Rude/Not Rude WAS defensiveness
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**I think asking someone " why do you ask?" is rude. It puts the other person
( the one to whom you are directing the question) on the defensive. What a
way to have a conversation! Maybe the other person is just nosy or curious
in which case you can take the responsibility of the conversation and say "
I dont see why that matters." BOOM! End of subject. Now the other person can
stop talking about that subject, walk away or or explain why they think it
matters. In which case, you can yawn, look bored or walk away.**
Is there a substansive difference in politeness between the response "Why do
you ask?" and "I don't see why that matters."? If so, why? Is yawning or
walking away less rude than answering a question with a question?
Deborah the cursiously socially inept
( the one to whom you are directing the question) on the defensive. What a
way to have a conversation! Maybe the other person is just nosy or curious
in which case you can take the responsibility of the conversation and say "
I dont see why that matters." BOOM! End of subject. Now the other person can
stop talking about that subject, walk away or or explain why they think it
matters. In which case, you can yawn, look bored or walk away.**
Is there a substansive difference in politeness between the response "Why do
you ask?" and "I don't see why that matters."? If so, why? Is yawning or
walking away less rude than answering a question with a question?
Deborah the cursiously socially inept
Fetteroll
on 9/16/02 11:43 PM, dacunefare@... at dacunefare@... wrote:
I think some are reading "Why do you ask?" and hearing a suspicious tone so
it comes across as "Why are you prying into my life?"
I don't think I've ever used "Why do you ask?" in other than a (jokingly)
suspicious way but it *could* be asked in a polite curious tone to convey
"Let me know why you're asking so I can answer your question better."
The second's tougher to say politely since the words say the person is
rather foolish to have even asked, but tone and local convention can
override the connotation of words.
Maybe that's one of the reasons on line communication is so tough. We
sometimes don't decode the words people speak. We just decode the tone or
apply the local meaning. And then on line we "hear" a familiar tone or
translate something into a local meaning when obviously there is no tone and
someone may be a continent away and have no idea how our neighbors use the
words.
When I was a kid we'd say in the neighborhood "Drop dead," to mean "Shut up
and go away." (Which, I guess, literally it would have that effect! ;-) But
now looking at the literal meaning it's hard to understand how we could have
used it so casually.
Joyce
> Is there a substansive difference in politeness between the response "Why doI don't think there's anything inherently rude about the first question but
> you ask?" and "I don't see why that matters."? If so, why? Is yawning or
> walking away less rude than answering a question with a question?
I think some are reading "Why do you ask?" and hearing a suspicious tone so
it comes across as "Why are you prying into my life?"
I don't think I've ever used "Why do you ask?" in other than a (jokingly)
suspicious way but it *could* be asked in a polite curious tone to convey
"Let me know why you're asking so I can answer your question better."
The second's tougher to say politely since the words say the person is
rather foolish to have even asked, but tone and local convention can
override the connotation of words.
Maybe that's one of the reasons on line communication is so tough. We
sometimes don't decode the words people speak. We just decode the tone or
apply the local meaning. And then on line we "hear" a familiar tone or
translate something into a local meaning when obviously there is no tone and
someone may be a continent away and have no idea how our neighbors use the
words.
When I was a kid we'd say in the neighborhood "Drop dead," to mean "Shut up
and go away." (Which, I guess, literally it would have that effect! ;-) But
now looking at the literal meaning it's hard to understand how we could have
used it so casually.
Joyce