to provide it. They know this, and come to us with or for anything.
Myranda
There's no fondness, really, in such insults.
My sister was called "Cow" by my mother many times, and not lovingly. She
said it because my sister would be the last to get in the car and the last to
get out. Sometimes the last to come into the house on a cold day. "Hurry
up, COW!" she would say.
My mother had been called "Goose" by her own parents.
I call my daughter "Holly" and tell her I love her, and to take her time.
Names stick.
"Lazy" isn't nice and can't be made nice by smiling or by saying "I'm saying
this because I like you."
<<Yes, lazy because he'd rather miss a meal than have to actually get up and
walk to the table. >>
Maybe he doesn't want to be at the table with people who are calling him
lazy. I wouldn't.
If food is important, take it to him where he is! Maybe take yours too!
Or pick him up and hug him and say you want to eat with him and carry him to
the table.
Or get him to help you finish up the meal and garnish and present.
Or go out.
But don't call him lazy.
Sandra
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One thing I don't understand - just because I listed some things that he couldn't do or didn't want to do, several of you told me that I should be doing it for him. Why would you think I wasn't already doing it? Did I say something that made you think that I would force him to do something he didn't want to do? We practice what is now known as attachment parenting with our children, if they need or want something, we're there to provide it. They know this, and come to us with or for anything.
Myranda
There's no fondness, really, in such insults.
My sister was called "Cow" by my mother many times, and not lovingly. She
said it because my sister would be the last to get in the car and the last to
get out. Sometimes the last to come into the house on a cold day. "Hurry
up, COW!" she would say.
My mother had been called "Goose" by her own parents.
I call my daughter "Holly" and tell her I love her, and to take her time.
Names stick.
"Lazy" isn't nice and can't be made nice by smiling or by saying "I'm saying
this because I like you."
<<Yes, lazy because he'd rather miss a meal than have to actually get up and
walk to the table. >>
Maybe he doesn't want to be at the table with people who are calling him
lazy. I wouldn't.
If food is important, take it to him where he is! Maybe take yours too!
Or pick him up and hug him and say you want to eat with him and carry him to
the table.
Or get him to help you finish up the meal and garnish and present.
Or go out.
But don't call him lazy.
Sandra
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marji
At 08:53 10/9/02 -0400, Myranda wrote:
loving commentary on our personalities. Labels can impose restrictions on
who we are based on others' expectations. I don't think I can say it as
well, but it had never occurred to me until I read "How to Talk..." by
Faber and Mazlish. Saying things like, "She's my good girl" can actually
be hurtful in the long run. When I was a kid, I was "the smart one." It
messed me up because I couldn't just be me. I felt judged and trapped by
my label. If I wasn't always living up to being the "smart" one, I was
criticized for it and I was letting other people down just for being
me. Brett could start feeling trapped by being dubbed the "curious"
one. What if he did something that was not consistent with being
curious? Would he have to endure comments (not just from you, either)
about not being true to his role? What if your son did something that was
not consistent with being a lazybones? Can you imagine that he might have
to listen to surprised people say, "Gosh, you did that?"
When people are cast into roles in a family, their motivation can subtly
shift from doing things for our own reasons to doing things to fulfill the
role (expectation).
I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but I think it really merits closer
looking in to.
Love,
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>That doesn't mean he's getting "less lazy", he'll always be our littleLabels can hurt, though, whether they're intended as insults or even as
>lazybones at heart, it's just the way he is. Just like Brett will always
>be our curious one, that's just the way he is. It's their personalities,
>nothing negative or wrong with it.
loving commentary on our personalities. Labels can impose restrictions on
who we are based on others' expectations. I don't think I can say it as
well, but it had never occurred to me until I read "How to Talk..." by
Faber and Mazlish. Saying things like, "She's my good girl" can actually
be hurtful in the long run. When I was a kid, I was "the smart one." It
messed me up because I couldn't just be me. I felt judged and trapped by
my label. If I wasn't always living up to being the "smart" one, I was
criticized for it and I was letting other people down just for being
me. Brett could start feeling trapped by being dubbed the "curious"
one. What if he did something that was not consistent with being
curious? Would he have to endure comments (not just from you, either)
about not being true to his role? What if your son did something that was
not consistent with being a lazybones? Can you imagine that he might have
to listen to surprised people say, "Gosh, you did that?"
When people are cast into roles in a family, their motivation can subtly
shift from doing things for our own reasons to doing things to fulfill the
role (expectation).
I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but I think it really merits closer
looking in to.
Love,
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Myranda
Hi Marji!
Yes, I remember reading that book years ago! It was good! But, as with anything, we take what works for us and leave the rest. I have fond memories of the nicknames I grew up with, and the boys love theirs, and I love the ones they have for me.
BTW, both boys are left alone to do whatever they want to do. I'll let them know if something's going on so they can take part if they want to, but that's it. Neither of them are pushed into anything, never have been. That's what unschooling's all about, right? <g>
Myranda
Myranda, I can remember reading in the book How to Talk So Kids Will
Listen... how labeling ("he's our little lazybones"), even lovingly, our
kids can really set them up for filling roles rather than just Being Who
They Are. If you can get a copy of that book from the library, I think you
will really enjoy reading that section! It's an eye-opener!
else may have said these things, probably much more eloquently) that you
take a look at how you may be pushing him to do things on your clock rather
than his clock. We all do the things *we* need to do when *we* see the
need to do them. He may just enjoy sitting there doing nothing but being
with his own thoughts and feelings. How delightful it is to have the space
to do that. Recognizing letters and spelling your name is something you
have to see the need for before you want to learn to do it. If he feels
rushed or pushed into learning things he may not be getting the freedom to
learn things from his own internal desire. There's a huge difference I think.
Warmly,
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yes, I remember reading that book years ago! It was good! But, as with anything, we take what works for us and leave the rest. I have fond memories of the nicknames I grew up with, and the boys love theirs, and I love the ones they have for me.
BTW, both boys are left alone to do whatever they want to do. I'll let them know if something's going on so they can take part if they want to, but that's it. Neither of them are pushed into anything, never have been. That's what unschooling's all about, right? <g>
Myranda
Myranda, I can remember reading in the book How to Talk So Kids Will
Listen... how labeling ("he's our little lazybones"), even lovingly, our
kids can really set them up for filling roles rather than just Being Who
They Are. If you can get a copy of that book from the library, I think you
will really enjoy reading that section! It's an eye-opener!
>He's getting better a tiny bit at a time. Now he'll at least go and doI would also suggest (I haven't read all the other answers yet, and someone
>things when we're out, when just last summer he wouldn't. Sorry about the
>"can't even recgonize", though, I should have put "can't" or "doesn't
>recgonize" but when speed-typing with a baby standing up by pulling on
>your hair, you tend to not be as particular about wording. <g> Oh, he
>has learned to recgonize and spell his name this last month, so I am
>thankful for that.
else may have said these things, probably much more eloquently) that you
take a look at how you may be pushing him to do things on your clock rather
than his clock. We all do the things *we* need to do when *we* see the
need to do them. He may just enjoy sitting there doing nothing but being
with his own thoughts and feelings. How delightful it is to have the space
to do that. Recognizing letters and spelling your name is something you
have to see the need for before you want to learn to do it. If he feels
rushed or pushed into learning things he may not be getting the freedom to
learn things from his own internal desire. There's a huge difference I think.
Warmly,
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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In a message dated 10/9/02 7:40:09 AM, myrandab@... writes:
<< Lazybones is not an insult, any more than calling Brett a silly goose or a
curious cat is. >>
If you say it a thousand times it still won't make it true.
<<We all have nicknames that fit our personality, and we all call each other
by them.>>
They sometimes get giggles, always smiles, and are sure to brighten up a
gloomy mood. >>
There are people who insist that because people laugh and interact when
they're tickled that tickling is nice. But there are kids who come to hate
(really, truly, avoid with emotion and dread the sight of) a relative, even a
parent, for tickling against their will. Tickling can really hurt, and it's
physically abusive when one person says "STOP" and the other (a parent, or
adult) won't stop.
My mom used to pop my toes when I was little. Pull them HARD until they
popped, and I never ever liked it, but that didn't stop her. SHE thought it
was fun, so she thought I should think it was fun.
Using names with negative connotation will erode esteem and wholeness as
surely as rain and wind erode rock. The kids won't know it hurts until
they're hurt.
My mom said "I'm not hurting you," regardless of my feelings and statements.
Sandra
<< Lazybones is not an insult, any more than calling Brett a silly goose or a
curious cat is. >>
If you say it a thousand times it still won't make it true.
<<We all have nicknames that fit our personality, and we all call each other
by them.>>
They sometimes get giggles, always smiles, and are sure to brighten up a
gloomy mood. >>
There are people who insist that because people laugh and interact when
they're tickled that tickling is nice. But there are kids who come to hate
(really, truly, avoid with emotion and dread the sight of) a relative, even a
parent, for tickling against their will. Tickling can really hurt, and it's
physically abusive when one person says "STOP" and the other (a parent, or
adult) won't stop.
My mom used to pop my toes when I was little. Pull them HARD until they
popped, and I never ever liked it, but that didn't stop her. SHE thought it
was fun, so she thought I should think it was fun.
Using names with negative connotation will erode esteem and wholeness as
surely as rain and wind erode rock. The kids won't know it hurts until
they're hurt.
My mom said "I'm not hurting you," regardless of my feelings and statements.
Sandra