question re 3 yo
Jon and Rue Kream
Here's a question my sister has asked me to send out: How would you handle
a three year old who is telling another three year old (friend of the
family) that she doesn't like him on a regular basis? Her mother has told
her that it's ok to feel however you feel, but it's not ok to hurt other
people's feelings. D seems to have quite a list of people she "hates".
They've had a LOT of conversations about this, but my niece starts up with
"I don't like him" before he even gets there, tells him first thing, and
brings it up periodically throughout the visit. My sister doesn't feel that
not seeing this three year old is an option. The little boy is sweet and
very nice to my niece, and he is starting to get upset that she is mean to
him. Any advice? ~Rue, for Jeanne
a three year old who is telling another three year old (friend of the
family) that she doesn't like him on a regular basis? Her mother has told
her that it's ok to feel however you feel, but it's not ok to hurt other
people's feelings. D seems to have quite a list of people she "hates".
They've had a LOT of conversations about this, but my niece starts up with
"I don't like him" before he even gets there, tells him first thing, and
brings it up periodically throughout the visit. My sister doesn't feel that
not seeing this three year old is an option. The little boy is sweet and
very nice to my niece, and he is starting to get upset that she is mean to
him. Any advice? ~Rue, for Jeanne
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/1/02 9:40:01 AM, skreams@... writes:
<< My sister doesn't feel that
not seeing this three year old is an option. The little boy is sweet and
very nice to my niece, and he is starting to get upset that she is mean to
him. Any advice? >>
My ideas, not necessarily in order of what's best:
Coach the little boy to just discuss it with her. Ask her "Who DO you like?"
Or he could say "Maybe you'll like me better when you're older."
Or "So do you want me to go home?"
The boy's mom could say directly and nicely to the little girl that that's a
sad thing to say and she wished the little girl wouldn't say that to her boy.
(I would have done that way already, personally.)
Your sister could pass that advice on to the other family.
But from her point of view, she should coach her OWN daughter on what's okay
to say and what's NOT okay to say. And she herself could apologize to the
boy (probably already does) and say "I'm sorry she says that. I hope she
won't always be this way."
Has she asked the girl what would make the situation better?
If the mom has already declared the visits "not an option," then maybe the
little girl is expressing her frustration with THAT.
I think kids should have an option not to play with someone. Anyone.
(Maybe not help, but maybe somewhere in there is the germ of something
useful.)
Sandra
<< My sister doesn't feel that
not seeing this three year old is an option. The little boy is sweet and
very nice to my niece, and he is starting to get upset that she is mean to
him. Any advice? >>
My ideas, not necessarily in order of what's best:
Coach the little boy to just discuss it with her. Ask her "Who DO you like?"
Or he could say "Maybe you'll like me better when you're older."
Or "So do you want me to go home?"
The boy's mom could say directly and nicely to the little girl that that's a
sad thing to say and she wished the little girl wouldn't say that to her boy.
(I would have done that way already, personally.)
Your sister could pass that advice on to the other family.
But from her point of view, she should coach her OWN daughter on what's okay
to say and what's NOT okay to say. And she herself could apologize to the
boy (probably already does) and say "I'm sorry she says that. I hope she
won't always be this way."
Has she asked the girl what would make the situation better?
If the mom has already declared the visits "not an option," then maybe the
little girl is expressing her frustration with THAT.
I think kids should have an option not to play with someone. Anyone.
(Maybe not help, but maybe somewhere in there is the germ of something
useful.)
Sandra
Deborah Lewis
> a three year old who is telling another three year old (friend ofThis seems indelicate, and I'm sorry, but is the mom maybe saying stuff
> the
> family) that she doesn't like him on a regular basis?
about the little boy that the three year old is picking up on?
Sometimes other people's kids get on our nerves when our own don't.
Could she be saying anything that the little girl is just passing along?
That's probably not it, so I'd ask the little girl why she doesn't like
him because maybe she has a good reason. Does she have to share things
that are important to her and she doesn't want to share? Maybe the mom
could put those thing away while the little boy is there. Maybe the
little girl just needs to be assured he's only visiting and not staying
and he won't take anything of hers away when he goes. Maybe she doesn't
like sharing her mom?
Deb L
Jennifer Green
All I can say is that I wouldn't like it if someone made me hang around with
someone else I didn't really like or want to be with. If it's not an option to not
go to their house, then maybe let then play in different rooms or she can
bring her own toys, etc. If they are being forced to play together, then the
hatred will only get worse and it will backfire. Children need to feel that it is
ok to have these feelings. There is no way for them not to say them out loud
because they don't know any other way.
Jen
someone else I didn't really like or want to be with. If it's not an option to not
go to their house, then maybe let then play in different rooms or she can
bring her own toys, etc. If they are being forced to play together, then the
hatred will only get worse and it will backfire. Children need to feel that it is
ok to have these feelings. There is no way for them not to say them out loud
because they don't know any other way.
Jen
----- Original Message -----
From: Jon and Rue Kream
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, October 01, 2002 7:06 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] question re 3 yo
Here's a question my sister has asked me to send out: How would you handle
a three year old who is telling another three year old (friend of the
family) that she doesn't like him on a regular basis? Her mother has told
her that it's ok to feel however you feel, but it's not ok to hurt other
people's feelings. D seems to have quite a list of people she "hates".
They've had a LOT of conversations about this, but my niece starts up with
"I don't like him" before he even gets there, tells him first thing, and
brings it up periodically throughout the visit. My sister doesn't feel that
not seeing this three year old is an option. The little boy is sweet and
very nice to my niece, and he is starting to get upset that she is mean to
him. Any advice? ~Rue, for Jeanne
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[email protected]
In a message dated 10/1/2002 10:39:51 AM Central Standard Time,
skreams@... writes:
get a rise out of whomever is the unliked one. Mostly, that's my son. But
my son doesn't really respond, I think he understands it's ok not to like his
friend sometimes too. This boy gets a rise out of his mother instead. Once,
I suggested we leave and he decided that wasn't a good idea. I also told him
once that it was ok not to like my two, but that then he shouldn't ask to
play with them so often! He smiled.
In this case, the child was begging for a reaction, a negative attention is
better than no attention kind of thing. That's my 2 cents anywya.
Elizabeth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
skreams@... writes:
> How would you handleWe have a friend who does this, although he is four. He seems to do it to
> a three year old who is telling another three year old (friend of the
> family) that she doesn't like him on a regular basis?
get a rise out of whomever is the unliked one. Mostly, that's my son. But
my son doesn't really respond, I think he understands it's ok not to like his
friend sometimes too. This boy gets a rise out of his mother instead. Once,
I suggested we leave and he decided that wasn't a good idea. I also told him
once that it was ok not to like my two, but that then he shouldn't ask to
play with them so often! He smiled.
In this case, the child was begging for a reaction, a negative attention is
better than no attention kind of thing. That's my 2 cents anywya.
Elizabeth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]